What Makes A Real Man?

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Regular Everyday Normal Guy

How To Be A Man?

Responses to the Phrase "Man Up" 4:18

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A Real Man
Our Founding Fathers
What Makes Up a Real Man?
Aspects of a Real Man
4 Marks of a Real Man
Raising a Real Man in a Metro-Sexual World: It's you against the world
Becoming Whole Men
True Manhood
Herbivore Men
Real Men Shed Tears: Why It's All Right to Cry
Pants were originally very barbaric
It Takes Balls to Wear a Kilt
It Takes a Real Man to Wear a Kilt (skirt)
More Men in Skirts
I Am A Man
Three Stages of Man
A Few Good Things About Men
Still About "Manhood"
What You Think Makes a Real Man
A Real Man Is
What makes a President manly
Kuan Yin
Rich Beem - A Real Man!
Men in Skirts
Do You Think Like a Man Or a Woman?
The Order of Men

Here's to all the real men out there...

Boys play house, men build homes
Boys shack up, men get married.
Boys make babies, men raise children
A boy won't raise his own children, a man will raise someone else's.
Boys invent excuses for failure, men produce strategies for success.
Boys look for somebody to take care of them, men look for someone to take care of.
Boys seek popularity, men demand respect and know how to give it.

A Real Man

This appears on our home page superimposed over Leonardo da Vinci's David. It's what we stand for.

"Man's inherent nature ts to be curious, gentle, intimate, responsible, enthusiastic, sensual, tolerant, courageous, honest, vulnerable, affectionate, proud, spiritual, committed, wild, nurturing, peaceful, helpful, intense, compassionate, happy and to fully and safely express all emotions. When will we stop training him to be otherwise?" - Gordon Clay

Our Founding Fathers

We can't vouch for the validity of the following. It came over the Internet. It does give one something to think about! Print it out and have a discussion with someone about it this weekend. It is followed by some followup research and a web site on the subject.

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they? Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags. Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr, noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart. Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor." They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War. We didn't fight just the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government! Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't. So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid. Remember: freedom is never free! Pass it on. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games. Colonel (Dr) Jim Hayes, USAF ret

Additional Information
There is an interesting analysis of the above at www.ctssar.org/articles/price_paid.htm for what it's worth. Who knows if it is truth or fiction, either, since I haven't personally checked out the books the various sources reference.

On their web site, scroll down on the page, past the original "What happened to the 56" item to find an analysis by E. Brooke Harlowe who claims there is a "A grain of truth in everything, but some broad wording that makes for a good story but an inaccurate portrayal of our founders." I don't think this in any way diminishes the bravery of these 56 men.


Let's examine some of the statements more closely. "Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died." This passage, to me at least, implies that the signer were captured under charges of treason and died under torture.

Five signers were indeed captured by the British, but not necessarily as traitors. Richard Stockton (NJ) was the only one who was probably captured and imprisoned just for having signed the Declaration of Independence.

Ferris and Morris also note that he was not well treated in captivity and was in ill health when released. He never completely recovered. He did not die in prison, however.

George Walton (GA) commanded militia at the Battle of Savannah in December, 1778. He was wounded and captured at that time. Thus he would have been considered a prisoner of war, not a traitor. He was released within a year, which implies that his signature on the Declaration was not as important a factor in his captivity as his active military role in defending Savannah (prisoners of war were exchanged on a regular basis, a traitor would have been hanged). Walton lived to serve as Governor of Georgia and U.S. Senator, dying in 1804.

Thomas Heyward, Jr., Arthur Middleton, and Edward Rutledge (SC) were all captured at the Siege of Charleston in 1780. They were held at St. Augustine (then under British control) until September 1781 with other Continentals.

Two months after his release, Arthur Middleton returned to Philadelphia to resume his seat in the Continental Congress. Despite the destruction of his estate, he was able to rebuild it and live there until his death in 1787.

Edward Rutledge sat in the State Legislature from 1782 to 1798. He was elected Governor of South Carolina but died before completing his term...in 1800. Ferris and Morris report that he died a very wealthy man.

