Menstuff® has compiled information, books and resources on the
issue of sexuality. You can get advice and seek support any time on
the message board Sex Matters® with Louanne Cole Weston, PhD,
And, for more on Sexual Health, check out the Sexual
Proper condom use can prevent the transmission of many STDs including HIV/AIDS
An Honest R&B Song
Women Like One-night
"Men aren't the only ones who want a quickie. ...
Two Night Stand
Jennie and Steve have never met. 18:23 - fun
Breathing for Better Sex
What's Secretly Sexy About Women?
6 Sex Hacks For Better Sex
Newsbytes - Short news
Talking With Kids About Tough Issues
Glossary of Sex Terms
To Those Who Teach the Children
Do Men And Women Have Sex For Different Reasons?
What You're Really Doing in Bed
12 Kinds of Sex Every Couple Should Have
The Most Erogenous Zones of the Body Will Surprise You
His Orgasm -- 10 Things He's Dying to Tell You
Opening the kimono: 14 sensual, seductive, and mysterious facts about Geishas
Are your ready for sex?
Women Like One-night Stands, Too!
Two Night Stand
Only Yes Means Yes
Global study dispels common myths about sex
Experts Define Premature Ejaculation
Oral Sex Safety
Oral Sex at the Synagogue
But Is It Legal
When the Thrill Is Gone
What its really like inside a sex club
Why Women Lose Interest in Sex -- and 10 Tips to Rekindle Desire
Better Sex - Good Food for Better Sex?
Vintage Ads: A History Lesson
Sex and Aging
What Makes a Woman Happy
Rx for Healing Low Desire: Six Homework Assignments
All About Semen
The XXX Files
365 Nights of Sex: Can It Strengthen a Marriage?
Fall TV Has Cups Running Over
Fire In The Hole!
The Sexless Marriage
Sexuality in Later Life
Women's Sexual Arousal Is All-Encompassing
New Emergency Contraception Works
Testing for Virginity
Don't have Sex in Mississippi
Teens & AIDS
The 10 Greatest Lovers in History
Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Own Sex Toys
The 14 Most Beautiful Vaginas On The Planet
Resources and the Facts of Life Line
Latest Sex News plus our own Newsbytes
Glossary of Sex Terms
Journals - on Sexual Abuse and Trauma
Seize Sexual Safety Hazards - Poem
Books and also related topics of Gay/bi, and Transgender.
Related Issues: Sexual Orientation, Homoseual, Bisexual, Transsexual, A Thousand Beautiful Vaginas
Free Sex & Relationship Newsletter
Is she normal? Lets take a look and see
Having Fun With Condoms
The History of the Condom
How Does He Taste?
A New Way To Masturbate
Is Swallowing Safe?
When You're Not In The Mood, And She Is
Why Men are Attracted to Breasts
Human eggs created from male embryos?
Doctors: Pedophile "Cured" After Surgery
Hundreds Of IVF Babies Celebrate
2 New Viagra Rivals Head For U.S. Market
Real Men, Real Depression
Eating Disorders in Men
To Those Who Teach the Children Shame
Shame on you -
with your acid tongues methodically etching
away at the tender capsule that
protects the guiltlessness of our
children from your disturbing thoughts.
Shame on you -
for deliberately pitting their delicate
shells so that your teachings of
humiliation will have a surface on
which to adhere.
Shame on you -
for disguising yourselves as teachers
when you have not yet confronted
your own truths and fears so often
laden with guilt and contradiction.
Shame on you -
for limiting a child's self-discovery.
Shame on you -
for causing the mothers to withdraw
their children from artists' view.
Shame on you -
for interrupting my vision.
