Why meeting men 70+ is so difficult

Many of you have asked why the male readers of this newsletter haven't posted personal ad profiles in recent newsletters. I'm curious also, so I asked Bill-not his real name--who responded last week with a picture of himself walking his beloved dog Abby.

Bill, said, "Just a short note to express my appreciation for the insight/perspective provided by your newsletter; you should be complimented for the good humor and cheer that's interwoven in the tales of hits and misses you bring us misbegotten disciples every week. A sense of humor-aside from good health-is probably the greatest single asset to be carrying on the books heading into the twilight years.

"And here's something for everyone: Harry Truman's dictum - 'If you're looking for a friend in Washington (D.C.), get a dog!' - applies all the more so to the lovelorn 50's set. I adopted Abby, a Lab/Rott rescue dog, eight months ago- three years into my search for a woman partner-and she's here by my side everyday to remind me I'm capable and deserving of love (even if I am a geezer!). Not incidentally, she's also a bit of a 'chick magnet,' but, so far, hasn't attracted the woman I'm looking for."

I wrote Bill and asked if I could include his comments, and the picture he sent, not as a personal ad, but just as a human interest story of a single man in his 70s, and oh by the way, we'd include his email address also if he'd let me. I thought it would be a fun way to put a single man in front of our readers without him admitting to posting a profile.

Here was Bill's response: "I've shied away from any involvement/prospects of more than 25 miles from my home. My position's not as limiting as it might appear with a major metropolitan area (Washington, D.C.) within the radius.

"Candidly, everything considered, I'd have to say my continued solo existence is due as much to lofty expectations as it is to a lack of opportunity. Thus, remaining the hard head I've been for 70-plus years, I think I've gotta decline your kind offer.

"I'd nevertheless sign up for anything else you'd care to float with regard to the rewards of canine companionship. In all truth, I wrote what I did thinking about Abby staring devotedly into my eyes from beside me on the bed this morning when I looked up from the newspaper."

Bill's comments give us an idea of how one single man thinks about putting himself out there. I can't do anything about his "lofty expectations" but I could have done something about his "lack of opportunity." After three years of him searching for the right woman, I thought he'd be game.

But, he's not interested and that is that. Bill's position is similar to so many other men I know. They say they'd like to meet a nice mate, but when it comes down to it, do they really mean it? Would they be willing to make a commitment?

What happened in Bill's case is one of the reasons that meeting men age 70 plus is so difficult-besides the most obvious reason, a ratio of single women to single men somewhere in the 3.5 to 1 range-some of the men deep down don't truly want a mate. They'd rather have rover instead.

© 2010, Tom Blake

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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, is read worldwide and is often featured on msn.com. He is a professional speaker. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, is a humorous account of his first year of dating after his third divorce. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. His latest book is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. To ask a question or receive Tom's free weekly column on middle-age dating and relationships by e-mail, click on www.findingloveafter50.com or E-Mail.

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