Middle-Age
Relationships

Single widower speaks up


Michigan widower shares insight into why finding a mate is difficult

Dave, age 70, describes his experiences since his wife died in 2002.

"For Christmas, 2003, my children gave me a 12-month subscription to Match.Com. After much reflection, I found I was NOT ready for Internet dating. However, I surged on communicating with numerous congenial and lovely women who on paper seemed to match our respective interests and had posted what was believed to be their current pictures, as I had posted my own current pictures. These women were and are wonderful but not any were the woman meant for me.

Dave said that besides meeting on the Internet, he met women while on antiquing journeys, and when visiting several gardening and landscaping businesses to identify flowers for his English gardens.

He met women for breakfast, lunch and dinner. A majority of them were from Michigan and adjacent states. Others were from Florida, Missouri, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Iowa and Kentucky.

Dave continued, "Seventy five percent (75%) of the women I met through Match.com had posted pictures 4 to 18 years old.

"One woman stands out in particular. We had been messaging and talking on the phone for 3 months, so it seemed we should meet face to face. When she entered the restaurant she was walking quite slowly. As she approached our table, we greeted with a hug and she sat down. She immediately asked if I would go to the restaurant entrance to get her walker. We talked about her posted pictures and she remarked, 'You would not have wanted to meet me if I had posted my current pictures.' Her pictures were 18 years old. This experience was frustrating."

Dave says he had similar experiences on EHarmony, Matchmaker, SinglesNet and Seniorpeoplemeet. He feels seniorpeoplemeet is the best senior dating site.

He added, "The twenty five percent I met who had posted current pictures were happy, had great personalities and similar interests, were very intelligent and family-oriented.

"Three women stand out in my heart of hearts. Phoebe was networked to me by you Tom, and Gale was also networked to me by you. The third woman I met through Match.com was and is incredible; we dated for three and one-half years. My children loved her. The end result of our 3 1/2 year journey together was 75% my fault through a horrific misunderstanding.

"There have been numerous women I have met through Internet sites. There always seemed to be a part of each of us that simply did not fit. I am not blameless in this dating journey! I accept my share of the responsibility for a multitude of my Internet dating encounter failures. It would seem folks after age 60 or even younger may be set in their ways.

"Maybe being single is my destiny. I experienced a 7-year, mountain-top marriage with my late wife, which changed me and changed my life forever. I have not been nor am I now seeking to duplicate my late wife as there will only be one of each of us. I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

"I went through two years of grief counseling, have written more than 40 poems including "The Sands of Time " which is posted on Tom's web site (link to Dave's poem.) I also have written The Sands of Time, A widower's Journey To Healing and continue to have a new widow /widower networked to me to just talk, to listen, to read my poetry or selected chapters of my book.

"In January, 2010, I met aan incredible woman who resides in Pittsburgh, through Match.com. We enjoy 2 to 4 hour phone conversations that are so comfortable as to beg the question 'I must have known you at an earlier time of my life.' We are planning to meet face to face this spring."

Dave's story shows that the Internet can be a powerful tool for seniors seeking mates. But, it also reveals how difficult long-distance connections can be when it comes time to meet in person. Yes, finding a mate after age 50 is difficult, for men-as we've seen here today--as well as for women. Dave's email address: mcg@provide.net

© 2010, Tom Blake

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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, is read worldwide and is often featured on msn.com. He is a professional speaker. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, is a humorous account of his first year of dating after his third divorce. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. His latest book is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. To ask a question or receive Tom's free weekly column on middle-age dating and relationships by e-mail, click on www.findingloveafter50.com or E-Mail.



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