How to Succeed
with Women

Flirting with Humor


Remember this: you want to make women laugh. If you can make a woman laugh (so long as she isn't laughing at your expense) then you are delighting her, and she'll want to see you again. However, as most men know, women often find different things funny than men do. It's easy to misuse humor with women, and to frighten and offend them instead. With that in mind, here's a list of do's and don¹ts for flirting with humor.

Don¹ts

1. Don't joke with a woman as roughly as you would with a guy, and don't make jokes about her appearance. This is very important. When a guy drops something, for instance, it's a funny, bonding joke to say "way to drop that, ass-wipe!" Among men this is great humor, occasions for "high-fives" all around. Such jokes are how we men play together. When a woman drops something, you must be much gentler on her. It's best to not make fun of her mistakes at all, or she will be offended.

It's also better to not make jokes about her appearance, unless you are sure that the joke can be taken only in a positive way. Women are taught to be paranoid about their looks; if a woman can misinterpret a remark about their appearance, she will. When Robert told Greta "Wow, you've got such a nice, big butt. I like big women," he really sincerely meant it. Greta took offense, and so will every other woman in western civilization.

2. Don't joke about violence unless you are absolutely sure she'll like it. And she probably won't. Once again, play among men and play among women is different. Among men, jokes about violence are funny: You might ask a man for some information only to have him reply, "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." To guys, this is funny. To women, it's scary. There's a big difference. Kenny met Rachel at a day-long personal growth seminar. Afterwards they took his car to a nearby bar. Along the way, Kenny made his error. Thinking he was joking, he said "Oh, what the heck. I think I'll just take you out to the woods and kill ya." Rachel became upset, and only the fact that they were just then pulling into the bar kept her from freaking out entirely. "The thing is," he told us later, "I had used that line on a girl I met at a punk-rock concert a few weeks before, and she thought it was hilarious!" Most of the time, women hear jokes about violence as threats of violence. They aren't flirty, and you shouldn't make them.

3. Don't use physical humor with women. Guys play with each other using physical humor. They play-punch each other, give each other noogies, and generally get rowdy together. They make physical jokes about pissing, farting, and feces. Men find these joke to be great fun, but they don't work on women. Keep away from physical humor and body elimination humor. Just don't do it. These jokes will offend her. You have to decide which is more important: to make that fart joke, or to get laid.

4. Don't make yourself the butt on any jokes. This is very important. Remember what we've said; when a woman is first meeting you, she's deciding what position you will have in her life. Will you be a lover? A friend? Someone she avoids? She's trying to figure out what level of respect to give you, and one way she figures that out is by watching how you treat yourself. If you make jokes at your own expense, she knows that you aren't worth wasting time on. Some men are so used to making fun of themselves to entertain women that it's hard for them to stop. Jerry was always the class clown, was a little overweight, and was used to making fun of his heaviness as a way of entertaining women. "I learned that if I made fun of myself, they'd laugh," he said. "But I noticed I never got any sex. It was hard to give up being the butt of my jokes, but I did it, and now I've got a girlfriend."

Do's

1. Do make "creative misinterpretations." When you approach a woman, you've got to be alert and have your eyes open. Look for the details in her appearance or in what she is doing that you can safely make jokes about. You do this by putting a new spin on something normal. When Bruce asks the bank teller "Do you get to keep a percentage of all the money you take in each day?" he's creatively misinterpreting something in her environment and using it to flirt. When he asks if she gets to keep a percentage, he's being silly in a way she can relate to. It gives them a joke to talk about that and creates a little separate little world for them together. Similarly, when Frank jokes to the girl at the heath-food store about being a major in the army, he's taking something at hand and creatively misinterpreting it, recasting it as something they can joke and flirt about. Every time he sees her they return to this joke, and she feels more comfortable with him each time. You should try to make your misinterpretations complementary to her. For example, misinterpreting the woman collecting the money as you leave a parking garage as "the parking goddess" would be more effective than misinterpreting her as, say, a trash collector who got lucky and got her current job. The first is a joke; the second is an insult. Keep track of the difference.

