©2010 R. Don Steele
Dealing with the End of Love - Part I
Your advice was good regarding my failing situation
with my young woman. But the other women I see do
little to interest me. Ive been suffering
from the usual physical problems when this happens,
like sleep irregularities, night sweats, loss of
weight, feelings of hopelessness. I know these are
symptoms of depression but Ive managed to
keep functioning OK without medication. Is this
normal or do other people not feel it as much when
their relationships fail? How do I prevent this
next time? Do any of your contacts have an
outstanding shrink you can recommend in my area?
Rich Bell, Santa Barbara.
Question 1. Is this normal or do other people
not feel it as much when their relationships
STEELE SEZ: Rich, its not only normal, but also
extremely necessary! This process is called
grieving. You must go through it. Go ahead and cry,
cry, cry. Go ahead and smash things.
Depression is preventing the expression of
emotion. The feelings will come out as physical
symptoms if you do not express them as emotions.
Somehow, your body makes you pay for holding your
feelings of pain, sorrow, self-pity, hopelessness
and sadness inside.
As a Humanistic Psychologist, my advice is, to
exercise at least three 20-minute sessions every
day for a month until your heart rate is over 140
and you break a sweat. Swimming is the only
activity that is not effective because it keeps
your body temperature too low. These work: running,
jogging, aerobics, racket ball, basketball, hi-rep
weight lifting, bicycling, and such. Running is the
best and most effective.
When you make yourself exercise, you are taking
control of your life and emotions again, even if
for short periods. During these times of assertion,
your natural body chemistry changes and as the days
pass, your brain chemistry begins to change along
with it and the depression will begin to lessen.
Eventually, your brain chemistry returns to what it
was before the trauma. As you continue take control
of you emotional life, your real life also comes
under your control, simply and automatically.
As the Greeks preached, and I agree, a healthy
body, a healthy mind.
Other Relationship Issues,
Don Steele has worked
for more than 20 aerospace, defense and engineering
companies as well as many political campaigns both in LA and
in Hawaii. He became a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor
in 1976. Beyond writing, other passions include a deep,
abiding hatred for hypocrites, bureaucrats, poverty pimps
and nearly all politicians; a lifelong devotion to
anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and cosmology plus a
long-term love affair with Hawaii, consummated in 1996. He
and Joanna Bardot Lopez live in Whittier CA, with their
number one dog Wolfie, number two dog, Tootsie, Peaches The
Rabbit, Puppy Cat, Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and Bebe Cat.
Don is the author of Date
Young Women: For men over 35 -
to Date Young Women: For men over 35, Volume
II, and most recently,
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