The New Intimacy



Truth. A large concept. An even larger experience, especially when the truth is likely to hurt.

We all claim we want the truth "Just tell me the truth. I can deal with the truth." But then can we? Do we?

Or "The truth will set you free."

That's all true. 

But what exactly is the truth? Is what was true yesterday, true today?

As we all know, 1+1 is true and true for all time.

But emotional truth is fluid. If it is not, than the idea of human growth and development is meaningless.

But many people, singles and couples alike, want the 1+1 kind of truth. They want something that is fixed. Out of their own insecurity they demand that the "truth" never change. And, by doing so, they drain the life and growth from their relationships.

We're not saying that if your partner or date lies to you that you accept that. Lies are not truth to begin with, so that's a different issue.

Knowing the difference between truth that is final and truth that is fluid can make or break your relationship.

Think about your own experience. Haven't you changed over the years? Weren't you passionate about something in the past that you may not even care about now? Didn't you believe firmly is something that perhaps now you cannot even remember?

What if you had been forced to stay fixed in the past, emotionally immobilized, and compelled to do so on the grounds that what once was true for you must always be true? What would have happened to the life you now know?

Love and intimacy are no different. They deepen, sweeten, become more and more inclusive, as you become more and more aware of one another, more and more accepting of each other. And that is based upon change, at least a change in the breadth of what you know about one another.

The truth will set you free if you are free enough with the truth to be led where truth and love want to take you.  

Stay open.

© 2005, The New Intimacy

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Intimacy is spelled "in to me you see". - Stan Dale

I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf


Husband and wife psychology team, Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski, are the bestselling authors of "The New Intimacy" and "Opening to Love 365 Days a Year." Their latest book is Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences between men and women can be turned into the source of the very best romance you'll ever know. They provide corporate trainings on breaking through resistance to success and relationship workshops about The Magic of Differences--romance based on respect and value for each other's unique ways. As guest experts they've been on over 600 television and radio shows including Oprah, The O'Reilly Factor, 48 Hours, Canada AM, and The View. Visit their website at

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