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Dr. Sandra L. Caron is a professor of human
sexuality at the University of Maine. To submit a
question to Dr. Caron or chat with your peers visit
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Best Time of the Year for
Sex
Birth
Control
Body Functions / Body
Parts
Body
Image
Breaking
Up/Relationship In Crisis
Can Genital Warts be
Spread if We use Protection?
Casual Sex/One-Night
Stands
Desire/Arousal
Does having sex help you
live longer?
Does Status Make a
Difference to Women?
Getting
Pregnant
He Goes so Deep He Hits
Bone
How much of a curve
in a penis is too much?
How to go from
Friends to Potential Lovers
I Can't Stand His
Friends
I have inverted
nipples
Importance of a
Condom
Is it common for
straight males to masturbate with and/or for other
straight males?
Is it Safe to
have Sex when she is Menstruating?
Is Oral Sex
Normal?
Is there a difference
between the sex drives in men and
women?
Making a Relationship
Last
My friend says she was rape.
How do I help?
Ovulation
& Sex
Painful
Sex
Pregnancy
Recontact with a Former
Lover
Safest Brand of
Condoms
Sex Life has Cooled
Down
Sexual
Function/Problems
Sexually Transmitted
Diseases
What are some ideas
to add creativity to our love
making?
What does it really take
to have a healthy sexual
relationship?
What is a "tipped
uterus"?
Which presidential
candidate is more supportive of sexuality
issues
Why Do Women Always Want
Serious Commitments?
He Goes so Deep He Hits
Bone
Question from a sophomore female at the
University of Minnesota Duluth: When my
boyfriend and I were having sex he tried to reach,
go in as far as he could. Anyways, he touched
something in me that felt like a bone or something
solid, I felt it too. I thought it hurt or caused
some pressure that was extremely new to me. Do you
have any idea on what he was feeling and why I
could feel it too. Thanks for your time.
Dr. Caron's answer: I assume that what
you and he touched was your cervix. I often tell
students that if you reach up into your vagina you
will feel something that feels like the end of your
nose.... it is the base of the uterus. You may also
notice that it feels like it has a dimple. This is
the opening into the uterus (the cervical os) -
which is about the size of a pencil lead. It allows
menstrual flow to leave the uterus, and allows
sperm to enter the uterus on its way to the
fallopian tube to meet an egg.
If you feel the cervix at different times over
the course of a month, you will notice that it
changes from feeling very hard to feeling softer at
different times of the month. For example, around
ovulation (when a women releases an egg from her
ovary - usually occurs about 2 weeks before her
period), it will feel softer. In fact, one of the
things women do who are using Natural Family
Planning, is to record the changes in the cervix
(as well as temperature and mucous changes). I hope
this relieves some of your anxiety. You may also
find it useful to refer to a basic biology book to
understand the positioning and structure of all
your reproductive/sexual organs. Best wishes
Desire/Arousal
Q from a Male, First-Year student at University
of Oklahoma: Can being in good physical
condition increase your desire to have sex?
A: There are many positive benefits to
being in good physical condition. Feeling fit helps
us feel better about a lot of things. We often feel
better about ourselves when we feel we look our
best. Being in good shape often leads to positive
feelings about life; our desire for many things
increases.
Q from a Female, Senior student at Syracuse
University: What can I do when I want to make
love, but my partner isn't "in the mood"? How can I
get him in the mood?
A: Loving relationships thrive on mutual
respect. I am not sure that you can make anybody
feel romantic and sexy just because that's the time
you're feeling romantic and sexy. Generally,
"turn-ons" for men include caring, touch, warm
shared feelings, and the interest in mutual
respect.
I have inverted
nipples
Question from a freshman female at the
University of North Texas: This is not directly
about sex, but close enough. I have inverted
nipples and am so nervous about how other people
will react to them when I begin to get sexually
active. I know I should be "proud" of my body,
which I am, but I feel so strange and different. I
don't want guys to scream and run away. I heard
there is a surgery that can fix them. Is this true
and where can I get more information?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Despite what is
presented in the media, inverted nipples are
normal. Just as women's breasts come in all
different shapes and sizes, their nipples do as
well: they may be flat, raised, or inverted - all
are common. I believe you are in a good position to
educate your partner about how every body is unique
- and that includes yours. Just like belly buttons,
nipples also range in appearance. And I certainly
hope your partner will be interested in having a
relationship with you, not a body part!
If you are seriously interested in looking into
surgery in an attempt to alter your nipples, there
is plastic surgery. You can talk to a medical
doctor (such as a gynecologist or someone who
specializes in women's health) about this option.
However, be forewarned: it is very expensive, often
leads to loss of sensitivity and ability to become
aroused, and can also interfere with your ability
to breastfeed later on. Ask yourself: Is it really
worth it? I hope you will recognize the gift your
uniqueness and learn to accept and celebrate it
Question from a student at University of
Memphis: How long has abortion been legal? Up
to what month can a girl have an abortion?
Dr. Caron's Answer: In 1973 the Roe vs.
Wade decision legalized a woman's right to obtain
an abortion from a qualified physician. However,
what many people may not realize is that the
decision talked about this right in terms of
trimesters of pregnancy.
During the first trimester of pregnancy (when
over 90% of abortions are performed in this
country), a women can request (sometimes called
"demand") an abortion; however, during the second
trimester, she can only get an abortion with a
physician's consent. During the third trimester, an
abortion is only permitted in extreme cases - for
example, to save the life of the mother or when the
fetus has died in utero.
Ovulation
& Sex
Q from a Female, first-year student from Triton
College: How a girl can know when she's
ovulating? And if the girl does not have an orgasm
during sex, can she get pregnant even when she's
ovulating?
Dr. Caron's Answer:
In terms of your first question, it can be
really difficult to know when a girl is ovulating.
Many people say that ovulation takes place about
12-14 days before menstruation. That means you can
figure it out "after-the-fact" so to speak. For
example, if a woman has a 28-day cycle, she is
thought to ovulate around the 14th day. But this
clearly varies from girl to girl. To help determine
more precisely when ovulation takes place, you may
want to learn Natural Family Planning - in which
you take your basal body temperature each day and
record it on a chart, along with charting what your
cervical mucous looks like, and the feel of your
cervix. Over time, a girl will be able to determine
her ovulation as that time when her temperature
drops, her mucus looks like egg white, and her
cervix feels soft. It takes a bit of practice and a
few months to figure out -there are many good books
that explain it in greater detail. In terms of the
second question, a girl can get pregnant during
intercourse if she is ovulating and there is semen
ejaculated into/around the vagina. The sperm and
egg could care less if you enjoy the act or not. So
to answer your question: No, having an orgasm is
not necessary for pregnancy.