2. Do smile and say "hi." Your expression is an important part of your behavior. When you approach a woman to flirt, it's best to be relaxed and to smile, make eye contact, and say hi. Too many men approach flirting in a non-playful manner. They are resentful about having to do it, or are indulging a bad mood. They don't look relaxed and they don't sound relaxed. As we said in chapter three, you must overcome adolescent posture. It may be necessary for you to get some bodywork or to take some yoga classes if you habitually radiate tension . When you are relaxed and approach a woman, she sees it on her face and in your eyes.

3. Do ask them about things they know. Work related questions are good, as are questions about personal appearance. As well discuss later, one good line is "What's the story behind that...?" If, for instance, she is wearing an unusual necklace, you might say "what a beautiful necklace you are wearing. What's the story behind it?"

4. Do ask questions. Along the same lines, it's a good idea to ask them questions. After all, you want to find out about her, and asking the right questions can give you important information. It's not an interrogation, so don't badger her with questions, but do make inquiries about what she cares about. For example if she's holding a flower, ask her about it: "That rose you are holding is beautiful. Why did you pick roses? How do roses make you feel? Or you could ask "Why do you think women love flowers?" Either way, you are engaging her, through your questions, in a conversation that is about her likes, her dislikes, and her feelings. That's the kind of conversation that could become more romantic later on.

5. Do describe feelings for her. Your goal in flirting is to get her to think romantic thoughts about you, and to want to act on those thoughts. To do this, you must describe romantic feelings. Have you ever been with someone who was describing something disgusting? Perhaps a friend had been sick, and later described to you, in intimate, loving detail, every step and every nuance of how it felt to be about to throw up. Can you remember how you felt as he described his sickness? Did you start to get sick, too? Or have you ever wished someone would stop describing some horrible event or accident, because you are starting to feel how it must have felt? You probably have. These people have used a simple principle on you, that to describe a feeling to someone makes them experience that feeling. That's why you feel sick when your friend describes getting ill, or you feel queasy when someone talks about a disgusting accident. To flirt successfully, you absolutely must take advantage of this principle, only in reverse. You must describe the feelings you want her to have--romance, attraction, arousal--in lush and lavish detail. As you describe these feelings, she'll start to have them. The principle is simple: when someone describes something to you, you must imagine it to be able to understand what they are talking about. If I'm describing my new car to you, and tell you that it's a mini-van, and it's blue, you can't help but imagine it. Even if I tell you not to imagine something, you have to imagine it to know what not to think about. If I tell you not to imagine a mini-van, you must think of one, so you know what thought to avoid. The same thing happens when you describe a feeling to a woman. Whether she wants to feel the feeling you are describing or not, she must feel it to even know what you are talking about. The extent to which she feels it is dependent on how well you describe the feeling. For instance, Sven is talking to the attractive young woman behind the pastry counter. "I can imagine you must feel so great and special behind the counter, goddess of the whole store, and people come to worship you," he says to her. "Those great feelings of people coming to see you must really make you feel wonderful." He's playfully described feelings of specialness to her, and, if she is to evaluate what he's talking about at all, she must go inside and feel those feelings. As she feels those feelings while looking at Sven, she starts to connect his visits to her store with feeling those special feelings. In time, this will lead her to "naturally" feel attracted to him. Poets are the get-laid kings of all time. Poetry is a wonderful tool in teaching you how to make beautiful, and detailed, descriptions on romantic things. After all, 99% of poetry is about love. If you look at most any romantic poetry you'll find it's made up of descriptions of romantic, loving feelings. Romance novels are much the same way. They are unending streams of descriptions of romantic feelings. Learn to speak romantically by describing romantic feelings, and you will be much more successful with women.

