What Makes a Real Man

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Regular Everyday Normal Guy
How To Be A Man?
How movies teach manhood | Colin Stokes
Responses to the Phrase "Man Up"
The demise of guys
The Mask You Live In Trailer
Redefining black masculinity | Inua Ellams
The Boy Crisis: A Sobering look at the State of our Boys | Warren Farrell Ph.D.
Men - The forgotten gender | Deepika Bhardwaj
Why boys are failing? | Philip Zimbardo
Breaking the Boys Code of Masculinity | Bill Pozzobon
Unmasking masculinity -- helping boys become connected men | Ryan McKelley
Redefining masculinity | Shane Horsburgh
Expanding Masculinity: Moving Beyond Boys Will Be Boys | Blake Spence
Locker room talk"? Says who? | Alexis Jones

A Real Man
The Mask You Live In
Billboard about 'real men' sparks controversy in community
Why the New Macho Is Good for Women
45 honest, heartbreaking, and heartwarming responses to 'Be a man'
The New Macho: One Vision Of What Mature Masculinity Looks Like In The 21st Century
“Something fascinating happened after these male baboons died. Men should keep this in mind.”
Toxic masculinity is killing men: The roots of male trauma
Our Founding Fathers
What Makes Up a Real Man?
Aspects of a Real Man
4 Marks of a Real Man
Raising a Real Man in a Metro-Sexual World: It's you against the world
Becoming Whole Men
True Manhood
Herbivore Men
Real Men Shed Tears: Why It's All Right to Cry
Pants were originally very barbaric
It Takes Balls to Wear a Kilt
It Takes a Real Man to Wear a Kilt (skirt)
Men in Skirts
More Men in Skirts
I Am A Man
Three Stages of Man
A Few Good Things About Men
Still About "Manhood"
What You Think Makes a Real Man
A Real Man Is
What makes a President manly
Kuan Yin
Rich Beem - A Real Man!
Do You Think Like a Man Or a Woman?
"A Master's Degree in . . . Masculinity?"
Killer Jobs
Notes from Philip Zimbardo's TED Talk.
The Order of Men
Related issue: 

Here's to all the real men out there...

Boys play house, men build homes
Boys shack up, men get married.
Boys make babies, men raise children
A boy won't raise his own children, a man will raise someone else's.
Boys invent excuses for failure, men produce strategies for success.
Boys look for somebody to take care of them, men look for someone to take care of.
Boys seek popularity, men demand respect and know how to give it.

A Real Man

This appears on our home page superimposed over Leonardo da Vinci's David. It's what we stand for.

"Man's inherent nature is to be curious, gentle, intimate, responsible, enthusiastic, sensual, tolerant, courageous, honest, vulnerable, affectionate, proud, spiritual, committed, wild, nurturing, peaceful, helpful, intense, compassionate, happy and to fully and safely express all emotions. When will we stop training him to be otherwise?" - Gordon Clay

Why the New Macho Is Good for Women

If the stereotype of the macho man is the whiskey-drinking, womanizing Don Draper, then the popular perception of “feminist” is an angry, militant, man-hater—decrying the patriarchy while she burns her bra. It’s a cliché that, for decades now, has pitted the Marlboro Man against Rosie the Riveter, labeling women who rally behind men as antifeminist, and men who support women as weak, or worse. But even Gloria Steinem knew—back before women were even allowed to write at NEWSWEEK—that it was going to take both sides of the gender coin to achieve true parity. Testifying before Congress on behalf of the Equal Rights Amendment in 1970, Steinem proclaimed that one crucial aspect of women’s empowerment was “a return of fathers to their children.” “Women’s liberation,” Steinem declared, “is men’s liberation too.”

Forty years later, women are further along than we were in Steinem’s day—we’re tipping the scale at 51 percent of workers; we make up the majority of college graduates, M.A.s (and now even Ph.D.s), and we are the primary or co-breadwinners in most American households. But we still have trouble penetrating the highest echelons of the corporate world, and no matter how many hours we spend trying to close that gap, we remain burdened by domestic life. In 2010, there are still precious few stay-at-home dads; housework and child care are primarily still “women’s work.” And while we may have superpowered washing machines and delivery from Fresh Direct, we still do double the chores of the men we choose to live with.

All of this is why, even in 2010, we must take the advice of a feminist of yore: women still need men to prosper. We’re not talking about Mr. Cleaver bringing home the bacon—we need men so that we can excel at work, to level the playing field at home. We need them as dads, partners, and cheerleaders—from the classroom to the boardroom. So let’s retire the tired old “battle of the sexes” war cry—equality should never have been a zero-sum equation.