Why Do Women Always Want
Serious Commitments?
Question from a male junior at MIT: Why do
women always want serious commitments? I've never
been able to have just a casual dating relationship
with anyone I've ever dated.
Dr. Caron's Answer: I think it's true,
generally, that many (not all) women prefer
commitment to casual dating relationships. You
should be clear with yourself about what you want
in a relationship. If what you want is a casual
friendship without a commitment, it is important to
be clear about this both with yourself and the
women you meet and date. Sometimes men implicitly
make promises about "always being there" for the
other person without realizing it. Some examples of
"implicit" promises include statements such as,
"You're really special," "I've never met anyone
like you before," or "I can't wait to see you
again." Think through your initial relationships of
the past and see if you have made such promises,
either verbally or nonverbally, in order to enhance
you relationship at the time.
Breaking
Up/Relationship In Crisis
Q from a Female, Junior student at University of
Florida: I broke up with my boyfriend over a
year ago, but I can't stop thinking about him. I've
dated other guys, but nobody seriously. Will I ever
get over him?
A: Probably. One year isn't really a long
time to still be thinking about your old boyfriend,
especially when you haven't established another
serious relationship. It's important to look at why
you still think about him. Is it the relationship
with him that you miss, or just having a
relationship? Why did you break up? Often times it
can be easier to remember the good times with your
boyfriend, while forgetting why the relationship
didn't work out. Remember: One of our tasks in life
is learning to let go. It's hard.
Body Image
Q from a Female, Sophomore Cal State -Fullerton:
Why are women made to feel unattractive if they
are average-looking as opposed to
model-looking.
A: If by "average-looking" you mean the
majority of women, then logically the majority must
be attractive since they attract others and the
human race continues. If only people who look like
models were attractive, the birth rate would drop
precipitously. Not all men look for the same
characteristics, despite the messages from the
media about the ideal female form. In fact, over
time the ideal changes. I have a friend who's rosy
gentle curves would make her an ideal in the 17th
century. Relax and look for a guy who's ideal is
not the media stereotype.
Sexually Transmitted
Diseases
Q from a Female, Senior Texas A&M: What
are the symptoms of genital warts?
A: Genital warts are determined by
visible inspection. HPV (human papilloma virus)
causes genital warts, which is a very common virus,
infecting about 1 out of every 4 sexually active
people. The warts typically appear on the genitals
as soft, pink, painless single or multiple growths
resembling a small cauliflower. In men, they may
appear on the penis, foreskin, and scrotum, and
within the urethra. In women, they may be found on
the vulva, in the vagina, and on the cervix. The
warts begin to appear 1-3 months after contact and
are diagnosed visibly at a health clinic
specializing in sexually transmitted infections.
They may be removed by freezing, burning,
dehydration with an electrical needle, or surgery.
Although such treatments may remove the warts,
please be aware that they do not rid the body of
the virus - so there may be recurrences.
Q from a Female, Senior student at the
University of Maine: Can you get genital herpes
from someone with a cold sore giving you oral
sex?
A: Yes. Genital herpes infection is
caused by exposure to the herpes simplex virus type
1 (HSV 1) or herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV 2)
through sexual contact. HSV 1 initially was
associated with oral infection (cold sores and
fever blisters around the mouth) and HSV 2 with
genital infection (blisters on the penis or vulva).
Over the past 30 years, however, the increased
popularity of oral sex has led to an almost equal
probability of transferring either form from mouth
to genitals and vice versa. The two viruses are not
different clinically, as both cause the same
painful symptoms. A person with blisters on the
mouth cannot only transfer the virus to another
person’s genitals, and vice versa, but a
person with herpes can transfer it to other parts
of his or her own body by touch, including the
eyes, as well (this is called autoinoculation). A
2-12 day incubation period follows transmission of
the virus. There is no cure, but there is treatment
to speed the healing of the painful blisters. An
estimated 20-30 million people are presently
infected with genital herpes in the U.S. You should
know that the virus can be easily spread by even a
quick, casual kiss and thus it should not be
assumed that a person with oral herpes got it from
performing oral sex. By the way, not all mouth
ulcers are caused by the herpes virus; they can
also be caused by bacteria, allergic reactions, or
autoimmune (canker sores) responses. However,
“fever blisters” and most cold sores are
herpes.
Does Status Make a
Difference to Women?
Q from a male, freshman student at Indiana
University wants to know. Why do some women
desire to sleep with someone of status -
specifically an athlete?
Dr. Caron's Answer: I believe that
attraction is a complex matter. While it is
possible that a woman (or a man) may wish to sleep
with someone purely as a status achievement,
relationships cannot be built on a single dimension
- any more than you would be comfortable sitting in
a chair with one leg.
Best Time of the Year
for Sex
Q from a male, sophmore from Boston College
wants to know....My girlfriend and I were
talking and wondered if there is a time of the year
that people have sex more than other times?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Interesting question.
I have heard it said that June is the most popular
month for first sexual experiences. In terms of the
time of year more sex occurs, a good indicator may
be to look at condom sales. In a year, Americans
purchase over 350 million condoms - that works out
to about 27 million condoms in a four-week period
(monthly). A national study by AC Neilsen in 2002
found that condom sales increased from mid-May to
mid-August, to nearly 28 million condoms sold in
four-week period. Based on these findings, one
could assume that more people have sex (at least
safely) during this time of the year. This study
also found that the lowest sales are from September
to November, with only about 26 million condoms
sold per four-week period. As a side note, the
study found that more at-home pregnancy tests are
sold in March than in any other month...perhaps the
result of Valentine's Day activities.
Interesting.
Making a Relationship
Last
Q A student from a 5th year male University of
South Carolina student wants to know....I have
a wonderful relationship and would like to know
some of the keys to making a relationship last. I
am interested in what suggestions you might have
for keeping our relationship together.
Dr. Caron's Answer: One of the most
interesting and useful books on this topic is
Seven
principles for making marriage work by John
Gottman. It is full of ideas and activities for
couples who want to make their relationship last.
