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Never Fight Again? 10 Ways to Cut Your
Fights,Arguments and Disagreements in
In just a couple of days, we're going to making a
special announcement about how you can not only
make this the best Valentine's day ever...
But...
You're also going to be able to pick up a copy
of the juiciest, steamiest, most provocative audio
we've ever recorded that will help you take the
momentum we're going to help you create on
Valentine's day and carry that into your
relationship the whole year through...
You're going to love this...
We'll have the details for you in just a couple
of days.
Speaking of Valentine's day...
As this holiday approaches, we all know that
this is the season of love, right?
Or is it?
The truth is...
For a lot of couples, even though there might be
a special dinner, flowers, or a night out together
to celebrate (or not)--there's still an underlying
tension or distance that seems to always be
there.
The fights, arguments and disagreements just
seem to erupt out of no where and neither person
knows how to stop the pattern.
If you (or someone you know) would like to cut
your fights in half (or even more), here are 10
tips you're going to love...
These 10 ways to cut fights and arguments in
half are ways that have worked for us and others
and we invite you to try them in your relationship
as soon as you can.
This way, there's more love no matter what time
of the year it is...
Idea #1 Make a Non-Argue Pact. Even
though this may sound like a simple "duh" idea,
it's actually not that common for couples to do. It
takes both people recognizing what they say and do
when they get triggered by the other person and
recognizing how they each pull away from each
other.
It takes consciously deciding not to react from
old patterns but rather to breathe and make other
choices.
Making a pact not to argue doesn't mean sucking
in your hurts and putting on a smiling face when
you don't feel like it.
It means being "real" with yourself and with
your partner about how you feel without blaming the
other.
Idea #2 Use "Magic Words" When You Talk to
Each Other It's a fact...
When it comes to your relationships and getting
the love you want...
All words are NOT created equal.
Some words cause fights and arguments and others
don't.
In our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio
program, we give you over 100 ways to say it right
every time when you talk to your spouse, partner or
lover.
If you don't have a copy of "Magic Relationship
Words," you can download yours by going here...
http://www.MagicRelationshipWords.com
Here's a great strategy from our program you can
use right now to cut fights, arguments and
disagreements in half...
Think about this for a second...
One of the ways that many people keep a fight or
disagreement going is by blaming and
accusing.
You might say something like this..."How could
you say or do that?" or "How dare you..."
Instead of using phrases that push your partner
into being defensive and push him or her away, say
something that you want more of--from your
heart.
You might use a phrase like this from our "Magic
Relationship Words" program to help you stay
connected even when it's difficult to do it...
If you think your partner is spending too much
time away from the house and away from you, the
tendency might be to accuse him or her of ignoring
you and the relationship.
Use this phrase instead to open the conversation
rather than close it...
"I'd love to spend more time with you. How can
we make that work?"
Idea #3 Be a Good-Finder rather than a
Wrong-Finder To a great degree, the
success of your relationship relies on what you
both focus on.
Do you focus on what you want and enjoy in the
other person or do you focus on what irritates
you?
It is pretty "normal" to get caught up in only
seeing what irritates you in your
partner.
It just seems that as hard as you TRY to not
focus on that irritating habit, it just gets
bigger.
Believe it or not, many fights and
disagreementsare born from these petty
irritations.
Just try this for one day...
When your irritation comes up, change it in your
mind to something you like, love and appreciate
about your partner.
Keep focusing all day on that aspect of him or
her and watch what happens.
Idea #4 Appreciate Your Partner. Many
fights, arguments and ill-feelings begin and are
kept going because one or both people don't feel
appreciated in the relationship--and they don't
know how to get the appreciation they need--so they
do the second best thing...
They pick fights and start arguments to get some
attention.
If you feel like you aren't appreciated, your
tendency may probably be to withhold appreciating
your partner.
Because who wants to appreciate someone else if
they don't feel appreciated themselves.
