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Stigmatizers Rob You of
Your Life
Are you overweight and lonely? Have you suffered
from bullying, discrimination and exclusion? Are
you only three years old?
Stigmatization that
reduces the characteristics of a person to one
trait such as fat, black or old begins in children
as young as three years old according to a study
done by Cramer and Steinwert in 1998.
Stigmatization begins with the perception of a
physical distortion or a behavioral difference that
allows others to reject and disgrace another human
being. Negative treatment of people who are outside
the norm physically is stigmatized to the point of
discrimination in job applications, higher
education, income level, advancement and
relationships.
The media does its part by
presenting ideal physical norms skewed sharply to
starved looking bodies rather than healthy athletic
bodies. Extremely thin biceps that one sees in
photographs of Hollywood’s A-list starlets are
often an indication of severe anorexia and still
these sick young people are revered by the
paparazzi. Is the media frenzy fascination waiting
to see the death of an out of control teenager with
the anticipation of an exciting car crash or train
wreck?
Have you watched a movie
or news reel from the thirties or the forties? The
majority of the bodies are slender. Yet, one third
of all Americans are now obese. What did they have
then that we do not have now or is it a question of
what they did not have? Additives, food coloring,
preservatives, fast food, depleted soils and brain
washing commercials seducing us with succulent
close-ups of the sugar-wheat-dairy triad. Why don't
we feel or look like the happy people in the
commercials? Oh, can they be deceiving and lying,
perhaps even poisoning our cells with their fake,
dead food? Even the diet business appears to be a
multibillion dollar scam as most authorities
caution against the yo-yo dieting that results in
additional weight gain.
Lifestyle changes rather
than deprivation will bring you the healthy body
that you seek. If you are obese and sedentary,
shamed with low self esteem then you may have a
long road ahead of you to change many years of
habits. Do you want to take a different path? Let
us begin with the shame.
People are afraid of
different. Different had life survival threats
thousands of years ago. People needed to recognize
their own kind, species, or tribe for safety. That
survival skill remains within our psyche. If you
are different – taller, shorter, heavier,
lighter, darker, bigger nose, smaller eyes,
whatever….people will attempt to push you out
of the group, creating a tight circle of sameness
around themselves so that they can feel less
frightened. We are doing it everyday with skin
color, political opinion and religious intolerance,
as well as physical differences. Some societies
like ample hips and big people. Some societies like
long earlobes and stretched necks. Some value tiny
feet. It is all so arbitrary and such
nonsense.
It is up to you to refuse
such discrimination by frightened urgent
Stigmatizers. If you have a unique body part you
have a right to the little corner of the earth that
is yours. No one can impinge on your life
opportunity or dictate to you that you must be
ashamed. Only you can do that to yourself. You make
yourself ashamed. So, start there. Drop the shame
right now.
Charge forth amid others
frightened sniggering, sarcasm, comments or stares
and do what you want to do. Their discomfort is
their primal fear of strangers, strange and new.
Clearly, it is better to be strange than fearful.
Without shame to tie you to your darkened room,
perhaps you will join in with some joyful activity
or take a walk in the sunlight.
Think about how you look
on the inside more than how you look on the
outside. Your liver is constantly trying to
detoxify your dirty blood. Any positive behavior
other than sitting and eating empty calories that
overloads your liver and kidneys is good. Every
minute you are partaking of life is a minute you
are getting fit. If you are panting, then you are
signaling your bone marrow to make new blood. It
may be hard to keep going and your body will hurt.
Your feelings may be trod upon by cruel people but
do not let anything stop you. Check with your
doctor first and get a plan that is right for you.
Demand good health and recognition by health
providers who are often the worst Stigmatizers.
Imagine that you commit to
eating six mini meals the size of your two palms of
pure organic vegetables, good fats, lean protein
and low glycemic carbs in addition to an hour of
cardio a day that makes you breath heavily, then
stretching with Pilates or yoga and add lifting
light weights three times a week. Miraculously, you
will change for the better. These kinds of changes
are for life. No one taught us these habits when we
were developing, but we as a country need them now.
There is no excuse with the health education
available for schools and parents to provide less
than perfect health for our children today.
The point is that you can
believe that you are great as you are right now.
Unless you accept that you are a worthy beautiful
person regardless of any differences from your
society’s norm, you may not ever take that
first short walk. Olympic athletes look the way
they do because of the choices they make every day.
Are you a Stigmatizer to yourself? You can only
begin to make loving choices for your sweet body
when you choose to love your Self.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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