Menstuff® has compiled information, books and resources on the
issue of sexuality. You can get advice and seek support any time on
the message board Sex Matters® with Louanne Cole Weston, PhD,
boards.webmd.com/topic.asp?topic_id=1078
And, for more on Sexual Health, check out the Sexual
Health Library
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Newsbytes - Short news
items
Talking With Kids About Tough
Issues
Glossary of Sex
Terms
To Those Who Teach the Children
Shame
What You're Really Doing in
Bed
His Orgasm -- 10 Things
He's Dying to Tell You
SEX!
Are your ready for sex?
Sexual Fluidity
Only Yes Means Yes
Global study dispels common
myths about sex
Sex,
Mythinterpreted
Oral Sex
Oral Sex Safety
Oral Sex at the
Synagogue
But Is It Legal
Carnal
Crackdowns
What Makes a Woman
Happy
Rx for Healing Low Desire: Six
Homework Assignments
All About Semen
The XXX Files
Sexual Complaints
Fall TV Has Cups Running
Over
Breasts
Body
Perks
Fire In The
Hole!
The
Sexless Marriage
Sexuality in Later Life
Women's Sexual Arousal Is
All-Encompassing
New Emergency Contraception
Works
Testing for Virginity
Multiple Orgasm
Don't have Sex in
Mississippi
Teens & AIDS
Homosexuality
Good Sex
The 10 Greatest Lovers in
History
Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Own Sex
Toys
Penis Envy
Vulva Envy
Sexual
Dysfunction
Resources
and the Facts of Life
Line
Latest
Sex News
plus our own Newsbytes
Glossary of Sex
Terms
Journals
- on Sexual Abuse and Trauma
Periodicals -Gay/Bi
Books
and also related topics of Gay/bi,
and Transgender.
Related Issues: Sexual
Orientation, Homoseual,
Bisexual, Transsexual
Shame on you -
with your acid tongues methodically etching
away at the tender capsule that
protects the guiltlessness of our
children from your disturbing thoughts.
Shame on you -
for deliberately pitting their delicate
shells so that your teachings of
humiliation will have a surface on
which to adhere.
Shame on you -
for disguising yourselves as teachers
when you have not yet confronted
your own truths and fears so often
laden with guilt and contradiction.
Shame on you -
for limiting a child's self-discovery.
Shame on you -
for causing the mothers to withdraw
their children from artists' view.
Shame on you -
for interrupting my vision.
Susan Copen Oken
This poem comes from a publication called Aperture: The
Body in Question. This issue was on sex and sexuality and
the powerful efforts that are underway to define and control
expressions of sex and sexuality and to reinstate the traditional
family and institutionalized religious practice as ideals. One can
recognize the support that such families and belief systems, at their
best, can provide, and still feel that to impose any particular way
of life as the American norm is to indulge a repressive impulse. What
we are in fact threatened with is a drive toward a rigid social
conformity, with the body as the pawn, or (as Barbara Kruger has
termed it under the Lenny icon) the "battleground" in struggles
between differing conceptions of public morality and individual
freedoms. This issue unabashedly seeks to explore these issues,
beginning with an examination of gender - the body created and
recreated - and then moving through photographs and texts that
consider, among other dynamics, the body abused, objectified,
discovered, aroused, desired, censored, mythologized, manipulated and
celebrated. The images are corporeal, about the strengths and
vulnerabilities of this most tangible manifestation of personal
experience, ourselves, whether the body in question is a child, a
person with AIDS, a victim of physical violence, or someone at the
point of orgasm. Conversely, many conservative political and
religious leaders, nervous that certain presentations of the body, of
difference, challenge their notion of public morality (Mayor
Guillani), seek to suppress these issues and have launched an attack
on the arts in the United States in such a way as to undermine the
First Amendment by attempting to have conditional (that is, limited)