6. Do be confident that your joking is okay. One of the top flirting mistakes men make is that they wait for the woman to be comfortable with the flirting before they become comfortable with it. We can't emphasize this enough: when a woman first meets you, she is trying to decide if you are dangerous or not. If you are uncertain and hesitant, you come across as though you, too, are afraid that you are dangerous. You act as though you are scared of yourself, and she will become scared, too. You must decide to have certainty that you are not hurting her, are not a threat to her, and that your flirting is fun and relaxed for you both. If you feel scared, uncertain and worried about your flirting until she seems relaxed, she'll never relax. If you are hesitant about your joking until she laughs, she'll never laugh. She'll be too scared by how worried you are. Pete has this problem. He tries to flirt, but to him it is such a big deal and he's so afraid that he's going to scare his prospect away, that he's a big ball of tension. When he talked to Natalie, the receptionist at his dentist's when he goes to get his teeth cleaned; he was as frightened as a cornered mouse. He had to work himself up to talking to her, and his heart was pounding. He kept asking himself "What if she doesn't like me?" and worrying about potential rejection. "So, I guess a lot of people get hurt here," he "jokes" with her, his jaw muscles throbbing with tension. She just stares at him, wondering what kind of a psycho he is. He notices her fear, and becomes more upset himself. "Uh, I mean, that's a joke," he says weakly. "Oh, heck. When's my appointment?" His fear, and his need for her to not be afraid of him, makes him fail with the receptionist, as he does with all women. Now let's look at how Bruce handles the same situation. When he sees Natalie, he knows he desires her, and knows that she may or may not be induced to desire him. He knows that she may not respond to him, and doesn't care. Bruce has decided that his joking is fine, and is certain that he is charming, even if she doesn't think so. When he walks up to talk to her, he is smiling and relaxed, radiating confidence rather than tension. "So, you are the guardian of this ba-a-ad, evil place, eh?" he says to her in a laughing way. She looks at him to decide if he's a threat, but he's so relaxed and seems so certain that everything is fine that she decides to laugh in response. "Oh yes, I'm the guardian, all right," she says. He continues in his confident, joking manner, "How could I persuade you to put a spell on me to keep me from harm here? In fact, I think I can feel you putting a spell on me already. You are bewitching me, Natalie," he says, reading her name off her nametag. She laughs at his joking. "Now I feel like I can go in there, protected by the spell you have me under. I'll just say to the dentist, 'the beautiful and charming Natalie put me under a protective spell.' How do you think that will work?" "You can try it," she responds, laughing. "But I'd still take the novocaine." "Oh, I don't need painkiller after seeing you," he comes back. "Have you ever had the feeling of meeting someone, and it's like you heart can only feel good feelings, can feel no pain? After meeting you, I'm sure I won't need anything else." She blushes, "Well, thank you!" Bruce made this interaction work because he was certain that it would work. If he approached uncertain, like Pete did, and waited for Natalie to give him approval before he allowed himself to relax, he'd have the same failure Pete has. Because he's not waiting for her to feel good for him to feel good, he's able to create the good feelings for them both. 8. Do be romantic with your humor. Just being a clown for her isn't enough. You must also make it clear that you find her attractive. In the above example, Bruce doesn't only make Natalie laugh; he also uses their flirting to let her know that he finds her beautiful and charming. He does this by slipping in the occasional compliment, sideways. When he says, "I'll just say to the dentist, 'the beautiful and charming Natalie put me under a protective spell,'" he's telling her that she is beautiful and charming, and that he's thinking of her as more than just a friend. By doing this, he makes her chose what category to put him in; friend or potential lover. If she keeps flirting with him after he says these romantic things about her, then she's accepting the fact that he's a potential lover. Only if she rejects his compliments will she be able to think of him as just another lowly male friend. But, because she's having so much fun flirting with him, she's unlikely to reject his compliments. By being romantic with his humor, he puts himself on the inside track for being her lover. When you look at how Bruce flirts with Natalie, you can see how she would have a hard time thinking of him as "just a friend," because of the romantic quality of his flirting. You, too, can do this, if you show your romantic interest as you flirt.

© 2009, Mastery Technologies, Inc.

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We must try to trust one another. Stay and cooperate. - Jomo Kenyatta

Ron Louis and David Copeland are the authors of How to Succeed with Women, The Sex Lover's Book of Lists, and The Mastery Program audio course. Send them those seduction questions: questions@howtosucceedwithwomen.com You're question may be used in the next newsletter! Subscribe to their Free newsletter for tons of Free seduction information. Type in your email address, and click on "subscribe," then click on submit! See a sample from The Rules For Getting Laid and a review on Amazon.com or the tape series. Also, check out their web site www.howtosucceedwithwomen.com and see a review of their book.



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