Dr. Gottman talks about how stable relationships
are based on a deep friendship - the couple doesn't
just get along, they support each other's hopes and
aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their
lives together. He also talks about how important
it is to have the positive outweigh the
negative.... and suggests that there needs to be 5
positive events for every 1 negative. His final
points are really interesting ones for you (or
anyone desiring in a long-term relationship) to
consider:
- Before you say goodbye in the morning, be
sure to learn about one thing that is happening
that day with your partner.
- Be sure to engage in stress reducing
conversations at the end of each workday.
- Find some way everyday to communicate
genuine affection and appreciation toward your
partner.
- Kiss, hold, touch each other during the time
you're together.
- Give at least one genuine praise to your
partner each day.
I would add one more to his list that seems very
important to the relationship, and that is: Make
sure you kiss each other before going to sleep.
Is there a difference
between the sex drives in men and women?
Q A student from a female Michigan State
University student wants to know....Is there a
difference between the sex drives in men and women?
If yes, what are those differences?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Physically, we know
that men and women are equally capable of sexual
arousal. However, when we look at the impact of
society on our thoughts and behaviors, we see that
men and women are often raised with somewhat
different messages/ideas about the meaning of sex
and this may lead to different expectations. For
example, he may have been raised to think that sex
is about finding physical satisfaction/orgasm;
versus she may have learned it is a way to find
emotional pleasure/love. While society may try to
portray women as less interested or uninterested in
sex, the reality is that people vary. Some women
and some men have very high sex drives, while other
men and women do not.
Does having sex help
you live longer?
Q A student from a junior male University of
Maine student wants to know....Is it really
true that having sex makes you live longer?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Clearly, if you are
going to be sexually active, practicing safer sex
will help you live longer. In terms of your
question, there have been a series of research
articles suggesting that this might be true. For
example, one study found people who had sex less
than once a month had twice the death rate of those
who had sex at least twice a week. In another
study, a researcher found that people who have more
sex than the average person (about 4 times a week!)
not only live longer, but they actually look
younger. Why you ask? Researchers believe that it
could be the result of hormones (such as Oxytocin)
which are released during orgasm. In his book,
Super Young: The Proven Way to Stay Young
Forever, Dr. Weeks stresses that diet and
exercise also affect whether or not people look
younger. One interesting finding was that while
masturbation is a healthy alternative to couple
sex, he did not find it to be as beneficial in
staying younger. So now you know why some people
look young for their age! Other studies have linked
oxytocin to feelings of bonding or closeness. It
turns out women produce about 50 times more of this
chemical during sex than do men. In fact, it's been
referred to as the "cuddling chemical" - as it
seems to play an important role in prompting
cuddling between lovers before, during and after
lovemaking. Women also produce oxytocin during
birthing and lactation - and many believe it may
play a role in mother-infant bonding.
I Can't Stand His
Friends
Question from a female sophomore from Wake
Forest wants to know...I have been dating a guy
for a few months and have a major problem. I cannot
stand his friends. I do not want this to drive a
wedge between us, but it is something I am
concerned about. Should I say something or just
ignore it?
Dr. Caron's Answer: It sounds like this
may be something that is too difficult for you to
"sweep under the rug." On the one hand, you know
you are not dating his friends, you are dating him.
How you feel about your boyfriend plays a major
role in your continued interest in the
relationship. On the other hand, the people he
chooses to surround himself with says something
about him - it tells you some things about his
values and attitudes. I wish I knew more about what
upsets you about his friends. For example, is it
something that can repair itself over time? Is it
something about them that you can get used to? Is
it something you can just ignore? Is it that they
demand some (or a lot more) of his attention and
that means less time for the two of you? Is it that
your boyfriend has not found a good way to balance
his time between being with his friends and being
with you? Or is it that his friends are the type of
people you would never associate with if it were
not for your boyfriend? There are a lot of
questions to consider. You say you have been dating
only a few months, so perhaps you need more time to
observe and get to know his friends. Perhaps you
have not given them a chance to get to know you and
vice versa. Consider taking it slow and keeping
yourself open to the idea that you may just need to
warm up to each other. However, if you feel the
situation is so concerning and so bad that you need
to say something to your boyfriend, try to find a
way to do it that is respectful of his choice in
friends. To be honest, I would not want to put your
boyfriend in a situation where he needs to decide
between you or his close friends - especially when
they have been part of his life a lot longer than
you have. Time will tell with this situation.
Should you find that you really cannot stand his
friends, and your boyfriend is not willing or able
to help in resolving the problem, you may need to
discontinue the relationship. It really depends on
your comfort level and how strongly you feel about
the relationship with your boyfriend. What is it
about him that interests you or attracts you to him
(beyond his poor choice in friends)? You need to
decide if the relationship can continue to grow and
develop despite his choice in friends. Good luck
with this.
My friend says she was rape.
How do I help?
Question from a female junior from (unknown/not
identified university) wants to know: My friend
says she was raped and I honestly do not know what
to do to help her or where to turn for help - to
help me help her. She is not going to classes and
is very depressed.....she stays inside now all the
time and refuses to go out to parties or
anywhere.
Dr. Caron's Answer: I would suggest
contacting the Dean of Students, as well as the
public safety/police office, the campus health
center, and your campus counseling center. Each of
these offices can assist you in helping her. She
needs to know her options.... in terms of who can
help her legally, medically, emotionally. Many
universities now employ sexual assault counselors,
so I would also see if you have such a person or
office on your campus, or check out the local phone
book for a Rape Crisis Center in your community.
Sexual assault is a crime and while she needs legal
assistance to understand her rights, she also needs
medical and emotional assistance. Good for you for
being her friend and wanting to help. Believing her
is a great first step. Listening, being there, and
being patient with her are all going to help. Let's
hope your campus is able to respond - they are
obligated to help her, but they need to know about
this in order to help her. She needs to notify
someone within the university system so that the
situation can be dealt with appropriately. You will
be a big help to her by contacting the various
offices initially to see what she needs to do and
what will potentially happen at each place. Best
wishes.
By the way: What happens when a school does not
respond well? Students lose faith in the system,
and people become outraged. One example is a
website developed by a mother of a student who was
sexually assaulted at UVA, www.uvavictimsofrape.com.
According to this mother, the situation was not
handled well by that university. Let's hope your
university responds better than what is described
on this website.
What does it really take
to have a healthy sexual relationship?