Thomas Heyward, Jr. served as a circuit court judge from 1782 to 1787. He served as a state legislator at the same time. Heyward lived well into the 19th century, dying in 1809.

I checked about 8 general histories of the American War for Independence and one or two specialized works on the southern campaigns. None of them even mentioned that signers had been captured at Charleston or Savannah, let alone mention that any were singled out for harsh treatment. This seems to indicate that their capture was part of the "normal" course of war, not a special effort.

After the British took Charleston, Gen. Sir Henry Clinton had men of military age left in the city rounded up. Most were released soon after, including most of the militia troops. He had originally allowed the officers to keep their swords, but changed his mind when they began to shout rebel slogans. Only the Continental troops were held for any length of time (Middlekauff, The Glorious Revolution)

I found only one reference to the treatment of prisoners from the southern campaigns, in Lynn Montross, "Rag, Tag, and Bobtail". This work states that the continental troops from the siege of Charleston were held on prison ships. Conditions were poor and about a third of the prisoners died.

If one takes the word "torture" to mean pain and suffering, then I suppose these men were tortured. To my mind, however, torture implies an intentional infliction on pain, usually either to extract information or to punish. I have found no evidence of the latter.

Here is an interesting passage from Larry G. Bowman, North Texas St. Univ., on Prisoners of war: "Prisoners of war did suffer during the American Revolution. No other conclusion can be reached regarding the welfare of captives on both sides. Men were beaten, deprived of food by corrupt officials, denied bedding and clothing, and harassed in other ways but, fortunately, such incidents of outright cruelty were not routine events. Actually, most of the suffering of the men came from the more subtle torment usually brought on by neglect on the part of their captors. Neither the American nor the British authorities sought to induce suffering among the men in their prisons, yet men did want for basic services. The shortcomings on both sides of the conflict in providing for the captives was evident, but the motivations behind the failures were not evil or vindictive in their origination. Neither party entered a program of deliberately tormenting prisoners." Encyclopedia of the American Revolution, v. II, p. 1334 (New York: Garland Publishing, 1993).

So, when Hildreth writes, "But they signed the Declaration of Independence, knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured."

The British undoubtedly put a price on the heads of rebel political officials (not just signers) and the signers no doubt feared that the British would make good on the threat. The reality is, however, that none were executed for their treason.

Let's look at another assertion....Nine of the fifty-six fought and died from wounds or the hardship of the Revolutionary War. On my list two were wounded in action, but NONE DIED OF WOUNDS. (Homepage).

What Makes Up a Real Man?

It seems that the general image of "A real man", since the time Cain floored Abel, is the one who is easy to spot - he is the last one standing.

April 15th (1912) was the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic and I thought today's message was most appropriate as an example of the image of A Real Man that my grandfather, father and I grew up with.

"I am willing to remain and play the man’s game if there are not enough boats for more than the women and children…. Tell my wife I played the game straight out and to the end. No woman shall be left aboard this ship because Ben Guggenheim is a coward." - Final words of Benjamin Guggenheim, millionaire traveler aboard the ill-fated Titanic. As the boat began to sink, Guggenheim changed into formal dress and calmly faced death.

A very different view came from a description I read back in the late '70s. It is what I like to think makes "A real man" today. And, personally, I have worked since that time at becoming this man. I've only changed the deity to one that works for me. Use one or don't. What ever works for you. This was written by Star Hawk from the book The Spiral Dance.

"If man had been created in Spirit's image,
He would be free to be wild without being cruel,
Angry without being violent,
Sexual without being coercive,
Spiritual without being unsexed,
And able to truly love."

I'd recommend reading it again and be with it for a moment.

In my estimation, there isn't anything in any of the 3,500 books that we have in our men's library, represented elsewhere on this site, whether it's from psychology or sociology or theology or mythology or any other words or images that I've seen that comes close to this image of "A real man". Granted, a rather fictional character, but most of us have been living out a fictional character all of our lives that doesn't hold near the power of this one. Star Hawk's words not only allow but encourage my anger and wildness and sexuality and spirituality to live naturally and vibrantly without any negative impact from any other part of me.

