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Sticks and Stones: The Littleton, Colorado
Shooting
The front page of the April 21, 1999, San
Francisco Chronicle read "Killing Rampage at
School: Suicide attack blamed on 2 students." Just
two students? Or is it a wake-up call for all of
us?
We can blame it on the availability of guns, or
movies, television or war toys as innocent as GI
Joe. We can even point, in this case, at Goth. But
in doing that, I suggest we look where our other
three fingers are pointing and take responsibility
for the part we played in this scenario. Yes, all
of us. For, you see, I think the problem goes much
deeper that what the newspapers or "expert"
psychologist are saying. The problem lies within
virtually every home in America. While the solution
may be more difficult, I think problem is very
simple.
Name
calling. Feeling insecure in our selves, or
developing a dislike or even hate of people who are
different from us (race, religion, sexual
preference, and the hate list goes on), we start by
passing on jokes that malign others, then name
calling behind someone's back, then finally to
their face. Names beyond the many raciest names we
all know.
These killers in Littleton, Colorado weren't
athletes, or pep squad leaders, or the popular kids
at school. The "killers" at the previous school
killings weren't either. But those are the people
they targeted. And, I think, they just got tired of
being called weirdo's, nerds, geeks, freaks,
stupid, slobs, or whatever words the in-crowd uses
to attack someone's self-esteem. After a while,
these young men can't deal with it anymore and
return the attack in the only way they can see that
will stop the abuse.
The message they are sending is "Stop calling me
names" and no one is listening. So, the
name-calling and ridicule continue. And the
communities involved start focusing on an action
plan and gun control and fences around the schools
and more security checks, more shakedowns, and the
list goes on. While short-term those may be
necessary, they are only short-term solutions.
We all must get actively involved with this
problem. Really look at all the ways each of us
becomes a perpetrator. Then, start teaching our
children about the dangers of name calling and the
importance of developing respect for everyone,
especially those who are different in some way than
we are. Outside the home by standing up and saying
"Stop calling him (or her) names" or "I don't think
that joke is funny" or "Stop sending me those
emails." In school, send the name callers to the
principles office.
As an adult, "Sticks and stones may break my
bones, but names will never hurt me." But as a kid
who doesn't "fit in," or look the part, or isn't as
popular as "Joe cool," names not only hurt, they
kill.
Possible Solutions
It can get frustrating as a parent or non-parent
knowing what to do. And, while there are a number
of good books and how to work to reduce teen
violence, cultural violence and the shadow violence
that lurks without each of us, many of us won't go
to the effort of getting one of these books to
start the work now.
In the meantime, the following are some steps
you can take to stop violence among young children,
from Parenting for Peace & Justice:
Speak out to your family, friends, and
co-workers to develop an awareness of the
"accepted" violence among teens and children,
including name calling, insults, pushing, shoving
and kicking.
Support conflict-resolution programs in your
home, school and community to help children (and
adults) learn now to solve problems without
resorting to violence (hitting, kicking, throwing
something, slamming doors, phones, pencils,
etc.).
Volunteer in parent education classes or as a
"resource parent" for young teen and first-time
parents to help participants parent without
resorting to violence. Volunteer for the teen
crisis line, if you really want to get a reality
check about what's happening to the youth in your
community! If you're man enough, that is.
Help your children select nonviolent toys,
television programs and movies. DON'T BUY WAR
TOYS!!! Read books to your children that promote
peaceful conflict resolution.
Speak out against movies and television programs
that glamorize violence or make it funny. TV Violence
Lead by example. Children learn more from our
actions than our words. (Don't
Laugh at Me.)
www.menstuff.org has compiled information, books
and resources on the issue of violence and
solutions to violence. See "Books" on anger,
violence-domestic,
violence-rape,
violence-sexual,
"Issues" on Violence-General,
TV
Violence and Domestic
Violence plus a Q&A Slide Guide on
Gangs
and Safe
Dating, and "Resources" for Alternatives
to Violence programs nationwide.
Gordon Clay
Source: Photograph
©
2004 by Dale Hudjik, a
photographer,
father and
guardian of the little boy .
See www.spunwithtears.com/040706.html
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