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Commitment
Commitment helps you sustain the decision to make
changes in your life and is important to your
self-esteem, success and all aspects of a
relationship. Commitment is a good habit that can
be learned, practiced and improved easily by nearly
everyone. When you give your word, people can trust
that you will not give up or quit easily. You will
work hard to do what you promise to do. You try
your best to succeed and you will go the distance,
even though sometimes, you might fail. Commitment
can be a fantastic quality in a relationship when
the commitment is mutual. However, if only one
partner commits, the relationship becomes out of
balance and extremely painful for the
committed… and claustrophobic for the
uncommitted.
A high ability to commit
is usually an asset, but in some circumstances,
commitment can be self-defeating. Blindly
committing to the wrong partner, job or leader can
remove your free will and ability to make decisions
that are sensible and healthy. Before or instead of
committing to a family, young people often commit
to a cause. People select causes that they care
deeply about such as saving the Earth, religious
quests, political change or ending discrimination,
poverty and war. The intensity and commitment to
these positive causes is admirable. Entrusting
their young lives to their leaders, these highly
committed dreamers have many good intentions and
historically have been willing to endure hardships,
such as war, sea voyages, explorations, evangelism
and isolation from loved ones.
Beware. The quality of
commitment is highly desired by evil leaders for
selfish, self-serving causes. Many young people may
be exploited for their ability to commit and carry
out the requests of influential leaders, who are in
reality committed only to themselves. Often in
history, the young and malleable have committed
without question to a sense of “duty” by
following a strong leader’s desires to reach
great goals by doing terrible acts. These leaders
demand complete allegiance to their needs and
wants, insist their followers reject their families
and friends so that they gain complete control.
Blind allegiance to these mentally-skewed leaders
usually ends in disastrous results for their
followers.
When you promise
commitment, you must be certain that the road you
take is an honest, moral one as the outcome of any
"cause" cannot be predicted. Rather than do
something unlawful, evil or cruel to achieve an
imaginary great result or goal, make certain that
you are on an honorable path of your own choice and
perception of right and wrong. If you have a strong
ability to commit, you must also develop high
self-esteem to protect you from gross manipulation
by strong leaders who may influence you to become
their pawns.
Just like a strong leader,
a selfish, manipulative partner can have an unfair
power over you and create havoc in your life if you
should commit to them. If you have broken laws,
hurt people, become estranged from your family, or
gone against your own moral code to please a
dominant partner then your high level of commitment
is working against you. Be very careful how and to
whom you commit your energy, allegiance, time,
trust and devotion. There is nothing romantic or
noble about committing to a cold, heartless human
being.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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