Susan Copen Oken
This poem comes from a publication called Aperture: The
Body in Question. This issue was on sex and sexuality and
the powerful efforts that are underway to define and control
expressions of sex and sexuality and to reinstate the traditional
family and institutionalized religious practice as ideals. One can
recognize the support that such families and belief systems, at their
best, can provide, and still feel that to impose any particular way
of life as the American norm is to indulge a repressive impulse. What
we are in fact threatened with is a drive toward a rigid social
conformity, with the body as the pawn, or (as Barbara Kruger has
termed it under the Lenny icon) the "battleground" in struggles
between differing conceptions of public morality and individual
freedoms. This issue unabashedly seeks to explore these issues,
beginning with an examination of gender - the body created and
recreated - and then moving through photographs and texts that
consider, among other dynamics, the body abused, objectified,
discovered, aroused, desired, censored, mythologized, manipulated and
celebrated. The images are corporeal, about the strengths and
vulnerabilities of this most tangible manifestation of personal
experience, ourselves, whether the body in question is a child, a
person with AIDS, a victim of physical violence, or someone at the
point of orgasm. Conversely, many conservative political and
religious leaders, nervous that certain presentations of the body, of
difference, challenge their notion of public morality (Mayor
Guillani), seek to suppress these issues and have launched an attack
on the arts in the United States in such a way as to undermine the
First Amendment by attempting to have conditional (that is, limited)
freedom of expression. Artists' studios are being raided and work
confiscated, NEA grants are being revoked, a museum and its director
are being tried on obscenity charges, and more. In light of these
events, it is not surprising that some of the artists represented in
this publication, particularly those whose work focuses on children,
feel threatened. Initially, a few of them considered withdrawing
their pictures - pictures to which they are committed, and which they
, and the publication, believe to have integrity and merit. Although
the publication shared their concerns - having no desire to put the
magazine and its contributors at risk - we feared succumbing to them,
for what could be rationalized as an editing decision might really be
an instance of self-censorship, one of the most subtle and insidious
of the possible results of the ongoing assaults on literature and the
arts. Clearly, it is difficult to remain impervious to the
demoralizing effects of assaults by those who so aggressively and
manipulatively cast aspersions on others' convictions, motives, and
choices: working through issues of quality (and what constitutes an
"art" image), elitist attitudes, self-censorship, and even
exploitation became an impassioned process as the editors considered
the images for the issue. Some readers may think we have erred in our
selection. But without the free play of images and words in
magazines, book, exhibitions, and other public forums, it would be
impossible to address and debate the vitally important ideas involved
as fully and deeply as their seriousness demands. We hope that our
audience will take this issue to heart and mind at a moment when our
right to our bodies - to represent, use, protect, enjoy, and view
them - is increasingly questioned and menaced. Aperture Foundation,
20 East 23rd Street, New York, NY 10010 (4 issues/year, $36.)
Sex saturates newsstands. Not just men's magazines, but women's magazines, teenage girls magazines, and even some regular magazines like Golf, National Geographic, Natural Health, New Age, Town & Country, TV Guide, USA Weekend, and Discover to name a few. Take a journey through the following: (Display as wide as possible)
Legend: It's all about sex, everywhere we turn.
S = Women's magazines: Allure, Bazaar, Black Woman, Complete Woman, Cosmopolitan, Ebony, Elle, Essence, Frank, Glamour, Jane, Mademoiselle, Marie Claire, Mirbella, New Woman, Redbook.
E = Men's magazines: Arena, Attitude, Black Man, Deluxe, Details, Esquire, FHM, Front, Gear, Later, Loaded, Maxim, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, POV, Sports Illustrated, Sky.
X = Youth directed: American Baby, Cosmo Girl, Girl's Life, Jump, YM, Brides, Girls, Seventeen, Raising Teens.
! = Miscellaneous: Lara Croft, Sex Life, Vanity Fair, InStyle
Underline = General magazines: Golf, Cracked,
Entertainment, Heart & Soul, Life, Mode, More, MS, National
Geographic, Natural Health, Newage, Psychology Today, Rolling Stone,
Town & Country, TV Guide, USA Weekend, Woman's
Fitness, Vogue, Discover.
Teen Prom Magazines:
Teen Prom 2009 cover not only shows clevage but sells sexy hair and amazing makeup. 392 pages with lots of ads selling sex.
Your Prom, Spring 2009 cover promotes Your Hottest Prom Body in just
4 weeks, Sexy Hair and Makeup (how original) with a Bonus: Juicy
Prom Horoscope. 212 pages.
Only Yes Means Yes
But Is It Legal
Alabama: C: First conviction: min $100 fine
and/or sentence to prison or hard labor for max. 6 mos.
Second: min $300 fine and/or sentence to prison or hard labor
for 1 yr. Third: 2 yrs sentence.
Alaska: C: Max $500 fine and/or 1-2 yrs sentence.
Arizona C: Felony. Max 3 yrs sentence.
Arkansas C: Misdemeanor. First conviction: $20-$100 fine. Second: $100 and max. 1 yr sentence. Third: 1-3 yrs sentence.
Florida C: Misdemeanor Max 60 days. F: Same
Georgia: F: Misdemeanor.
Hawaii: F: $15-50 fine and/or 1-3 mos. sentence.
Idaho: C: Misdemeanor. Max $300 fine and/or max. 6 mos. sentence. F: Same
Illinois: C: Misdemeanor. Less than 1 yr sentence. F: Same
Indiana: C: Max. $500 fine and/or max. 6 mos. sentence. F: Same
Kansas: C: Misdemeanor. $500-$1000 fine and/or 1-3 mos. sentence.Massachusetts: C: Max. $300 fine or max. 3 yrs sentence. F: Max $30 fine or max. 3 mos. sentence.
