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How to Stop
Fighting
Are you fighting with the one that you wish you
were making love with? Is it really possible to
turn a relationship around and get back to being
Sweethearts? When should a couple who argues get
help with their relationship? Check out the answers
to these questions and learn five simple warning
signs that indicate a relationship may need
help.
1. Are your arguments
happening more frequently? Every couple has
disagreements and conflicts once in a while.
However, if you are fighting several times a week
or even daily, that is too often. You may be having
the same argument over and over without ever coming
to an agreement. Enhance your communication skills
and learn to solve your problems
together.
2. Does a good time
become a disaster when one, or both of you, has a
sudden mood shift and the good time blows up into a
ruined mess? The inability to have any good
times without some rough moments means your
relationship is becoming depleted. A relationship
can disintegrate to the point where it fails to
nourish you or your partner emotionally. Conflict
is exhausting and one area of disagreement can
effect the rest of your relationship until you
forget the good qualities and see only the
fighting. Call a truce and try to have some fun
together to help keep your love alive.
3. Have you had a fight
in public over something fairly trivial? Some
proud people find public displays to be horribly
embarrassing and humiliating. The fight may be
forgotten but anger over a shaming experience may
linger a long time. Mutual respect means protecting
each others feelings, in private and in public
arenas.
4. Is one partner
increasingly drinking, drugging, or taking
prescription medication? Too often substance
use or abuse is an escape from the hard work of
communicating and compromise. A relationship can be
destroyed by substance abuse. After a few drinks, a
fight can turn into a shoving match, broken glass
and worse. If your relationship is suffering from
abuse of any kind, get professional help
immediately.
5. When a fight starts,
can neither one of you pull out of the
tailspin? Fighting can be a bad habit with a
pattern that becomes more difficult to break each
time the argument is repeated. Some fights start
over perceived slights or misinterpretations, yet
end up a full blown crisis that takes several days
to run its course. Try to agree on a signal word
that will help you and your partner take a step
back and three deep breaths.
If you and your lover are
experiencing any of these symptoms, you can agree
to read some helpful books, talk to a therapist or
good friend, or attend a relationship class to
teach you new ways to handle old conflict. Your
relationship will thrive from the positive
attention that you give in place of all that
negativity. Far wiser to learn to be joyful with
each other and ignore the irritations and
annoyances.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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