Stalker or Old
Flame?
When an old love surfaces, it can be a lovely
reunion or a huge inconvenience. Someone that was
appealing a decade ago may be a huge embarrassment
now in your new life and with your new partner. How
do you handle an old flame without encouraging
them... or angering them into stalker
mode?
1. Assume that most calls
or emails are the result of a nostalgic moment
after a glass of wine too many and try to minimize
the importance.
2. Do tell your partner
right away that you receive a call or text message.
If you try to avoid that, your partner will find
out eventually and be really mad that you did not
mention the contact before.
3. You cannot control what
your old flame does but you are in control of how
you respond. You can have your partner reply with a
chatty email about the two kids and the new boat
and how happy you all are and how fun it is to
remember the past. That should kill any amorous
intentions of the old flame on the spot. You can
block them from your email. If it is a phone call,
you can ignore it or call back in a professional
manner that is polite, but definite, that you are
not interested. Thanks, but no thanks.
4. If the person is a
drinker or drug user, has mental illness or has
been violent in the past, you may have to take it a
step farther. Ask them directly to not contact you
or you will need to report them to the authorities.
If they then continue to contact you, you should
file a police report and even get a restraining
order. Alcohol, drugs and mental illness can make
an individual feel entitled to dominate or take
advantage of another person's rights. You do not
have to be a victim to their selfish and unfair
behavior.
5. Usually, someone just
has fond memories of a time in their life and wants
to connect with someone who shared those memories.
They are not threatening to a healthy current
relationship, just annoying. If, however, you also
feel some ancient stirring for that old flame, we
might have "trouble right here in River City."
Secrets are so delicious and destructive, therefore
tell your partner about your fantasy to help keep
the excitement under control. Remember, you did not
work out the first time and odds are that the
second time around you will have the same issues
and problems. You are better off with the sure
thing of your current partner than trying to revive
a failed relationship with an old partner. See if
you can bring that excitement and sexual charge
home to your partner.
6. If you are the one that
is making the calls, you need to move on. Try
changing your patterns and habits to help you get
over an old flame. If you cannot make progress in
healing your broken heart, do seek a professional
counselor for a few months of therapy.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *

Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow


Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|