freedom of expression. Artists' studios are being raided and work
confiscated, NEA grants are being revoked, a museum and its director
are being tried on obscenity charges, and more. In light of these
events, it is not surprising that some of the artists represented in
this publication, particularly those whose work focuses on children,
feel threatened. Initially, a few of them considered withdrawing
their pictures - pictures to which they are committed, and which they
, and the publication, believe to have integrity and merit. Although
the publication shared their concerns - having no desire to put the
magazine and its contributors at risk - we feared succumbing to them,
for what could be rationalized as an editing decision might really be
an instance of self-censorship, one of the most subtle and insidious
of the possible results of the ongoing assaults on literature and the
arts. Clearly, it is difficult to remain impervious to the
demoralizing effects of assaults by those who so aggressively and
manipulatively cast aspersions on others' convictions, motives, and
choices: working through issues of quality (and what constitutes an
"art" image), elitist attitudes, self-censorship, and even
exploitation became an impassioned process as the editors considered
the images for the issue. Some readers may think we have erred in our
selection. But without the free play of images and words in
magazines, book, exhibitions, and other public forums, it would be
impossible to address and debate the vitally important ideas involved
as fully and deeply as their seriousness demands. We hope that our
audience will take this issue to heart and mind at a moment when our
right to our bodies - to represent, use, protect, enjoy, and view
them - is increasingly questioned and menaced. Aperture Foundation,
20 East 23rd Street, New York, NY 10010 (4 issues/year, $36.)
Fall, 1990
Sex saturates newsstands. Not just men's magazines, but women's magazines, teenage girls magazines, and even some regular magazines like Golf, National Geographic, Natural Health, New Age, Town & Country, TV Guide, USA Weekend, and Discover to name a few. Take a journey through the following: (Display as wide as possible)
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Legend: It's all about sex, everywhere we turn.
S = Women's magazines: Allure, Bazaar, Black Woman, Complete Woman, Cosmopolitan, Ebony, Elle, Essence, Frank, Glamour, Jane, Mademoiselle, Marie Claire, Mirbella, New Woman, Redbook.
E = Men's magazines: Arena, Attitude, Black Man, Deluxe, Details, Esquire, FHM, Front, Gear, Later, Loaded, Maxim, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, POV, Sports Illustrated, Sky.
X = Youth directed: American Baby, Cosmo Girl, Girl's Life, Jump, YM, Brides, Girls, Seventeen, Raising Teens.
! = Miscellaneous: Lara Croft, Sex Life, Vanity Fair, InStyle.
Underline = General magazines: Golf, Cracked,
Entertainment, Heart & Soul, Life, Mode, More, MS, National
Geographic, Natural Health, Newage, Psychology Today, Rolling Stone,
Town & Country, TV Guide, USA Weekend, Woman's
Fitness, Vogue, Discover.
Alabama: C: First conviction: min $100 fine
and/or sentence to prison or hard labor for max. 6 mos.
Second: min $300 fine and/or sentence to prison or hard labor
for 1 yr. Third: 2 yrs sentence.
Alaska: C: Max $500 fine and/or 1-2 yrs sentence.
Arizona C: Felony. Max 3 yrs sentence.
Arkansas C: Misdemeanor. First conviction: $20-$100 fine.
Second: $100 and max. 1 yr sentence. Third: 1-3 yrs
sentence.
Florida C: Misdemeanor Max 60 days. F: Same
Georgia: F: Misdemeanor.
Hawaii: F: $15-50 fine and/or 1-3 mos. sentence.
Idaho: C: Misdemeanor. Max $300 fine and/or max. 6
mos. sentence. F: Same
Illinois: C: Misdemeanor. Less than 1 yr sentence.
F: Same
Indiana: C: Max. $500 fine and/or max. 6 mos.
sentence. F: Same
Kansas: C: Misdemeanor. $500-$1000 fine and/or 1-3
mos. sentence.Massachusetts: C: Max. $300 fine or
max. 3 yrs sentence. F: Max $30 fine or max. 3 mos.
sentence.
Michigan: C: Misdemeanor. Max. $500 fine or max. 1
yr. sentence
Mississippi: C: Max. $500
fine and 6 mos. sentence. F: Same
Nebraska: Max. $100 fine and 6 mos. sentence.
New Jersey: F: Misdemeanor. Max $50 fine and/or 6
mos. sentence.
New Mexico: C: Warning by judge.
North Carolina: C: Misdemeanor. Max $500 fine and/or 6
mos. sentence. F: Same
Rhode Island: F: Max $10 fine.
South Carolina: C: $100-500 fine and/or 6 mos-1 yr.
sentence. F: Same
Utah: F: Max. $299 fine or 6 mos. sentence.
Makes you think you're not being punished as severely as in
Idaho.)
