Hurt by Ungrateful
People? Try a True Gift.
Are you a kind and generous person? Do you have
talents and abilities to share with less fortunate
people? Are you ever outraged at the lack of
reciprocity when you give to your friends and
Let's do a reality check.
Make a short list of times that you feel you were
taken advantage of, times when you did someone a
big favor and then, when you needed help, he or she
was no where to be found.
Now we need some
A gift is something given
voluntarily without payment in return, as to show
favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a
gesture of assistance; present. gift.
A contract is an agreement
between two or more parties for the doing or not
doing of something specified. contract.
Let us look at your list
again. When you gave your help or service was there
a tiny thought or hope in the back of your
altruistic mind that you would receive something in
return? Perhaps a thank you, a business deal, love
or some financial gain? Then that is a contract
existing only in your imagination. One that the
receiver did not sign.
So many of our good deeds
turn into resentment and hurt feelings because we
are deserted by the very people that "should" owe
us. Did you keep one hand on your gift ready to
snatch the pleasant experience of gifting away if
the recipient did not respond exactly how you think
they should have? Are you indignant and critical of
their actions and call them selfish, small minded
or bad mannered. Do you despise them for their
unfair treatment of you - the Big Giver.
Not fair. You made a
contract with only one party, not two. You assumed
you would be repaid for your efforts and now you
feel taken advantaged of and wronged. But, in
reality you are wronging yourself by making a
contract out of your gift and bringing stress,
toxic anger and bad vibes to friends, family or
business associates. If you cannot stop yourself
from imagining these one sided contracts, then you
must stop doing your good deeds that end up hurting
you and everyone in listening proximity.
Or, did you give freely
with no strings attached? You know when this
happens because you easily forget the gesture or
object that you gave away. There are no strings
attached. You let go completely. You expect
absolutely nothing in return.
Take a good look at your
list. Can you find a real gift among your
contracts? You may not because they are so often
forgotten by the giver. The receiver may remember
your real gift forever and the ripple effect of
your kindness may have spread far and wide. These
wondrous effects may never be known by
The next time you get a
thought that you have something to give, ask
yourself if you are truly prepared to let this gift
go freely into the cosmos without your control or
manipulation. If instead, you are contemplating a
one sided contract, take a few moments alone and
ask why you need to control or manipulate to find
the love, business or acceptance that you need.
Perhaps, there is a more direct route to finding
your success. Give only true gifts and free
yourself from disappointment.
* * *
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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