Michigan: C: Misdemeanor. Max. $500 fine or max. 1 yr. sentence
Mississippi: C: Max. $500 fine and 6 mos. sentence. F: Same
Nebraska: Max. $100 fine and 6 mos. sentence.
New Jersey: F: Misdemeanor. Max $50 fine and/or 6 mos. sentence.
New Mexico: C: Warning by judge.
North Carolina: C: Misdemeanor. Max $500 fine and/or 6 mos. sentence. F: Same
Rhode Island: F: Max $10 fine.
South Carolina: C: $100-500 fine and/or 6 mos-1 yr. sentence. F: Same
Utah: F: Max. $299 fine or 6 mos. sentence. Makes you think you're not being punished as severely as in Idaho.)
Virginia: C: Misdemeanor. First conviction: $500 max. fine. Thereafter: $1,000 max. fine and/or 1 yr. sentence. F: Misdemeanor. Max $100 fine.
West Virginia: C: Misdemeanor. Min. $50 fine and/or min. 6 mos. sentence. F: Misdemeanor. Min. $20 fine.
Wisconsin: C: Max. $500 fine and/or max. 1 yr. sentence. F: Max. $200 fine and/or 6 mos. sentence.
Wyoming: C: Max. $100 fine and/or max. 3 mos. sentence.
Washington, DC: F: Max $300 fine and/or 6 mos. sentence.
I wonder if once convicted you are then termed a sex offender. This isn't a flippant question. Read on.
The fact that few people have been prosecuted under these laws
doesn't remove the possibility for some Assistant DA to try to
make a name for him/herself. While the laws still exists, there
exists the danger of them being applied. On, I believe, Oprah,
within the past year, there was a boy 18 and a girl 19. They had a
child out-of-wedlock, but the boy committed to raise the child and
both sets of parents were supporting the couple. However, the two had
conceived while both under 18 and the local DA was charging the boy,
and asking for a prison sentence. The girl, who as an adult at 18 was
having sex with the boy, then 17 (a minor), was not charged because
she needed to raise the child. But that's not the end to what can
happen. If convicted, the boy would be listed as a sex offender and
would never be able to visit his daughter without supervised
visitation. Tell me there isn't a strong connection between church
and state. And, these laws need to be eliminated before they end up
putting one of us or our children in prison for a personal
Are your ready for sex?
Deciding whether or not you are ready to become sexually involved
is an important decision, a choice we make for ourselves. It should
be a responsible one and it's yours alone. No one should force or
push you into it. Don't wait until the last minute to decide; there
are lots of things to consider. You decide!
Source: Dr. Caron, www.collegesextalk.com
The XXX Files
You'd expect men's magazine to play it up, but the magazines where almost every cover features a woman in a low cut and something with the word "sex" in it, are the women's magazines. From Harper's Bazaar for adult women "Fall's New Dress Code: 100% Sexy. Sharp suits." and similar messages to adolescent girls in the new ComsoGirl. Even Modern Maturity has two cover stories in their 9-10/99 issue - "Great Sex: What's age got to do with it?" And "Who's Sexy Now?" Check out what is going on in women's magazines as well as what the industry is tell our adolescent girls - CosmoGirl even has a young male centerfold for their teen audience with his underwear showing. And, one final note. It's nice to see, finally, that one of the national magazines (Gear below) has exposed women's magazines, something we have been doing for years. Celia Farber writes in the article's subhead "Men's magazines get accused of exploiting women. Have you see a women's magazine lately?" email@example.com See additional information and articles on this subject under Breasts.
Fall TV Has Cups Running Over
The pilot episode of every new ABC show, except "Snoops", deals with young people including a 15-year-old boy, having or seeking sex. And that's the Disney network. Fox is dead set on shocking the public into paying attention. Fox's "Action" is a scathingly funny satire of Hollywood. But it comes within a nano-bleep of introducing the F-word to the TV prime-time lexicon. Christmas carols ("Do you see what I see?") become audio sexual puns. The female lead is a prostitute. Eventually, the pilot episode's key plot device is the size of a studio mogul's penis. "Get Real", a domestic comedy-drama on Fox, begins its broadcast life with the "oh, God, oh God, oh God" wail of a woman in orgasm. "Malcolm in the Middle" starts with a housewife shaving her husband's hairy back while he stands nude at the breakfast table, perusing the morning paper. Later, she does the laundry and answers the doorbell topless. Of course, the camera blinks.
The first words in the pilot of a WB high school drama, "Popular", spoken by a teenage girl: "Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror and looked at yourself?" Later she imagines one of her teachers unbuttoning his shirt and unzipping his pants in front of her, and she wonders, "If he saw me naked, would he laugh?" Nah.
UPN has decided this year that it's the network for teenage boys. While UPN isn't especially frothed sexually, its programming centerpiece is "WWF Smackdown!", featuring the mock violence of pro wrestling.
