Never Meet
Her Parents

 

Who among us hasn't been bullied by a woman? Pressured into a commitment, nagged into submission, forced to give up an entire bathroom shelf? Learn the ancient art of relationship self-defense, thanks to this black-belt course on how to toss aside nasty obligations. (See the complete answer from the actual article.)

  • She asks, "Why didn't you call?" Blame work, family, friends' crisis instead of commitment phobia. Helping others when hey cannot help themselves, anger cannot and will not follow.
  • She leaves a toothbrush in your bathroom. Return the toothbrush casually at your next meeting. Neglect its presence and tampons, underwear, pajamas will surely follow.
  • She wants you to stop drinking, smoking and dressing like a slob. Instead, badmouth a friend's significant other who tries to control his life. She won't want to be a similarly disgraced woman.
  • She starts crying. Do not try to provide solutions. Or you risk further tears and undue annoyance directed at you.
  • She wants to take you shopping. If this path unwittingly circles back to a jewelry store, you must create your own circle.
  • She starts quizzing you about your past girlfriends. Say something about being in different places, then shift the focus to her romantic past. What does she look for in a relationship? What does she want out of life?
  • She wants you to spend the night. Fish cannot leave deep waters, and you cannot leave her apartment without a plausible excuse, such as "I have an early meeting" or "I left my medication at home."
  • She says "I love you" If nothing is said, then all will be well. You would be wise to respond with a long kiss and nothing more.
  • She invites you to a wedding, where you'll meet her family. Say you'd absolutely love to go but that the date sounds "familiar." This will buy you time.
  • She wants to plan a vacation with you. Agree with enthusiasm but make no concrete plans saying "Let's wait till the off-peak season" may buy you many months.
  • She says, I think we should see other people" This may merely be a ploy to draw you closer. Call her bluff and agree with her. She may nod and agree back, but she will probably return to you.

No matter how skilled you are, someday you will find an opponent more skillful than you. You may lose your balance and be unable to regain it, or your opponent may exploit a weakness in your technique (suki). In such cases, the wisest action is to separate yourself from your partner and flee so that you may live to fight again.

Source: Stuff magazine, 9/01

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