Are you looking for a
Where do you start to find the right
Think of your quest for
love as a real job. Just like when you finally got
serious about a profession instead of just browsing
the want ads, you have to commit to doing the work
it takes to find a good partner.
Rule 1. Be seen in
public. If you look for a partner in a bar, chances
are much higher that you will find an alcoholic.
You must be far more creative than that! Go for the
hobbies and sports, religious events and charities,
and the coffee houses and cafes. Take a book and
plant yourself in the best lighting, smile and say
"Hello" to everyone.
Rule 2. Imagine
every detail about your perfect partner. Include
what they wear, the places they frequent and the
hobbies they enjoy. You should be able to literally
draw the one for whom you are looking. We will
certainly compromise on this later but for now get
a picture of what qualities would truly make you
happy in a great "catch." Test yourself to see your
strengths and weaknesses in a relationship.
Rule 3. Odds are
that you will get your heart broken 99 times out of
a hundred encounters with the opposite sex. (That
percentage is how often encyclopedia salesman
figure their sales pitch will be successful, and is
probably not really useful here.) The point is if
you cannot take the heartbreak of rejection then
you cannot really play the game wholeheartedly.
Count on a week of torturous crying and three
months of feeling rotten for every affair that ends
badly because you did not want to break up yet.
Practical men may grieve far less than the romantic
Rule 4. Reach up,
not down. No matter how many times you have failed
at love reach up for your match, not lower. A
lowlife will break your heart even faster than
someone who appears a little out of your league.
Read Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking
at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in
Love ( http://www.askdrmolly.com to order) for help
in selecting a proper partner.
Rule 5. See each
interaction with another person, no matter how
brief, as a success not a failure. Keeping a great
relationship is the hardest job in the world.
Practice, practice, practice.
* * *
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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