NBC promised in January to pare gratuitous sexual content from the
network's prime-time shows, and the fall lineup suggests that they
are making good on their word. Then again, NBC's "Cold Feet" pilot
included a scene of one of the male leads serenading his girlfriend
in the buff, with a rose jammed between his buttocks. It made a
little sense in context. But, the most extravagant new series on NBC
is "The West Wing", a Wednesday drama about the inner workings of the
White House. Let's just say that it's not as sexy as what we've
learned about the real thing.
Sexuality in Later Life
Normal Physical Changes With Age
Women may notice changes in the shape and flexibility of the vagina. These changes may not cause a serious loss in the ability to enjoy sex. Most women will have a decrease in vaginal lubrication that affects sexual pleasure. A pharmacist can suggest over-the-counter vaginal lubricants.
Men often notice more distinct changes. It may take longer to get an erection or the erection may not be as firm or as large as in earlier years. The feeling that an ejaculation is about to happen may be shorter. The loss of erection after orgasm may be more rapid or it may take longer before an erection is again possible. Some men may find they need more manual stimulation.
As men get older, impotence seems to increase, especially in men with heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes. Impotence is the loss of ability to achieve and maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse. Talk to your doctor. For many men impotence can be managed and perhaps even reversed.
Effects of Illness or Disability
Although illness or disability can affect sexuality, even the most serious conditions should not stop you from having a satisfying sex life.
Heart disease. Many people who have had a heart attack are afraid that having sex will cause another attack. The risk of this is very low. Follow your doctor's advice. Most people can start having sex again 12 to 16 weeks after an attack.
Diabetes. Most men with diabetes do not have problems, but it is one of the few illnesses that can cause impotence. In most cases medical treatment can help.
Stroke. Sexual function is rarely damaged by a stroke and it is unlikely that sexual exertion will cause another stroke. Using different positions or medical devices can help make up for any weakness or paralysis.
Arthritis. Joint pain due to arthritis can limit sexual activity. Surgery and drugs may relieve this pain. In some cases drugs can decrease sexual desire. Exercise, rest, warm baths, and changing the position or timing of sexual activity can be helpful.
Most people worry about having any kind of surgery-it is especially troubling when the sex organs are involved. The good news is that most people do return to the kind of sex life they enjoyed before having surgery.
Hysterectomy is the surgical removal of the womb. Performed correctly, a hysterectomy does not hurt sexual functioning. If a hysterectomy seems to take away from your ability to enjoy sex, a counselor can be helpful. Men who feel their partners are less feminine after a hysterectomy can also be helped by counseling.
Mastectomy is the surgical removal of all or part of a woman's breast. Although her body is as capable of sexual response as ever, a woman may lose her sexual desire or her sense of being desired. Sometimes it is useful to talk with other women who have had a mastectomy. Programs like the American Cancer Society's (ACS) Reach to Recovery can be helpful for both women and men. Check your phone book for the local ACS listing.
Prostatectomy is the surgical removal of all or part of the prostate. Sometimes a prostatectomy needs to be done because of an enlarged prostate. This procedure rarely causes impotence. If a radical prostatectomy (removal of prostate gland) is needed, new surgical techniques can save the nerves going to the penis and an erection may still be possible. If your sexuality is important to you, talk to your doctor before surgery to make sure you will be able to lead a fully satisfying sex life.
Alcohol. Too much alcohol can reduce potency in men and delay orgasm in women.
Medicines. Antidepressants, tranquilizers, and certain high blood pressure drugs can cause impotence. Some drugs can make it difficult for men to ejaculate. Some drugs reduce a woman's sexual desire. Check with your doctor. She or he can often prescribe a drug without this side effect.
Masturbation. This sexual activity can help unmarried, widowed, or divorced people and those whose partners are ill or away.
AIDS. Anyone who is sexually active can be at risk for being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Having safe sex is important for people at every age. Talk with your doctor about ways to protect yourself from AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. You are never too old to be at risk.
Sexuality is often a delicate balance of emotional and physical issues. How we feel may affect what we are able to do. For example, men may fear impotence will become a more frequent problem as they age. But, if you are too worried about impotence, you can create enough stress to cause it. As a woman ages, she may become more anxious about her appearance. This emphasis on youthful physical beauty can interfere with a woman's ability to enjoy sex.
Older couples may have the same problems that affect people of any age. But they may also have the added concerns of age, retirement and other lifestyle changes, and illness. These problems can cause sexual difficulties. Talk openly with your doctor or see a therapist. These health professionals can often help.
For a list of publications from the National Institute on Aging (NIA) including an Age Page called AIDS, HIV, and Older Adults, contact:
NIA Information Center, P.O. Box 8057, Gaithersburg, MD
20898-8057, 800.222.2225, 800.222.4225 (TTY) www.aoa.gov/
What its really
like inside a sex club
If we were hardcore investigative journalists, wed go inside every famed local sex club and tell you what happens around every sweaty, who-moans-like-that corner. But were not. So we did the next best thing.
