How Can I Keep His Interest?

Q: I left a 28-year marriage five months ago and have already met a wonderful man. He's a physician with two college-age sons. He's very attentive and romantic, but I don't see him as much as I'd like because he's so busy. I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing all the wrong things. Maybe it's leftovers from my marriage where I could do nothing right. I'm desperate for approval and always think I'm doing something wrong. I find myself stuffing my feelings and saying ok when I don't mean it. I feel that things are cooling off a bit. How can I keep him interested?

A: There is no way to keep him interested if you are not happy with yourself. After 28 years of an emotionally draining marriage, the last thing you need is a relationship with another man. Instead, you have a lot of recovery to do and five months is no time at all. Until you are emotionally happy and your self-esteem is intact, you will only continue to attract bad relationships. The relationship you have with your doctor friend may be cooling off because he is beginning to see what you are trying to hid--emotional damage.

My suggestion is to get into therapy and work on your issues. The only kind of a man who wants a woman who holds back her feelings is an emotionally damaged man. Until you learn how to voice your true thoughts, you will not be able to have a healthy relationship.

To help deal with your need for company, think about joining groups, clubs, organization, etc. Spending your time this way will help you to develop your sense of self as well as female friendships. Right now you need women friends, not boyfriends.

© 2007

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Nancy Fagan is the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle, Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others. To read more, visit This column is reprinted with permission from Send questions to E-Mail

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