Her Phone Number? Do NOT ask!
Q: What is your advice about getting her
A: SAME AGE WOMEN: When you are only
slightly older than the woman, you can exchange
phone numbers in a straightforward manner.
Sonya, I enjoy talking with you. Lets
get together for lunch sometime. Heres my
number. [Hand her your Interesting,
Conversation-Starting Biz Card ICSBC] Let me
have yours. Well talk and set it
As you hand her your card, take out your pen and
a piece of paper (not an address book!) [Ideal
is the blank back of another ICSBC] and get
ready to write her number down. Getting your pen
out encourages her to give you her number because
you have gone to the trouble of getting ready to
Notice that you do not ask. You suggest command.
By going first and giving her your number you have
make yourself vulnerable, thus she feels safe
enough to reciprocate.
A: YOUNG WOMEN: Easy Big Guy! Young women
dont know how this game is played and
dont understand the significance of phone
numbers. Shes used to Randy Redporsche who
gets her number then maybe calls and maybe not. She
does not realize that you see getting her number as
the first step in a long courtship process. To her,
phone conversations are for chatting and being
cute, coy and manipulative with a boy. In short,
never ASK a young woman for her number.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: do not ask, suggest or
command. When you ask she has all the power!
If the encounter is warm, lightly seductive and
friendly, go first by handing her your ICSBC. That
card must have your home phone and your home
address as well as all other numbers and email.
Say, I enjoy talking with you,
Debbie, as you hand her your card. While
shes looking at it, point to your address and
say, Thats where I live . . .but
Im easiest to catch at the office. Lets
have lunch sometime. Give me a ring. Then
resume the conversation.
By revealing your home address and home phone,
you show her that you arent afraid of letting
her know where you live or how to call you. Young
women suspect that all older guys are married or
living with someone.
The whole enterprise puts the ball in her court.
However, by making yourself open and vulnerable,
you invite her to do the same.
WARNING: Dont ask or suggest or even hint
that you want her number.
Half of young women stumble when you hand them
your card, but the other half smile like the cat
who now has the keys to the canarys cage as
they carefully put your card away. A few, very few,
of them give you their number. DONT ask!
Wait. She must proceed at her own speed.
Youre old enough to be her father!
WARNING: Many young women who give you their
number with or without you asking, suggesting or
commanding, are telephone Rapo players and cock
teasers. They want you to call so they can lead you
on. Then they can say to themselves and their
girlfriends, He wants me. I could have
him, as they add another notch to their Rapo
On rare occasions, the tone of the interaction
is sexually charged, but time and location prevent
consummation of a physical relationship. In that
situation, and in that situation only, hand her
your ICSBC then take out a pen and card/paper and
say, Lets get together! Give me your
number. What day and time should I call?
Notice the careful phrasing of everything.
Lets get together! Thats a strong,
sexual suggestion. Give me your number, is a
command that shell follow in this situation.
What day and time should I call? Shows her that you
are a discreet man who will not cause her any
problems and does not mind if she has a boyfriend
or other encumbrance.
FORCEFULLY GETTING HER NUMBER: If youre
pushy to get her number, when you call, she
wont be glad to talk with you. If you leave a
message, she wont call back. Do NOT insist.
Do NOT manipulate. Like love, a phone number must
be freely given to be worthwhile and valuable.
©2008 R. Don
Other Relationship Issues,
has worked for more than 20 aerospace, defense and
engineering companies as well as many political
campaigns both in LA and in Hawaii. He became a
Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in 1976.
Beyond writing, other passions include a deep,
abiding hatred for hypocrites, bureaucrats, poverty
pimps and nearly all politicians; a lifelong
devotion to anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and
cosmology plus a long-term love affair with Hawaii,
consummated in 1996. He and Joanna Bardot Lopez
live in Whittier CA, with their number one dog
Wolfie, number two dog, Tootsie, Peaches The
Rabbit, Puppy Cat, Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and
Bebe Cat. Don is the author of Date
Young Women: For men over 35 -
to Date Young Women: For men over 35,
Volume II, and most
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