We found some fascinating firsthand accounts from people whove actually gone to sex clubs. Indulge your curiosity by clicking the NSFW links below. Its so worth it!
Heading out to a sex club near you? (There are many listed on
Yelp.) Make sure your birth control is super
effective and good for STI
Source: eMail from Bedsider
12 Kinds of Sex Every Couple Should Have
What types of sex might you and your partner be missing out on? Read on to learn what every couple should try.
If there's a three-day weekend associated with any holiday, you better believe that couples are getting busy between the sheets. Valentine's Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July and especially New Year's Eve see a spike in sexual activity and conception in the United States, according to biorhythm researchers. No wonder. Who doesn't want to start the New Year off right?
A passionate argument can lead to some just-as-passionate action between the sheets. Fighting causes dopamine and adrenaline levels to rise, making you and your partner excitable in more ways than one. Every couple faces occasional conflict, and sex after a disagreement can be a great way to get your relationship back on track. "When you're upset with each other, you need to be able to get over it and move on," says Fertel. "Sex changes the momentum after an argument."
The two of you may be tucked away in a private room, but the deed can still feel thrillingly public. And those crisp, clean sheets are just begging to be rumpled. Best of all, a vacation can be a great opportunity to re-connect with your partner sexually. "One of the benefits of a vacation should be to renew your sexual intimacy," Fertel says. If you usually plan every minute of a trip, make sure you schedule time for sex. For example, plan to stay at the hotel until mid-morning or to come right back to your room after dinner for a relaxing night together.
A sense of urgency can turn up the heat in a major way. Being aggressive can be fun and unexpected -- romance with a twist. After all, it's an element of mystery that defines romance. "It's when you don't quite know what to expect," Fertel says. So if you're in the mood, ripping each other's clothes off and skimping on foreplay could be an exciting change of pace.
Like meatloaf and mashed potatoes, sometimes you just need something that's simple, familiar and satisfying. It's one way to provide love and support when you or your partner has had a rough day or is feeling down. This is when it might be time to use your favorite stand-by position, one that you and your partner always enjoy. "When it comes to the climax, sometimes it needs to be in a certain way, and that's OK," says Fertel.
If you're at a boring party or family gathering, add a little spice to the evening by sneaking away to the spare bedroom. The possibility of getting caught adds a new level of excitement to your sex life and can even give you a reason to look forward to spending the holidays with the in-laws.
Everyone has sexual fantasies, and as long as both you and your partner feel comfortable acting them out, there's no reason you shouldn't try them. "We should be pursuing each other's fantasies, assuming they're appropriate," says Fertel. For example, if your partner has always dreamed of doing the deed on a boat, why not rent one and spend a romantic night at sea? All aboard!
If you're pressed for time, don't write off sex just yet -- this is when "the quickie" comes in handy. Just make sure it's something both parties want; an unfulfilling experience for either one of you can foster resentment and, over time, weaken the relationship. When someone says yes to sex when she really means no, "she's not doing him a favor; she's making a mistake," Fertel says. "It will turn her off to him sexually long-term."
Romantic, Sensual Sex
Taking the time to savor sex without rushing through it can be luxurious and fulfilling on many levels. Connecting with your partner by taking it slow means you get to enjoy every moment of being together and lets you take advantage of the emotional connection that makes sex better. Whether it takes candles, music or some bubbly, building the mood can provide a major boost between the sheets.
Switching up your lovemaking location can be a great way to inject some spontaneity into a relationship, which in turn can make your partner feel even more desirable. "Spontaneity is beautiful. It's fun and exciting," says Fertel. "Too often people get into a routine where they have sex at the same time, at the same place." If you and your partner are doing the laundry together, for example, pulling him or her close for a quick rendezvous can be surprising and refreshing. It's good, clean fun -- no detergent required!
You tell your kids to go play outside -- now it's time to practice what you preach! Bringing your sexual escapades outside can be fun and invigorating. If you're camping in a tent or live on a large piece of property, those can be great opportunities to try something new. But to avoid legal problems, it's best to keep your shenanigans private. "The caution is to make sure you're somewhere where you could not be in the public eye," Fertel says. So venture outside to learn more about the birds and the bees.
Position of the Week Sex
Trying out a new position offers the chance to learn more about what brings your partner pleasure. Some positions work better than others for helping a woman orgasm, and experimenting with new ones can give you a better feel for what works -- and what doesn't. Mixing it up keeps sex fresh and prevents it from becoming routine, Fertel says. That makes it more likely you and your partner will keep doing it -- literally.
