Menstuff® has compiled information and books on the issue of Relationships. This section is R. Don Steele's weekly column featured daily on our homepage. Don has worked for more than 20 aerospace, defense and engineering companies as well as many political campaigns both in LA and in Hawaii. He became a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in 1976. Beyond writing, other passions include a deep, abiding hatred for hypocrites, bureaucrats, poverty pimps and nearly all politicians; a lifelong devotion to anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and cosmology plus a long-term love affair with Hawaii, consummated in 1996. He and Joanna Bardot Lopez live in Whittier CA, with their number one dog Wolfie, number two dog, Tootsie, Peaches The Rabbit, Puppy Cat, Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and Bebe Cat. Don is the author of Date Young Women:  For men over 35 - Revised, How to Date Young Women:  For men over 35, Volume II, and most recently, Body Language Secrets. Check out steelballsAUDIO.COM and or write

Chatty Cathy Has Radar And Intuition
Dressing for Sexual Success
Getting Back in Shape
Getting Back in Shape - Diet and Exercise Question - Part II
Hair Every Other Place

Her Phone Number? Do NOT ask!
Hey 19! Hot the Song!
Hey 19! Hot the Song - Continued
Know Lack of Interest
A Man, Not Just Another Boy, Has Biz Cards
Nice-Guyitus Causes Deadly LJBF!
Online Romance
Overweight Women
The Right Attitude with a 10!
Nobody wants to play second fiddle
She Does Not Call Back
She's Looking at My Crotch!
She's Making Eyes at Me!
A String of Pearls Makes You Patient
Suited for Success with Women
Talking About Her Boyfriend
There are few, if any, accidents. Freud
There are no Accidents!
Use birth control pills or nosex?
Where are all the young women?
Who Are You?
Women See your Hair First
Young Men and How to Date
Other Relationship Issues, Books

A String of Pearls Makes You Patient

Right near the top of Steel Balls Principles is: Three pearls are mandatory at all times, even after you have a girlfriend!

Pearl Defined: a woman one is not yet dating. You are courting her. Showing her all the facets of your diamond while increasing your desirability using the many proven methods of the Steel Balls Principles. She is just another pearl on your string, so to speak. If you believe women do not do this, you are sadly mistaken. Ask your sister!

Here is the information directly from How to Date Young Women:

A String of Pearls Makes You Patient. Always have a string to work on at least three young pearls long. With only two, when you "fold 'em" with the first, you'll only have one, that's the same as having none.

The more of them you're working on at once, the less likely you are to come on too strong. Your attitude will radiate, "If it doesn't happen here I can move on." You will be perceived as confident, relaxed, not desperate for a date with her.

When focusing on only one, for you, the stakes are high. She feels the pressure and would rather fold than stick around to see your hand.

Young women come and go out of your life instantly. She is unstable, impulsive and irresponsible. She is quick to get married, engaged or hook a boyfriend. New boyfriends don't get cheated on for a year. She's interested in immediate change when something is wrong. She quits her job after two frustrating days. She changes apartments, roommates and phone numbers faster than you change your socks.

Just after you managed to talk with her three days in a row down by the pool and then had her over for a drink last night, she decides, "Debbie and I are moving to Oregon. We want to get out of the smog, live a natural life." Puke!

When you have a string of pearls, Katy at the coffee shop, Denice at the print shop and Laurie at the office, the opportunity for it to "just happen" is tripled.

Keep the hopper full. Have at least three, more if you can handle it gracefully. I can't. As one disappears, get another going. Keeping your options open is good business, no matter what business you're in.

All of this is based on my years of find, meet, talk, date experience in the real world. And is explained by the biological nature of females creating a different sexual agenda than males.

Women See your Hair First

The number one Steel Balls Principle is: First you have to look like someone she wants totalk with.

Women look out at the world and see it far differently than we men do. They can assess your desirability at 50 feet in less than 2 seconds. This is from the Appendix of Body Language Secrets.

Women’s renown intuition arises from the way biology and evolution “wired” female brains. The connection between the left half and the right half of the female brain is much larger in women than it is in men.

Evolution wired female brains differently. That causes them to have a different world-view as well as different perceptions of everyday reality, courtship and romantic relationships.

Okay! Now, the first detail they notice after getting an overall instant impression of you is your HAIR. This is directly from How to Date Young Women:

Don’t comb your hair in an elaborate way to “disguise” your bald spot or receding hair line. That has the same impact on her as wearing white patent leather shoes, lime green leisure suit, open shirt, five gold chains, a gold nugget watch and a diamond pinky ring Instant Revulsion.

If you want her to have the same physiological response, wear a toupee.

Hair transplants, hair weaving and other “new” methods to make your hair thicker only make your wallet thinner. Forget it. You need your money for much more important matters, like taking her to Palm Springs.

Any young woman you talk with does not expect you to have a full head of hair. She wants you to be real, to be a man. Boys have hair, men do sometimes. She wants a man, not a boy. Hair, or the lack of it, does not make the man, his clothes do.

For those of us getting thin on top, short hair is mandatory. It gives the appearance of more. Short means, short all over. Not short with forty long hairs combed back in the middle or other futile attempt to pretend your hair is not down the shower drain.

For those with plenty of hair, shorter hair is still the best. It makes you look younger. The length depends on the shape of your face and neck.

Colored hair on you, contrary to the ads, looks as phony to her as bleached or blue hair does to you. The slightest bit of artificiality prevents verbal intercourse leading to the other kind. She thinks, “If he dyes his hair, he probably needs a penile implant.”

Joanna takes all the guys in the workshop to her personal salon where she and Mike, the owner, develop the most MANLY hair style/cut for each individual. This happens on Saturday morning during her three-day workshop.

If you doubt any of this information, ask any woman you are good friends with.

Dressing for Sexual Success

Continued from last week. The number one Steel Balls Principle is: First you have to look like someone she wants to talk with.

You must look good and dress well all the time if you’re serious. That doesn’t mean jacket and tie. It means wearing tasteful, fashionable clothing, appropriate to the situation.

I suggest you dress as sharply as possible based on what the situation permits. In some settings T-shirts are fine but a henley shirt would not be over dressed but sharper, especially the color you look best in. I get the most compliments in dark green and black. You know what yours are. It gives you an edge. W. C. Fields and I only want “a fair advantage.”

Never, never leave the house without being well dressed even if you are only going to the supermarket. The one time you don’t take those ten extra minutes to look good will be the day Laurie Longleggs is working as cashier, alone, bored and only you to talk with.

Clothes will not make you look younger. She views a man of 40 dressed like a 22 year old the same way you look at a fiftyish woman in a mini-skirt. Besides turning her off, it will cause you to be secretly ridiculed everywhere, including your company.

ABSOLUTE NO NO’S. Brown shoes are worn only with beige or brown attire. Got it? Brown belts, brown socks, brown jackets, brown any-damn-thing, only goes with brown. There are a few exceptions after you have mastered all the fundamentals.

Here are my biggest “don’t’s.”

