Susie & Otto
Archive
2010

 

Practical Tips For Getting Unstuck When You're Too Busy, Too Stressed or "Too Anything" For Love


No matter what kind of relationships you are in, you probably get stuck in ways of being that keep you separate from others and that create unhappiness on some level.

Sometimes you know or recognize what you're doing and sometimes you don't see it.

If there's one thing we know, it's this...

When we're "too" busy, stressed out and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything we think has to be done, it's really easy to lapse into old patterns and ways of being that separate us from those we love.

This is especially true around the holidays when expectations of ourselves and others can be high--expectations that may have nothing to do with our current reality but are rather about what happened in the past.

When this happens to the two of us, one question that is typically helpful to ask is ...

"How do we get unstuck from our old patterns or the 'trance' as we like to call it and regain our connection?"

We're guessing that this might be a question of yours from time to time as well with the people that are important to you!

You might know that you are stuck in some area of your life--either in a relationship or in a life situation--but you don't know how to get yourself free so that you can create what you want.

If you can relate, here are some practical ways that might help you.

These suggestions are ones that we use to get ourselves back into harmony with ourselves and with each other.

These certainly aren't the only ways to get back into balance and harmony with yourself or a partner but we invite you to experiment with them to see how they will work for you in creating more of the kind of relationships that you want....

1. Recognize that you may be living by someone else's "rules" for living or opinions and not your own.

You may be trying hard to please someone else, making up stories about what you think he or she thinks about you. You might be making that made up story more important than your truth.

Justine tried hard to please her mother but never seemed to be able to do it. Although Justine was in her 40's, she was still trying to get her mother's approval--and Justine was miserable.

When she started looking at her own "rules" for living and started taking action from how she wanted to live her life (rather than constantly looking at how she thought he mom wanted her to live her life), she started feeling some relief and joy.

It turned out that she and her mom would never be "best friends" but their relationship improved.

Justine stopped making up stories about what she thought her mom's opinion of her was.

When Justine was clear about what she wanted and was instead, just loving toward her mom, they could both meet in a place they could never get to before.

2. Soften and open your heart toward the other person and toward yourself as you take yourself out of the drama.

If you soften and open your heart, it doesn't mean that you are a pushover. In our experience, it's been quite the opposite.

When the two of us get into a conflict and get stuck in an old pattern, what helps bring us back into connection is this idea of bringing our attention to our hearts.

Even if one of us does that, that person can begin to step out of the drama and see another possibility.

When you are in the middle of what we call a drama, you can't see a way out.

If you take a moment, breathe and bring your attention into your heart, reminding yourself that you love or care about this person, even a small amount of space can open up so that a new possibility of resolution can emerge.

3. Look toward the future of what you want.

When you are locked in the pattern that you can't seem to move from, all that you can usually think about is what is wrong between the two of you.

The two of us got locked in an old financial conflict a few days ago. We each held to our positions--which we each knew was "right" and felt like the other person didn't understand.

We were able to move through by shifting our attention to what we wanted our future together to look like financially--and then we started planning on what steps we would need to take to get there.

We shifted out of the old pattern into something greater that we both wanted.

Right now, you might be thinking something like this...

"Sure all of these ideas work for you. You both have been practicing ways of getting unstuck for years and I don't have a partner (or the other person) who wants to do this--so they won't work for me."

If this is what you are saying to yourself, we invite you to try any of these suggestions and see what happens when you find yourself in a situation that seems stuck to you.

We've found that the very thing that you resist will probably give you the most freedom, love, connection or whatever else you want.

Thanksgiving, Gratitude and One Thing You MUST Do For Your Relationships


No matter where you live or when you're reading this--we want to say a great big THANK YOU to YOU for being one of our newsletter subscribers.

Our gratitude for you is overflowing.

As we think about relationships and gratitude, consider this about Thanksgiving...

While it's great to get together one special day with friends and family and have a huge meal--maybe even thinking about appreciation and thanks...

For your relationships to grow deeper in love and connection, gratitude has to be an attitude you carry with you every day.

Gratitude is not only healthy for your relationships but it's healthy for you physically and emotionally.

It's a fact that we've proven over and over in our own lives...

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we appreciate in ourselves and others, we bring more love, health, prosperity and well-being into our lives.

When our thoughts are mostly focused on what we fear might happen, what upsets us or what went wrong--we bring MORE upset, fear, lack and disconnection into our lives.

Gratitude is something that we all know we SHOULD have and SHOULD express but often "life" and our beliefs get in the way.

So what might hold you back from "being" and expressing gratitude?

You might have any or all of these beliefs about gratitude...

-"If I tell him I'm grateful, he'll stop doing it and quit trying."

-"She doesn't tell me what I'm doing "right" or thank me so why should I tell her?"