My statement on our homepage is my take on the extent of what "A real man" can hold in his grasp. Here's how I see "A real man": "Man's inherent nature is to be curious, gentle, intimate, responsible, enthusiastic, sensual, tolerant, courageous, honest, vulnerable, affectionate, proud, spiritual, committed, wild, nurturing, peaceful, helpful, intense, compassionate, happy and to fully and safely express all emotions. When will we stop training him to be otherwise?"

What's "A Real Man" to you? Send us an e-mail. Peace brother, Gordon Clay

Aspects of Real Men by Oscar Pridgett

R = Respectful to others.
E = Not afraid to show his Emotions.
A = Equally Affectionate & Appreciative to his family.
L = Listen with intent to his wife and kids.

M = Well Mannered in all life's settings.
E = Earning his own way through life is paramount.
N = Neatness, for him everything has a place.

I Am A Man

I am taught what I am
I live out what I am
I explore what I am
I cannot hide what I am
I am just fine as I am
I am as deep as creation
I am one with creation
I am a man.

Jed Diamond, from
Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man

Three Stages of Man

This is a look at three types of men, two are uninitiated, the Heroic (Hyper) Masculinity and the Feminized (Hypo) Masculinity and the Initiated Authentic (Integrated) Masculinity. From Knights Without Armor: A practical guide for men in quest of masculine soul by Aaron Kipnis.

Heroic (Hyper) Masculinity - Uninitiated:  Old male principles. Physically hard, dominating, tough, soldier, killer, coercive, controlling, Lord and master, and destructive. Emotionally closed, numb, codependent, demanding, aggressive, cynical, sex partner, defensive, repressed, bastard. Mentally compartmentalized, penetrating, analytical, splitting, linear, hierarchy, exploitive, rules and laws, doctor. Spiritually patriarchal, absolute, uninitiated, immobile, single self, divided, dogma, exclusive, priest.

Feminized (Hypo) Masculinity - Uninitiated:  Traditional male principles. Physically soft, submissive, gentle, pacifist, gatherer, pliant, controlled, consort, immobile. Emotionally unprotected, flooded, dependent, smothering, passive, naive, pleaser, wounded, contained, nice guy. Mentally merged, diffused, synthetic, joining, circular, anarchy, conservative, procedures, magical thinker. Spiritually matriarchal, dualistic, seeker, in flight, selfless, disassociated, belief, inclusive, guru.

Authentic (Integrated) Masculinity - Initiated. Ancient/new male principles. Physically flexible, capable, strong, warrior, hunter, firm, vigilant, husband/partner, generative. Emotionally receptive, feeling, interdependent, nurturing, assertive, fresh/humorous, lover, deep feeling, wild/playful, fierce. Mentally eclectic, insightful, discriminating, holds paradox, holonomic, community, resourceful, personal ethics, healer. Spiritually polytheistic, paradoxical, initiated, grounded, braided self, embodied, direct experience, selective, mentor/elder.

4 Marks of a Real Man

What is a man? That should be a simple questoin, but many young men today don'tknow the answer. Listen to the poem one young man penned for Ralph Lewis in an article in the Jan/Feb, 1999 issue of New Man.

What is a man?
Is he someone who is strong and tall,
Or is taut and talented as he plays ball?
Is he someone who is hardened and rough,
Who smokes and drinks and swears enough?
Is he someone who chases women hard,
With a quest to conquer, but never dropping his guard?
Is he someone with a good business mind,
Who gets ahead of the others with his nose to the grind?
Or is he someone who tries his best,
Not really caring about any of the rest?
What is a man? Does anyone know?
Who is the prototype? To whom shall I go?

So, Robert Lewis decided to lay out his Four Marks of a Real Man: His masculinity is based on faith, not flesh. In short they are:

1. A Real Man rejects passivity.
2. A Real Man accepts responsibility
3. A Real Man leads courageously
4. A Real Man expects the greater reward.

Each of these principles is further developed in the article.