To avoid looking like a pathetic Sugar Daddy or just a putz, never wear bright colors or anything blatantly polyester. Avoid the rest of these the same way you avoid women who are fat, angry ball busters:

Two-tone shoes including golf shoes, aloha shirts, any hat, ball caps, boxer underwear, white jockey underwear, any undershirt, Bermuda shorts, Speedo brief trunks, patent leather shoes, elevator shoes, high heels, plaid or patterned pants or shirts, loud ties, light colored suits, cowboy boots, muscle shirts, bedroom slippers, sandals, Beatle boots, Wallabys, Top Siders, Hush Puppies, sans-belt slacks, pajamas, jump suits, suspenders, pants pocket handkerchiefs, shawl sweaters, button front sleeveless sweaters, matching warmup suits and any retro attire such as bell bottoms or tie-dyed T-shirts.

Mandatory do-without’s:

Gold chains, pinky rings, gaudy, gold ostentatious watches and rings, gold bracelets.

Time out!

If you’re wearing more than $200 worth of jewelry and accessories, including the wrist watch, you’re trying to impress her with your money. You want her to want you, not what you can buy her. Let the fools driving Mercedes 500 SEC’s behave like that. They’re the ones who must buy her.

Time in!

Any necklace, glasses on a string around your neck, lapel buttons, large belt buckles, half-lens glasses, cell phone, paging beepers, sweat bands or head bands, clip on tie, any tie clasp or tack, calculator watches, shirt pocket-protecting pen holders and any 60’s or 70’s ornamentation like turquoise, silver or beads.

If you doubt any of this information, ask any woman you are good friends with. Don’t argue, just listen and learn from the mouths of babes!

Hair Every Other Place

Continued from last week. A few men actually look better with a beard. For example, those with receding chins or deeply pock-marked complexions. Often a beard is an attempt to make the world believe he’s an intelligent authority figure.

This info is directly from How to Date Young Women

HAIR ON YOUR FACE. Facial hair makes you look older. It also makes you look like a leftover hippy. Shaggy sideburns are useless, except in Tulsa or Appalachia.

Trying to compensate for a bald head with a beard only looks like you’re trying to compensate for a bald head with a beard. If your features require facial hair it must be neat, short and well trimmed at all times. Don’t sit at the table wondering why she’s smirking. There’s a piece of fettucini hung up in your stash. Constant monitoring is required when eating or drinking. The rest of the time, combing and constant grooming is a must.

Blade shaving seems to take off a couple of years. I do it in the morning or before she comes over in the evening. The rest of the time I use the Norelco.

HAIR ON THE REST OF YOUR HEAD. The hormonal changes you begin around 35 and continue through 55 make you want to behave like an 18 year old. That’s good. The same changes cause hair in your ears and nose to grow like Topsy. That’s bad.

Don’t let her find a bush in your ear when she slips her tongue in there. Hairs sticking out of your nose are as attractive as a booger. Trim all these hairs every damned week. Develop a routine. Don’t you dare forget. “Yucky” is her descriptive word for these hairs. Bushy eyebrows must be trimmed. No discussion.

BODY HAIR. Thick back hair or chest hair protruding from your shirt makes you look like a gorilla. Keep it trimmed.

If you doubt any of this information, ask any woman you are good friends with. Don’t argue, just listen and learn from the mouths of babes!

Who Are You?

Question: Given your lengthy association with Nathaniel Branden, are you an Objectivist in the Ayn Rand sense?

Answer: I am a neo-objectivist. Notice the lower case “o.” Most of us who use that label on ourselves are giving this shorthand answer: Objectivist Ethics and Economics are inarguable. However we strongly differ with Rand about the value, even honor, of not expressing and not owning one’s emotions.

Embracing Randian views of emotions was the reason I was unable to be a joyful happy hu-Man being. Branden’s therapy is NOTHING like Rand’s philosophy! He is a HUMANIST who understands the fundamental relationship of integrating all aspects of our NATURE, emotional and intellectual. I was living in my head! Love and life take place OUTSIDE of one’s head! Branden taught me how to integrate my emotional self with my intellectual self. He saved my life! I am eternally grateful.

In my workshops, teach and preach that relationships with women are not INTELLECTUAL UNDERTAKINGS! Love is physical and emotional. Men of Steel Balls understand that the goal is a caring, sharing, romantic relationship, “To a Grand time, as long as it shall last!” One cannot think his way thru love!

To expand a bit. Rand was totally, completely and absolutely wrong about human nature. We are not a logical, thinking machine on two legs. We are animals, who at the very last moment of evolution developed a neocortex. The extreme majority of our being is that of an emotional, feeling creature who just happens to be able to think in the abstract.

When the house is on fire, that is the time for suppressing one’s emotions. The rest of the time, we are best as emotional creatures.

Fritz Perls advised, “Lose your mind and come to your senses.” Love relationships are about emotions and senses. Jobs, careers, designs and finance are about rational thought. The essence of being happy is to be a feeling creature when that is appropriate and to be a thinking creature when that is appropriate. As Aristotle advocated, “Everything in moderation, except moderation.”

Joanna urges men to get a facial and a full body massage before going on any date that is of major importance, such as your first romantic dinner date with the woman of your dreams. Why? So you lose all that tension in your neck and face and that allows HER to see the love in your heart on your formerly hard face. Women can see everything! So one must remove the mask of tension and let one’s LIFE show, one’s aliveness show, one’s love to come shining through. In other words get real. That is what women LOVE.

Where are all the young women?

Question: There is a high ratio of men to women in the Silicon Valley (CA). Do you know of any good places where I can move and find a lot of young women. I’ve been considering San Diego or Santa Cruz, or maybe Portland. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer: LA is the center of the universe. The best looking women in the universe live at the center of the universe and in Orange County and in The Valley. This is my personal view. Many readers will disagree, but remember, I was there from 1963-1996, so I know how it works and what it takes. Guys not used to LA, find the women too full of themselves. The trick is to NOT look for young women any place near Hollyweird. Over there, they are all wannabe showbiz bunnies. Useless.

If you want to have the odds in your favor, the ratio of women to men is highest in Washington DC. 1.25:1. However, you should have a snub-nosed .357 and a Kevlar vest to live there, or be buddies with Crack Head Mayor Marion.

As to leaving the Silicon Valley, since you have invested so much time and money there, first be slim and trim as well as dressed right, then change companies. Go on interviews and note the male to female ratio. Insurance and publishing are 80-90 percent female! Remember, as I emphasized in How To Date Young Women, first you get into shape and looking good, then you change everything because women who knew you when you were overweight and dressed like a dork will always see you that way! With your job skills and education you are highly desirable any damn place.

Another possibility is an isolated city with a major university as its main industry. State College, PA, home of Penn State is 100 miles from everything. The university has 35,000 students! The town is full of co-eds all the time, in every store, in every bar, in every restaurant and club! Plus, they’re tired of boys! Do some research. Perhaps Chico State in Northern CA?

A reader sent this tip on where “they” are: “Down-town San Francisco, where I live, has a great ratio of women to men. (plus the large gay population makes it seem even better for us straights). Insurance and publishing, especially Web publishing, are very big here.” (Sounds good to me!) Austin, Texas has also received several recommendations. Big university, state capitol (office workers) beautiful area. One guy said as a note of warning that “It’s an oasis in a sea of rednecks.”