There are practical reasons why we should rally behind each other’s causes. If men are concerned about American prosperity, there’s a solution: women! Countless studies prove there’s a correlation between the number of women on corporate boards and achieving a better bottom line; McKinsey estimates that the United States could increase GDP by 9 percent if we achieved true equity at work. (At a time when economists worry we’re losing our economic edge, who wouldn’t be swayed by these arguments?)

The same goes for parental leave. It’s no coincidence that Iceland has the most generous paternity-leave program in the modern world—three months!—and also, the smallest wage gap. These things go hand in hand. And no, it wasn’t a raging man-hating feminist who pushed the legislation through—it was a male prime minister, who recognized that Icelanders of both genders would benefit, and not just in the short term. The reasoning? As more men take time off to care for their children, the burden of parenthood no longer falls on women alone. Ultimately, employers will stop looking at young, fertile women and thinking, why bother investing? We’ll all be equally worthy of investment.

In today’s economy, the industries that have long been female-dominated—teaching, nursing, and so on—are the ones that, in the coming years, will grow the most. Encouraging men to “man up,” as our colleagues put it—and enter these fields should be something we all push for. Because just as corporate boards benefit from diversity of thought, so does every workplace. Recent research from the London Business School suggests that productivity levels go up when men and women work in tandem—in part because gender parity counters the idea of groupthink, and reduces the sprouting of likeminded groups that defend ideas that may be ill conceived.

Welcoming men to traditionally underpaid professions could also serve to boost average salaries in those fields, making them more competitive and better able to attract top-tier talent. It could also be a crucial step in closing the wage gap, which, of course, won’t help just women. As more women become the main breadwinners—we’re in a “mancession,” remember?—equal pay means more for everyone.

So let’s embrace the new macho, throw our weight behind men who want to make a change, and get back to the forgotten principles of the original women’s movement, which put men’s progress hand in hand with women’s. “The only way that we can resolve these issues is for both men and women to join together,” says historian Barbara Berg. “You can’t liberate only one half.”

Forty years ago, Gloria Steinem said that women’s liberation would also be men’s. Today, maybe it’s the opposite: that men’s liberation will be good for women.
Source: www.newsweek.com/2010/09/20/why-the-new-macho-is-good-for-women.html

45 honest, heartbreaking, and heartwarming responses to 'Be a man'

They start at age 5 and go all the way up to 50. And every one has a different idea of what "Be a man" means.

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "Be a man"?

When I hear it, the feminist in me can't think of it as anything other than a really limiting way to think about gender — and, because it's usually used to shoot down someone acting in a way that's perceived as "feminine," it strikes me as kind of insulting. But as this video from Cut Video illustrates, not everyone sees it that way.

Here are 45 brutally honest responses.

The concept of "manliness" is both complex and flawed. That's why every response to "What does 'Be a man' mean?" is so vastly different.

I expected to hear: "Be tough," "Stop acting like a baby," and "Don't show emotion." Instead, this video showcases a deeply personal and honest collection of introspective answers that range from proud, disappointed, insecure, angry, optimistic, and, yes, even feminist. Here are a few of them:

Some found it "kinda sexist."

"I find it kinda sexist. Someone says 'Be a man,' well, there are strong women as well." — Kyle, age 15

"Stupid. It's almost a sexist phrase too, like, if you're not being 'a man' it's kinda saying you're being a woman in a way too?" — Cole, age 17

"Sexist. It's a very accepted form of sexism. 'To be a man' implies that you need to be something specific." — Sillias, age 42

For others, being a man is about courage.

"Unafraid." — Solomon, age 8

"Take responsibility." — John Jr., age 18

"Someone who can be a hero to someone." — Aaron, age 24

Many saw "Be a man" as a call to action.

"Focused. 'Cause to be a man you need to be focused and strong and have a good understanding of the world around you so you can be a better person." — Sam, age 20

"To stand up for what you believe in." — Dan, age 34

"Trust your instincts. Be strong. Don't let people push you around. And be kind to women." —Thomas, age 50

The lessons: Gender is complicated, and so are the ways that we talk about it. Being a man doesn't mean one thing. It's up to every individual to define it for themselves.

Did watching this video expose any of your own prejudices about manhood? It did for me! And that's not easy to admit. Without realizing it, I projected my own ideas of how the men would respond before I even hit play. As we grow in our understanding of gender and identity, we should think just as deeply about how the phrases we use and hear every day might mean different things to different people. It's a lesson I'm going to remember.
Source: www.upworthy.com/45-honest-heartbreaking-and-heartwarming-responses-to-be-a-man?c=click

The New Macho: One Vision Of What Mature Masculinity Looks Like In The 21st Century

He cleans up after himself. He cleans up our planet. He is a role model for young men. He is rigorously honest and fiercely optimistic.

He knows what he feels. He knows how to cry and he lets it go. He knows how to rage without hurting others. He knows how to fear and keep moving. He knows joy, and shares gratitude. He seeks self-mastery.