Question from a male junior from University of
Connecticut wants to know: I think I know a lot
about the right moves, but what else should I be
thinking of?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Most people recognize
that technique is only a small part of what it
takes to have a healthy sexual relationship. It
appears to be more important to be able to
communicate and create an openness to intimacy and
sharing. Survey after survey reveals that a sexual
relationship is rated as more satisfying if it is
based on such things responsibility, equality, and
honesty. This has been found to be true whether it
is in the context of a one-night stand or a
long-term relationship. Since no two people are
alike, a technique (or "move", as you say) that is
a turn-on for one person may be the opposite for
another. The only sure way to figure out what
pleases your partner is to communicate. By this, I
mean not only being able to talk, but also being
able to listen to your partner. You'll need to have
an atmosphere of openness. A few examples of ways
that sex can be unhealthy include when it becomes a
performance (thinking you must know everything and
be the best) and when sex becomes a competition
(thinking you have to out-do your partner's
previous lovers). Remember: You want to increase
the pleasure by reducing the pressure. Again, great
sex isn't so much about the right move, as the
right mood! Being open to sharing what feels good
for each other is an important part of the
equation.
Which presidential
candidate is more supportive of sexuality
issues
Question from a female sophomore from the
University of Maine wants to know: Which of the
2 major presidential candidates is more supportive
of sexuality issues? They both grew up in the 60s
and the sexual revolution, so that should count for
something.
Dr. Caron's Response: If you watched the
debates or have had a chance to read some of the
news stories on President George W. Bush and
Senator John Kerry, you know that several issues
related to sexuality have been discussed. Although
they both were in college in the 60s and lived
through the "sexual revolution" (and they both have
daughters, by the way!!), they differ drastically
on issues related to sexuality. Here's the way I
understand it: Both Bush and Kerry recognize that
we have high teen pregnancy and sexually
transmitted disease rates, but they have very
different ideas on how to deal with reducing these
rates. Bush supports abstinence-only-until-marriage
programs (have kids sign virginity pledges and
teach them to say no until marriage) and he favors
reducing teens' ability to access birth control
services (both here and oversees - in fact, on his
first day in office he cut international family
planning). Kerry supports comprehensive sexuality
education, which covers abstinence as well as
information on birth control, and he supports
funding of family planning services (both here and
abroad - he says one of his first acts in office
will be to restore international family planning
funds). When it comes to abortion, Bush has made it
clear that he is anti-choice-that the way to reduce
the number of abortions is by making it illegal or
at least limiting access; he considers abortion
murder - except in cases of rape or incest, and
then I guess it is not considered murder. Kerry has
stated he is pro-choice, and believes this is an
issue between the woman, her partner, and her
doctor; he is interested in focusing on ways to
prevent the pregnancy to begin with. For example,
Kerry supports having birth control covered by
insurance and supports greater access to emergency
contraception. Bush wants us to believe condoms are
ineffective and a waste of time and money; Kerry
wants us to believe that condoms work and should be
promoted as a good means of protection. On gay
rights, they both are against gay "marriage,"
however Kerry supports civil unions giving gay
couples the same rights as married people
(semantics?). Bush wants to add a constitutional
amendment to ban gay marriage; Kerry is opposed to
having the constitution altered to take away the
rights of American citizens (Dick Cheney actually
agrees with Kerry on this). Kerry thinks gay
Americans should be afforded the same rights as
non-gay Americans. To find out more, check out
their websites.
Is Oral Sex
Normal?
Question from a male sophomore at Michigan:
My girlfriend and I have been together for four
months and while I would say our sex life is pretty
good, it is limited to intercourse and a bit of
touching... however, oral sex is not even in the
picture.... I have tried to convince my girlfriend
that it is a normal thing to do, but she isn't
willing to even try. Is this normal for her not to
even want to try?
Dr. Caron's Answer: You bring up a good
point: No one should ever be forced or coerced into
any sexual behavior they are not comfortable with.
In terms of who likes or does not like oral sex:
depending on what study you look at, 10%-30% of
people surveyed found oral sex unusual, kinky or
very unappealing. Older adults report less
experience with oral sex than younger people; those
with more education are more likely to engage in
oral sex than those with fewer years of schooling.
There are many reasons why someone may feel
uncomfortable with oral sex and wish to avoid it.
Can you talk with your partner about what may be
going on for her? One of the most obvious relates
to an individual's morals and attitudes about sex.
Some believe that oral sex is simply wrong and
conflicts with their personal code of acceptable
behavior. Other reasons are unrelated to morality
and concern the mechanics of the behavior itself.
Women are often concerned that the man will
ejaculate in her mouth and she will find that
unpleasant. While it is not dangerous to swallow
semen (assuming there are no infections), some
women would rather not do so (and since many
students ask, please know that semen is low in
calories with only 5 calories in the average
ejaculate). Both men and women worry that the smell
or taste of the female genitals will be unpleasant
or repulsive. In reality, female genitals that are
washed with normal regularity have a natural
fragrance that most people find attractive and
enjoyable. If these are some of her concerns,
perhaps they can be overcome by sensitivity,
respect and patience.
Importance of a
Condom
Question from a female sophomore at Arizona
State University: I know it's important to ask
your sexual partner to wear a condom, but how
should I approach the issue? I'm not comfortable
discussing it.
Dr. Caron's Answer: Anyone you know well
enough to be sleeping with, you should know well
enough to talk about protection with. However, I
recognize that talking about sex has never been
easy. In fact, some people even think it's wrong or
that it ruins the mood. But in this age of "fatal
sexuality" - where people can die from unprotected
sexual intercourse - it is crucial that you talk
about using condoms. Forethought before Foreplay is
essential: Talk with your partner before you end up
in bed. You might try bringing up the subject by
saying, "Gee, I keep hearing all this stuff about
AIDS and safer sex. What do you think?" Or, "I'd
love to make love with you, but I'm worried about
disease." Talk about your need to have sex safely.
If he's a former Boy Scout, he'll understand the
concept of being prepared. If he's ever played
sports he'll understand how important it is to wear
protective gear before you play the game.
Question from a student at Fanshawe
College: In the heat of the moment, I forgot to
remove my tampon before me and my boyfriend had
sex...now it's gone...what do I do now?
Dr. Caron's Answer: If you are sure you
did not take it out before intercourse, then it is
not "gone" as you say - it is in there somewhere -
most likely pushed up/crammed to the top of your
vagina, next to your cervix. If you or your partner
are unable to reach it when you are squatting and
one of you inserts a finger into your vagina, I
suggest you seek some medical assistance. It is not
uncommon to have a woman contact a health center
and ask for assistance in removing a tampon. If you
just leave it there, it can create an environment
that leads to infection - and you will be seeking
medical assistance at that point to relieve the
infection. Better now than later. Best wishes!