If you push me for an answer as to which city, I’ll have to say Southern California: Torrance, Downey, Orange or Irvine. From reading How To Date Young Women you know to immediately enroll in the RIGHT classes in the three closest Junior Colleges?

Joanna and I encourage the guys to make the trip to Southern California a MINI-VACATION for yourself. Sunshine and the most beautiful women on the planet, guaranteed! Arrive on Wednesday and fly home the next Tuesday. Venice Beach, Hollyweird, Disneyland, Huntington Beach Babes, Frisco’s 50’s Diner, Hustler Store on Sunset, Walk of Fame, Knott’s Berry Farm. Sunshine and the most beautiful women on the planet, guaranteed!

Online Romance

Question: I’ve tried to start several and gotten nowhere. I’ve exchanged several messages with women in their 30’s. Any guidelines for this? Is it worth pursuing?

Answer:: I describe email as EUNUCH MALE. That is a concise phrase that describes all the “dating experts” hustling “seduce women on the internet” nonsense. The media is full of DRIVEL about how busy women are so they turn to the internet. I want to make my views on this crystal clear. The only women on the internet are women who CANNOT GET A DATE. When you get on the internet you have filtered out all of the “normal” women and are left with a bunch of losers. I hope that is clear.

With that said, I now add, the internet is populated by geeks, nerds, fatsos and losers of all stripes. About two percent of the Web people are normal, that is, they have a life. Finding them is difficult. Emotion is what man-woman is all about. The CRT interface is not conducive to emotion. Thus even if you did find a woman in the two percent range, romancing her via keyboard is impossible.

Don’t waste your keystrokes and your life! People online do not have a life because they don’t have what it takes to have a life.

And with that said, I have a book coming out in about six months. The working title is Coffee Date Handbook. This book is a compilation of all the methods, techniques, messages, wording and internet ads that work developed by approximately 300 men of steel balls over the past five years. I teach men how to get back into the dating scene by going on Coffee Dates with women the meet on the internet. The caveat is, You are never going to go out with her for real, so relax and learn how to shake hands, converse, compliment, end the date, exchange phone numbers, say goodbye and how to stay in touch with those very few who MIGHT ring your chimes. The reality is out of about 1000 internet dates, Gary of Philly and Tony of Charleston found semi-normal women and dated them for months. The endings were unpleasant and both guys learned how to find, meet, talk, date, relate.

We have a file of internet ads that WORK and examples of photos that WORK in the files at Steel Balls Discussion Group. The first effective ads were written by Vince, George and Strato. And there is a lengthy file on how to spot Whacky WWW women immediately using their email responses and their phone techniques! Well worth joining the SBDG. Simply click on DISCUSSION GROUP at Joanna and I are going to Strato’s WEDDING this August. He first attended our workshop in January of 2000. He was 29 and had never had a girlfriend! This stuff works!

Use birth control pills or nosex?

Question: I get many first dates with young women but never get a second date. Why?

Answer: Never, ever go to the movies. First dates are for talking with one another. It gives you the chance to demonstrate that you are a Man, what she has been dying to meet. Women all must convince themselves you are worthy of them, before they can proceed. You will be tested and resisted and she will be reluctant. You have to deal with all of that on the first date, and even more so on the second date.

Given this is a continuing problem, I believe you did not maintain The Right Attitude during the date. And, or, or both, you did not follow my primary mandate to NOT suggest a second date while on the first date. Instead, plant the ideas and fan the possibilities for interesting, fun second dates while on the first date.

A third possibility is that you went on too long of a first date, or too romantic of a first date. A fourth possibility is that you went on Friday or Saturday night and what that tells the woman is, you do not have a LIFE! Another common FATAL mistake is looking at other women. Another, being negative or cynical, or serious. Or trying for a kiss at the END of the date. We have a file for MOSBs. The ways to screw up are endless.

The all time DATE DESTROYER is being a NICE GUY. You must be a Man of Steel Balls. You have to have a life, and ideally, you are dating and having sex. That alone gives you a major dose of The Right Attitude.

Excerpts - First Dates:

Lunch at the park, like adults do it impresses her and she feels like a woman, not a girl. There, you're both equally distant from home base. No one is too defensive. But it's more of a commitment unless you add, "I've got to be back by 2." You only need an hour, the first time.

Sunday brunch at an expensive hotel is great, if during the suggestion it's clear you have to be somewhere at 3 PM. This puts on the time limit, making it easier to accept.

A dinner date is even a bit much for a woman to bite off. It implies dinner and. Save it for third or forth dates. Your place is verboten. She has to be on guard. Suggesting her place makes her think you're married. She's not so dumb, she reads Cosmopolitan.

Don't plan and scheme. Let things happen naturally. Just enjoy her company. The more relaxed you are, the more she'll relax. Don't try to impress her. Be yourself. Expect nothing.

Starving students can get a bookstore return copy of How To Date Young Women by clicking below the new version and you'll see a marketplace version! This book is without doubt for men of all ages no matter how young or old the woman is

There are few, if any, accidents. Freud

Question: A woman bumps into me “accidentally” in the bookstore or the grocery store. I know that means she’s interested because of Body Language Secrets! Help!

Answer: What do you say, right? What to do, right? When she has indicated interest by touching, wait a few moments then make certain your body language is open and relaxed. Make certain there is at least four feet between the two of you so that she does not feel threatened.

Smile, nod and say, “Finding anything interesting?”

She will reply to your question with “No!” (Screw off) or “Nah,” or “Not yet.” (Maybe) or she’ll say, “Yes,” (yes). From there it is up to you to have something to talk about.

In a bookstore, something about the books you like that you think women may like. A good self revealing statement followed by a question is best. “I came in here to look for a book on John Wayne and I ended up reading this geeky stuff?

I’m a programmer, can’t help it. What were you looking for?” As explained in all my books, reveal yourself first, and then ask a question.

It is important to have some safe, general self revealing lines and general questions for her memorized. That way, the next time she “accidentally” bumps you, you’re ready.

As all readers of How to Date Young Women know, Vince Lombardi and I do not believe in “luck.”

Everyone please send your “self-revealing lines” [] and I’ll share them in a future newsletter.

I guarantee you that unless you’re as suave as Cary Grant, as handsome as Tom Selleck, or as manly as Paul Newman, don’t attempt humor or a flirty remark.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: Start out easy, you can always come on hard. is.

Nobody wants to play second fiddle

Question: What did you mean by this? “Come on to one and you ruin it with all the others.”

Answer: At any gathering, including work, once you hit on one woman, all other females know about it within hours, if not minutes. If you are shot down by the first one, no others will have anything to do with you because they do not want to be your second choice.

NOTE: This principle is included in the free video THE X SHOW at briefly mentioned when the host says, “the long walk back.”

That’s why it is crucial to take your time. You are polite and friendly with one and all but you do not flirt with any of them, no matter how blatant they come on to you. The ones who come on quick are game players and Rapo experts.

At any social gathering look the place over. Follow the instructions regarding getting noticed as explained in HOW TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN with the

Do You Know Him Gambit. Use that routine on no more than two candidates.

Women who show signs of interest are the only ones to focus on. Narrow it down to two, talk with each one in a friendly, not flirty manner for about five minutes. As you talk, be aware of signs of interest as shown in the free video TRA EXCERPTS at Then walk away for a while, demonstrating that you have The Right Attitude.

