The New Intimacy


Of Mice and Meaning and Care

How many times have you been upset about something and your spouse or date didn't take you seriously? They might've even been trying to make you feel better, but instead, you felt overlooked or ignored and, instead of feeling better, you felt invisible!

Well, given the temperatures in the teens and below, we're in the season for indoor mice. The little guys need to burrow in somewhere warm and cozy with a good food supply, sort of like our kitchen. Judith can't stand the mice and the tell tale evidence of their visitations. Jim accepts them as part of country life and though he'd rather they not come in, when thy do he doesn't get as upset.

We'd heard from a radio host who lives in an old farmhouse in Minnesota that mice hate the smell of Bounce, the fabric softener people put in the dryer. The other day while Judith was cooking dinner, Jim put sheets of Bounce all around and especially in the kitchen drawers where the mice love it best. He knew and respected Judith's concerns.

If he'd been living alone, he might or might not have bothered to put Bounce in the drawers. But Judith is part of his consciousness and her concern with the mice made it his concern as well.

What gesture can you offer to your partner that honors his or her concerns -- especially when they are not what you might consider important. It just takes making the other person's needs as meaningful to them as yours are to you.

Then, doing something for them is not an effort but a pleasure -- for both of you!

© 2006, The New Intimacy

See Books, Issues

*    *    *
Intimacy is spelled "in to me you see". - Stan Dale

I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf


Husband and wife psychology team, Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski, are the bestselling authors of "The New Intimacy" and "Opening to Love 365 Days a Year." Their latest book is Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know. They provide corporate trainings on breaking through resistance to success and relationship workshops about The Magic of Differences--romance based on respect and value for each other's unique ways. As guest experts they've been on over 600 television and radio shows including Oprah, The O'Reilly Factor, 48 Hours, Canada AM, and The View. Visit their website at

Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement
Menstuff® Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of The National Men's Resource Center™
©1996-2019, The National Men's Resource Center