Spraying to all fields-the readers take over

Over the last few issues, there have been great comments from readers--Champs if you will. Today, we share some of those comments on a variety of topics.

Re: Shannon's story about men who talk too much on first dates...

Joe, "Maybe Shannon should try dressing seductively, and talking about subjects that might get the boys thinking about something more stimulating than knee replacement."

Lloyd, "Sometimes you want to say to them (dates who talk too much) 'Why do you think the world is revolving just around you?' That gets their attention but you may not get a second date. Either way you win."

Dan, "If Shannon notices that this is happening 'pretty much every time,' perhaps she needs to examine the common denominator. Is she trying to participate? Is she being too polite? Were these men not so talky during their pre-date phone conversations? Those phone calls are usually pretty good filters but most of us have missed the signs and have had bad dates.

"It is amazing that so many want to bring up their ex's. If that is so compelling to them, I don't think they are ready to move on. Shannon, chalk it up to experience, keep smiling and Mr. Right will come along."

On the difficulty of meeting men to date...

Ginny, 52, "I signed up for your newsletter, but I'm still not holding out much hope (of meeting a man). I am sure you hear this a lot, but, it seems like guys my age who are intelligent and employed either are looking for someone younger, or, they are still caught up with their exes."

(See the ending section for a response to Ginny's comment)

On the future of E-books...

Robin, "E-books are becoming more and more popular. I bought a Kindle (2nd gen) about a year and a half ago, and LOVE it. Living out in the boonies as I now do, there were NONE in this area, had to go on what I had found out, and Amazon's good reputation. I love it, and recommend it lavishly to all that ask about it.

"However, I don't think E-books will replace printed books in the near future - there are still way too many folks who enjoy reading and holding a book in their hands (me included). I think they'll find their nitch. However, it is awesome to get a book in 60 seconds - and not have to go to a bookstore or library to get it. Saves gas!

-Response to Sandy's story about raising her great granddaughter (age 8) and why men won't date her...

John, "I was in a long-term relationship with a grandma. I had known her in high school and met her years later at a class reunion after we were both divorced. She lived three hours away, but we managed to see each other every other weekend.

"The attributes (compassion, caring and duty to others) that drew me to her eventually killed the relationship because of her grandchildren.

"Her son and daughter-in-law had four children over the period of seven years. They were terrible parents. Out of compassion for the children, my friend became more and more their parent. The daughter-in-law didn't work, but my friend did and took much better care of the kids. She stopped there almost every night after work and eventually three of them were with her every weekend.

"I didn't mind playing with the kids and helping to care for them, but eventually I felt squeezed out of my friend's attention. I lost the motivation to drive the 3 hours and eventually broke up with her. It hurt both of us.

"She was probably doing the right thing for the kids given the awful situation they were in, but it left no room for a relationship. If things had been reversed, I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same.If things had been different, we probably would be married today.

"We all make choices that have positive and negative consequences - like two sides of a coin. Sandy's love and caring for her granddaughter will be rewarded, but unfortunately she will probably not find a man who wants a close relationship."

© 2010, Tom Blake

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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, is read worldwide and is often featured on msn.com. He is a professional speaker. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, is a humorous account of his first year of dating after his third divorce. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. His latest book is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. To ask a question or receive Tom's free weekly column on middle-age dating and relationships by e-mail, click on www.findingloveafter50.com or E-Mail.

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