He has let go of childish shame. He feels guilty when he’s done something wrong. He is kind to men, kind to women, kind to children. He teaches others how to be kind. He says he’s sorry.

He stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain. He stopped letting his defenses ruin his relationships. He stopped letting his libido run his life. He has enough self-respect to tell the truth. He creates intimacy and trust with his actions. He has men who he trusts and turns to for support. He knows how to make it happen. He knows how to roll with it. He is disciplined when he needs to be. He is flexible when he needs to be. He knows how to listen from the core of his being.

He confronts his limitations. He’s not afraid to get dirty. He has high expectations for himself and those he connects with. When he makes mistakes, as all men do, he holds himself accountable. When he falls, he gets back up. He practices compassion, for himself and others.

He knows he is an individual. He knows we are all one. He knows he is an animal and part of nature. He knows his spirit and a connection to something greater. He looks for ways to serve others.

He knows future generations are watching his actions. He builds communities where all people are respected and valued. He takes responsibility for himself and is willing to be his brother’s keeper.

He knows his higher purpose. He loves with fierceness. He laughs with abandon, because he gets the joke.

This is one description of mature masculinity – the New Warrior.
Source: Boysen Hodgson, www.filmsforaction.org/articles/the-new-macho-one-vision-of-what-mature-masculinity-looks-like/#.VXmlztaKFJQ.facebook

“Something fascinating happened after these male baboons died. Men should keep this in mind.”

If you're any kind of a real man, you've got to check this out when you've got about an hour to spend to improe your life.
Source: www.upworthy.com/something-fascinating-happened-after-these-male-baboons-died-men-should-keep-this-in-mind?c=reccon1

Our Founding Fathers

We can't vouch for the validity of the following. It came over the Internet. It does give one something to think about! Print it out and have a discussion with someone about it this weekend. It is followed by some followup research and a web site on the subject.

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they? Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated. But they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags. Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr, noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later he died from exhaustion and a broken heart. Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.

Such were the stories and sacrifices of the American Revolution. These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education. They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: "For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor." They gave you and me a free and independent America. The history books never told you a lot about what happened in the Revolutionary War. We didn't fight just the British. We were British subjects at that time and we fought our own government! Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't. So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid. Remember: freedom is never free! Pass it on. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball games. Colonel (Dr) Jim Hayes, USAF ret

Additional Information
There is an interesting analysis of the above at www.ctssar.org/articles/price_paid.htm for what it's worth. Who knows if it is truth or fiction, either, since I haven't personally checked out the books the various sources reference.

On their web site, scroll down on the page, past the original "What happened to the 56" item to find an analysis by E. Brooke Harlowe who claims there is a "A grain of truth in everything, but some broad wording that makes for a good story but an inaccurate portrayal of our founders." I don't think this in any way diminishes the bravery of these 56 men.


Let's examine some of the statements more closely. "Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died." This passage, to me at least, implies that the signer were captured under charges of treason and died under torture.

Five signers were indeed captured by the British, but not necessarily as traitors. Richard Stockton (NJ) was the only one who was probably captured and imprisoned just for having signed the Declaration of Independence.

Ferris and Morris also note that he was not well treated in captivity and was in ill health when released. He never completely recovered. He did not die in prison, however.

George Walton (GA) commanded militia at the Battle of Savannah in December, 1778. He was wounded and captured at that time. Thus he would have been considered a prisoner of war, not a traitor. He was released within a year, which implies that his signature on the Declaration was not as important a factor in his captivity as his active military role in defending Savannah (prisoners of war were exchanged on a regular basis, a traitor would have been hanged). Walton lived to serve as Governor of Georgia and U.S. Senator, dying in 1804.

Thomas Heyward, Jr., Arthur Middleton, and Edward Rutledge (SC) were all captured at the Siege of Charleston in 1780. They were held at St. Augustine (then under British control) until September 1781 with other Continentals.

Two months after his release, Arthur Middleton returned to Philadelphia to resume his seat in the Continental Congress. Despite the destruction of his estate, he was able to rebuild it and live there until his death in 1787.

Edward Rutledge sat in the State Legislature from 1782 to 1798. He was elected Governor of South Carolina but died before completing his term...in 1800. Ferris and Morris report that he died a very wealthy man.

Thomas Heyward, Jr. served as a circuit court judge from 1782 to 1787. He served as a state legislator at the same time. Heyward lived well into the 19th century, dying in 1809.

I checked about 8 general histories of the American War for Independence and one or two specialized works on the southern campaigns. None of them even mentioned that signers had been captured at Charleston or Savannah, let alone mention that any were singled out for harsh treatment. This seems to indicate that their capture was part of the "normal" course of war, not a special effort.

