The Guide to
Getting It On

 

October
What Does Cum Taste Like?


Dear Paul,

The long and the short of it is that my girlfriend likes to swallow when she goes down on me. That's all well and good (believe me!) but she almost always later complains of an upset stomach. According to her, it's somewhat acidic. I haven't said anything about this to her yet my first thought is that she should drink some milk, because it's a base, but I'd rather get rid of the acidity of my semen. Is there a way to do this... and is the acidity of my semen problematic for me in anyway?

JP

Dear JP,

As I've been saying for years, if the Good Lord had only designed us guys to ejaculate chocolate, life would be nearly perfect. Can you imagine going to the laundermat or the grocery store and having women with sweet tooths throwing themselves at your crotch, begging to please Monsieur Chocolat?

You get all sorts of people offering all sorts of descriptions about male ejaculate. For instance, some people say it smells like bean sprouts, others say it smells like the Privet Tree, which is a deciduous evergreen that is nicknamed the "come tree." The most common thing that people say it smells like is household bleach. (The active ingredient in household bleach was discovered by the French chemist Berthollet in 1787. Given the similarities in smell between bleach and male ejaculate, I fear that the French will soon start claiming that in addition to discovering the former, they also discovered the latter. The Italians will naturally agree, saying that the ejaculate the French discovered was that of an Italian male on the lips of a French woman.)

Just so you'll know, it's not unusual for some partners to feel an upset stomach once they swallow male ejaculate. While I can't tell you the exact mechanism of the upset (taste, texture, chemical reaction, emotional), I can tell you that your penis is putting out three different flavors. First, is the clear, slick pre-cum that dribbles out before you ejaculate. This fluid helps change the acid balance in the vagina so your sperm will find less chemical resistance upon landing. It also adds more lube to the intercourse equation. Maybe it tastes a bit salty, maybe a bit acidic, and maybe you can't taste it at all.

Next is the first spurt of ejaculate. This first spurt is full of sperm from your testicles. It also contains a rush of fluid from your prostate. It may have a taste of its own, perhaps a little metallic or salty, given how it contains zinc, phospholipids, amines and enzymes.

Then comes the remaining spurts which contain the lion's share of the volume. While they don't have much sperm, they act like the supply wagon for the sperm that shot out on the first spurt. They have plenty of fructose, prostaglandins, pH neutralizers, coagulating compounds, fatty acids, and I also suspect BHT and Polysorbate. (Doesn't everything we swallow these days have BHT and Polysorbate?)

As for changing the pH of your ejaculate, I don't think this is possible or desirable. It's very unlikely that your semen is acidic. While the fluid from the prostate tends to be acidic, the fluid from your testicles is alkaline. They mix together to give healthy semen a pH of 7.2 to 8.0. A more acidic reading might indicate a blocked seminal vesicle. A more alkaline reading should make you suspect an infection. If you honestly think that yours is acidic or too alkaline, please see a physician.

Some people swear that the taste of ejaculate is impacted by your diet. Others say this isn't true. One reader swears her boyfriend tasted bitter when he was under stress at work, but sweetened up when things were good at work.

As for having your girlfriend drink milk before giving you oral sex, I'd say this would help elevate the notion of having a milk mustache to a whole new level. Perhaps we could forward the suggestion to the Milk Advisory Board. In the meantime, why don't the two of you check out the free non-swallow blow job technique that's on our internet site (www.goofyfootpress.com). Or you can find this technique in the third edition of the "Guide To Getting It On!" on page 224. I think it will help your partner find ways to please you orally without having to swallow a drop.

©2010 by Paul Joannides

Related Issues: Talking With Kids About Tough Issues, Relationship, Sexuality
Books:
Relationship, Sexuality

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In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact. - Marlene Dietrich

Paul Joannides is the author of the Guide To Getting It On!--the Universe's Coolest and Most Informative Book On Sex. You can contact him at www.goofyfootpress.com by clicking on the cover of the Guide that appears on his web site. All columns are the property of Paul Joannides and Goofy Foot Press



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