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So Tempting... But Oh So Dangerous For Your
Relationship
Life and Relationships and can be so incredible,
and yet at times, can be so frustrating.
Sometimes we're faced with situations that we're
really not so sure how to handle but we do the best
we can.
We face all kinds of temptations in our lives
and our relationships on a daily basis that, if
acted upon, would feel so good but be so bad for
our relationship or marriage.
If you're human, we all have ways of acting that
can ruin relationships and the problem is that even
though we may NOT want to fall into those habits,
we're tempted to do it anyway.
And the crazy thing is, we do them over and over
again and then wonder why our relationship or
marriage is in the shape it is in....
Here are a few of those ways...
1. By Playing the "Gotcha" game. The
"Gotcha" game is when the two of you try to prove
each other wrong and yourselves right. It's a
struggle for control.
This game results in both of you withdrawing
from each other--either after escalating, angry
words or superior, sarcastic, cutting remarks. You
end up punishing each other in stony silence that
may last for hours, days or weeks.
It's really tempting to keep playing the
"Gotcha" game because it just feels so good to be
right and it can feel good to make someone else
wrong, even if it's someone you love.
2. Getting caught in the negative story.
We all love drama and the negative story can be
much more exciting to live in rather than a
positive one--even if it kills our
relationships.
When you relive the negative story--over and
over--you get attention, sympathy, and the
validation of "Yes, I did have it bad."
Your negative story can be your "default"
position--what you resort to when you perceive
things aren't going so well.
And it can be tempting to get your needs met
that way--but it never quite works out the way you
think.
3. Taking each other for granted. It can
be very tempting to take your partner for granted
in part, because our culture says it's normal in a
long-term relationship.
It can be very tempting to excuse your bad
behavior by justifying it like we once heard a
woman say--"I can treat him like that--He's my
husband."
4. Physically or emotionally leaving. It
could be having affairs, flirting with other
people, or choosing to shut down instead of
engage.
Whatever way your leaving takes form, it
certainly can drive a wedge between you and your
partner.
Okay, so why are we tempted even though we know
our actions aren't good for our relationship?
We do it out of habit.
We do it because this behavior feels familiar
and because it feels comfortable in a weird sort of
way.
We do it because doing something else may seem
scary and uncertain even though our normal behavior
produces the same negative result again and
again.
So what can you do to not be tempted into these
familiar actions that can cause so much havoc in
your relationships?
First...
Identify the behaviors that you repeatedly do
that ruin your relationship and take a look at how
you are tempted to fall right back into that
hole.
It might be specific situations that throw you
into temptation.
It might be specific actions of other people
that trigger you.
Whatever they are, write them down so you can
become aware of what takes you down that dangerous
path.
Next...
Keep in mind what you want above all else and
question your urge to act in old, unhealthy
ways.
If you want a relationship that is filled with
love, remember that that is what you want.
Interrupt your pattern and ask yourself if what
you're about to do will take you closer to or
further from what you want.
You'll also want to...
Do the things that will take you closer to what
you want and in the direction you want to go.
Learn how to communicate to ask for what you
want instead of complaining about what you want but
don't get.
In your mind, exchange "Poor me" with "How can
I?"
If you're not being treated the way you want, it
all starts with you and how you treat yourself--and
this starts with what you say to yourself.
If you repeatedly focus on what's wrong, how bad
you've had it or have it--or if you make yourself
wrong at every step of the way...
The results in your life won't change.
Having more love and a better life starts with
you and with asking the question "How can I?" with
curiosity.
It starts with empowering yourself into right
action instead of your habitual action.
Don't be tempted to keep doing what hasn't
worked in the past.
Take the courage to try some different ways to
move toward what you want.
With all this being said, you may be wondering
is there a time when so much has happened in your
relationship or marriage that you should call it
"quits."
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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