Circulate as you study body language of the INTERESTED women from afar. Notice the emphasis on only interested women? The biggest mistake men make other than not being dressed for success and not having a haircut/style that makes them masculine and manly is APPROACHING THE WRONG WOMAN. Who is the wrong woman? The one with the large breasts, blonde hair and red dress WHO IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU! Why is she wrong? Because you have ruined it with all other women! FOREVER!

Know Lack of Interest

Question: I’m from New York. I’ve been in Minnesota awhile. The women here don’t seem to make much eye contact and they appear closed. Any comments on Midwestern young ladies? Ever been here?

Answer: I get this a lot from all areas of the country, North Carolina, Iowa, Florida, whatever.

Women are the same everywhere, period. You don’t say where you are when this lack of eye contact and closed body language happens, so I can’t really tell you what’s what.

If they make only brief or no eye contact at a party or social gathering, they are NOT interested in you.

NOTE: Watch the large breasted blonde demonstrate this simple negative body language on THE X SHOW video at

Since you’re “a fish outta water” (not in NY) you’re probably radiating a lack of confidence. When you’re new to an area, you must increase your circle of friends as explained in HTDYW. Next, you have to put yourself in settings where SHE is not trying to meet men, again as explained in HTDYW.

That part of the country is unknown to me. I know Chicago, which is the same as LA only friendlier.

If you’re in a club or bar, re-read How to Date Young Women and get the hell out bars and stay out!

Young Men and How to Date

Question: You really understand young women. Will what you teach work for me? I’m 22 in college.” Or “I’m 27, just out of the Air Force.”

Answer: I get this minimum of 200 times a year! After a young guy reads the free excerpts of HOW TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN at, he realizes that UNDERSTAND HER [chapter 2] is ‘golden.’

Here’s my answer to the 22 year olds. Hell yes it works. You just don’t have to go so slow. With my book, at your age, you’re gonna get more women than Frank Sinatra and Elvis combined.

Here’s my answer to the 27 year old: Yes! Everything works. At 27 you’re a bit too old for 18 and 19 so you have to go slow and let it happen. With the rest, everything’s the same except you can go much faster than a 45 year old. However, you lose nothing by going slow, in fact it arouses them even more. My motto always has been, start out easy, you can always come on strong.

REFLECTION. I have been told by at least 1000 guys AND 100 women that HOW TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN FOR MEN OVER 35 is the wrong title! I agree wholeheartedly. When I wrote it, in beginning in 1983, I “thought” I was writing what it took for a 40ish guy to date a 20ish woman. About 1992 I began to realize that what actually happened is that I was married for 20 years, so even at 42, I actually only knew as much about dating as I did when I was 22! And that was way back in the dark ages of 1962! So what I ended up learning was how to find, meet, talk, date and relate with women. I just happened to like young women because older women were on a feminist TERROR in 1982-1992 and young women did not buy into that insanity. So, the principles work no matter how young you are or how old she is! 100% guaranteed money back no questions asked. 2 returns out of 150,000 in the last 17 years!

Overweight Women

Question: How can I make my girlfriend lose weight, about 10-12 pounds. She is very beautiful but these extra pounds make her look really bad.

Answer: Getting her to lose weight is a damned near impossible task! Lead by example and hope for the best.

The only thing that worked during 14 years in private practice as a psychotherapist and doing marriage counseling that worked was for the man to become intensely interested in losing weight and building his body.

Before, after and while he does this he never mentions her weight or build. He just focuses on getting in shape. The subtle, subconscious message is “I’m going to be more attractive to women when this is completed. Women will be coming after me.”

The woman sometimes loses weight just to keep his attention. “Sometimes” is the operative word.

WARNING: The Gate of Change is latched from the inside and can only be opened by the person on the inside! Nagging and threatening are harmful at a minimum.

The Right Attitude with a 10!

Question: Is it a good tactic to ignore a 9 or a 10 completely or should I scan for if there signs of interest per Body Language Secrets. That is, if I think she’s going to ignore me, I ignore her so she does not think I am validating her beauty by looking at her. It feels empowering to ignore them. In other words, does ignoring her if she’s unresponsive portray The Right Attitude or is it better to look at her even if she totally blows me off.


Step 1. To date young women you must have The Right Attitude. To date young BEAUTIFUL women you must have The Right Attitude from the time you park the car until you leave. The Right Attitude gets the attention of all DESIRABLE women and forces them to fish or cut bait.

Step 2. What did I preach about beauties in How to Date Young Women? Concentrate on 6.5’s to 8.5’s, beyond that, the competition is too stiff, pardon the pun. Less attractive women hate 9.0’s as well as hate the boys, young men, men and older men who even look at them! If the 6.5’s to 8.5’s see you even looking at a 9.0 you are dismissed as just another dick! THE END.

Step 3. If you want to bet everything on a 9.5, make eye contact, smile, talk, have all the Signals Of Interest from Body Language Secrets down pat, plus maintain The Right Attitude the entire time and for the next four months. Beauties are no different during courtship except there is a long line of males of all ages trying to cut in.

WARNING! Some young, attractive women interested in older men insist on being pursued at extreme length, wooed forever and finally won just like in their trashy novels.

Step 4. Even if you do get a date with a 9.5, most beautiful women are plastic and shallow. They have no self concept other than they are what they look like. They are no fun as human beings because they are empty shells who have no interests other than being as beautiful as possible. B o r i n g. When in doubt, re-read HTDYW and order Best of Steele the instant download that covers 90% of the most common problems that have arisen over the past 17 years! At the bottom of the page DATING SECRETS free download. Searchable for

"When to call her", "First kiss", etc. This is a free demo of Best of Steele below. Click here to download the free demo (2 Min at dial up).

Getting Back in Shape

Question: Consider the problem of a middle aged guy trying to get back into shape. It takes more than a little running and diet to give you that body you had when you were in basic. Workout plans plus a serious diet (not dieting) recommendations would be valuable.

Answer: Warning, nobody likes this answer. Nobody. Since I have been on the www, about 5% of men follow this prescription. 100% of them are successful with women! It is a choice. It works. I am living proof!

This is a TWO PART ANSWER, part 2 is next week’s newsletter.

STEEL BALLS REQUIRED. Jog or brisk walk for 30 minutes with your heart beat over 120, under 130, seven days a week with no excuse of any kind accepted for three months. When I say no excuse accepted, that means exactly that. Death in the family, double over-time at work, rain, sleet, snow, ice, heat, race riots in the city. NO EXCUSE IS LEGITIMATE.

You must do this every damn day for 90 days. (I ran every day for 456 days when I began, because I know myself and if I took one day off, that would have been the end of it.)

Sweat, grunt, swear but do 30 minutes. That’s mandatory. Do not go for 35 minutes! Do not go fast. Just do what it takes to get your pulse over 120.

After 90 days, you can have one day a week off. Stay at six days a week for three more months. Again, no excuse is acceptable. Do not be tempted to go for longer or try to go faster until the second 90 days is over.