Virginia: C: Misdemeanor. First
conviction: $500 max. fine. Thereafter: $1,000 max. fine
and/or 1 yr. sentence. F: Misdemeanor. Max $100 fine.
West Virginia: C: Misdemeanor. Min. $50 fine and/or
min. 6 mos. sentence. F: Misdemeanor. Min. $20 fine.
Wisconsin: C: Max. $500 fine and/or max. 1 yr.
sentence. F: Max. $200 fine and/or 6 mos. sentence.
Wyoming: C: Max. $100 fine and/or max. 3 mos.
sentence.
Washington, DC: F: Max $300 fine and/or 6 mos.
sentence.
I wonder if once convicted you are then termed a sex offender. This isn't a flippant question. Read on.
The fact that few people have been prosecuted under these laws
doesn't remove the possibility for some Assistant DA to try to
make a name for him/herself. While the laws still exists, there
exists the danger of them being applied. On, I believe, Oprah,
within the past year, there was a boy 18 and a girl 19. They had a
child out-of-wedlock, but the boy committed to raise the child and
both sets of parents were supporting the couple. However, the two had
conceived while both under 18 and the local DA was charging the boy,
and asking for a prison sentence. The girl, who as an adult at 18 was
having sex with the boy, then 17 (a minor), was not charged because
she needed to raise the child. But that's not the end to what can
happen. If convicted, the boy would be listed as a sex offender and
would never be able to visit his daughter without supervised
visitation. Tell me there isn't a strong connection between church
and state. And, these laws need to be eliminated before they end up
putting one of us or our children in prison for a personal
choice.
Deciding whether or not you are ready to become sexually involved
is an important decision, a choice we make for ourselves. It should
be a responsible one and it's yours alone. No one should force or
push you into it. Don't wait until the last minute to decide; there
are lots of things to consider. You decide!
Source: Dr. Caron, www.collegesextalk.com
You'd expect men's magazine to play it up, but the magazines where almost every cover features a woman in a low cut and something with the word "sex" in it, are the women's magazines. From Harper's Bazaar for adult women "Fall's New Dress Code: 100% Sexy. Sharp suits." and similar messages to adolescent girls in the new ComsoGirl. Even Modern Maturity has two cover stories in their 9-10/99 issue - "Great Sex: What's age got to do with it?" And "Who's Sexy Now?" Check out what is going on in women's magazines as well as what the industry is tell our adolescent girls - CosmoGirl even has a young male centerfold for their teen audience with his underwear showing. And, one final note. It's nice to see, finally, that one of the national magazines (Gear below) has exposed women's magazines, something we have been doing for years. Celia Farber writes in the article's subhead "Men's magazines get accused of exploiting women. Have you see a women's magazine lately?" gearmag@earthlink.net See additional information and articles on this subject under Breasts.
The pilot episode of every new ABC show, except "Snoops", deals with young people including a 15-year-old boy, having or seeking sex. And that's the Disney network. Fox is dead set on shocking the public into paying attention. Fox's "Action" is a scathingly funny satire of Hollywood. But it comes within a nano-bleep of introducing the F-word to the TV prime-time lexicon. Christmas carols ("Do you see what I see?") become audio sexual puns. The female lead is a prostitute. Eventually, the pilot episode's key plot device is the size of a studio mogul's penis. "Get Real", a domestic comedy-drama on Fox, begins its broadcast life with the "oh, God, oh God, oh God" wail of a woman in orgasm. "Malcolm in the Middle" starts with a housewife shaving her husband's hairy back while he stands nude at the breakfast table, perusing the morning paper. Later, she does the laundry and answers the doorbell topless. Of course, the camera blinks.
The first words in the pilot of a WB high school drama, "Popular", spoken by a teenage girl: "Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror and looked at yourself?" Later she imagines one of her teachers unbuttoning his shirt and unzipping his pants in front of her, and she wonders, "If he saw me naked, would he laugh?" Nah.
UPN has decided this year that it's the network for teenage boys. While UPN isn't especially frothed sexually, its programming centerpiece is "WWF Smackdown!", featuring the mock violence of pro wrestling.
NBC promised in January to pare gratuitous sexual content from the
network's prime-time shows, and the fall lineup suggests that they
are making good on their word. Then again, NBC's "Cold Feet" pilot
included a scene of one of the male leads serenading his girlfriend
in the buff, with a rose jammed between his buttocks. It made a
little sense in context. But, the most extravagant new series on NBC
is "The West Wing", a Wednesday drama about the inner workings of the
White House. Let's just say that it's not as sexy as what we've
learned about the real thing.
