Susie & Otto


Getting Unstuck, How To Make BIG Decisions and More

No matter how "together" you've got your life going... we all have times when we get muddled by our feelings and emotions--and we can't make a decision.

When you get stuck and can't make a decision about something important--what do you do?

If you're like us and almost every one else we've ever met, you do something that works in the short term but usually doesn't work in the long term.

If the decision really is causing you to feel stuck-- you most likely withdraw, procrastinate or justify.

Nothing new here, right?

We all do this.

Not every time we're faced with a decision but in the times when we get stuck...this is very often what many of us do.

The problem is that when this happens, we're preoccupied and not truly "present" in our lives and with those we love.

We're just going through the motions of life as we try to work out the decision that's churning inside.

When this happens, we've living in limbo and not really living our lives to the fullest.

Susie had this happen one morning this week.

She's been mulling over whether she should go on a really fun "Dolphin Retreat" to Hawaii that was recently offered to her-- or whether she should say no...

She would love to go but she could also think of all kinds of reasons why she shouldn't go at this time.

And a variety of emotions came up around this subject for her. She not only felt stuck because she couldn't make a decision but she felt "lifeless" and "not there" to Otto during our morning connecting time.

In other words, she wasn't really there with him and since this time we devote to spending with each other in the morning is so important--it didn't feel good to either of us.

She was miles away thinking about the pros and cons of attending the retreat when she should have be there in the present moment

Can you relate in any way to what we're saying?

Have you felt like you had to make a decision and your emotions and thoughts in your head were so overwhelming that you couldn't?

Now of course, Susie's decision about whether to sign up for this retreat or not is pretty inconsequential compared to other decisions that most of us deal with at various times in our lives like staying in or leaving a relationship, where to live, what jobs we should take, where to send our kids to college, what to do with aging parents etc..

So what are the best ways to get out of your muddle so you can think clearly and make your decision?

We received a question from a reader yesterday that we thought you'd benefit from as well as our answer to him--that goes along this idea of helping you make decisions...

It's a good one.

His question was not necessarily about making a decision but rather about dealing with the feelings and emotions that hold him back from healing from his break-up.

In other words, his emotions are holding him hostage and clouding his thinking much like Susie's were when she was trying to make her decision.

The man who sent in his question is obviously a searcher and has done a lot of reading and personal work on himself and that's revealed in the quality of his question....

Our reader friend wanted to know which type of techniques are most useful for getting unstuck...

He said that some teachers of relationships and personal and spiritual growth teach...

"Mindfulness lessons where (you) just observe your feelings and let them move from the head 'chatter' into your body."

While other relationship, personal and spiritual growth teachers suggest...

That you "question your thoughts as they come up and their validity" as a way or dealing with ourselves when we get stuck.


If all these teachers are teaching something different--then, what's right?

Our answer is that we teach and use both types and we recommend both.

Pema Chodron is a favorite teacher of ours in the "mindfulness" category.

In a very simplistic explanation of what she teaches--she suggests to allow whatever feelings that are there to be there--not making them good or bad-- and in fact, making no judgments at all.

We teach to then breathe into those places in the body that are holding these emotions to move what's stuck.

Become the observer and notice what's coming up for you and together with the breath, those feelings will pass.

Sometimes with intense emotions, this is certainly easier said than done but it works...

We also take another approach with questioning what the mind is running in a loop that tends to keep the emotions churned up.

Byron Katie is a phenomenal teacher of questioning your thoughts to get to what is true.

And when you get to what is true--dissolving the stories you've made up about your situation--you can find peace and actually live your life from a conscious place.

Okay, so back to Susie and her decision...

Along with using both these types of techniques to make her decision and to become present with Otto--We discovered something else.

Because Otto has learned to "stay" as Pema Chodron calls it and didn't get "triggered" or upset by Susie being "distant" during our time together--

He didn't retreat and move away from Susie just because she wasn't present with him.

He kept gently connecting with her, encouraged her to breathe with him until finally she was present.

She could move through her haze of emotion and indecision and meet Otto in a place of love and connection.

Making decisions, even small ones, can be difficult.

We urge you to try different types of techniques to help you move through what blocks you from truly living and loving.

These are just a couple of the many strategies that you can use to make your relationships and life work at a much higher level.

Our best to you,

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

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Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books

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