At the end of six months, you can reduce your exercise to 4 or 5 days a week. But you must continue to exercise forever! Not until you’re 50, forever. Why? Being is shape is what enables you to have sex like an 18 year old when Debbie Opportunity presents herself. As I wrote, you must be able to keep up with her, otherwise you’re discarded rapidly.

Later on, if you get fascinated with, and addicted to, the endorphin high as I did, you can become a runner, as I did. Becoming a disciplined runner is an easy, painless way to heal your soul and heart from all of the pain and sorrow that has piled up during the first 40 years of life as a man. Discipline yourself physically and you will discipline your mind accidentally at the same time. Running is perfect for building a relaxed, accepting attitude about life and love. I am living proof that it can be done. At age 34 I could not run around the block. At age 44 I could run rings around 35 year olds.

The Greeks said a healthy body and a healthy mind. I say, rat on, bro. Get out there and put those miles on. It will pay immense dividends in only six months.

Diet and Exercise Question - Part II

Question: Consider the problem of a middle aged guy trying to get back into shape. It takes more than a little running and diet to give you that body you had when you were in basic. Workout plans plus a serious diet (not dieting) recommendations would be valuable.

Answer: Warning, nobody likes this answer. Nobody. Since I have been on the www, about 5% of men follow this prescription. 100% of them are successful with women! It is a choice. It works. I am living proof!

This is a PART 2

DIET: Less fat, more carbos. Nuke McDonalds and clones. I eat a modified Pritikin diet. Modified to include Miller Lite Beer, Andre Champagne sporadic orders of french fries and as much salt as I want. I got anemic from this diet in 1993 after staying on it since 1980. So iron pills and red meat are on my must eat list. I do so once a week even if I don’t wanna. Chicken and fish and spaghetti, well you get the idea.

Gut it out for six months and you’ll never, ever go back to junk. You’ll feel smarter, younger and more like a MAN. The added benefit is that young women think you’re cool if you’re health conscious because many of them are.

The most common problem with exercise is that you do not make it part of your life, forever. This is not to lose weight, but to live, to be alive!. Eventually you will enjoy being an alive, virile, manly ANIMAL once again.

So, you must set your alarm for 5:30 am. Get up, shower, shave shit and shampoo, then get out there and get your pulse up over 120 for 30 minutes every day. There can be no excuse, no rationalizations, no skip-ping “just one day.”

This is a matter of will power for the first 90 days. After that it becomes easier and easier to get out there and put on the miles.

Go on a Pritikin diet to lose weight. Go the used bookstore and get Pritikin’s Diet book. Do what he says. In 180 days you’ll feel better, walk better, think better and LOOK BETTER! The short version? The only way to become someone she’d like on top of her is to eat less and exercise more.

Your diet and weight loss goals must be ones that can be realistically accomplished. They also must be measurable.

Not absurdly impossible goals like 60 pounds in two months, but as explained in How to Date Young Women, you WILL lose a certain percent in two months. That is measurable. Pick a percentage that can be attained realistically, such as five percent.

A measurable and realistic goal is, “I will jog or exercise for 30 minutes each day, seven days a week, rain, or shine. That’s as opposed to “I will get back into shape if I have to kill myself.”

Hey 19! Hot the Song!

Question: This is my version of what he is asking. I am attracted to a 19 year old, what do I do?

Answer: Short version: Same thing you do with any woman who is interested in you. Long version below his long explanation.

This is another Two Part Column. Next week it continues.

Here is what he sent me: I’m presently taking ballroom dance, and I’ve been flirting with a 19 year old. I think everything, including her body language is positive except she is attractive to most of the men there, and is being hit on constantly by just about everyone else. I have been friendly but distant as you’ve discussed in your books.

I have to admit to being a bit chicken to ask her for coffee or anything else. She lives at home with her parents while going to college and I think she would find it difficult being seen with me by others in the dance studio who are older (especially the women).

I’m also a bit intimidated that if the other women in the dance studio see me show interest in her it would probably mark me as a playboy.

Also I haven’t dated anyone living with their parents since I was 19. Her terror of being overpowered by me has to rank up there with my embarrassment with being seen with her. Any specific advice?

Long Answer: Since the youngest you’ve dated is 34, you’re not ready. The leap from 34 to 19 is quantum. Do NOT attempt it. Move down the age ladder gradually. This may ruin you forever should you screw it up.

The difference between what she considers harmless flirting and giving you positive signals is what you have to be able to deter-mine. If you are in the dance class to meet women over 33, you are in the wrong place! Get your ass into yoga!

The woman to man ration is often 20:1 never lower than 4:1.

Hey 19! Hot the Song - Continued

Question: This is my version of what he is asking. I am attracted to a 19 year old, what do I do?

Answer: Short version: Same thing you do with any woman who is interested in you. Long version below his long explanation.

This is PART 2

I get so many questions about dance classes it is unreal! The women in dance classes are all there to meet men they can use and control, which is what women want to do no matter where they meet men. Well it’s not really what they want, they want a Man, a strong, dominant Man and if they can’t have that, they want someone they can control so they don’t get hurt, again.

If you want to date a woman from dance class you must pick one and live with your choice because once you show interest in one, all others will have nothing to do with you because as I explained in Body Language Secrets, nobody wants to be second fiddle.

Since the 19 year old is attractive to all the other men, you must be different and not be attracted to her! To quote my favorite author, “Different works.”

If you want to take a chance with the 19 year old, here’s the plan of attack. You ignore her except for polite acknowledgment of her existence. You watch and you wait. Now and then when you make eye contact, show intense lust, burning lust, in your eyes. When you are standing around waiting, face her with the front of your body but don’t look at her. Wait for her to make a move. When she does, you must be strong, firm and manly. You must not be swept off YOUR feet. You MUST treat her like she’s just another woman in your life.

FINAL ADVICE. Do what I said above about ignoring her and waiting until she makes a move. That lesson will serve you well in the coming decades!

You can’t mess that up, and you can learn something extremely useful while doing it.

CAUTION! Some Rapo players are as young as 14. There are 19 year old Rapo players, too. How do I know? I’ve been had by them! If it’s too good to be true, it ain’t.

Aloha, RDS Thanks for the opportunity to be read!

Suited for Success with Women

Q: I would be interested to know why you advise dress for success all the time specifically for younger women. Just curiosity. This is from a woman who critiqued my newsletter.

A: Men who buy Body Language Secrets and How To Date Young Women have read the endless drivel that passes for 'EXPERT DATING ADVICE' on the www. They immediately realize that I know something that is TRUE as well as realistic.

Many of them have no experience. Or they are out of a long term relationship. They were "not on the market" while in the relationship thus lost the ability and the desire to take care of their appearance.

Guys who never had a girlfriend know nothing! To be blunt, most guys dress like slobs, or geeks.

VERY FEW MEN realize that ALL FEMALES instantly JUDGE men by how they are dressed!

In HTDYW, they are told to get a woman to go clothes shopping with them. The man is to buy everything she suggests. He is then commanded to dress to the maximum that the social setting permits without over dressing.

That mandate is "all the time," from work, to shopping, to class, to club meetings. He is to always look his best! Why? because Ms. Right Now or even Miss Right might be working as the new teller at the bank or as the new cashier at the supermarket.