-"He'll think I'm needy or that I have an ulterior motive."

-"I'm afraid she'll take advantage of me and think she can run over me if I'm TOO grateful."

The truth is that if you have any of those beliefs, there's probably been a good reason that you developed them.

They served you in some way in the past. They protected you in some way.

The choice for you now is to take a look at what you are believing and decide if you still want to carry those beliefs into your current relationships and the present moment.

For the two of us, gratitude is a state of mind that feeds our relationship.

But it wasn't always so...

While we were always very grateful to have found each other and create the deep love we have, we didn't always appreciate each other the way we could have--or the way we do now.

While we were pretty good at the "thank you" stuff when we did things for one another--

What we weren't so good at was appreciating the true essence of each other.

In other words, at times, we'd get hung up on proving we were "right" and the other was wrong.

We didn't always appreciate what we each brought to our relationship.

We didn't always appreciate the contributions we each brought to our life together.

We didn't always listen to each other.

Now gratitude is a daily practice for us and that feeds our passion and love for each other.

We start the day appreciating each other before we get out of bed.

We are learning not to interrupt each other and truly listen to their ideas.

Believe it our not, listening with your full attention is demonstrating gratitude.

It's being grateful and honoring the essence and talents of the other person.

And we all want to be loved for who we truly are--not for who the other person wants us to be.

If you like this idea, you can start small and you can do it by yourself. You do not have to have your partner buy into it.

When you start focusing on gratitude, you'll start seeing shifts in your life for the better.

There will be a "softening" between the two of you--even if the other person can't quite put their finger on what is different in you.

Of course you can also work together and make gratitude a fun exercise.

Some people keep a gratitude journal and write 3-5 things they are grateful for that day--and then share them (or not) with someone they love.

This practice helps you to start focusing your attention in a more positive way.

As you move into expressing more gratitude, step out of the norm of just saying "thanks" although that's certainly a good start if you're not doing it already.

Feel into yourself about how you'd like to be appreciated and then stay open to watching how you might show your appreciation for others in a different way.

We used the example of listening to one another and not insisting on being right as a way of appreciating the talents of the other person.

That's just one example and we're sure you can come up with more ways to express and live gratitude.

Let this holiday be a wake-up call to create more love in your life by opening to more gratitude to flow in and out.

Talk to you again soon

4 Ways To "Restart The Spark"


A couple of days ago, a friend of wished us a happy new year by telling us that "everything's going to be fine in 2009."

While this is certainly our wish for you, we think that our lives and relationships can be even better than "fine" in the coming year and so can yours.

We all can restart the spark--the spark in our significant relationship; the spark in our everyday lives; the spark in other relationships that are important to us.

We can ALL create more happiness and joy in the coming year.

We think it all starts with putting the spark back in your relationships and lives.

So as you're reading this, your question might be ...

How do you put the spark back or even find it after it's been buried under fear, distance, apathy, tiredness or disconnection?

Here are some ways that you can begin starting right now to invite more spark into your life...

1. Decide where you want more spark and make sure that it's truly what you want. Make sure that you are willing to make a few changes in your life and do a few things differently.

In what area of your life or which relationship would you like to enliven and enrich?

2. Make a change in a belief that holds you back.

Your beliefs come from thoughts that you think over and over--which can certainly come from past experiences. Wherever these beliefs came from, they can be changed if they no longer are in your best interest--if they hold you back from having what you want.

A great example of this is this...

Old belief--"I'm not loved and supported in a way that I want."

New belief--"Support is there for me to do what I want if I'm open to it."

You can start changing that belief by noticing when this new belief is true. In this case, when you feel supported and loved.

What's one new belief you can begin to adopt that will bring you closer to what you want?

3. Make a change in an attitude that holds you back.

Your attitude toward life and your relationships certainly create more of the same.

The trick is to change your attitude without "blue-skying" it or telling yourself something that you can not believe.

Here's an example of changing your attitude and the way you think about your partner...

Old attitude--"My partner will never make changes in our relationship."

New attitude--"My partner is my friend and I can start treating him (or her) that way."

What new attitude can you begin to embody that will bring you closer to what you want?

4. Learn a new skill and practice it.

To make any change, especially if you want to bring more spark to your life, you usually need to learn something new and then practice it.

For Susie, it's a deeper learning of how to stay present, grounded and open no matter what is going on around her.

For you, it might be a new way to relate to your loved one or it might be learning how to change your thinking to be more positive.

What's one new skill you'd like to learn next year that would make your life better?

What we know is that we all have the opportunity to make 2009 the best year ever.

We encourage you to open yourself to this opportunity of more love, passion and zest for life than you ever thought possible.

©2011, Susie & Otto Collins

 

Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available www.stayorgo.com Other Relationship Issues, Books



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