Come rain, snow, sleet or hail, when the weather gets frightful
this winter there's no better excuse to spend an entire day in bed.
Think of it as Bedroom Olympics. Work together for a common goal,
like breaking your record for how many times you can do the
horizontal tango in a row. When your sexual energy is finally tapped
out, you'll both be exhausted and satisfied.
Do Men And Women
Have Sex For Different Reasons?
You always hear that women are more likely to have sex for love, men for physical gratification. And we did see some of that, said Meston. For example, men were more likely to engage in opportunistic sex and women in sympathy sex. But across that age range, we found many more gender similarities than differences. The top three reasons for having sex were the same in both gendersthey were having it for love, for commitment, and for physical gratification.
You heard it here. Sure, gender differences are seen in a variety of studies. Many of them support the ideas we have about the ways men and women view sex. But there are a lot of similarities there too. Subjective reports of arousal, our reasons for having sex, show a lot of overlap between the genders.
Some of these differences may be explained simply by differences are aroused. That is a pretty hard thing to ignore. It is a strong, apparent signal grabbing his attention, probably distracting him from other things that he may need to get done. With women, the sexual response is tucked away, and the vagina does not hold as much blood as the penis. It may not be as strong a signal. So in this case, it may be what is going on in the rest of the world that is the distraction, not the arousal itself. Those anatomical differences might explain a lot of the gender differences you hear about.
Love remains the same
What about love itself? Is what I experience when I feel love qualitatively different from what a man experiences? If I consider Semir Zeki [Professor of Neuroesthetics at University College, London]s hypothesis that literature and art across the ages show a common substrate for love in the mind, I might suggest that descriptions of sex by male and female authors and artists are sometimes different. But descriptions of love by writers of both genders? They arent all that dissimilar.
Although previous neuroimaging studies of romantic love by Zeki and Fisher included members of both sexes, a precise comparison of brain activation between the two was not undertaken. Zeki and his collaborator John Paul Romaya decided to take a closer look to determine whether there were gender differences in the way men and women experience love.
They compared cerebral blood flow in twenty-four people in committed relationships who claimed to be passionately in love (and scored high enough on a passionate love questionnaire to back that claim). Twelve of those participants were men, and six of those men were gay. The remaining group of twelve women was also made up equally of gay and straight women. The study paradigm was identical to Zekis initial romantic love study: each participants brain was scanned as he or she passively viewed photos of his or her partner and a familiar acquaintance matched in gender and age to their true love.
Zeki and Romaya found similar patterns of brain activation and deactivation across all participants, replicating the findings from Zekis original romantic love study. Once again measurements of cerebral blood flow support the idea that love is both rewarding and blind. But there were no significant differences between activation patterns in men and women. Considering the sexual dimorphism seen in many parts of the brain, its an intriguing result. It appears that love is love, no matter what gender you are.
When I asked Zeki if he was surprised by the finding, he chuckled. To be honest, I was entirely agnostic, he said. I cannot say I was surprised by the results. But I think this is one of these studies where people would have said, Im not surprised, even if the results had gone the other way.
So are Men and Women Different or not?
It is easy to fall back on old stereotypes, to simply say that men and women are poles apart. And perhaps those differences are enough to fuel those storms you commonly see in relationships. It would almost be easier if we could say that male and female brains are just too dissimilar, that they perceive and process love and sexual stimuli separately; it would give us something to hold on to when no other explanation for our love-related woes seems available. Alas, it is not quite so simple.
When we talk about sex differences in the brain, people want to go all Mars, Venus on you. They want to take these results and try to spread males and females way apart on function and ability, said Cahill [Professor, Neurobiology and Behavior, School of Biological Sciences at UC Irvine]. It is not like that. When you are talking about sex influences on brain function, you may have two bell curves that are significantly different from one another in certain instances. But those bell curves are still overlapping.
Goldstein [Jill Goldstein, Ph.D., director of The Clinical Neuroscience Laboratory of Sex Differences in the Brain] concurred. There is more variability within a given sex than between sexes in cognitive behavior and the brain. That is important. In fact, I always say it twice so that people really understand that, she said. There is more variability observed between women than between women and men in both the size of different brain regions as well as the function.
Meston saw the same kinds of overlapping bell curves in her research.
Every person brings their own individual history to any sexual situation, she said. The reasons why they are having sex, the way they feel about the sex, and the consequences of having sex are all very different across individuals no matter what gender they happen to be.
Thats something to consider the next time you want to chalk
up your partners quirks and shortcomings to his or her gender
Erogenous Zones of the Body Will Surprise You
The Guardian reports on the work of researchers in South Africa and the United Kingdom, who published an article in the journal Cortex. They surveyed 800 men and women, asking them to rate 41 different body parts for their erogenous capabilities.