The requirement to ALWAYS dress for success gets him back in the mode of caring about himself and taking pride in his appearance. That is universally attractive to women of all ages, but young women in particular.

Why? Young women eat, sleep, and dream about clothes. They are clothes crazy and clothes conscious thus they are impressed by a man who knows how to dress. A well-dressed man always catches her eye!

When she says to herself, "He's well dressed," the next thought, "He's successful!" Ta Dah!

It's far easier for a successful man to talk with a woman of any age! Nerds never get a chance!

As Michelangelo said, "God dwells in the details," and so does a well-dressed man. It is difficult for most men to grasp this crucial part of style and taste about "the little things." So, Joanna and I have Date Clothes Saturdays and Suit Buying Sundays once a month in Los Angeles for members of my on-line discussion group.

A woman's sense of what looks good on him is what Joanna brings. I bring everything my Dad taught me from the age of 6! He was a child of the depression who drove a cab to put himself thru college. He asked every BANKER who got into his cab, "Why do you wear that? Why is that important?" He taught me everything BANKERS taught him! Successful men have been dressing the same for the last 150 years. Dark suit, white tie, Windsor knot, and so on. Thanks for asking.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: First you must look like someone she wants to talk with.

There are no Accidents!

Q: A woman bumps into me accidentally in the bookstore or the grocery store. I know that means she's interested because of Body Language Secrets! Help!

A: What do you say, right? What to do, right? When she has indicated interest by "accidental" touching, wait a few moments then smile, nod and say, "Finding anything interesting?" Wait.

Make certain your body language is open and relaxed. Make certain there is at least four feet between the two of you so that she does not feel threatened.

She will reply to your question with "No!" (beat it) or "Nah," or "Not yet." (maybe) or she'll say, "Yes," (yes). From there it is up to you to have something to talk about.

In a bookstore, something about the books you like that you think women may like. For example, body language intrigues most people. Celebrity bios are popular with women.

A good self revealing statement followed by a question is best. "I came in here to look for a book on John Wayne and I ended up reading this geeky stuff? I'm a programmer, can't help it. What were you looking for?"

As explained in Body Language Secrets, reveal yourself first, then ask a question. It is important to have some safe, general self revealing lines and general questions for her memorized. That way, the next time she "accidentally" bumps you, you're ready.

As all readers of How To Date Young Women know, Vince Lombardi and I do not believe in "luck." We also believe that if you start out easy you have some place to go from there. Further, I can guarantee you that unless you're as suave as Cary Grant, as handsome as Tom Selleck, or as manly as Paul Newman, don't attempt humor or a flirty remark.

All readers of this column are invited to send me some GENERAL, SELF-REVEALING statements and associated NON-PRYING questions that could naturally follow. If I use them in this column, you get any book at my website for FREE!

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: Reveal yourself with a statement and then ask a non-prying question.

Talking About Her Boyfriend

Q: What do you do when she talks about her boyfriend? It pisses me off.

A: Let's start with a refresher from How To Date Young Women and the chapter Boyfriends.

When she mentions him early on it means: (1) She's not interested. (2) She's interested, wants you to know the score. (3) She wants to flirt with you and feel serenely indignant when she wins the Rapo game. (Rapo, as in Rape-o is described fully in Court Her.)

If she doesn't say anything about him right away but does later it means: (1) She was kinda interested and didn't want you to fade away. After getting to know you she wants to have an affair if she can keep her boyfriend. (2) She was interested but after getting to know you this is how she says no. (3) She was playing Rapo with you all along, you've made your move, this is how she says, "What kind of girl do you think I am?" (4) She likes you, doesn't want to date you but didn't feel any of her personal life was appropriate until now. It's usually (1) (2) or (3). The first two account for sixty percent.

With that said, use anything she reveals as information to make yourself more appealing. Listen as if she is your friend, because she is. She might be complaining, bragging, or just passing time. It makes no difference. Listen to the words but really hear what she's saying without words. Focus on her arms and hands.

Notice where they are and what she's doing with them. Pay attention to the emotions you're feeling when just watching what she's saying without words.

Remember, courtship is conducted mostly on a nonverbal level. If you do not yet have Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating get it today!

If she's complaining, use what you're learning to show her how much better off she'd be by having a torrid affair with you in addition to keeping Jimmy. You must be diplomatic and tactful as explained in Planting Seeds.

If she's bragging, be appropriately impressed. You are a gentleman. If she's just passing the time, listen just like she was complaining and use what you learn to make yourself more attractive.

If you're pissed off there are two possibilities. First, she's trying to piss you off. Second, you're jealous and want her to be your girlfriend, not Jimmy's.

Let's say she's trying to piss you off. That means she's strongly interested in you OR IT MEANS she wants you to get away from her. Her body language tells the truth.

If you're jealous and want her to be your girlfriend, there's nothing I can tell you other than to ask you to realize, and then accept, the impossibilities of such a thing UNLESS you are way better than her boyfriend and it is obvious to her across time.

That is why the you must understand a fundamental of mammalian courtship: Beauty chooses! Translation: The more desirable the female, the more Alpha Male you must be.

When you are not what she wants THE END. See How to Date Young Women Volume 2 for an explanation of this FUNDAMENTAL principle of courtship as practiced by mammals. It is also carefully laid out in Body Language Secrets.

Evolution insists that the male be the best from among all the males courting her. Why? It works!

Women do the choosing! This is concept is impossible for "dating experts" on the www to grasp because they cannot get a date! Systems, dictionaries, hypnotism, phone counseling, language patterns, clever opening lines are IMPOTENT. That is not what women want! They want a confident, relaxed Man with The Right Attitude. When he is dressed for success - he is in the potential MR. RIGHT category.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: To win the heart of Miss Right, first you must be Mr. Right.

She's Making Eyes at Me!

Q: She's making eyes at me! I've heard it described as a repeated rapid dilation of the eyes. That's an old saying that I don't know what it means?

A: Dilation is a strong sign of attraction! However, it is difficult for men to consciously notice, except for expert poker players. As I remember the expression it means, "He's flirting with his eyes." He's giving strong direct, friendly eye contact. His pupils may be dilated, but that's not the main thrust. It was epitomized by Clark Gable's intense, manly glance and slight smile plus slightly raising his eyebrows in acknowledgment of the woman's beauty and presence. This is easiest to see in an early scene in GWTW. Scarlett is going up the stairs and Rhett is eying her. GWTW is mandatory viewing for all members of my Coaching Program, by the way.

Remark: It also seems to be a learned and controlled function.

Reply: Dilation is involuntary, impossible to control.

Remark: I simply remember it as the warm and tingly feeling I used to get when looking deeply into a woman's eyes.

Reply: That reaction is from becoming vulnerable to her. Wonderful, but nothing to do with dilation. Being seen and seeing is what romantic mental health is all about. Knowing what you know and seeing what you see is what self confidence is all about.

Self confidence, genuine self confidence is what makes you attractive, sensual and sexual to women of all ages. That's genuine self-confidence not the put on kind, not an act, not phony. The real thing. You get it from being successful and relaxed. Women spot it at 100 yards, just by the way you walk and carry yourself.

Remark: I only notice that kind of eye contact in sincere lovers, but that can be really brief.