After the British took Charleston, Gen. Sir Henry Clinton had men of military age left in the city rounded up. Most were released soon after, including most of the militia troops. He had originally allowed the officers to keep their swords, but changed his mind when they began to shout rebel slogans. Only the Continental troops were held for any length of time (Middlekauff, The Glorious Revolution)

I found only one reference to the treatment of prisoners from the southern campaigns, in Lynn Montross, "Rag, Tag, and Bobtail". This work states that the continental troops from the siege of Charleston were held on prison ships. Conditions were poor and about a third of the prisoners died.

If one takes the word "torture" to mean pain and suffering, then I suppose these men were tortured. To my mind, however, torture implies an intentional infliction on pain, usually either to extract information or to punish. I have found no evidence of the latter.

Here is an interesting passage from Larry G. Bowman, North Texas St. Univ., on Prisoners of war: "Prisoners of war did suffer during the American Revolution. No other conclusion can be reached regarding the welfare of captives on both sides. Men were beaten, deprived of food by corrupt officials, denied bedding and clothing, and harassed in other ways but, fortunately, such incidents of outright cruelty were not routine events. Actually, most of the suffering of the men came from the more subtle torment usually brought on by neglect on the part of their captors. Neither the American nor the British authorities sought to induce suffering among the men in their prisons, yet men did want for basic services. The shortcomings on both sides of the conflict in providing for the captives was evident, but the motivations behind the failures were not evil or vindictive in their origination. Neither party entered a program of deliberately tormenting prisoners." Encyclopedia of the American Revolution, v. II, p. 1334 (New York: Garland Publishing, 1993).

So, when Hildreth writes, "But they signed the Declaration of Independence, knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured."

The British undoubtedly put a price on the heads of rebel political officials (not just signers) and the signers no doubt feared that the British would make good on the threat. The reality is, however, that none were executed for their treason.

Let's look at another assertion....Nine of the fifty-six fought and died from wounds or the hardship of the Revolutionary War. On my list two were wounded in action, but NONE DIED OF WOUNDS. (Homepage).

What Makes Up a Real Man?

It seems that the general image of "A real man", since the time Cain floored Abel, is the one who is easy to spot - he is the last one standing.

April 15th (1912) was the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic and I thought today's message was most appropriate as an example of the image of A Real Man that my grandfather, father and I grew up with.

"I am willing to remain and play the man’s game if there are not enough boats for more than the women and children…. Tell my wife I played the game straight out and to the end. No woman shall be left aboard this ship because Ben Guggenheim is a coward." - Final words of Benjamin Guggenheim, millionaire traveler aboard the ill-fated Titanic. As the boat began to sink, Guggenheim changed into formal dress and calmly faced death.

A very different view came from a description I read back in the late '70s. It is what I like to think makes "A real man" today. And, personally, I have worked since that time at becoming this man. I've only changed the deity to one that works for me. Use one or don't. What ever works for you. This was written by Star Hawk from the book The Spiral Dance.

"If man had been created in Spirit's image,
He would be free to be wild without being cruel,
Angry without being violent,
Sexual without being coercive,
Spiritual without being unsexed,
And able to truly love."

I'd recommend reading it again and be with it for a moment.

In my estimation, there isn't anything in any of the 3,500 books that we have in our men's library, represented elsewhere on this site, whether it's from psychology or sociology or theology or mythology or any other words or images that I've seen that comes close to this image of "A real man". Granted, a rather fictional character, but most of us have been living out a fictional character all of our lives that doesn't hold near the power of this one. Star Hawk's words not only allow but encourage my anger and wildness and sexuality and spirituality to live naturally and vibrantly without any negative impact from any other part of me.

My statement on our homepage is my take on the extent of what "A real man" can hold in his grasp. Here's how I see "A real man": "Man's inherent nature is to be curious, gentle, intimate, responsible, enthusiastic, sensual, tolerant, courageous, honest, vulnerable, affectionate, proud, spiritual, committed, wild, nurturing, peaceful, helpful, intense, compassionate, happy and to fully and safely express all emotions. When will we stop training him to be otherwise?"

What's "A Real Man" to you? Send us an e-mail. Peace brother, Gordon Clay

Aspects of Real Men by Oscar Pridgett

R = Respectful to others.
E = Not afraid to show his Emotions.
A = Equally Affectionate & Appreciative to his family.
L = Listen with intent to his wife and kids.

M = Well Mannered in all life's settings.
E = Earning his own way through life is paramount.
N = Neatness, for him everything has a place.

I Am A Man

I am taught what I am
I live out what I am
I explore what I am
I cannot hide what I am
I am just fine as I am
I am as deep as creation
I am one with creation
I am a man.