The sexiest body parts were a no-brainer: genitalia, lips, ears, and inner thighs. Surprisingly, shoulder blades ranked as one of the more pleasurable spots for both men and women.
But the real interest came in the lowest-ranked body parts. Knee caps and feet both received a zero ranking on the sexy scale. Now, as most of us are initiating a face-palm and saying "Well, duh!" as we think about knobbly knees and fragrant feet, consider this: For many years, scientists have thought that feet were one of the most erogenous zones of the body. It's believed that the area of the brain that handles nerve impulses from the feet is right next door to the processing center for genitalia sensations. So our feet ought to be just one exit down on the Highway to Heaven, at least in terms of brain signals.
Not so, the survey found. Feet were a sexual flop for most of the survey respondents. Study authors note that while foot fetishes (such as shoe obsession, foot massaging, etc.) may be common, there appears to be a big difference between a fetish and an erogenous zone.
Another startling find was that men and women are very similar in their ranking of erotic body parts. Oh, there were a few differences (men often found hands and the back of the legs very erotic, while women ranked them lower), but overall the scientists were surprised to find "remarkable levels of correlation" between the sexes. This goes against the traditional belief that women are loaded with erogenous zones and men only have one obvious hot spot.
Study authors were also amazed to discover that the erotic rankings held steady no matter what a person's age, socioeconomic status, cultural background, or sexual orientation. Human beings all seem to share common erogenous zones, the scientists conclude. This suggests that in most cases, our sexual proclivities are hard-wired, not based on ethnicity or experience.
So, next time you're looking for a little nookie, you might want
to skip the toe-nibbling and opt instead for some shoulder
blade-action. And you can thank science for this admirable quest to
quantify sexiness. Not only does research tell you which spots to
twiddle, but also the optimal speed at which to stroke human skin for
maximum pleasure. It's 5 cm per second, by the way, just in case
you're hoping to do a little experimentation of your own.
Is she normal? Lets take a look and
see (for and about women)
Smelling. Sweat glands. Secretions. Bacteria. Men and women have a lot of stuff going on down there and its normal to exude a variety of mild musky scents . You should see a healthcare professional if your scent becomes yeasty, fishy, or noticeably different from your usual.
Bleeding/not bleeding. A normal period lasts about five days, but birth control may alter your cycle or keep you from bleeding altogetherso look up your method to see how it typically affects menstruation. See a healthcare professional if you have really heavy bleeding or any of these period irregularities .
Making sounds. A little trapped air in your snooch can create quite the queef . Totally normal. Condoms and certain sex positions are common causes, but really it can happen during sex, after sex, or even in pilates class . Please, try not to be embarrassed .
Squirting. Theres female ejaculation and then theres squirting. (Read more about the differences .) Some women can do one or both. Some cant do either. Dry orgasms and wet ones are normal, so whether you gush or not, youre normal.
Changing. Things like childbirth and aging can change the muscle tone, strength, and look of your vulva. As long as it is functioning, healthy, and sexually satisfying, please consider it normal.
You know what else is normal? Trying different kinds of birth control until you find one that works best with your body. So dont give up.
After reading this, we hope you relax knowing that youre more normal than you think. Youre also pretty spectacular. And so is your lovely vagina, no matter what it looks like.
(BTW, that last link will show you hundreds of vaginasall of
them uniqueand all of them NSFW.)
Opening the kimono: 14 sensual, seductive,
and mysterious facts about Geishas
1.Geishas were not prostitutes. They were talented entertainers in song, music, storytelling, and dance.
2.Yes they were paid companions for wealthy men, but much of their massive allure was insightful conversation. Geishas were well educated so that powerful men could enjoy talking with them.
3.But it wasnt all talk. The mizuage was a coming-of-age ceremony celebrated when a geisha-in-training was ready to become a full-on geisha. It often involved selling her virginity to the highest bidder.
4.A danna is a man who fully supports a geisha by paying for all of her wants and needs. Basically, he pays to keep the geisha in a long-term arrangement and all to himself. (Sex is okay with a danna.)
5.The perfect hair and makeup. The elaborate and beautiful kimono. The artful, coy, mysterious personae. All cultivated to create desire and the illusion of female perfection.
6.Training to be a geisha takes almost as long as it takes to become a doctor.
7.A kaburenjo is a school dedicated to training geisha. In addition to musical arts, dance, tea ceremony, flower arrangement, languages, and calligraphy, geishas are also taught to be graceful and things like how to flatter a shy man, an arrogant man, and a disinterested man with equal success.
8.Geisha districts are called hanamachi or flower towns and the most popular ones are located in Tokyo and Kyoto.
9.A geishas kimono exposes her neckline. In Japan, they consider it the most sensual part of a woman.
10.A geisha exposing her bare wrist while serving tea was also believed to be very erotic and a sign of seduction.