Reply: Brief because it is so intense and most of us cannot stand too much intensity. I, myself, prefer intensity! It makes living in the Now much easier as well as making each day memorable, as opposed to the way the days were all alike before I got divorced! To enjoy intensity one must experience it over and over.

Slowly, one realizes that intense pain and intense joy is what makes life worth living! By the way, you can't have one without the other! It's all or nothing.

Remark: I confess to using it to try to warm up some interesting women.

Reply: Not a good idea! Trying to see into her soul is an invasion and she'll react to it like that. But when you relax and let down your walls, most women react strongly and reciprocate almost immediately. In other words you have to go first and make yourself open. First with your body language, second with your tone of voice, third by your attitude of being relaxed AND confident. It takes courage and practice to become vulnerable, but that's where it's at, my friend.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: You must make yourself vulnerable FIRST.

Chatty Cathy Has Radar And Intuition

Q: Why should the man never call just to chat? The way I see it, when you chat, you get to know her better then you feel more comfortable.

A: My dictate is only for the courtship and the first few weeks after the sexual relationship has begun. After you have spent the weekend together at Lake Tahoe and things are proceeding smoothly, you can call her now and then just to talk.

In general, my phone technique for every male on the planet: Get on, conduct business and get off before she finds out everything about you! A man is a mystery. A man is busy. A man has a life. A man does not chat on the phone.

WARNING! When man is courting a women, he must remain in charge, aloof and slightly indifferent. If he “just chats,” he’s no different than all other Nice Guys. Further, and this is the most important reason for keeping phone conversations short and to the point, women automatically manipulate and test and resist via phone. It’s known as being cute, coy and flirty. She gets a thrill out of it.

FINAL WARNING: Women’s brains are physically different and they are wired differently than male brains. This enables women’s renown and amazing intuition. That means you are in deep kim chee when you are on the phone with her! It gives her a 10 to 1 advantage over you with your linear, logical, rational wired brain. You hear the words she says. She hears how you say the words, how long you pause, how fast or slow you talk, how quickly/slowly you answer her probing question, “So what did you do last night?" In other words she has all the POWER on the phone.

But the strongest reason not to chat with her is to prevent her from saying to herself, “I’ve got him. He WANTS me! I’m a real Cosmo Girl. I can attract a Man.” Then she no longer has to risk going out with a POWERFUL, dangerous, mysterious Man. (Yes, I believe that repetition is the key to learning!)

If possible, do NOT call her. If you must, keep it all business, short and to the point. For example, changing the time for the lunch date or making final arrangements as to where you will meet her. Be pleasant, civil, ADULT, manly.

A Man, Not Just Another Boy, Has Biz Cards

Q: What is on the business card you always talk about?

A: I get tons of mail on this subject. Every type of guy wants me to design his interesting, conversation-starting business card [ICSBC]. See below for who the best designer is.

First of all it must LOOK, FEEL, READ like a real business card. Second of all you must have two different business cards. One for young women and another for the business world.

Get out the yellow pages and find a female. Give her the specifications right from How To Date Young Women Volume 2. Do not show her the book! Female? Yes. She has the eye for what females see in you and knows how to make you interesting to females using symbols.

Talk about yourself and what ideas you have for the card. Hand her an engraving of Ben Franklin or two or even three! Then a few days later, look at what she created. If you like it pay her and take what she develops to a printer and you’re in business. Pun accidental.

MANDATORY! In addition to your business phone and address, put your home phone and home address on the card. Do not use a voice mail or post office box! Because that says to her: I’m married, looking for some fun. Do NOT put your cell phone number on for that reason and others, to be explained in a future column.

Your home address invites the woman to drive by and check out where you live, thus your income level, plus she’ll be hoping to “accidentally " bump into you! Definitely include your office phone but make certain it is so designated. If you have e-mail, put it on there. It has to be real email not because that says, "My wife checks my email at home."

What works is an ICSBC that says who you are. The graphics female is to design a classy, tasteful, interesting business card. Once again, it must look, feel, and read like a business card.

The most common objection is, and rightfully so, I am a programmer, what should be on the card? My response. Be a consultant, such as Smith Consulting Services, Fred Smith, Owner. Symbols and graphics then enable you to have anything about yourself that can help her have something to talk about.

Gary sells insurance. His card is a photo. Printed in white is Gary Smith Insurance, yada yada Residence: 555-1212 Office 555-3322 yada yada Residence: 1234 Anystreet Office 4567 Anystreet yada.

The conversation she starts is always about the beautiful photo/scene not insurance. He reveals, my hobby is photography. I took that picture out at the Yada Bridge at sunset. I love watching the ducks fly south. Have you ever been out to the Yada Bridge? And from there . . .

WARNING: A very common mistake is the guy designs his own card. The kindest thing I can say is that his card looks it! The fatal mistake--he copies using his new, expensive 7-color printer! That “card” says to the woman, “I am an amateur dweeb!”

Express yourself thru the female graphic designer. First impressions are lasting impressions! Your ICSBC is a gift to her, your first. It separates you from the boys and makes her feel important. Make it something to talk about. Colorful, graphic, different, unusual.

She Does Not Call Back

Q: What about women who do not return phone calls? Is it best to play just as hard to get?

A: It depends on how old she is, how much has transpired before you got her number and why you called her. Let’s take one “depends on” at a time.

Depends on Her Age

The non-caller is 28+, okay? One call is all she gets. Strike one and you’re out! She’s an adult. If she wants to play hard to get, let her jerk off somebody else.

The non-caller is under 25. As stated in this newsletter and in How To Date Young Women, giving you her number is not necessarily a good thing. If you were persistent in trying to get it, she gives it just to get rid of you. Thus, when she does not return your call, that’s means she was not interested, or by persisting you ignored my primary mandate and showed too much interest, way too soon, which she translated as follows: “He wants me. I’ve got him. I don’t have to take a chance and go out with an older (very powerful) guy. My ego is stroked. I’m happy and safe. PLUS I have proof that I’m attractive to older guys. I’m a real WOMAN.”

Depends on What has Transpired - Part I

The way you want her to give you her number is after, only after, enough has transpired for the two of you to have semi-set up a pseudo date or a lightweight date. You just need her number to make the final communications and connections.

Depends on What has Transpired - Part II

However, way before that, you are supposed to have given her your interesting, conversation-starting business card [ICSBC] that has your home phone, business phone, and home address on it. That makes you vulnerable. It gives her time to drive by your place to check out your neighborhood and possibly “accidentally bump into you.” Doing this also means to her that you have nothing to hide. You are being open and honest. You are not married or living with someone and trying to use her as she’s read about in Cosmopolitan.

Depends on Why You Called Her

The call must be all business. As, in setting up the time and place or changing the schedule. Any other call scares her to the point of ending it all. NEVER, EVER call just to chat! When in doubt, re-read.

Her Phone Number? Do NOT ask!

Q: What is your advice about getting her phone number?

A: SAME AGE WOMEN: When you are only slightly older than the woman, you can exchange phone numbers in a straightforward manner. “Sonya, I enjoy talking with you. Let’s get together for lunch sometime. Here’s my number. [Hand her your Interesting, Conversation-Starting Biz Card ICSBC] Let me have yours. We’ll talk and set it up.”

