Stand by My Man?

Q: When I met Mark six years ago he was married (he still is). Today we share a four-year-old daughter. Out of the blue he disappeared and after two weeks of searching, I found out he was in jail. He didn't contact me because he wanted to let me know. I am a born again Christian and I believe people can change and deserve a second changed. He says he loves us and promises to help me out when he is released (Nov. 2004). Am I wrong for wanting to wait for him?

A: Love makes people do things that they regret later on. Wanting to wait for him is a natural thing--it's your love speaking. However, it's also an irrational thought.

Being in love, it's natural to make excuses or accept his excuses for his unacceptable behaviors. The hardest thing to do is to see him for who is--a cheater, liar, and disrespectful man with a criminal history.

If you keep him in your life, he will eventually treat you the way he currently treats his current wife--poorly with disrespect and an inability to honor his vows. If this is the behavior you desire in a partner, then by all means, stand by your man. If not-and hopefully not--close that door tight, head to church and find yourself an honorable man to respect you and raise your child in socially acceptable ways in which the two of you can be proud of.

© 2008

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Nancy Fagan is the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle, Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others. To read more, visit This column is reprinted with permission from Send questions to E-Mail

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