How to Succeed with Women The Surprising Secret of Getting Yourself to Approach Women Dear Ron and David, It seems like I'm always seeing chances to talk to hot girls, but I just can't seem to do it, even though I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what I might say, from the stuff I've learned from your book and web site. I end up feeling really bad about this. What should I do? If you could give me some insights, I would be very grateful. Sincerely, Amateur Joe Dear Joe, Thanks for your question! So, you are not taking the opportunities with women that life presents you, and feeling bad about it. Lots of men do this. Let's look at how you can go from "seeing an opportunity" to "taking an opportunity." The way to go from "seeing an opportunity" to "taking an opportunity" is: 1) Notice the opportunity you could have taken. 2) don't beat yourself up about not taking it 3) celebrate the victory of what you did do, and 4) imagine in your head what the next step could have been with this woman. 5) get closer to taking the opportunity, or actually take it next time. Let's go through these steps one at a time, because they are useful for any man who finds himself feeling intimidated or tongue-tied with women. 1) Notice the opportunity you could have taken: It's important to at least notice whatever opportunity you are walking away from. This is an important step toward actually taking the opportunity. 2) Don't beat yourself up about not taking the opportunity: This is crucial. What most guys do the moment they see an opportunity with a woman that they didn't take, they start beating themselves up. "I really screwed that up! Why don't I have any balls?! I suck!" They punish themselves for the opportunity they "missed." Think about your interactions with women: have you ever done this? When you punish yourself for not taking opportunities with women, you are trying to motivate yourself to take action. The problem is, beating yourself up to get yourself to take action really doesn't work, _especially_ in the world of women. And it gets worse. Beating yourself up about opportunities you don't take actually makes it harder for you to take opportunities in the future, because you connect so much pain to the entire thing. You won't even see opportunities in the future, because the whole thing hurts too much. The bottom line is, we wish beating yourself up worked, but it really doesn't. You have to give it up. 3) Celebrate the victory of what you did do: It's also critical that you celebrate the victory of what you did actually do. Did you talk to her at all? Feel good about it. Did you put yourself into a situation where you could have interacted with a hot woman, even if you didn't interact with her? Feel good about having put yourself in that situation. Find something to feel good about, and feel good about it. 4) Imagine in your head what the next step could have been with this woman. Once you are not feeling bad about yourself--and are even feeling good--you should spend a little time going over what you _could_ have said to the woman you did not approach. Did you simply need to say "hi"? What about her could you have asked "What's the story behind that?" What sort of Deepening questions could you have asked her? What genuine compliment could you have given her, perhaps after asking "What's the story behind that," which would have shown your romantic interest? What one or two flirting moves could you have done? Imagine yourself doing them, and it going great. What could you have flirted about? 5) Get closer to taking the opportunity, or actually take it next time: The path from seeing an opportunity to taking that opportunity runs directly through these steps. If you want to become a guy who "just finds himself" taking opportunities, you must be willing to go through a spell of seeing those opportunities without taking them, WITHOUT THEN BEATING YOURSELF UP, and while feeling good about what you did do. Then you must imagine what you might have done, without regret or upset. Seeing opportunities and not taking them is part of learning to take opportunities--but ONLY if you don't mess things up by beating yourself senseless about it. We have found that, with ourselves and our students, allowing these steps to happen leads to actually taking opportunities. When you feel bad about "missing" opportunities, you short-circuit this process, and are never able to go from "see the opportunity" to "taking it." So stop beating yourself up, today! © 2010, Mastery Technologies, Inc. Other Relationship Issues, Books *     *     * We must try to trust one another. Stay and cooperate. - Jomo Kenyatta Ron Louis and David Copeland are the authors of How to Succeed with Women, The Sex Lover's Book of Lists, and The Mastery Program audio course. Send them those seduction questions: questions@howtosucceedwithwomen.com You're question may be used in the next newsletter! Subscribe to their Free newsletter for tons of Free seduction information. Type in your email address, and click on "subscribe," then click on submit! See a sample from The Rules For Getting Laid and a review on Amazon.com or the tape series. Also, check out their web site www.howtosucceedwithwomen.com and see a review of their book. Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement Menstuff® Directory Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay ©1996-2023, Gordon Clay