She's Making Eyes at Me!
Q: She's making eyes at me! I've heard it described
as a repeated rapid dilation of the eyes. That's an
old saying that I don't know what it means?
A: Dilation is a strong sign of attraction!
However, it is difficult for men to consciously
notice, except for expert poker players. As I
remember the expression it means, "He's flirting
with his eyes." He's giving strong direct, friendly
eye contact. His pupils may be dilated, but that's
not the main thrust. It was epitomized by Clark
Gable's intense, manly glance and slight smile plus
slightly raising his eyebrows in acknowledgment of
the woman's beauty and presence. This is easiest to
see in an early scene in GWTW. Scarlett is going up
the stairs and Rhett is eying her. GWTW is
mandatory viewing for all members of my Coaching
Program, by the way.
Remark: It also seems to be a learned and
Reply: Dilation is involuntary, impossible to
Remark: I simply remember it as the warm and
tingly feeling I used to get when looking deeply
into a woman's eyes.
Reply: That reaction is from becoming vulnerable
to her. Wonderful, but nothing to do with dilation.
Being seen and seeing is what romantic mental
health is all about. Knowing what you know and
seeing what you see is what self confidence is all
Self confidence, genuine self confidence is what
makes you attractive, sensual and sexual to women
of all ages. That's genuine self-confidence not the
put on kind, not an act, not phony. The real thing.
You get it from being successful and relaxed. Women
spot it at 100 yards, just by the way you walk and
Remark: I only notice that kind of eye contact
in sincere lovers, but that can be really
Reply: Brief because it is so intense and most
of us cannot stand too much intensity. I, myself,
prefer intensity! It makes living in the Now much
easier as well as making each day memorable, as
opposed to the way the days were all alike before I
got divorced! To enjoy intensity one must
experience it over and over.
Slowly, one realizes that intense pain and
intense joy is what makes life worth living! By the
way, you can't have one without the other! It's all
Remark: I confess to using it to try to warm up
some interesting women.
Reply: Not a good idea! Trying to see into her
soul is an invasion and she'll react to it like
that. But when you relax and let down your walls,
most women react strongly and reciprocate almost
immediately. In other words you have to go first
and make yourself open. First with your body
language, second with your tone of voice, third by
your attitude of being relaxed AND confident. It
takes courage and practice to become vulnerable,
but that's where it's at, my friend.
STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: You must make yourself
©2008 R. Don
Other Relationship Issues,
has worked for more than 20 aerospace, defense and
engineering companies as well as many political
campaigns both in LA and in Hawaii. He became a
Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in 1976.
Beyond writing, other passions include a deep,
abiding hatred for hypocrites, bureaucrats, poverty
pimps and nearly all politicians; a lifelong
devotion to anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and
cosmology plus a long-term love affair with Hawaii,
consummated in 1996. He and Joanna Bardot Lopez
live in Whittier CA, with their number one dog
Wolfie, number two dog, Tootsie, Peaches The
Rabbit, Puppy Cat, Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and
Bebe Cat. Don is the author of Date
Young Women: For men over 35 -
to Date Young Women: For men over 35,
Volume II, and most
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