Safest Brand of
Condoms
Question from a senior male student at Central
Washington University. What is the safest brand
of condoms to use? Also, if possible could you give
me a list of ratings that condoms got for being
safe?
Dr. Caron's Answer: There are more than
100 brands of condoms available in the United
States today. Latex condoms are the most effective
method for reducing the risk of infection from HIV
that cause AIDS, as well as other STDs. For people
who are sensitive to latex, polyurethane condoms
are a good alternative. Some condoms are
pre-lubricated. These lubricants do not increase
birth control or STD protection. Non-oil-based
lubricants, such as water or K-Y jelly, can be used
with latex or lambskin condoms. Do not use
oil-based lubricants with a latex condom (such as
petroleum jelly/Vaseline, lotions, or massage or
baby oil) because they can weaken the condom and
cause it to break.
The FDA, which regulates condoms as a medical
device, reviews production records and examines
stock at random. Should leaks turn up on 4 per 1000
condoms in a run, the entire lot is thrown out. It
is important to know that an estimated 2-5% of
condoms tear during use. Most of those failures are
thought to stem from misuse, not inherent product
flaws. That’s why the U.S. Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention provides directions on the
importance of consistent and correct use of
condoms, including: use a condom with every act of
intercourse from start to finish store in cool
place, check expiration date, open carefully, use a
new condom every time, put condom on erect penis
before it touches any part of partner’s body,
be sure to leave a reservoir tip, withdraw soon
after ejaculation while still erect.
Consumer Reports has also tested the
effectiveness of condoms. Their report in 1999
tested 30 models of latex condoms major brands and
small brands, in different sizes, textures, and
lubricants, some promoting extra thinness or
strength. Only 2 products of the 30 failed their
tests: Durex Pure Protection Spermicidally
Lubricated and Trojan Plus 2 Spermicidal so avoid
those 2 products!
All of the following passed their minimum burst
standards, as well as their higher threshold test,
so these would be brands to consider
purchasing:
Lubricated condoms that did well:
Beyond Seven, Class Act Ultra Thin &
Sensitive, Durex Extra Sensitive, and Trojan Ultra
Thin are thinner than most. Trojan Magnum is longer
and wider than most. Kimono Microthin is longer and
thinner than most. Lifestyles Vibra Ribbed, Trojan
Ultra Texture, and Trojan Ribbed are textured
condoms. Durex Enhanced Pleasure, Lifestyles Extra
Pleasure, and Trojan Ultra Pleasure are uniquely
shaped. Trojan Shared Sensation is textured and
uniquely shaped.
Unlubricated condoms that did well:
Trojan has a plain end; Trojan-Enz has a nipple
shaped reservoir like all other condoms in the
ratings.
Painful Sex
Question from a female junior at student at the
University of Calgary:
I have a question for a friend of mine. He has
recently been dating this woman. She states that
she has never had an orgasm before. She has not had
sex in 2 years. When my friend and her went to have
intercourse, he said that it was very painful for
her. They tried Vaseline and lubrication from the
drugstore, but it didn't seem to alleviate the
pain. Any suggestions as to why or how they can
prevent future reoccurrences of this painful
event.
Dr. Caron's Answer: Your question raises
several issues. One issue is the pain this woman is
experiencing with intercourse. I would like to know
if she has always experienced pain, or if it is
just now with this new partner. If she has always
experienced pain, an appointment with a
gynecologist would be recommended to rule out a
physical concern. Assuming it is not physical, you
say they have tried lubricants but that did not
seem to help relieve the pain. The choice to use a
lubricant indicates a possible arousal issue. In
order for her own body to produce sufficient
lubrication, she needs to feel desire, trust, and
affection for her partner.
You say this is a new relationship. Perhaps
their emotional intimacy needs to be further
developed before they proceed with physical
intimacy. One suggestion is for them to try to
expand their definition of sex - thinking of it as
more than just intercourse. Certainly slowing
things down, focusing less on intercourse and
reaching orgasm, and more on the pleasure of giving
will help. It is also important that she have
control in the sexual situation so that should
penetration take place, she is guiding that process
and finding the position that is best for her.
[Note: Use of a water-based lubricant is
advised (e.g., Astroglide, K-Y jelly); oil-based
lubricants such as Vaseline are not
recommended.]
The other issue you raise is about her
inexperience (you say she has not had sex in
several years and she has never had an orgasm).
This can certainly relate to her lack of arousal,
and any anxiety or stress she may be placing on the
sexual aspect of their relationship. It sounds like
she (and maybe even he) does not know much about
her own sexual functioning. For example, some
people do not realize that the clitoris is
strategically located outside and above the vaginal
opening. For many women, stimulation around this
area is essential for reaching orgasm. Such
stimulation does not require intercourse or a
penis. It's important for a woman to first find out
for herself what feels good and then gently show
her partner. Many men (and women) have been told
that "real sex" means "penis-in-vagina" only; many
of us recognize that sex involves much more than
this.
Overall, I think there is something to be said
about the importance of this couple to talk to one
another openly about what they are experiencing.
Sexual communication is both an important and
necessary aspect of any relationship. Couples that
explore each other's need and desires enhance the
satisfaction experienced in an intimate
relationship. However, many couples choose to
overlook the possibilities that open communication
implies. Lack of or ineffective communication is a
leading cause of sexual dysfunction. Talking about
sex is not always easy, but it is necessary.
Communication not only alleviates anxiety, but also
heightens sexual pleasure. One might start by
asking, "What do you like?" or "What feels good to
you?" The bedroom may not be the best place to
start this conversation. Although communication is
sometimes difficult, it is essential to a healthy
and growing relationship.
Recontact with a Former
Lover
Q from a male, Junior student at the University
of Chicago wants to know....What do you do if
you carry strong feelings for an ex-lover, but you
have lost contact due to distance? I'm afraid she
may be mad because I haven't called, but it was too
hard to hear her voice. Can you make any suggestion
of how to open the relationship again?
Dr. Caron's Answer: I would suggest
writing her a letter, rather than calling her. That
way she isn't put on the spot or taken by surprise.