A Few Good Things About Men

Contributed by Lou Owen "I do not know the source. I came upon it years ago. I first saw it under the name "The good man project." 

Men teach and learn from others. Men coach and encourage. Men compliment. Men are peacemakers and negotiators. Men mediate, arbitrate and facilitate. Men comfort and nurture. Men enjoy solitude and companionship. Men are good friends. Men can keep a confidence. Men are faithful, sincere and decent. Men take pride in their achievements. Men try to make their community safe. Men are philanthropic and generous. Men are helpful, kind and thoughtful. Men are compassionate and sympathetic. Men cheer people up when they are down. Men are tender and gentle. Men are loving
Men debate and discuss. Men like fair play. Men like joking with others. Men entertain others. Men protect and rescue others from harm. Men sacrifice themselves for their family. Men sacrifice their lives for the greater good. Men co-operate. Men are good parents. Men lead others. Men are patient. Men are honorable. Men are honest. Men create laws to protect others. Men are tolerant and accepting of others. Men are good listeners. Men counsel. Men work together in a crisis. Men respect themselves and others. Men value all life and appreciate nature

Men are decisive. Men get things done. Men are practical. Men are organizers. Men transform. Men like to fix things. Men motivate and inspire

Men are exuberant. Men are free-spirited and playful. Men are charismatic. Men like to celebrate. Men are spiritual. Men have deep feelings. Men are open and expressive. Men communicate directly. Men are witty. Men move people with their words. Men are passionate. Men enjoy sex. Men are artistic. Men create and build

Men question and seek knowledge. Men search for meaning in their lives. Men are resourceful, adaptable and flexible. Men try to create order in a chaotic world. Men are wise and understanding. Men like to know how things work. Men invent and innovate. Men like intellectual games and rules. Men hypothesize and solve problems. Men are analytical and strategic. Men are philosophical. Men are planners and forward thinkers. Men reason logically. Men are smart. Men keep things in perspective. Men hope for a better world

Men are responsible. Men provide security and stability. Men are self-reliant and independent. Men can endure great pain. Men can restrain themselves. Men are calm in a catastrophe. Men are resilient. Men are dependable and trustworthy. Men are courageous and heroic, Men stand up for what they believe. Men are solid, stoical and firm. Men fight for a good cause. Men are disciplined. Men admit to their mistakes. Men work with danger, dirt and discomfort. Men have stamina, drive and determination. Men focus and concentrate. Men are hard workers. Men use their power for the good of others.

Men are physically co-ordinated and agile. Men explore and discover. Men enjoy physical activity and games. Men like clowning around and having fun. Men take risks. Men like to hone their skills in competition. Men are physically strong

A Real Man Is...

This is a list of input on the attributes of a real man...

Which of the following makes a president most manly?

Who is the most manly presidential candidate?

Source: 10/18/00 AOL pole. Results are unknown to us.

Rich Beem - A Real Man!

If Rich Beem's first child arrives on time, the defending champion won't play in the PGA Championship. "There will be no decision-making," Beem said at Oak Hill Country Club near Rochester, N.Y., where the PGA is August 11-17. Beem said the due date is August 16. If the child is not born by then, Beem said he will wear a pager, and if his wife, Sara, goes into labor, he will join her. Beem's not only a real real man but has all the makings of a pretty great dad, too.

Do You Think Like a Man Or a Woman?

As Research Shows One in Five Men Has a Female Brain.
Source: www.psycport.com/stories/bhsuper_2004_03_13_TDMA_0000-2839-KEYWORD.Missing.xml.html

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In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions. -- Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1887

Real heroes are men who fall and fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they've stayed true to their ideals and beliefs and commitments. -- Kevin Costner

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. -- Hindu proverb

I once climbed an imaginary mountain because it wasn't there.

"I see the world where a dummy like me can broadcast loud and clear my dumminess by spending a small forture to wear someone else's name to achieve my identity."

A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is achieved by a revolt from woman, and it is confirmed only by other men. Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all. -- Camille Paglia

The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart. -- Mencius (371-291 B.C.)

Macho does not prove mucho. Zsa Zsa Gabor

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