Jed Diamond, from
Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man

Three Stages of Man

This is a look at three types of men, two are uninitiated, the Heroic (Hyper) Masculinity and the Feminized (Hypo) Masculinity and the Initiated Authentic (Integrated) Masculinity. From Knights Without Armor: A practical guide for men in quest of masculine soul by Aaron Kipnis.

Heroic (Hyper) Masculinity - Uninitiated:  Old male principles. Physically hard, dominating, tough, soldier, killer, coercive, controlling, Lord and master, and destructive. Emotionally closed, numb, codependent, demanding, aggressive, cynical, sex partner, defensive, repressed, bastard. Mentally compartmentalized, penetrating, analytical, splitting, linear, hierarchy, exploitive, rules and laws, doctor. Spiritually patriarchal, absolute, uninitiated, immobile, single self, divided, dogma, exclusive, priest.

Feminized (Hypo) Masculinity - Uninitiated:  Traditional male principles. Physically soft, submissive, gentle, pacifist, gatherer, pliant, controlled, consort, immobile. Emotionally unprotected, flooded, dependent, smothering, passive, naive, pleaser, wounded, contained, nice guy. Mentally merged, diffused, synthetic, joining, circular, anarchy, conservative, procedures, magical thinker. Spiritually matriarchal, dualistic, seeker, in flight, selfless, disassociated, belief, inclusive, guru.

Authentic (Integrated) Masculinity - Initiated. Ancient/new male principles. Physically flexible, capable, strong, warrior, hunter, firm, vigilant, husband/partner, generative. Emotionally receptive, feeling, interdependent, nurturing, assertive, fresh/humorous, lover, deep feeling, wild/playful, fierce. Mentally eclectic, insightful, discriminating, holds paradox, holonomic, community, resourceful, personal ethics, healer. Spiritually polytheistic, paradoxical, initiated, grounded, braided self, embodied, direct experience, selective, mentor/elder.

4 Marks of a Real Man

What is a man? That should be a simple questoin, but many young men today don'tknow the answer. Listen to the poem one young man penned for Ralph Lewis in an article in the Jan/Feb, 1999 issue of New Man.

What is a man?
Is he someone who is strong and tall,
Or is taut and talented as he plays ball?
Is he someone who is hardened and rough,
Who smokes and drinks and swears enough?
Is he someone who chases women hard,
With a quest to conquer, but never dropping his guard?
Is he someone with a good business mind,
Who gets ahead of the others with his nose to the grind?
Or is he someone who tries his best,
Not really caring about any of the rest?
What is a man? Does anyone know?
Who is the prototype? To whom shall I go?

So, Robert Lewis decided to lay out his Four Marks of a Real Man: His masculinity is based on faith, not flesh. In short they are:

1. A Real Man rejects passivity.
2. A Real Man accepts responsibility
3. A Real Man leads courageously
4. A Real Man expects the greater reward.

Each of these principles is further developed in the article.

A Few Good Things About Men

Contributed by Lou Owen "I do not know the source. I came upon it years ago. I first saw it under the name "The good man project." 

Men teach and learn from others. Men coach and encourage. Men compliment. Men are peacemakers and negotiators. Men mediate, arbitrate and facilitate. Men comfort and nurture. Men enjoy solitude and companionship. Men are good friends. Men can keep a confidence. Men are faithful, sincere and decent. Men take pride in their achievements. Men try to make their community safe. Men are philanthropic and generous. Men are helpful, kind and thoughtful. Men are compassionate and sympathetic. Men cheer people up when they are down. Men are tender and gentle. Men are loving
Men debate and discuss. Men like fair play. Men like joking with others. Men entertain others. Men protect and rescue others from harm. Men sacrifice themselves for their family. Men sacrifice their lives for the greater good. Men co-operate. Men are good parents. Men lead others. Men are patient. Men are honorable. Men are honest. Men create laws to protect others. Men are tolerant and accepting of others. Men are good listeners. Men counsel. Men work together in a crisis. Men respect themselves and others. Men value all life and appreciate nature

Men are decisive. Men get things done. Men are practical. Men are organizers. Men transform. Men like to fix things. Men motivate and inspire

Men are exuberant. Men are free-spirited and playful. Men are charismatic. Men like to celebrate. Men are spiritual. Men have deep feelings. Men are open and expressive. Men communicate directly. Men are witty. Men move people with their words. Men are passionate. Men enjoy sex. Men are artistic. Men create and build

Men question and seek knowledge. Men search for meaning in their lives. Men are resourceful, adaptable and flexible. Men try to create order in a chaotic world. Men are wise and understanding. Men like to know how things work. Men invent and innovate. Men like intellectual games and rules. Men hypothesize and solve problems. Men are analytical and strategic. Men are philosophical. Men are planners and forward thinkers. Men reason logically. Men are smart. Men keep things in perspective. Men hope for a better world

Men are responsible. Men provide security and stability. Men are self-reliant and independent. Men can endure great pain. Men can restrain themselves. Men are calm in a catastrophe. Men are resilient. Men are dependable and trustworthy. Men are courageous and heroic, Men stand up for what they believe. Men are solid, stoical and firm. Men fight for a good cause. Men are disciplined. Men admit to their mistakes. Men work with danger, dirt and discomfort. Men have stamina, drive and determination. Men focus and concentrate. Men are hard workers. Men use their power for the good of others.