In order to break the cycle, just try some
sincere appreciation anyway.
And this appreciation should go further than
"thank you," although that's nice to hear too.
* Important *
When you appreciate someone-- be specific in
your appreciation. It might be a loving thought
that flits through your mind but you never say
because you either assume that he or she knows or
you don't say it because you don't feel appreciated
yourself.
If you want to cut the distance and the fights
between the two of you, start
appreciating.
Idea #5 Stop Holding Grudges and Holding onto
Being Right. People hold grudges for years
about things that sometimes that can't even
remember exactly what happened to cause
them.
If you're holding onto a grudge and punishing
your partner for something that happened long ago
but is not happening now--and you find that you
bring it up over and over... Find a way to
resolve it.
Don't hang onto it.
When you hold onto a grudge and to being right,
there's no room for listening to your partner.
One way to "let go" of your grudge is to open to
listening to what your partner has to say with new
"ears."
Listen as if this is something new and listen
for any truth at all in what he or she
says.
If you want to cut your fights in half, resolve
old issues, let them go, and focus only on the
issue at hand.
Idea #6 Acknowledge Your Commitment. Many
people who have used our "Should you stay or should
you go?" program at http://www.stayorgo.com to help
them make their decision whether to stay in or
leave a relationship make this big
mistake...
In every argument, they threaten to leave the
relationship but they never do take that
step.
They keep the relationship in uncertainty and
doubt.
This reaction only damages a relationship and
keeps the arguments alive and growing.
In order to change this, make sure that you make
your commitment to your relationship clear to your
partner.
If you want to stay in the relationship and make
it work, say that--and not the opposite.
Idea #7 Spend Time Together. If there's
one thing that can kill a relationship, it's not
spending enough time together.
Many people tell us that they have lost their
relationship because they've put everything else
before their partner.
They simply stopped feeling important to each
other and their relationship died.
Fights and disagreements come up over other
topics--but at the true heart of the problem is
often that lack of time and attention to the
relationship.
So cut your arguments in half by spending
quality time and attention with each
other.
Idea #8 Stop the Repeat Fights. If you
find that you're having the same or similar
argument over and over--stop and take a look at
what's going on.
Take a bird's eye view and look at the dynamic
between the two of you. Look at what needs to be
healed.
In our "Stop Talking On Eggshells" program
http://www.stoptalkingoneggshells.com, we help you
identify communication patterns that hold you back
from saying what you need to say or saying it in
such a way that your partner is angry with you.
Many times, repeat fights are created by
communication patterns that you each have that
can't help but trigger each other.
For example--one person gets sarcastic and
blaming when triggered or threatened and the other
person withdraws and clams up.
Identifying what you do and then changing that
dynamic can stop the repeat fights.
Idea #9 Honor Your Partner, even when he or
she isn't present. Be very careful how you talk
about your partner when he or she isn't in the room
(or even if he or she is).
If you have a tendency to complain about your
partner to others, stop and consider what this
does.
It keeps you focused on what irritates and
annoys you--not on what you want.
And believe it or not, it keep arguments going--
the age-old "I'm right and you're wrong" argument.
We know that sometimes it's helpful to talk to a
friend to get some clarity about a situation but be
very careful how you do it.
Our policy is to talk to each other first before
we say anything about a situation to someone
else.
This is honoring at its highest and builds
trust.
Idea #10 For Cutting Fights and Arguments in
Half (or more) is...Find Common Goals and
Desires
When you have something greater that holds you
together, you can step back and look at your
arguments in a different way.
You can put it all in perspective.
You can recognize when you are just reacting
from what's happened in your past rather than
what's actually happening right now.
When the distance between the two of you seems
big, go back to the common ground that you both
stand for--and start there to rebuild your
connection.
If you do nothing more this Valentine's day, do
something that will bring you closer rather than
push you further from each other.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
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2004,
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2002
and 2001.
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