Should the Female Pursue the Male?

Here is a letter from a young reader and the Dr. Molly's answer. Do you men agree?

"I have been sitting by the phone waiting to hear from my guy? For awhile he found the time to call me every day or even more often, but now it seems like I am getting the cold shoulder. What should I do? Should I call him?" Anxiously waiting

Dear Anxiously Awaiting:

No, do not touch that phone! The man must choose to love you. If you do anything to coerce a man to pay attention to you, you have started a chain of events based on artificial intimacy. He may go along for the ride, be sexual with you and take what you offer, but he will not have committed his heart. Over time, he will drift away from you, and you will get that awful gut rot feeling in the pit of your stomach.

There is so much sacrifice, cooperation and compromise in a long term relationship. You will work harder for love than for any job. But for a marriage or long term partnership to last, you must have a willingness to commit from both parties and that is something that you cannot force. If he is creating distance, then you must step back from the relationship. If he fails to contact you, then you stop calling it a relationship. Understand that you had an affair of the heart that has ended.

Work hard on yourself and get ready to move on to the next opportunity to find true love. Time is wasting, if you are just waiting for a phone to ring. A silent phone means the desire was not long lasting. Be grateful you felt loving feelings but do not try to make it work just because you selfishly want someone. It must be mutual or it can turn into an abusive, debilitating relationship. And who needs that?

Listen to Dr. Molly's radio show on

©2009, Molly Barrow

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Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, Matchlines: A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships and making the right choices in love. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday,,, Women's Health and Women's World. Please visit: or Take the new relationship compatibility test, Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships for Singles, Couples and Business at Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship Answers at

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