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Self Destructive Parent
or Child? Dr. Molly Barrow Relationship Help
Do you have a parent or child who is self
destructive? You know in your heart that they are
headed for serious fall. Perhaps you have tried to
intervene and your pleading has gone unheeded. How
do you go on and cope with the fear of what seems
to be an unstoppable destination? When do you try
tough love and back away from your loved
one?
These choices are so
hurtful and sometimes even impossible decisions to
make. No matter what you do, you may always wonder
if you had only acted differently.... perhaps you
might have more strongly influenced them to choose
wellness and happiness. It is important to act from
a strong base of caring and love. Test your
motivation and be certain that you are not
punishing or retaliating someone for a past
injury.
In some cases, you
absolutely have to chose between one family
member's loss of control and another one's safety.
You must choose to do what is right and moral to
try to protect first and assist second. There are
situations when a loved one's behavior is so toxic
to other children or other family members that you
must shun them and turn away from them to protect
yourself or your family. However, have a limit to
what you personally sacrifice and protect your
family from systemic damage by one selfish, or
mental ill individual. When you can no longer help
the individual yourself without causing damage to
yourself or other members of your family, this the
time to call in social authorities, hospitals,
police, social services or your place of worship to
help you. Imagine it this way: If your family raft
is already overloaded, especially with young
dependents, you may sink the raft if you allow a
toxic individual to cause more damage to everyone.
You need a rescue boat.
An adult or child who has
allowed themselves to become addicted to a
substance like alcohol or drugs may not be able to
stop now on their own. Sometimes through
professional help, AA, Narc anon, an arrest or
hospitalization is the only chance for them to
regain a sliver of control. Although this is a huge
and often financially exorbitant decision, many
people have recovered from behavioral problems and
substance abuse and now are leading fulfilling
lives. Everyone is worth trying to save. But take
action and make decisions to insist on a drug free,
violence free, humiliation free home life and lead
by example.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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