The New Intimacy


Terrorism and How Women and Men Relate to Each Other

Terrorism is having a profound effect on how men and women are relating to one another. Take a moment and consider this fact. Men and women are all we have. That's it. After us there is no one and nothing. How we treat each other and how we treat the differences between us is is the foundation of whatever future we will experience.

We are all undergoing a kind of pressure that most of us have never imagined as a result of being thrust into an unknown that even the toughest among us have never had to deal with. That's not an exaggeration. That's also not an excuse we can use to avoid responsibility for what we say and do.

But this new world we now live in has inspired many, many people to look within as never before. For example, there is a marked increase in divorce proceedings being stopped by the couples who have filed them. Not the judge, but the people involved are reconsidering.

Dating services are seeing a marked increase in activity as well as an increase in subscriptions. Those who are without someone are making a concerted effort to find a connection.

There has been an increase in marriages and those who are taking the vows have said that the attack and the world conditions have caused them to realize how precious a loving relationship is.

On the dark side, there has also been an increase in domestic violence and child abuse reports since September 11. The new pressures are inflaming a violence that was there to begin with.

So what do we do?

We must be alert. That means more than just watching out for someone who might be acting suspiciously. Because in fact, very few of us are ever going to be in the presence of someone who might have terrorist intentions.

We must become more conscious and that is now far more than just a new age platitude. Becoming more conscious actually is now a prescription for the future of our planet. And becoming more conscious is something everyone of us not only can do, we must.

  • Pay attention to the respect you feel for others. Respect contains a reverence that affirms life.
  • Be aware of any contempt you feel. Contempt kills, because you nullify the right of someone to be who they are, different from you.
  • Be sensitive to your own thoughts, because, at the very least, thoughts are energy and energy cannot be destroyed. So no matter how internal and private it may appear, a thought does send something, for good or for not, out into the world, and you are responsible for that transmission.
  • Make a commitment to become more discerning. Discernment can be understood as cutting through to the truth. Go beyond the surface toward what is implied and even hidden.. Don't settle for easy understanding. Easy understanding results is cliches and stereotypes which deny the magnificent uniqueness, the true specialness of everyone and everything you encounter.
  • And finally, do not allow your self to be put down, to be feel less than, either by someone else or by yourself. That's a guaranteed path to resentment, rage and ultimately violence.

Yes there are any number of pressures now, but remember, it is pressure that transforms carbon into diamond.

© 2005, The New Intimacy

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Intimacy is spelled "in to me you see". - Stan Dale

I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf


Husband and wife psychology team, Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski, are the bestselling authors of "The New Intimacy" and "Opening to Love 365 Days a Year." Their latest book is Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know. They provide corporate trainings on breaking through resistance to success and relationship workshops about The Magic of Differences--romance based on respect and value for each other's unique ways. As guest experts they've been on over 600 television and radio shows including Oprah, The O'Reilly Factor, 48 Hours, Canada AM, and The View. Visit their website at

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