It gives her the chance to think about what has
happened and decide how she wants to respond. Since
you say she may be mad, I would suggest including
an explanation of why you haven't called (i.e., it
was too hard to hear her voice). You might also
explain your current interest in re-connecting with
her. Is it to rekindle a love relationship, to
develop a friendship, or to just check out if she's
alive? You don't indicate how long ago you were
involved with her. Please be prepared to hear that
she may have "moved on". She may not share your
feelings. She may even be involved in another
relationship. It does sound like you need some type
of "closure" - I hope you can find it with your
letter. if not, you need to find the strength to do
it on your own - or even with the help of someone
like a counselor. Sometimes an objective person can
offer you the insight and support you need to let
go and move on. Good luck!
Can Genital Warts be
Spread if We use Protection?
Q from a Female, Senior student from an
unidentified university wants to know....I
started seeing a guy who has HPV. He has gone to
his family doctor and has used the cream. His
doctor said he can barely see them. The warts are
located on his mound (pubic) area. His doctor has
referred him to see a specialist. My question is:
Because he is on medication can this be spread to
me? Also, how can we use protection when they are
on his mound area?
Dr. Caron's response: Genital warts are
caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV). It is
the most common sexually transmitted viral disease
in the U.S., with over 5 million new cases
annually. The warts usually appear on the genitals
a few months after exposure to an infected partner.
They are not painful, but some strains have been
associated with a higher incidence of cervical
cancer. HPV is extremely contagious, so it is in
your best interest to wait until the small warts
have been treated to proceed with genital contact.
As you realize, a male condom is not going to cover
the mound where the warts are located; and if you
use a female condom, the rim may offer some
protection from coming in contact with his mound,
but it cannot be guaranteed to keep the area
covered during sexual intercourse. Although the
cream he is using is effective in removing the
warts, it works slowly and may take months - and
the warts are still contagious. In addition,
genital contact with him is not advised while he is
using the cream that is designed to burn off the
warts; direct contact of this cream with your
genitals would not be pleasant. I am glad to know
he is being referred to a specialist someone
who works specifically with sexually transmitted
diseases who can verify that these are
genital warts and remove them more quickly. Genital
warts can be removed by laser surgery, cryotherapy
(freezing), cauterization (burning), or surgical
excision. Once they are treated and the skin has
healed, your friend should plan regular follow-up
visits and also check himself regularly
since recurrence is not uncommon. As his sexual
partner, you should proceed with caution once all
signs of the warts are gone.
Birth Control
Q from a Male, Senior student at Colorado State:
Well here is the deal... i am in a relationship
where we are sexually active, but i have a problem.
We have had unprotected sex, and we tried to use
protection. Every time we try, "brian" doesn't
cooperate and loses interest. I love my girlfriend
to death and when we don't use protection it's the
greatest ever... but help! we need/want protection,
but its just not working...
A: You say you are using protection
sometimes, and other times you are not. By
protection, I assume that you are referring to use
of condoms (the method that is causing "brian" to
lose interest). My first question is: What are you
and your girlfriend trying to protect yourselves
from? If it is only pregnancy, there are several
options (e.g., contraceptive pills, shots, and
implants). Make an appointment to visit your local
family planning together to discuss these options.
If you are interested in protecting yourself from
sexually transmitted diseases, and a male condom is
not working out for you (or "brian"), then perhaps
she could consider using the female condom. If this
is a monogamous relationship, and both of you are
currently disease free, then your best protection
from disease is to keep the relationship
monogamous. There is no need to use condoms for
protection from a disease that does not exist in
such a situation. Whatever you decide, remember:
Forethought Before Foreplay is always useful in
other words, be sure to talk to your partner about
this before you find yourself together beneath the
sheets. Facing an unplanned pregnancy is not
something either of you should have to contend with
at this point in your life.
How to go from
Friends to Potential Lovers
Q from a male junior at the University of Maine
wants to know: I've been best friends with this
girl for two years. I'm starting to develop
stronger feelings for her now and I believe she
feels the same way. How do I break the ice and not
ruin the friendship if things don't work out?
Dr. Caron's Answer: As with any
relationship, a person must often take risks to
move forward. Unfortunately, there are no
guarantees that things will work out. However, it
is helpful that you have already established a
friendship. But before you talk with her about how
you're feeling, I suggest you think about how
you'll feel if she says she just wants to continue
to be friends. Will you be able to continue the
friendship? I would guess that if your friendship
is important to both of you, you'll be able to work
things out. Best wishes.
Is it Safe to
have Sex when she is Menstruating?
Q from a male freshman at BU wants to know:
We are new at this and wondering: Can a woman have
sex while she is menstruating? Is it really
safe?
Dr. Caron's answer: Yes, and many women
do. Some women even prefer intercourse during this
time because they fear pregnancy less (assuming
they ovulate in the middle of their cycle). For
others, having sex/orgasm often makes a women feel
particularly good at this time and can relieve
menstrual cramping by relieving pelvic congestion.
While some women feel more sexual during this
period, it should be noted that others wouldn't
dream of desiring sex at this time. Although sex
during a woman's period is harmless, one's attitude
about menstruation can effect how she (or her
partner) feels about participating in sex during
this time.
Pregnancy
Q from a Male, Junior student at Michigan
State: How many days out of the month can a
woman get pregnant?
A: A woman is technically only fertile
for approximately 1 day; that is, the day she
ovulates. The egg is generally fertilizable for
only 12 to 24 hours following its release from the
ovary. Ovulation typically occurs 14 days before
the start of her next menstrual cycle. Because
sperm only have an effective life of about 72 hours
and the egg an even shorter life, conception must
occur within 24 to 36 hours of ovulation. Knowing
this, it is amazing to think people are even able
to get pregnant. If a woman is really interested in
tracking her own ovulation, she might want to pick
up a book explaining natural family planning.
It’s a method that assists women in
determining their time of ovulation by keeping
track of temperature and mucus changes.
Casual Sex/One-Night
Stands
Q from a Female, Junior student at U. of Oregon:
How do I know if I'm promiscuous or just
normally enjoying sex with several partners?
A: Promiscuity is a label that some
people use to describe the behavior of those who
have sex with a variety of different partners on a
casual basis. Because of the double standard, it's
more often used in a negative way to describe
women. Clearly there are some people who enjoy sex
with a variety of partners, and prefer to avoid
getting emotionally involved. According to Gina
Ogden, author of Women Who Love Sex, if a person
engages in this kind of behavior in a responsible,
nonexploitative manner, taking appropriate steps to
reduce risks of disease and pregnancy, and emerges
from them without negative feelings or conflict,
there is no particular reason to judge the behavior
as a problem. Sometimes, however, having multiple
sex partners may be motivated by something else.