Men are physically co-ordinated and agile. Men explore and discover. Men enjoy physical activity and games. Men like clowning around and having fun. Men take risks. Men like to hone their skills in competition. Men are physically strong

A Real Man Is...

This is a list of input on the attributes of a real man...

  • Doesn't allow his son to be circumcised - at all costs.
  • A man who gives back to his community
  • Being tall, in height, intellengent, good looking helps

Which of the following makes a president most manly?

  • Speaks softly and carries a big stick
  • A thorough grasp of big issues
  • Ability to act as moral example to country
  • Ability to stare down commies and terrorists without blinking
  • Has a 'way' with the ladies
  • I refuse to answer because of your obvious liberal bias
  • I refuse to answer because of your obvious conservative bias

Who is the most manly presidential candidate?

  • Pat Buchanan
  • George W. Bush
  • Al Gore
  • Ralph Nader
  • Other

Source: 10/18/00 AOL pole. Results are unknown to us.

Rich Beem - A Real Man!

If Rich Beem's first child arrives on time, the defending champion won't play in the PGA Championship. "There will be no decision-making," Beem said at Oak Hill Country Club near Rochester, N.Y., where the PGA is August 11-17. Beem said the due date is August 16. If the child is not born by then, Beem said he will wear a pager, and if his wife, Sara, goes into labor, he will join her. Beem's not only a real real man but has all the makings of a pretty great dad, too.

Do You Think Like a Man Or a Woman?

As Research Shows One in Five Men Has a Female Brain.
Source: www.psycport.com/stories/bhsuper_2004_03_13_TDMA_0000-2839-KEYWORD.Missing.xml.html

"A Master's Degree in . . . Masculinity?"

Masters degree in masculinityIn an August 8, 2015, article in the New York Times "Fashion and Style" section, Jessica Bennett describes the work of Dr. Michael Kimmel and his Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities at Stony Brook University, part of the State University of New York system, which will soon start the first master’s degree program in "masculinities studies."

Okay, the whole setup is off-putting: Yet another woman writing - re fashion and style - about men; a grand pause in the title (the ellipsis dots); a question mark at the end of the article's title; and in the text of the article, the term masculinities studies presented in quotation marks. (In the publishing biz we call them "scare quotes." In speech, they're often shown as "air quotes." They mean, "let's not take this too seriously, folks.") Oh, and then there's the graphic, with Mister Rogers and his King Friday puppet mashed up with a beer-swilling, cigar-smoking lout in a wife-beater shirt.

But wait a sec. Once you get past the crap (anyway, the picture and title were probably the work of editors and not Ms. Bennett), the article amounts to a serious overview of Kimmel's work in establishing a master's degree program in "masculinities studies" (those quotes again, in the article). But then (from the article):

No, Dr. Kimmel joked, the department title doesn’t just roll off the tongue. But it's called "masculinities" (plural) to acknowledge that there is "more than one way to be a man."

And he would know. For nearly 40 years, long before anybody was particularly keen to listen, Dr. Kimmel has been touting understanding men and boys. "In the beginning," he said, "people sort of looked at me cross-eyed and said 'Huh?' "

And the article continues in a serious vein, replete with information about men's programs and conferences, and links to other pioneering work in universities and men's studies centers.

It's a long article, but well worth reading through. If you don't have time or inclination, just check out a couple of the links in the article:

Kimmel's Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities
American Men's Studies Association

Killer Jobs

The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) has come out with the latest (2014) statistics on the 15 most dangerous jobs. The Forbes website summarizes the data, including an annotated photo gallery. (Editor's note: Not included are active-duty military, especially in theaters of command in the world.)

And in a stunning turn-around, the jobs are held mostly by women!

Just kidding.

It's good to remember that everyone - even us men in less hazardous jobs - owes a debt of gratitude to those (mostly) men who are putting their lives on the line to feed us, house us, transport us, clean up after us, and install power lines.

The 15 Deadliest Jobs In America

While workplace hazard coverage often details the dangers of sitting at a computer for hours each day, none of the most dangerous jobs in America take place inside an office.

Thousands of workers across the U.S. die from injuries inflicted on the job each year. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) National Census of Fatal Occupational Injuries, 4,679 workers died of fatal work injuries in 2014, a rate of 3.3 workers per 100,000 full-time employees.

