Women & Men

Menstuff® has compiled information, books and resources on the issue of women and men.

"I am mesmerized by women. They're like a horde of butterflies, flitting every which way, towards whatever grabs their attention in the moment. Beauty in flight. I once wrote a 250 page book on my understanding of women. Unfortunately, their were no words on any of the pages. It's taken many years to come to understand that it is best for me to stop trying to understand what and why they do or don't do something and just enjoy the out come." - Gordon Clay, 6/4/19

The Differences Between Women and Men
Are both men and women from Mars?
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but we have to live on Earth
She Said, He Said
Stiff Competition
Father's Day

Happy "Bad Father's" Day says the Fox Television Channel
Digging for Gold
What AOL is Telling Women
What Makes a Woman Happy
The Daily Husband Blog
Books - Related on Relationship, Sexism, Sex Roles, Social Theory, Men on Women, and Women on Men.
Issues - Related on Humor and books on Humor which include some of the biggest ways the "war of the sexes" is fueled. Please say "That isn't funny!" not only to rape jokes, but to any joke that shames or demeans another person - especially to the ones sent in group e-mails. Just click on the "Reply All" button and let them all know where you stand.

Digging for Gold

Self-made millionaire John Taylor placed a personal ad for a wife and received 2,000 replies. How many do you think he would have gotten it he had said, rather, that he was only an honest, loving, hard working mechanic?

Orlando Sentinel. "In his study , Charles Waehler, author of the forthcoming book Bachelors: The Psychology of Never-Married Men found that the men share three "modes of defense" in relationships: avoidance, isolation and distortion. These single men seemed reluctant to get involved, make demands or reveal their needs in sexual relationships. Waehler found that the bachelors' defensiveness and isolation permitted interaction but bottled up emotions. They tended to be standoffish, indifferent and avoided situations where feelings could be hurt.

Note: Image behind the Lenny icon is from Ean Begg's Myth and Today's Consciousness. I always thought it was an intriguing look at heterosexual women & men.

What AOL is Telling Women

July 26, 2000 Main Screen to Every AOL User - Marrying for "Love or Money". So this was their conclusion. Marry for money. Read on.

Dear Delilah (who is Deb Levine, their "relationships"? expert.)

I'm a 22-year-old Indian girl, and I've been waiting to marry a guy whom I've loved for four years now. He's not well-established or financially secure; and since I come from a well-to-do family, my parents are asking me to break up with him. I am getting marriage proposals from rich guys, and my parents want me to choose one soon.

What should I do? I have to get married fast. Should I break up with him? If so, what should I tell him so that he doesn't retaliate and ruin my marriage? Should I go ahead and get married without telling him?


Dear Savitry,

It sounds like you've already made your decision to marry one of the wealthy men. That's a perfectly fine decision if you've spent four years with this one guy with no sign of marriage in the future.

However, you do have to show your boyfriend some respect by breaking up with him decently. Anyone would be angry to find out that his girlfriend of four years got married without telling him!

Sit down and start a conversation with him. Tell him about your family pressure to get married and your need to move on with your life. Go over the fun parts of your relationship, but then tell him that you don't see any longevity as a couple. Apologize, and call it a day. Sure he'll be hurt, but not as hurt as if you don't tell him at all.

-- June 7, 2000

Editor: Savitry will probably get what she deserves in a marriage. Money and not lasting love. But, that's what Delilah is recommending to women and that what she and many other women have chosen. It's too bad that they don't remember that when the marriage goes sour. That's how they chose to look at love.

Are both men and women from Mars?

A new study shows that the sexes have more in common than you may think. Read on.
Source: my.webmd.com/content/Article/112/110279.htm

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but we have to live on Earth

A recent Barbara Walter’s infomercial for John Gray's work, was two-hours long and was paid for by ABC. They even had an 800 number at the end selling the video tape of the show. Luckily, we were spared the usual hype for books, tapes and video tapes of the course itself. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't really get the sense that most of the couples were much happier. The men seemed to be, but most of the women seemed to have "that look" of not really going along with the changes in the men while appearing to agree. And there was virtually no focus on women needing to change.

The thing that really got me was this whole "chores" mindset. From households with children kept super neat and clean, down to how important it was for one woman to have the inside of the trash cans washed out. Seems like it should have concentrated more on the obsessive-compulsive behavior of cleanliness as much as getting men to help around the house.

Where does this obsession come from? Our mothers and grandmothers? Gotta keep busy? Our fathers and grandfathers - want my castle spic-and-span when I get home? Something's wrong here. I think it has more to do with "appearance - what will the neighbors think" than anything else. But, maybe my experience is unusual. I know many couples with children where the home looks actually lived in, not like a gallery. It's not dirty. It's just not tidy. And, many women I have dated would have a very neat place when they knew I was coming over. Yet, if I dropped by unannounced, the place was in chaos. Clothes on the floor, things scattered everywhere. This is usually the stereotype for men, but I wonder if it's not just the way "people" are and that the obsession with "every thing has its place, and it must stay in that place" hasn't gotten a bit out-of-hand?

Another big reaction from most of the women was men watching sports. We really get a bad rap on this one. My sense is, most of us don't realize how much television women watch, because so much of their viewing is while we are at work. Furthermore, they won't admit how many hours of television they actually do watch every day. The viewing is soap operas (fantasy land), talk-shows (whine time), and game shows (atleast there may be a little socially redeeming value in learning something here). While I haven't looked at the Nielsen ratings for a while, if compared, I doubt that women watch any less television than men, and the content can't be much different. It's escapism on both sides.

And finally, family violence. Of the six women, one admits blowing up, throwing plates, etc. at her husband. Another, we observe, screaming and shaming her husband when he's late coming home from work for his birthday party. He's with the children trying to eat his cake and she's pacing like a tigress waiting to pounce. When their daughter accidentally knocks something over because she's excitedly carrying around a present for her father, her mother screams at her. The daughter cowers and we hear her say "Why is mommy always screaming?" The excuse for women's violence is often, if you had to be with children all day, you would too." There is no excuse for that kind of verbal violence. Whether it comes from a mother or a father. She needs help and it's not up to her husband to change his behavior. It's up to her.

I know women and men are different. I think our differences and our similarities must be explored. However, starting with the image that men are from the planet of war and women are from the planet of love (but don't have any arms) just reinforces the belief that only women are inherent nurturers and men are inherently violent- neither of which are true. Both sexes are inherently nurturers. Both sexes are inherently loving, caring human beings. I would love to see us be able to work together without playing games or manipulating each other because we know what makes each other tick. Cut the game playing. Cut the phony acknowledgment and recognition. Let's get real with each other, for a change. As one advertisement put it, "Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. End of story."

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