The elephant in the room Arun Kumar wrote from Mumbai, India. "I am alone in Mumbai and always want to have a good partner for sharing my happiness and sorrow. I shall be happy if you suggest some web site in Mumbai where I can go for good friends." How in the world this man found the newsletter I have no idea; I'm not even sure if he's for real. For sure, I can't recommend a website in India for singles. However, if he follows the 14 G's, perhaps he'll meet a woman in India. I also heard from Terry (aka the funny plumber) and his partner Daeng from the city of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Terry is one of our regular subscribers who commented about the 14 G's: "I love #13, GO GRAY. Like I tell older folks, and like my age, we spent many years learning and we are now who we are. We should just be ourselves and share ourselves the way we are." Jennifer, Southern California, says she would add "improve your appearance" to the list of 14 G's: "Looks are the first impression we have of others and if older seniors neglect their appearance, they will handicap themselves. "Getting back into dating and socializing means shedding unwanted pounds, getting in physical shape, and dressing attractively. Obesity, in particular, is a major turn-off to others. I see many overweight seniors following all your advice, developing their interests and getting out all of the time, but they are overweight, and they don't do anything about it. "Then they wonder why, with so much exposure, and after meeting so many people, no one is asking them out. They are ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room." Comment from Tom: Losing weight is difficult. I have a buddy who had rapidly gained weight from a medication he was taking. Sixteen weeks ago, he decided to shed 23 pounds by Thanksgiving. He challenged his daughter to lose weight at the same time. They both signed up for Jenny Craig. He looks terrific and is very near his goal, as is his daughter. Having the food designated and provided for him helped. "I wanted a weight-loss program where they tell me what to do and eat," he said. If I decided to lose weight, I would sign up for a regimented weight-loss program--as my buddy did. I'd only hope I could be as disciplined as he's been. A New Hampshire woman commented on the 14 G's List. "Oh how I dislike #4 (Go alone to activities if you have to), being the age I am and having gotten married the first time at 19 with it lasting until he died 31 years later." She explained that she has just gone through a second divorce and fears having to go out alone. "In retrospect, that is partly why I remarried when and who I did, I disliked the whole dating scene and wanted no part of it," she said. "Will I try going out alone again? At this point, NO. I need to figure out how to get #10 (Gain self respect) back. Bit by bit I am putting myself and my life back together with the help of my church and my friends." Karen, Michigan, said, "Sometimes it's helpful to 'relearn' the things we should know and do, but all too easily put aside. To have so many reflections in one column was an early holiday gift." I've been doing a lot of thinking about this newsletter lately. Probably because I've been reviewing the mailing list and weeding out the names of people who no longer open the email that brings them the newsletter. Plus, I've been sending out subscription reminders to people whose subscriptions are about to expire. It's like a 2010 housecleaning, only it's being conducted in November of this year. What occured to me is the incredible loyalty of most of our subscribers. Many have been with us for more than five years. And what drove that point home occured in my Dana Point (California) deli twice in the last two weeks. The first was a week ago, when June, who lives 50 miles away, one of of our long-time subscribers, stopped in to say hello. She wanted to introduce me to a new guy she was dating. Unfortunately I wasn't there so I missed her. The second was this past Monday afternoon. I was in the office finishing up the week-end paperwork when Rosalinda came to the office to say, there's a man here to see you. That usually means there's a salesman wanting to pitch a new product. I looked through the one-way glass, saw him, and thought, I don't know him. Turns out, it was Vince, one of our subscribers, who was visiting his daughter in Southern California. But what makes Vince so unique is he lives in Puerto Rico, near Ponce. He wanted to renew his subscription in person and to ask a question about a relationship issue. Now think about that. A subscriber takes the time to write down the deli location and comes for a visit, all the way from Puerto Rico. When he handed me his credit card to renew his subscription, I said, "No way am I taking your money. I'm honored to have you come to say hello from such a long distance." Before he left, Vince had a discussion, in Spanish, with my two employees of 22 years each, Teresa and Rosa. They thought he was totally cool. © 2009, Tom Blake
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