The data, released earlier this month, offers a preliminary look at workplace fatalities last year. Final data is expected to be published in the spring of 2016. In previous years, finalized statistics have demonstrated slightly higher rates, averaging an increase of 173 instances each year, ranging from 84 to 245.

The job with the highest fatality rate in 2014? Loggers, yet again. These workers, who harvest and transport timber for processing, often work in dangerous conditions and exposed to the elements, and usually earn annual wages in the mid-$30,000 range. This is the third year loggers, with a fatality rate of 109.5 workers per 100,000 full-time equivalent employees, have topped this list.

Fishers also maintain their rank for the third year running, coming in as the job with the second highest fatality rate. Fishermen and women, who, according to the BLS “catch and trap various types of marine life” to be used as food, feed, and bait, lost their lives at a rate of 80.8 workers per 100,000 full-time employees, in a job that tends to pay in the mid-$30,000 to low-$40,000 range.

Aircraft pilots and flight engineers come in fifth, with a fatality rate of 63.2 deaths per 100,000 full-time employees. Though this remains one of the occupations with the highest fatality rate year after year, nearly 76,000 Americans currently count themselves among this field, which pays a mean annual wage of $131,760.

The greatest number of workplace fatalities in 2014 were caused by transportation accidents, which account for 40% of work-related deaths. Deaths due to workplace violence decreased slightly; workplace homicide numbers remained steady while there was a dip in workplace suicides since 2013. Female workplace homicide victims were most likely to be attacked by a relative or partner, while workplace homicides involving male victims were usually related to robberies. ”Fatal falls, slips, and trips,” meanwhile, were up about 10%.

Fatalities among protective service occupations dropped 15% last year, to 211, due largely to a hefty decline in fatalities among firefighter and first-line supervisors of fire fighting and prevention workers, which dropped 51%. Despite overall good news within this group of occupations, fatalities among police officers and first-line supervisors of police and detectives increased significantly–17%–to 103 in 2014.

Deaths among workers aged 55 and older increased 9% in 2014, totaling 1,621 which, the summary notes, is “the highest annual total since the inception of the fatality census in 1992.”

Foreign-born workers accounted for 827 workplace fatalities in 2014. The greatest percentage of these workers, roughly 40, hailed from Mexico, though the group included individuals from 80 countries.

No. 1 Logging Workers

BLS definition: Logging workers harvest thousands of acres of forests each year. The timber they harvest provides the raw material for many consumer goods and industrial products. 2014 fatalities: 109.5
Data via the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Fatalities per 100,000 full-time equivalent workers.

No. 2 Fishers and Related Fishing Workers

BLS definition: Fishers and related fishing workers catch and trap various types of marine life. The fish they catch are for human food, animal feed, bait, and other uses. 2014 fatalities: 80.8

No. 3 Other Extraction Workers

BLS definition: All extraction workers not listed separately. 2014 fatalities: 51.9

No. 4 Roofers

BLS definition: Roofers repair and install the roofs of buildings using a variety of materials, including shingles, asphalt, and metal. 2014 fatalities: 46.2

No. 5 Aircraft Pilots and Flight Engineers

BLS definition: Pilot and navigate the flight of fixed-wing, multi-engine aircraft, usually on scheduled air carrier routes, for the transport of passengers and cargo. Requires Federal Air Transport certificate and rating for specific aircraft type used. Includes regional, National, and international airline pilots and flight instructors of airline pilots. 2014 fatalities: 63.2

No. 6 Refuse and Recyclable Material Collectors

BLS definition: Collect and dump refuse or recyclable materials from containers into truck. May drive truck. 2014 fatalities: 35.8

No. 7 Farmers, Ranchers, and Other Agricultural Managers

BLS definition: Farmers, ranchers, and other agricultural managers run establishments that produce crops, livestock, and dairy products. 2014 fatalities: 26

No. 8 Structural Iron and Steel Workers

BLS definition: Structural iron and steel workers install iron or steel beams, girders, and columns to form buildings, bridges, and other structures. They are commonly referred to as ironworkers. 2014 fatalities: 25.2

No. 9 Farming, Fishing, and Forestry Occupations

BLS defition: This major group comprises the followingoccupations: First-Line Supervisors of Farming, Fishing, and Forestry Workers ;Agricultural Inspectors ; Animal Breeders ; Graders and Sorters, AgriculturalProducts ; Agricultural Equipment Operators ; Farmworkers and Laborers, Crop,Nursery, and Greenhouse ; Farmworkers, Farm, Ranch, and Aquacultural Animals ;Agricultural Workers, All Other ;Fishers and Related Fishing Workers ; Forestand Conservation Workers ; Fallers ; Logging Equipment Operators ; Log Gradersand Scalers ; Logging Workers, All Other 2014 fatalities: 24.1

