My Fits Drove Him Away

Q: I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 ½ years. During this time, I have experienced bouts of temper with this man—I’m the one who yells and acts like a spoiled child, not him. He is a good person, gives me everything I need and tells me he loves me at least twice a day. Sadly, he’s had enough and asked me to move out. How do I deal with the guilt, get over him and move on?

A: Your focus needs adjustment. Rather than direct your concern away from how to “get over him” or “moving on,” it needs to turn toward the reason the relationship is ending—your uncontrolled fits.

The end of this relationship will not put a stop to your behavior. Just the opposite, it will escalate with time, destroying future relationships. Because of this, you need to explore what motivates your immature expressions.

Gaining insight is one thing, but applying change to your well-oiled behavior will require you to stretch yourself—to fight the urge and go against what feels natural. People’s behaviors, both good and bad, are learned. And...what is learned can be unlearned.

© 2007

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Nancy Fagan is the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She has been featured in most major newspaper in the United States and worldwide as well as regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health, Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle, Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of others. To read more, visit This column is reprinted with permission from Send questions to E-Mail

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