The Guide to
Getting It On


Premature Ejector

sir iwanted to ask that i eject too quickly that u can say that i feel it impossible for her fulfil her desire. is it any disese or what

Dear Premature Ejector,

I'm sure you'll find that a large percentage of your fellow students at Harvard eject too early as well.

One of the many things about sex that continues to amaze me is why one guy ejects too soon and the next guy takes forever to eject. It also amazes me how one guy's antidote for lasting longer is another guy's poison, so to speak.

For instance, on our sex survey at, we been askin—excuse me—we've been asking the males if they use lube or do it dry when they self-eject. One guy will answer, "If I've got lots of time, I'll do it with lube but I don't get as much friction with lube and it takes me a lot longer to eject." The next guy will answer, "Dry, because with lube I'm off in about ten seconds."

We usually think that the guy who prematurely ejects is more sensitive in his genitals than the guy who takes forever. While this might be the case for some, for others the problem is that they aren't very aware of their body's feelings and sensations. They go from zero to full ejection without a prayer of extending or finessing the situation. The best way to help is to teach them to be more aware of the feelings in their genitals and surrounding areas. Unfortunately, this is usually the last thing they want. Most of their efforts are to decrease awareness rather than increase it. (Sorry, but thinking about baseball won't help, especially if your favorite player got ejected during the early innings of last night's game.)

For instance, would all male readers please put one hand in their pants. If you are in public, please try to be discrete, but clasp your fingers around your penis nonetheless. (If you are at Starbucks, tell them you're frothing your latte.) After you stroke for a bit, think about what you feel.

While this is no indicator or predictor of whether you eject too soon or too late, the premature ejector might have more of a tendency to describe what his hand is feeling rather than what's going on inside of his reproductive unit. He might reply "hard," or "big" if he's an optimist and "small" if he's a pessimist. On the other hand, if he says "It tingles" or "It's starting to throb a little", then his mind is on what's happening on or in his penis, and this is where he wants to be.

That's where the answer lies for a lot of premature ejectors—in becoming more and more aware of the sensations inside of their bodies. That way they won't be so overwhelmed or taken off guard when the first feelings of ejection occur. They can learn to tolerate greater levels of sensation and to operate closer to the point of no return without suddenly tripping over it.

There are some fun ways that a woman can help a guy with premature ejection if they are both patient and willing. I've included a fifteen page chapter on the subject in the Guide To Getting It On! It's called,"Dyslexia of the Penis--Improving Your Sexual Hang Time." but I would caution you about focusing only on the issue of coming to soon. Maybe this would be a good time to learn more about sexuality in general, exploring many of its dimensions with your partner if you have one or checking it out on your own if you don't.

It might also be a good time for the fellow who wrote me this email to take an introductory English class as well. That way he'll be feeding both of his heads and not just the one down below. Society at large will benefit rather than just his girlfriend.

©2007 by Paul Joannides

Related Issues: Talking With Kids About Tough Issues, Relationship, Sexuality
Relationship, Sexuality

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In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact. - Marlene Dietrich

Paul Joannides is the author of the Guide To Getting It On!--the Universe's Coolest and Most Informative Book On Sex. You can contact him at by clicking on the cover of the Guide that appears on his web site. All columns are the property of Paul Joannides and Goofy Foot Press

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