Middle-Age
Relationships

Meeting good men is difficult


Meeting eligible single men a challenge for women 50+

For single women age 50+, meeting eligible single men can be frustrating. It seems there just aren't many good men around.

To increase their chances of meeting potential mates, I advise single women to be open to meeting new men, even strangers who might cross their path. Of course, I also advise them to be careful when encountering strangers.

A woman working in a major East Coast city emailed: "I am going through my second divorce at age 50. I am a working professional and believe myself to be in excellent shape and attractive.

"I met a man on the subway. Sparks were flying. I gave him my business card; he said we would have lunch sometime. He emailed me a week later.

"When I responded, he was getting ready to travel out of the country. He said he would call me upon his return. His trip was to last five business days and he should have returned two weeks ago. He has not called as promised.

"Should I call or email him? What is your opinion from a man's perspective?"

I answered: "Email him a casual hello; ask how his trip was. If he doesn't respond, give it some time. Then, email one last time. Also, be careful when sparks fly, it might be too much too soon, lacking substance."

She replied: "I emailed him this morning; he responded. He proposes lunch next week and said he will 'call me.' I have heard that one before.

"I will proceed with caution regarding the sparks. I am going through my second divorce, so caution is a must for me. I also plan to read your book. I never dreamed I would still be dating at age 50."

Two weeks later, I emailed her: "Did he ever call? Did you meet in person? Did sparks fly? When you met on the subway, who initiated the conversation?"

She wrote, "My life is always stranger than fiction. The man I met on the subway called the same day I emailed him. He invited me to lunch - but there was a huge problem.

"He told me he was married. I had no idea. He approached me in the subway and behaved in a manner that would have led me to believe he was single. He was quite flirtatious, but I have not dated for some time, so maybe I just perceived him that way. (But I don't think so - he continued to flirt with me on the phone when he called).

"I initially accepted his invitation - thinking we could keep it as a business relationship. After pondering about it over the weekend - I called him and declined the lunch invitation. Playing with fire is not one of my hobbies.

"My divorce is not yet final, but I feel I am ready to date. Hopefully my next encounter will have a more positive outcome."

My opinion? She did many things right:

First, she was receptive to meeting a new man she found attractive whose behavior indicated he was single and interested in her.

Second, she was mildly assertive. She followed up by contacting him but wasn't overly eager.

Third, she cooled the sparks.

Fourth, she declined to go out with a married man.

Fifth, she didn't let the incident discourage her.

What more could she have done? Nothing. She needs to say "next" and move on.

© 2010, Tom Blake

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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, is read worldwide and is often featured on msn.com. He is a professional speaker. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, is a humorous account of his first year of dating after his third divorce. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. His latest book is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. To ask a question or receive Tom's free weekly column on middle-age dating and relationships by e-mail, click on www.findingloveafter50.com or E-Mail.



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