Many of us have probably seen people engaging in
random sex for reasons that are not always positive
such as an unsatisfied personal life or lack of
self-respect. Certainly some people feel a need to
prove themselves. Multiple sexual encounters may
also represent a means of escape or retaliation for
a troubled relationship. In these cases, the person
has the potential of creating more serious
problems. Hopefully they can take a moment to look
at their motives - talk with someone about what is
going on and develop more appropriate ways to deal
with these stresses. I suggest you look at your
motives for having sex and decide.
What is a "tipped
uterus"?
Q from a female junior at SF State wants to
know. What does it mean to have a "tipped"
uterus? My doctor told me this and gave me no
indication of what this might mean for me down the
road.
Dr. Caron's Response: The uterus is held
in the pelvic area by ligaments - sort of suspended
in place. It is generally perpendicular to the
vagina - tilting toward the bladder. However, in 1
in every 5 women, the uterus tilts back toward the
rectum (hence the term "tipped"). So no need to
worry. This poses no serious problems but may cause
discomfort in some positions during intercourse. In
the old days, they would tell women this could lead
to difficulty in pregnancy (conceiving, carrying or
delivering a baby) - but this has not proven to be
the case. Although I should point out that some
have suggested that rear-entry intercourse position
may be more comfortable and may improve the chances
of conception over the man-on-top intercourse
position.
How much of a curve
in a penis is too much?
Q from a female senior at Central Florida wants
to know. I have never seen anything like this
before. My boyfriend has a curved penis, which
makes sexual intercourse uncomfortable. We've tried
different positions, but that hasn't helped. It's
really curved! What should I do?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Unlike women, who
tend to have regular gyn exams where certain
conditions are recognized and discussed, males are
not so lucky. Has he ever been to see a family
physician or urologist to discuss this? I would
encourage him to do so. While some degree of
curvature is perfectly normal, men with Peyronie's
disease have excessive curvature that can make
erections painful or make it difficult to enjoy
intercourse. This rare condition is caused by
buildup of fibrous tissue and calcium deposits in
the penile shaft. Although some Peyronie's disease
appears to clear up on their own, most require
medical attention. Encourage him to talk to his
family doctor for a referral to a urologist. Good
luck.
What are some ideas
to add creativity to our love making?
Q from a freshman male at Georgia Southern wants
to know. I have been in a relationship with a
girl I have known for almost a year now. Our sex
life is healthy but she says that I am not
creative. She wants me to think up new ideas but I
need help. Suggestions?
Dr. Caron's response: Let me begin by
saying that since your sex life involves her, I
guess I would ask her to participate in the
creativity process.... and not expect you to be the
one who initiates or creates the new experience.
And what exactly does she mean by "creative"? If
she means she would like to try new positions,
well... the Kama Sutra suggests there are 529
possible positions... so this may be a resource for
you. My guess would be that your relationship has
fallen into a pattern or routine where the newness
has worn off... if it is the same old thing time
after time, it's going to get boring. That's true
with many things in life... for example, if you get
excited about a new flavor of Ben & Jerry's
ice-cream and then proceed to eat it every day, the
excitement will wear off and it will become boring.
I imagine that whoever said, "variety is the spice
of life" may have been referring to our sex life. I
think expanding one's definition of sex beyond
penis-in-vagina is a good place to start. What else
do you do in terms of touching and caressing one
another? Varying the time and place of your sexual
interaction can help add to the excitement and
sense of newness. But as I said in the beginning, I
think this task of being more creative involves
both of you... can you talk to her about ideas she
may have to spice things up? Perhaps asking her
what turns her on and where she likes to be touched
would help.....maybe when you are in bed together
you could ask her to show you. I believe that by
communicating with each other, you will be better
able to meet each other's needs. Best wishes.
Body Functions /
Body Parts
Q from a Male, First-Year student at Bowling
Green: Which is better in a penis: length or
width?
A: You may have heard the quote, "It's
not the size of the boat, but the motion of the
ocean." The vagina is quite adept at accommodating
to penis size and many women actually prefer
stimulation around the clitoris and vaginal opening
to deep thrusting, which some women may find
painful. Pleasant stimulation doesn't require a
large penis (in width or length) and can be
achieved by hand or mouth. The size of a man's
penis seems to be more important in the locker room
than in the bedroom.
Sexual
Function/Problems
Q from a Female, Sophomore student at Tennessee
State: Me and my boyfriend have been together
for 4 months. When we have sex I can't come. I
think I can do it but I'm not sure, this upsets my
boyfriend as he thinks I don't get pleasure from
sex with him but I do. Can you help me??
A: It is not uncommon for women to have
problems reaching orgasm early on in a sexual
relationship. It takes time to get to know what is
possible when the two of you are together. It
sounds like you need to spend some time finding out
what is pleasurable for you.
Are you comfortable touching your own body? Once
you know what feels good - you will be better able
to point your partner in the right direction. It's
also important to know that most women need direct
stimulation of the clitoris for orgasm to
occur.
As far as penis-in-vagina sex: this tends to be
an ineffective method for many women to reach
orgasm. The clitoris is located too far from the
vaginal opening to receive adequate stimulation
from thrusting alone. It is not surprising to hear
you have not reached orgasm this way. Your
boyfriend needs to know this and be educated as
well.
I suggest you begin by familiarizing yourself
with your own body. One book that has been helpful
for many women in your situation is, For Each
Other, by Lonnie Barbach (see suggested books on my
website). Her book discusses female anatomy,
pleasure, and touching, as well as how to
communicate your needs and desires to your partner.
I think your boyfriend would benefit from reading
this with you.
Remember: Every woman is unique. The only way he
will know how to please you is if you understand
yourself. Best wishes!
Q from a Female, Senior student at Miami
University: I am never able to fuly attain an
orgasm. Whether with my boyfriend, or while
masturbating, I always reach the point where I feel
an orgasm coming, and then my body becomes
completely numb for a few moments. After, I feel
overly sensitive, as though I've just had an
orgasm.
What can I do to stop "freezing" and start
feeling the orgasm? I've had orgasms in the past,
but not in a few years. I've never experienced
anything sexually traumatic, and my relationship
with my boyfriend is very fulfilling, so what could
the problem be?