Normal Physical Changes With Age
Women may notice changes in the shape and flexibility of the vagina. These changes may not cause a serious loss in the ability to enjoy sex. Most women will have a decrease in vaginal lubrication that affects sexual pleasure. A pharmacist can suggest over-the-counter vaginal lubricants.
Men often notice more distinct changes. It may take longer to get an erection or the erection may not be as firm or as large as in earlier years. The feeling that an ejaculation is about to happen may be shorter. The loss of erection after orgasm may be more rapid or it may take longer before an erection is again possible. Some men may find they need more manual stimulation.
As men get older, impotence seems to increase, especially in men with heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes. Impotence is the loss of ability to achieve and maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse. Talk to your doctor. For many men impotence can be managed and perhaps even reversed.
Effects of Illness or Disability
Although illness or disability can affect sexuality, even the most serious conditions should not stop you from having a satisfying sex life.
Heart disease. Many people who have had a heart attack are afraid that having sex will cause another attack. The risk of this is very low. Follow your doctor's advice. Most people can start having sex again 12 to 16 weeks after an attack.
Diabetes. Most men with diabetes do not have problems, but it is one of the few illnesses that can cause impotence. In most cases medical treatment can help.
Stroke. Sexual function is rarely damaged by a stroke and it is unlikely that sexual exertion will cause another stroke. Using different positions or medical devices can help make up for any weakness or paralysis.
Arthritis. Joint pain due to arthritis can limit sexual activity. Surgery and drugs may relieve this pain. In some cases drugs can decrease sexual desire. Exercise, rest, warm baths, and changing the position or timing of sexual activity can be helpful.
Surgery
Most people worry about having any kind of surgery-it is especially troubling when the sex organs are involved. The good news is that most people do return to the kind of sex life they enjoyed before having surgery.
Hysterectomy is the surgical removal of the womb. Performed correctly, a hysterectomy does not hurt sexual functioning. If a hysterectomy seems to take away from your ability to enjoy sex, a counselor can be helpful. Men who feel their partners are less feminine after a hysterectomy can also be helped by counseling.
Mastectomy is the surgical removal of all or part of a woman's breast. Although her body is as capable of sexual response as ever, a woman may lose her sexual desire or her sense of being desired. Sometimes it is useful to talk with other women who have had a mastectomy. Programs like the American Cancer Society's (ACS) Reach to Recovery can be helpful for both women and men. Check your phone book for the local ACS listing.
Prostatectomy is the surgical removal of all or part of the prostate. Sometimes a prostatectomy needs to be done because of an enlarged prostate. This procedure rarely causes impotence. If a radical prostatectomy (removal of prostate gland) is needed, new surgical techniques can save the nerves going to the penis and an erection may still be possible. If your sexuality is important to you, talk to your doctor before surgery to make sure you will be able to lead a fully satisfying sex life.
Other issues
Alcohol. Too much alcohol can reduce potency in men and delay orgasm in women.
Medicines. Antidepressants, tranquilizers, and certain high blood pressure drugs can cause impotence. Some drugs can make it difficult for men to ejaculate. Some drugs reduce a woman's sexual desire. Check with your doctor. She or he can often prescribe a drug without this side effect.
Masturbation. This sexual activity can help unmarried, widowed, or divorced people and those whose partners are ill or away.
AIDS. Anyone who is sexually active can be at risk for being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Having safe sex is important for people at every age. Talk with your doctor about ways to protect yourself from AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. You are never too old to be at risk.
Emotional Concerns
Sexuality is often a delicate balance of emotional and physical issues. How we feel may affect what we are able to do. For example, men may fear impotence will become a more frequent problem as they age. But, if you are too worried about impotence, you can create enough stress to cause it. As a woman ages, she may become more anxious about her appearance. This emphasis on youthful physical beauty can interfere with a woman's ability to enjoy sex.
Older couples may have the same problems that affect people of any age. But they may also have the added concerns of age, retirement and other lifestyle changes, and illness. These problems can cause sexual difficulties. Talk openly with your doctor or see a therapist. These health professionals can often help.
