The New Intimacy


Appreciated or not, it gave all it had to its life

The other day we took a walk out to a nearby field. Behind several tall pines, hidden away from open view, a single, small flower spread its blossoms toward the sun. It was a deep red, vivid -- very strong and straight on its thin stem.

"Proud," Jim said.

"Proud and powerful," Judith answered.

We both knelt next to it, captivated, surrendering to an unexpected meditation.

So unseen this little red miracle was, so out of the way, and that didn't matter at all. Appreciated or not, it gave all it had to its life.

"Can we give everything," Jim whispered, "even if what we do goes unacknowledged?"

"Especially if it goes unacknowledged!" Judith smiled.

"I'd like that," Jim said, taking Judith by the hand. "To live for the sheer experience of being alive."

We felt small next to this giant flower and, although we hadn't said a word, we knew we were suddenly filled with deep longing.

Intimacy is like that, you know. When we allow ourselves to open and connect, intimacy can be an unexpected teacher, taking us into unacknowledged places in our self.

Whenever any of us stops long enough to open, to feel the tenderness that is at the core of being alive, the magic of the mystery appears - right there, wherever we are.

That little red flower became a portal, a threshold into the world of the ordinary and the sacred, into something completely expected and yet utterly surprising. That's the pleasure and the reward of real intimacy. It takes you through what you already know out beyond your imagination.

We stayed with that flower for some minutes, each in our own silence. And then, as though on cue, we rose, and walked hand in hand back to the house.

There are opportunities all around you, right now, in your daily life, for intimacy to carry you into yourself and out toward those you love.

Let it. Just say yes, open your eyes and let it.

© 2005, The New Intimacy

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Intimacy is spelled "in to me you see". - Stan Dale

I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf


Husband and wife psychology team, Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski, are the bestselling authors of "The New Intimacy" and "Opening to Love 365 Days a Year." Their latest book is Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know. They provide corporate trainings on breaking through resistance to success and relationship workshops about The Magic of Differences--romance based on respect and value for each other's unique ways. As guest experts they've been on over 600 television and radio shows including Oprah, The O'Reilly Factor, 48 Hours, Canada AM, and The View. Visit their website at

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