11.A geishas hairstyle, makeup, and kimono change to reflect different levels of her career. When prostitution was legal in Japan, people were able to tell the difference between geishas and prostitutes based on how they dressed up.
12.What about birth control? We read an account of geishas using bamboo paper (um?) and another of modern geishas using condoms. FYI: Japan didnt allow the pill to be used as contraception until 1999.
13.The first geishas were actually men. They were called honko and they juggled, sang, joked around, and danced for clients in bars, restaurants, and tearooms.
14. Today there are about 1,000 registered geishas, but back in the 1920s there were 80,000.
Interested in the sex and relationship secrets of an American geisha? You could read this not-so-politically-correct book and find out. And if that leads to sex for you, dont forget the birth control.
New Emergency Contraception Works
In Denmark, Finland, Germany, Great Britain, New Zealand, Sweden, Switzerland, and some Eastern European countries, emergency contraceptive pills are specifically packaged in the proper dosages with instructions for clinicians and patients, which make them easier to prescribe and use. No large pharmaceutical company markets or advertises this product in the United States. However, a small company, Gynetics Inc. of Somerville, NJ, brought this new emergency contraception drug to the market in the United States. Research has shown that a levonorgestrel-only pill is more effective and provides fewer side effects than the ethinyl estradiol and levonorgestrel combination that is currently available for sale as part of Gynetics' Preven emergency contraception kit.
The Preven Emergency Contraceptive Kit is the first FDA-approved product available in the U.S. It is 99% effective in preventing pregnancy after a known or suspected contraceptive failure, or after sex without birth control when treatment is started as soon as possible within 72 hours. The pills work to prevent pregnancy in the same way as regular birth control pills. Available only by prescription from your healthcare professional, it is available in many pharmacies and family planning clinics such as Planned Parenthood (except Wal-mart).
For more information call 1.888.PREVEN2 or www.preven.com Also check www.medical-exports.com/homepage.html or www.plannedparenthood.org or 1.888.NOT.2.LATE or firstname.lastname@example.org
Testing for Virginity
These experts say there's a need to label this disorder as a unique mental health condition because some people have "recurrent, 'out of control' sexual behaviors that are not inherently socially deviant." Deviant behaviors, such as pedophilia and fetishism, are already included in the DSM.
Stern said "most people would endorse that some people have symptoms that are considered 'hypersexual,'" but added that research is ongoing to determine whether the behavior rises to the level of a disorder.
Other symptoms of hypersexual disorder include spending excessive
time on sexual fantasies or behavior, and experiencing excessive
sexual behavior or thoughts in response to stressful life events.
Further, for a person who has the condition, attempts to control the
behavior are unsuccessful, and he or she usually engages in this
behavior despite potential harm to themselves or others, the DSM
Don't Have Sex in Mississippi
Teens & AIDS
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Remember, however, that you can never have great sex with an
Sexual Fluidity: Q&A with Lisa
Editor's Note: Even though the following article and interview with Lisa Diamond is primarily about women, I believe that men are not far off from sexual fluidity.
In 1995, Lisa Diamond traversed New York State in a beat-up car, visiting softball games, picnics, and gay-pride parades. She was hunting for young women who had experienced same-sex attraction (even if it was fleeting).
Diamond wanted to find out how such women understand - and label - their own desires.
In this country, we tell a certain story about homosexuality: We believe that people who come out as gay almost always stick with that gay identity for the rest of their lives. Diamond's research reveals that - at least for some females - that story might be wrong.
She followed dozens of women for 10 years, as they graduated from college, worked their first jobs, fell in love, changed their minds, and tumbled into the arms of new partners. Most women's behavior had little to do with the "gay for life" story. Some switched their sexual identity many times. In fact, when asked to define themselves as "gay," "straight" or "bisexual," a number of women refused to take any label at all. Others invented their own labels; for instance, one interviewee called herself a "reluctant heterosexual."
About one-fourth of the women reported that their choice of sexual partners had nothing to do with gender. "Deep down," said one woman, "it's just a matter of who I meet and fall in love with, and it's not their body, it's something behind the eyes." These women often had no words for the way their hearts were wired.
As soon as Diamond began publishing in academic journals, she discovered just how controversial - and easy to distort - her findings might be. Christian-right groups have trumpeted her data as proof that homosexuality is optional. Her research has become fodder for therapists who claim to be able to "cure" gay men by turning them straight. In a forthcoming book, "Sexual Fluidity," the University of Utah professor talks back to all those who have misrepresented her data. Sexual attraction may be quirky and mercurial, she says, but it is certainly not under our control.
To read the questions and answers go to Straightguise.com
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The raging fire which urged us on was scorching us: it would have burned us had we tried to restrain it. - Casanova