She's Making Eyes at Me!

Q: She's making eyes at me! I've heard it described as a repeated rapid dilation of the eyes. That's an old saying that I don't know what it means?

A: Dilation is a strong sign of attraction! However, it is difficult for men to consciously notice, except for expert poker players. As I remember the expression it means, "He's flirting with his eyes." He's giving strong direct, friendly eye contact. His pupils may be dilated, but that's not the main thrust. It was epitomized by Clark Gable's intense, manly glance and slight smile plus slightly raising his eyebrows in acknowledgment of the woman's beauty and presence. This is easiest to see in an early scene in GWTW. Scarlett is going up the stairs and Rhett is eying her. GWTW is mandatory viewing for all members of my Coaching Program, by the way.

Remark: It also seems to be a learned and controlled function.

Reply: Dilation is involuntary, impossible to control.

Remark: I simply remember it as the warm and tingly feeling I used to get when looking deeply into a woman's eyes.

Reply: That reaction is from becoming vulnerable to her. Wonderful, but nothing to do with dilation. Being seen and seeing is what romantic mental health is all about. Knowing what you know and seeing what you see is what self confidence is all about.

Self confidence, genuine self confidence is what makes you attractive, sensual and sexual to women of all ages. That's genuine self-confidence not the put on kind, not an act, not phony. The real thing. You get it from being successful and relaxed. Women spot it at 100 yards, just by the way you walk and carry yourself.

Remark: I only notice that kind of eye contact in sincere lovers, but that can be really brief.

Reply: Brief because it is so intense and most of us cannot stand too much intensity. I, myself, prefer intensity! It makes living in the Now much easier as well as making each day memorable, as opposed to the way the days were all alike before I got divorced! To enjoy intensity one must experience it over and over.

Slowly, one realizes that intense pain and intense joy is what makes life worth living! By the way, you can't have one without the other! It's all or nothing.

Remark: I confess to using it to try to warm up some interesting women.

Reply: Not a good idea! Trying to see into her soul is an invasion and she'll react to it like that. But when you relax and let down your walls, most women react strongly and reciprocate almost immediately. In other words you have to go first and make yourself open. First with your body language, second with your tone of voice, third by your attitude of being relaxed AND confident. It takes courage and practice to become vulnerable, but that's where it's at, my friend.

STEEL BALLS PRINCIPLE: You must make yourself vulnerable FIRST.

©2008 R. Don Steele

Other Relationship Issues, Books


Don Steele has worked for more than 20 aerospace, defense and engineering companies as well as many political campaigns both in LA and in Hawaii. He became a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in 1976. Beyond writing, other passions include a deep, abiding hatred for hypocrites, bureaucrats, poverty pimps and nearly all politicians; a lifelong devotion to anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and cosmology plus a long-term love affair with Hawaii, consummated in 1996. He and Joanna Bardot Lopez live in Whittier CA, with their number one dog Wolfie, number two dog, Tootsie, Peaches The Rabbit, Puppy Cat, Princess Cat, Snookums Cat and Bebe Cat. Don is the author of Date Young Women:  For men over 35 - Revised, How to Date Young Women:  For men over 35, Volume II, and most recently, Body Language Secrets. Check out steelballsAUDIO.COM and or E-Mail.

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