A: It is not uncommon for women to have
problems reaching orgasm. It takes time to get to
know your body and how it works - what feels good
and what is a turn-on. You say you reach a point
where things become numb. One suggestion is to move
toward orgasm more slowly. Another is to stimulate
the area around the clitoris rather than
directly. In fact, some women find that direct
stimulation of the clitoris is way too sensitive,
and they shut down. So try to begin by gently
stimulating the area around the clitoris, and then
"back off" every few minutes before returning to
stroking your clitoris. Allow yourself to build
toward the orgasm. The other suggestion is to
purchase a vibrator (sold as body massager in most
stores), and use that either alone or with your
partner to explore what feels good. One book I
would recommend is For Yourself, by Lonnie Barbach.
It may offer you some valuable insight.
Sex Life has Cooled
Down
A female grad student from the University of
Maine wants to know….When our relationship
started over 2 years ago, my partner and I had a
great and active sex life---for the past 6 months
or so, things have died down a lot. Is there
anything we can do to get our sexual desires back?
We both take antidepressants, which is likely a
contributing factor.
Dr. Caron's Answer: First of all, I need
to say that this is one of the most common
questions I receive from couples who have been
together for several years. It may be reassuring to
know you're not alone. There are lots of possible
reasons for low desire. Please know that a person's
sexual desire (or "sex drive" as it is commonly
referred to) moves up and down throughout the
course of his/her lifetime. There are many things
that seem to impact on our sexual desire. Low
sexual desire has been associated with such factors
as depression, anger, stress, habituation to a
sexual partner (the novelty and risk are gone),
fear of loss of control, religious orthodoxy,
sexual assault, medication side effects, conflict,
and fear of closeness. You are right that
anti-depressants can have an effect. Talk to your
doctor about this and about possible changes in the
type of medication. However, if you have both been
taking them all along, this would suggest that it
may be something else. The most common reason for
low desire is ROUTINE! Anything that is routine,
which happens over and over again in the same exact
way, becomes boring or stale. Even sex. For too
many couples, sex becomes a routine that happens at
the end of the day, when you're both exhausted,
just before falling asleep. If you believe your low
desire is related to routine, then I would suggest
talking with your partner about how you can "spice
up" your relationship. It's important to make
things different: changing your positions, places,
and times; adding little surprises; doing the
things that used to turn you on which have now
fallen to the side. It's important to find ways to
vary your experiences - this means communicating
and negotiating with your partner. I should also
point out that some therapists believe that
relationship issues are the most important factors
contributing to desire problems. Some people
experiencing low sexual desire say they are very
unhappy in the quality of their relationship with
their partner, particularly in the expression of
affection. This may be something to look at? It is
true for you? If there are things that are
upsetting you, it may be time to settle those
having a conversation about what is happening in
your relationship outside the bedroom will be
important. Sometimes those issues get taken into
the bedroom with us and it is hard to put them
aside and just enjoy the pleasure. Finally, I just
want to say that if you and your partner are
comfortable with the relationship as it is and
neither of you have a need to be sexual right now
then fine. Trying to live up to someone else's
expectations of what should be going on sexually in
your relationship can actually cause more problems.
You two need to figure out what works best for your
relationship. Best wishes.
Getting Pregnant
Q from a Female First-Year student at UNCC
wants to know….Can a woman get pregnant at
any time, or is there a time when she can't get
pregnant?
Dr. Caron’s response: You get
pregnant when an egg and sperm meet so both
need to be present for this to occur. Most women
ovulate (release an egg) in the middle of their
cycle. For example, if a woman menstruates every 28
days, she typically ovulates on or around the
10-16th day before the start of her next period.
The egg lives only 4 to 24 hours after ovulation.
Sperm are most active within 48 hours after
ejaculation. So, one way to avoid pregnancy is to
avoid having intercourse around the time you
ovulate. (of course you can also use birth control
pills that stop ovulation completely no egg
= no way to get pregnant).The problem is trying to
determine when you ovulate. For some women the
signs are more obvious. For example, some women
experience a twinge on one side of the lower
abdomen during ovulation, called mittleschmerz
(German for middle pain). Around the time of
ovulation there is an increase and a change in
cervical mucous secretions. The mucus becomes
clear, slippery, and stretchy (like egg white). It
is at this time that a woman can most easily become
pregnant. If you really want to understand your
body and your ovulatory cycle, I suggest learning
natural family planning (there are books explaining
this); this method teaches you how to chart your
temperature and mucus changes in order to predict
ovulation. You can also buy an
ovulation-predication kit at the drug store; but
this can be a bit expensive, as it requires you to
check your urine daily for the presence of
hormones. Best wishes!
Is it common for
straight males to masturbate with and/or for other
straight males?
Q from a Male, senior at Harvard University
wants to know.....Is it normal, or should I say
common, for straight males to masturbate with
and/or for other straight males?
Dr. Caron's response: Let me begin by
stating that just because something is not common
does not mean it is not normal. And although we
usually think of masturbation as a solo activity,
it can be shared with a sexual partner in person,
or via phone or internet. It also happens in
groups. Please keep in mind that finding good
research data on masturbation is difficult because
many people are not comfortable reporting honestly
about their masturbatory behavior. Having said
that, when looking for data on straight males
masturbating with other straight males, it does not
appear to be a very common practice - at least in
the published research arena. The little research
found on this would fall into the category of group
masturbation – also known as the "circle jerk"
- where groups of boys form a circle and see who
can masturbate the fastest or propel their
ejaculate the furthest. One recent paper on this
very topic was published by Cornog in the
Journal of Sex Education and Therapy. An
adult version of group masturbation occurs in
organized clubs, sometimes referred to as Jack-Off
or JO clubs. One example is the New York Jacks, a
male masturbation club started in the 1980s.
Although it is thought that this type of shared
masturbatory experience most likely occurs between
gay males, we know it also includes women and
heterosexuals. This is seen in the rise in clubs
now referred to as Jack and Jill Off or JJO clubs.
Getting back to your question - I think it is
important for the people participating to decide
what they are comfortable with - and if this feels
right for them - in terms of their own values and
beliefs. That's something to consider when deciding
whether to share this side of oneself with another
person.
Book on Masturbation
© 2008, Sandra L. Caron
Resources
Related Issues: Sexuality,
Gay/Bi/Trans,
Teen
Sex , Talking
With Kids About Tough Issues
Journals
- on Sexual Abuse and Trauma
Periodicals -Gay/Bi
Books Sexuality,
Gay/bi,
and Transgender.
* * *
Sex is much bigger than genitals. It's a matter
of sensory awareness, living in the physical world
and reacting to it in a sensory way. - Camille
Paglia
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