No. 10 Driver/Sales Workers and Truck Drivers

BLS Definition: Delivery truck drivers and driver/sales workers pick up, transport, and drop off packages and small shipments within a local region or urban area. They drive trucks with a gross vehicle weight (GVW)—the combined weight of the vehicle, passengers, and cargo—of 26,000 pounds or less. Most of the time, delivery truck drivers transport merchandise from a distribution center to businesses and households. 2014 fatalities: 23.4

No. 11 Electrical Power-Line Installers and Repairers

BLS definition: Line installers and repairers (also known as line workers) install or repair electrical power systems and telecommunications cables, including fiber optics. 2014 fatalities: 19.2

No. 12 Miscellaneous Agricultural Workers

BLS definition: This broad occupation includes the following four detailedoccupations: Agricultural Equipment Operators; Farmworkers and Laborers, Crop,Nursery, and Greenhouse; Farmworkers, Farm, Ranch, and Aquacultural Animals; AgriculturalWorkers, All Other 2014 fatalities: 18.2

No. 13 First-Line Supervisors of Construction Trades and Extraction Workers

BLS definition: Directly supervise and coordinate activities of construction or extraction workers. 2014 fatalities: 17.9

No. 14 Taxi Drivers and Chauffeurs

BLS definition: Taxi drivers and chauffeurs drive people to and from the places they need to go, such as airports, homes, shopping centers, and workplaces. They must know their way around a city in order to take both residents and visitors to their destinations. 2014 fatalities: 17.2

No. 15 Construction Laborers

BLS definition: Construction laborers and helpers perform many basic tasks that require physical labor on construction sites. 2014 fatalities: 16.8
Source: www.forbes.com/sites/kathryndill/2015/09/23/the-15-deadliest-jobs-in-america/

Notes from Philip Zimbardo's TED Talk

Boys 30% more likely to drop out of school.

girls outperformed guys at every level from elementary school through graduate school,

Boys less likely to get BSAs (44% to 56%) and graduate degrees (45% to 55%)

Make up 2/3 of special ed students

5 times more likely to have ADHD and therefore we drug them with Ratline

A new fear of intimacy. Physical, emotional, connection with someone else. Especially someone with the other sex who gives off ambiguous, contradictory, signals.

They don't know the language of face contact. Verbal nonverbal set of rules that enable you to talk to somebody else and listen to somebody else.

Guys prefer male bonding rather than female mating. starting in early childhood.

Physical company and cordial arousal we're looking at. Guys have been with guys in teams, and clubs, gangs, fraternities, the military, then in bars. It peaks on Super bowl Sunday when guys would rather be in a bar with strangers watching a totally overdressed Aaron Rogers of the Green Bay Packers rather than Jennifer Lopez totally naked in the bedroom.

The problem is that they now prefer a synchronistic Internet world to the spontaneous interactions in social relationships.

What are the causes? It's an unintended consequence of excessive Internet use and excessive video gaming/'porning' as arousal addictions; they are becoming more addictive, with more variety, competition and higher video quality. Arousal addition. Drug addiction you simply want more of the same, arousal addiction you want different.

Jane McGonigal: by 21 boys spend 10,00 hours gaming, most of that time in isolation.

Cindy Gallop said guys don't know the difference from making love and doing porn.

Average boy watches 50 porn clips a week. For every 400 movies made in Hollywood, there are 11,000 porn movies made.

It's a new kind of arousal. Boys brains are being digitally rewired inn a totally new way for change, novelty, excitement, and constant arousal. That means they are totally out of sinc with traditional classes which are analogue, static, ______ passive, and totally out of sinc in romantic relationships which build gradually and subtly

So what the solution? It's not my job. I'm here to alarm. It's your job to ______. But who should care? Parents of boys and girls, educators, gamers, and film makers. And women who'd like a man who they can talk to, who can dance, who can make love slowly, and contribute to the evolutionary pressures that can keep our species above banana slugs. No offense to banana slugs.
Source:  www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge

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A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is achieved by a revolt from woman, and it is confirmed only by other men. Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all. -- Camille Paglia

In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions. -- Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1887

Real heroes are men who fall and fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they've stayed true to their ideals and beliefs and commitments. -- Kevin Costner

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. -- Hindu proverb

I once climbed an imaginary mountain because it wasn't there.

"I see the world where a dummy like me can broadcast loud and clear my dumminess by spending a small forture to wear someone else's name to achieve my identity."

Macho does not prove mucho. Zsa Zsa Gabor

By the time a man is thirty-five he knows that the images of the right man, the tough man, the true man which he received in high school do not work in life. - Robert Bly  

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