Practical Tips For Getting Unstuck When
You're Too Busy, Too Stressed or "Too Anything" For
No matter what kind of relationships you are in,
you probably get stuck in ways of being that keep
you separate from others and that create
unhappiness on some level.
Sometimes you know or recognize what you're
doing and sometimes you don't see it.
If there's one thing we know, it's this...
When we're "too" busy, stressed out and there
doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything we
think has to be done, it's really easy to lapse
into old patterns and ways of being that separate
us from those we love.
This is especially true around the holidays when
expectations of ourselves and others can be
high--expectations that may have nothing to do with
our current reality but are rather about what
happened in the past.
When this happens to the two of us, one question
that is typically helpful to ask is ...
"How do we get unstuck from our old patterns or
the 'trance' as we like to call it and regain our
We're guessing that this might be a question of
yours from time to time as well with the people
that are important to you!
You might know that you are stuck in some area
of your life--either in a relationship or in a life
situation--but you don't know how to get yourself
free so that you can create what you want.
If you can relate, here are some practical ways
that might help you.
These suggestions are ones that we use to get
ourselves back into harmony with ourselves and with
These certainly aren't the only ways to get back
into balance and harmony with yourself or a partner
but we invite you to experiment with them to see
how they will work for you in creating more of the
kind of relationships that you want....
1. Recognize that you may be living by someone
else's "rules" for living or opinions and not your
You may be trying hard to please someone else,
making up stories about what you think he or she
thinks about you. You might be making that made up
story more important than your truth.
Justine tried hard to please her mother but
never seemed to be able to do it. Although Justine
was in her 40's, she was still trying to get her
mother's approval--and Justine was miserable.
When she started looking at her own "rules" for
living and started taking action from how she
wanted to live her life (rather than constantly
looking at how she thought he mom wanted her to
live her life), she started feeling some relief and
It turned out that she and her mom would never
be "best friends" but their relationship
Justine stopped making up stories about what she
thought her mom's opinion of her was.
When Justine was clear about what she wanted and
was instead, just loving toward her mom, they could
both meet in a place they could never get to
2. Soften and open your heart toward the other
person and toward yourself as you take yourself out
of the drama.
If you soften and open your heart, it doesn't
mean that you are a pushover. In our experience,
it's been quite the opposite.
When the two of us get into a conflict and get
stuck in an old pattern, what helps bring us back
into connection is this idea of bringing our
attention to our hearts.
Even if one of us does that, that person can
begin to step out of the drama and see another
When you are in the middle of what we call a
drama, you can't see a way out.
If you take a moment, breathe and bring your
attention into your heart, reminding yourself that
you love or care about this person, even a small
amount of space can open up so that a new
possibility of resolution can emerge.
3. Look toward the future of what you want.
When you are locked in the pattern that you
can't seem to move from, all that you can usually
think about is what is wrong between the two of
The two of us got locked in an old financial
conflict a few days ago. We each held to our
positions--which we each knew was "right" and felt
like the other person didn't understand.
We were able to move through by shifting our
attention to what we wanted our future together to
look like financially--and then we started planning
on what steps we would need to take to get
We shifted out of the old pattern into something
greater that we both wanted.
Right now, you might be thinking something like
"Sure all of these ideas work for you. You both
have been practicing ways of getting unstuck for
years and I don't have a partner (or the other
person) who wants to do this--so they won't work
If this is what you are saying to yourself, we
invite you to try any of these suggestions and see
what happens when you find yourself in a situation
that seems stuck to you.
We've found that the very thing that you resist
will probably give you the most freedom, love,
connection or whatever else you want.
Gratitude and One Thing You MUST Do For Your
No matter where you live or when you're reading
this--we want to say a great big THANK YOU to YOU
for being one of our newsletter subscribers.
Our gratitude for you is overflowing.
As we think about relationships and gratitude,
consider this about Thanksgiving...
While it's great to get together one special day
with friends and family and have a huge meal--maybe
even thinking about appreciation and thanks...
For your relationships to grow deeper in love
and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you
carry with you every day.
Gratitude is not only healthy for your
relationships but it's healthy for you physically
It's a fact that we've proven over and over in
our own lives...
When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we
appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more
love, health, prosperity and well-being into our
When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we
fear might happen, what upsets us or what went
wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and
disconnection into our lives.
Gratitude is something that we all know we
SHOULD have and SHOULD express but often "life" and
our beliefs get in the way.
So what might hold you back from "being" and
You might have any or all of these beliefs about
-"If I tell him I'm grateful, he'll stop doing
it and quit trying."
-"She doesn't tell me what I'm doing "right" or
thank me so why should I tell her?"
-"He'll think I'm needy or that I have an
-"I'm afraid she'll take advantage of me and
think she can run over me if I'm TOO grateful."
