I Saw Him Masturbating

Q: Recently I saw my boyfriend masturbating to pornography while he was in the bathtub. He had no idea that I saw him and now I'm worried that he prefers pornography to me. Do you think I should say something to him about this?

A: There is no reason for you to 'talk' to your boyfriend about what you saw. It's common for men to use fantasy, of various kinds, for sexually stimulation during masturbation. A pornographic magazine is one form of fantasy. Some men prefer reading erotic stories, while others enjoy watching X-rated movies. Regardless of the type, the purpose is usually the same—to relieve sexual tension.

The act of solo-sex meets certain needs that partner-sex doesn’t—it’s a sexual experience when performance is not an issue. Instead, it is a time for a man to release sexual tension without having to be a good lover to anyone else but himself. So, don't give it a second thought, this, in no way, will decrease his sexual interest in you. If it does, then you have something to be concerned about.

© 2007

Other Relationship Issues, Books

Nancy Fagan is the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle, Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others. To read more, visit This column is reprinted with permission from Send questions to E-Mail

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