As you hand her your card, take out your pen and a piece of paper (not an address book!) [Ideal is the blank back of another ICSBC] and get ready to write her number down. Getting your pen out encourages her to give you her number because you have gone to the trouble of getting ready to write.

Notice that you do not ask. You suggest command. By going first and giving her your number you have make yourself vulnerable, thus she feels safe enough to reciprocate.

A: YOUNG WOMEN: Easy Big Guy! Young women don’t know how this game is played and don’t understand the significance of phone numbers. She’s used to Randy Redporsche who gets her number then maybe calls and maybe not. She does not realize that you see getting her number as the first step in a long courtship process. To her, phone conversations are for chatting and being cute, coy and manipulative with a boy. In short, never ASK a young woman for her number.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: do not ask, suggest or command. When you ask she has all the power!

If the encounter is warm, lightly seductive and friendly, go first by handing her your ICSBC. That card must have your home phone and your home address as well as all other numbers and email.

Say, “I enjoy talking with you, Debbie,” as you hand her your card. While she’s looking at it, point to your address and say, “That’s where I live . . .but I’m easiest to catch at the office. Let’s have lunch sometime. Give me a ring.” Then resume the conversation.

By revealing your home address and home phone, you show her that you aren’t afraid of letting her know where you live or how to call you. Young women suspect that all older guys are married or living with someone.

The whole enterprise puts the ball in her court. However, by making yourself open and vulnerable, you invite her to do the same.

WARNING: Don’t ask or suggest or even hint that you want her number.

Half of young women stumble when you hand them your card, but the other half smile like the cat who now has the keys to the canary’s cage as they carefully put your card away. A few, very few, of them give you their number. DON’T ask! Wait. She must proceed at her own speed. You’re old enough to be her father!

WARNING: Many young women who give you their number with or without you asking, suggesting or commanding, are telephone Rapo players and cock teasers. They want you to call so they can lead you on. Then they can say to themselves and their girlfriends, “He wants me. I could have him,” as they add another notch to their Rapo belt.

On rare occasions, the tone of the interaction is sexually charged, but time and location prevent consummation of a physical relationship. In that situation, and in that situation only, hand her your ICSBC then take out a pen and card/paper and say, “Let’s get together! Give me your number. What day and time should I call?”

Notice the careful phrasing of everything. Let’s get together! That’s a strong, sexual suggestion. Give me your number, is a command that she’ll follow in this situation. What day and time should I call? Shows her that you are a discreet man who will not cause her any problems and does not mind if she has a boyfriend or other encumbrance.

FORCEFULLY GETTING HER NUMBER: If you’re pushy to get her number, when you call, she won’t be glad to talk with you. If you leave a message, she won’t call back. Do NOT insist. Do NOT manipulate. Like love, a phone number must be freely given to be worthwhile and valuable.

Nice-Guyitus Causes Deadly LJBF!

Q: How do you deal with women who say “Let’s just be friends?”

A: Say in a non-angry, yet firm statement-of-fact voice, “I have plenty of friends.” Follow that with deadly silence and strong, sensual, direct eye contact.

Steel Balls Principle? Silence is a powerful tool during any negotiation, romantic or business.

Poker face. Just sit there. Do not get angry or gruff because she translates anger to, “I win! He wants me.”

What does she win?

Safety:. Because now she doesn’t have to take a chance and go out with an powerful, mysterious, sensual MAN, not a boy.

Ego Boost. She wants the gratification of knowing that you are dying to go out with her, that you find her sexy and desirable. Why? Because MOST of them DO NOT know that about themselves! They think you are the catch until you screw it up!

In short, she’s testing you to see how you’ll react. Read “Reluctance, Resistance And Tests” in Body Language Secrets for the grisly details about this delicate part of the courtship ritual.

If she’s not testing you, she’s a game player who has been leading you on. MOST LIKELY. Your disease, NICE-GUYITUS caused you to blow it quite sometime ago. Gifts, fawning, too many compliments, been accommodating and other such puke-producing stuff. NICE-GUYITUS shows her you are not different, just another boy, not a Man, which is what she really wants. It’s what they all want!

The other possibility is that she has decided for whatever reason that you’re not all that attractive, and “Let’s just be friends” is her way of saying, “I don’t find you sexually attractive. Beat it!”

But, since females don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, she says LJBF.

In my personal world, a fourth of the women who tried, “LJBF” yielded to the strong, silent treatment and ended up being my lover. The rest were either afraid or not interested.

Important! You can’t talk her into anything once this stage is reached. Just say your piece and shut up.

If you’re not all that experienced, when it gets to this stage you have probably demonstrated that you’re just another boy or you showed her that you’re strongly attracted to her. You must read, then re-read, then practice everything from How

To Date Young Women in the chapter The Right Attitude. She must see you as strong, manly, powerful, slightly dangerous, somewhat mysterious, possibly attainable if SHE plays her cards right.

She's Looking at My Crotch!

Q: Actually a comment. Another good thing your books are doing is increasing my awareness of stuff I never noticed before. I was in the local video store last Monday night and for the first time I realized the clerk, a woman of about 30, glancing at my crouch. She did it twice quickly.

This is from a 50 year old who is just getting his find-meet-talk-date-mate legs under him. It's all new, exciting and a bit disorienting because as he has told me many times, "I've been doing everything all wrong for years and years!"

A: My comment and suggestion on how to capitalize on CROTCH GAZING. Go back to the store and have something to talk about such as, "Quentin Tarantino the director of Pulp Fiction, used to work in a place like this. How do you like working here?"

Talk about the videos you like. NOT SEX! Bid her a fond farewell and as you're parting, say, "See you Thursday. She'll smile and say "Okay," or she'll say, "I don't work Thursday." You say, "So when do you work? She'll tell you. Nod, smile and leave. DO NOT say that you'll see her on that day. Just leave. Then, show up and rent another movie. She'll tell you something about herself if you go FIRST and tell her something about yourself as explained in How To Date Young Women and Body Language Secrets.

Re-read the chapters Meet Her, Talk With Her, Court Her. At the appropriate moment, introduce yourself and shake hands with her as described in Body Language Secrets. When she asks, "So, what do you do?" Say, "I am a consultant, help small businesses get computers hooked up." At the same time hand her your ICSBC from your SHIRT POCKET. Do not fumble around with your wallet!

Don't talk to her for more than a few minutes. You're a busy, important man with places to go and people to see. Compliment her ONCE during the conversation about her accessories, jewelry or attire. Pay attention and be aggressive with your eyes to find something you genuinely like, "That's a very attractive ring! An heirloom?" The compliment must be genuine. If you can't find anything to be genuine about, don't say anything.

Say good bye using her name, "Nice meeting you, Debbie. See ya."

ESSENCE OF INITIAL CONVERSATIONS. A young woman cannot find you attractive until she realizes you are first of all safe. After realizing that you are safe, she doesn't want to talk further if you are not interesting. She cannot realize that you are attractive until you have talked with her about interesting subjects (she finds them interesting) for a few minutes.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: The woman must find that you are: safe, interesting, attractive, in that order.

©2005 R. Don Steele

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