The truth is that if you have any of those
beliefs, there's probably been a good reason that
you developed them.
They served you in some way in the past. They
protected you in some way.
The choice for you now is to take a look at what
you are believing and decide if you still want to
carry those beliefs into your current relationships
and the present moment.
For the two of us, gratitude is a state of mind
that feeds our relationship.
But it wasn't always so...
While we were always very grateful to have found
each other and create the deep love we have, we
didn't always appreciate each other the way we
could have--or the way we do now.
While we were pretty good at the "thank you"
stuff when we did things for one another--
What we weren't so good at was appreciating the
true essence of each other.
In other words, at times, we'd get hung up on
proving we were "right" and the other was
We didn't always appreciate what we each brought
to our relationship.
We didn't always appreciate the contributions we
each brought to our life together.
We didn't always listen to each other.
Now gratitude is a daily practice for us and
that feeds our passion and love for each other.
We start the day appreciating each other before
we get out of bed.
We are learning not to interrupt each other and
truly listen to their ideas.
Believe it our not, listening with your full
attention is demonstrating gratitude.
It's being grateful and honoring the essence and
talents of the other person.
And we all want to be loved for who we truly
are--not for who the other person wants us to
If you like this idea, you can start small and
you can do it by yourself. You do not have to have
your partner buy into it.
When you start focusing on gratitude, you'll
start seeing shifts in your life for the
There will be a "softening" between the two of
you--even if the other person can't quite put their
finger on what is different in you.
Of course you can also work together and make
gratitude a fun exercise.
Some people keep a gratitude journal and write
3-5 things they are grateful for that day--and then
share them (or not) with someone they love.
This practice helps you to start focusing your
attention in a more positive way.
As you move into expressing more gratitude, step
out of the norm of just saying "thanks" although
that's certainly a good start if you're not doing
Feel into yourself about how you'd like to be
appreciated and then stay open to watching how you
might show your appreciation for others in a
We used the example of listening to one another
and not insisting on being right as a way of
appreciating the talents of the other person.
That's just one example and we're sure you can
come up with more ways to express and live
Let this holiday be a wake-up call to create
more love in your life by opening to more gratitude
to flow in and out.
Talk to you again soon
4 Ways To "Restart The Spark"
A couple of days ago, a friend of wished us a happy
new year by telling us that "everything's going to
be fine in 2009."
While this is certainly our wish for you, we
think that our lives and relationships can be even
better than "fine" in the coming year and so can
We all can restart the spark--the spark in our
significant relationship; the spark in our everyday
lives; the spark in other relationships that are
important to us.
We can ALL create more happiness and joy in the
We think it all starts with putting the spark
back in your relationships and lives.
So as you're reading this, your question might
How do you put the spark back or even find it
after it's been buried under fear, distance,
apathy, tiredness or disconnection?
Here are some ways that you can begin starting
right now to invite more spark into your
1. Decide where you want more spark and make
sure that it's truly what you want. Make sure that
you are willing to make a few changes in your life
and do a few things differently.
In what area of your life or which relationship
would you like to enliven and enrich?
2. Make a change in a belief that holds you
Your beliefs come from thoughts that you think
over and over--which can certainly come from past
experiences. Wherever these beliefs came from, they
can be changed if they no longer are in your best
interest--if they hold you back from having what
A great example of this is this...
Old belief--"I'm not loved and supported in a
way that I want."
New belief--"Support is there for me to do what
I want if I'm open to it."
You can start changing that belief by noticing
when this new belief is true. In this case, when
you feel supported and loved.
What's one new belief you can begin to adopt
that will bring you closer to what you want?
3. Make a change in an attitude that holds you
Your attitude toward life and your relationships
certainly create more of the same.
The trick is to change your attitude without
"blue-skying" it or telling yourself something that
you can not believe.
Here's an example of changing your attitude and
the way you think about your partner...
Old attitude--"My partner will never make
changes in our relationship."
New attitude--"My partner is my friend and I can
start treating him (or her) that way."
What new attitude can you begin to embody that
will bring you closer to what you want?
4. Learn a new skill and practice it.
To make any change, especially if you want to
bring more spark to your life, you usually need to
learn something new and then practice it.
For Susie, it's a deeper learning of how to stay
present, grounded and open no matter what is going
on around her.
For you, it might be a new way to relate to your
loved one or it might be learning how to change
your thinking to be more positive.
What's one new skill you'd like to learn next
year that would make your life better?
What we know is that we all have the opportunity
to make 2009 the best year ever.
We encourage you to open yourself to this
opportunity of more love, passion and zest for life
than you ever thought possible.
& Otto Collins
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
Partnerships plus two
and Relationship Success
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
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has just been released and is now available
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