More Information
For a list of publications from the National Institute on Aging (NIA) including an Age Page called AIDS, HIV, and Older Adults, contact:
NIA Information Center, P.O. Box 8057, Gaithersburg, MD
20898-8057, 800.222.2225, 800.222.4225 (TTY) www.aoa.gov/
New Emergency Contraception Works
In Denmark, Finland, Germany, Great Britain, New Zealand, Sweden, Switzerland, and some Eastern European countries, emergency contraceptive pills are specifically packaged in the proper dosages with instructions for clinicians and patients, which make them easier to prescribe and use. No large pharmaceutical company markets or advertises this product in the United States. However, a small company, Gynetics Inc. of Somerville, NJ, brought this new emergency contraception drug to the market in the United States. Research has shown that a levonorgestrel-only pill is more effective and provides fewer side effects than the ethinyl estradiol and levonorgestrel combination that is currently available for sale as part of Gynetics' Preven emergency contraception kit.
The Preven Emergency Contraceptive Kit is the first FDA-approved product available in the U.S. It is 99% effective in preventing pregnancy after a known or suspected contraceptive failure, or after sex without birth control when treatment is started as soon as possible within 72 hours. The pills work to prevent pregnancy in the same way as regular birth control pills. Available only by prescription from your healthcare professional, it is available in many pharmacies and family planning clinics such as Planned Parenthood (except Wal-mart).
For more information call 1.888.PREVEN2 or www.preven.com
Also
check www.medical-exports.com/homepage.html
or
www.plannedparenthood.org
or
1.888.NOT.2.LATE or ec2@lotka.princeton.edu
hosted by John L. "Jack" Johnston, M.A.. It has over 400 files of
information, articles, and annotated index with links to full
transcripts of three years of "coaching/discussion" chats, an indexed
Knowledge Base Forum for continuing tips, stories, testimonials, and
Q&A. By request, I host periodic free coaching/discussion chats,
including chats on "MMO" for disabled men. My work is endorsed by
author Barbara Keesling PhD, Mitch Tepper MPH PhD host of www.sexualhealth.org
- a site for sexuality and the disabled, Sib Burton, Vermont State
Chairman of the American Parkinsons Disease Association, and others.
Jack Johnston Seminars 800.349.9866 e.mail: jack@multiples.com2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Remember, however, that you can never have great sex with an
unwilling partner.
Sexual Fluidity: Q&A with Lisa
Diamond
Editor's Note: Even though the following article
and interview with Lisa Diamond is primarily about women, I believe
that men are not far off from sexual fluidity.
In 1995, Lisa Diamond traversed New York State in a beat-up car, visiting softball games, picnics, and gay-pride parades. She was hunting for young women who had experienced same-sex attraction (even if it was fleeting).
Diamond wanted to find out how such women understand - and label - their own desires.
In this country, we tell a certain story about homosexuality: We believe that people who come out as gay almost always stick with that gay identity for the rest of their lives. Diamond's research reveals that - at least for some females - that story might be wrong.
She followed dozens of women for 10 years, as they graduated from college, worked their first jobs, fell in love, changed their minds, and tumbled into the arms of new partners. Most women's behavior had little to do with the "gay for life" story. Some switched their sexual identity many times. In fact, when asked to define themselves as "gay," "straight" or "bisexual," a number of women refused to take any label at all. Others invented their own labels; for instance, one interviewee called herself a "reluctant heterosexual."
About one-fourth of the women reported that their choice of sexual partners had nothing to do with gender. "Deep down," said one woman, "it's just a matter of who I meet and fall in love with, and it's not their body, it's something behind the eyes." These women often had no words for the way their hearts were wired.
As soon as Diamond began publishing in academic journals, she discovered just how controversial - and easy to distort - her findings might be. Christian-right groups have trumpeted her data as proof that homosexuality is optional. Her research has become fodder for therapists who claim to be able to "cure" gay men by turning them straight. In a forthcoming book, "Sexual Fluidity," the University of Utah professor talks back to all those who have misrepresented her data. Sexual attraction may be quirky and mercurial, she says, but it is certainly not under our control.
To read the questions and answers go to Straightguise.com
"Sexual
Fluidity"
The 10 Greatest Lovers in History
Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Own Sex
Toys
It only seems kinky the first time.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
The raging fire which urged us on was scorching us: it would have burned us had we tried to restrain it. - Casanova
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