How to Succeed
with Women

Are you Seeing Anyone Else?


Dear Ron and David,

A lot of women I meet want to be in long term, committed relationships or marriage before they will have sex with a guy. They want to be the "one and only" you are seeing or not deal with you at all. When a woman that I am pursuing asks me if I'm seeing someone else, how do I explain myself without destroying my chances of seducing her?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Great question! As you know, we believe there is no point in misleading a woman. It makes you feel bad about yourself as a man, and is difficult to do well, anyway. Having said that, then, what should you do?

We believe you should tell a woman the truth, but the intensity of the truth you tell should increase as you build a more intimate and trusting relationship with her. For instance, it may be true that you love pornography, or that your dream in life is to sleep with two bisexual women at once, but it would be wildly inappropriate to share these facts about yourself until the relationship has built up enough trust to handle the intensity of such revelations. Some "truths" really don't belong on a first date.

"Truths" about "looking for the one and only" really don't belong on a first date. They are too intense, and your relationship isn't strong enough at that point to handle such conversations. It would be like you asking her on the first date if she likes to have sex every day, or if she would be interested in dressing up in latex for you.

The questions aren't bad; just premature.

Usually, dating and talking about dating other people works like this: You have no interest in a monogamous relationship with any woman. It's her JOB to convince you, to enroll you in the idea of a relationship with her. One of the ways she does this is through sex. Very often, this works for her: you have sex with her a bunch, and start to see her as potential relationship material, after all. Then (if all goes well), after you've been dating for a couple of months, she'll ask, "are you seeing anyone else?" At THAT point you have a decision to make...give up the woman, or give up other women. She's just shooting herself in the foot by asking the question anytime before she's given you good reasons to like her.

So what should you do when she asks, "are you dating anyone else?" on the first date. First, don't make a big deal out of it. Tell her,

"Yea, I'm doing some dating now, but certainly nothing serious."

If she presses the topic, you can say things like,

"I'm looking for a relationship that can develop, that we can both be really honest in, where we can really see what's right between us, you know what I mean?" or "I'm not really looking for a relationship, but I'm definitely open to one with the right woman. I feel like it's a little early for me to have that conversation with you. "

These things are _true,_ and that's what's important.

Second, you then need to be re-directing the conversation to something else, because, as we said, it's as inappropriate for her to ask you about your commitment potential right away as it would be for you to ask her about her sexual potential right away. Ask her about something else. Generate an experience for her. Get her thinking about something else.

Some women are crazy on this subject, though. Just like some guys go up to women and say "hey baby, wanna fuck?", some women hammer men about commitment during her first conversation with a guy. If she won't get off it, you'll have to move on. But if you understand why it is inappropriate for her to be asking this, and understand how to handle it without being a liar, you will probably be okay.

Dear Sirs,

How can I manage to know if my girlfriend is lying about her past sexual experiences? In fact I don't trust in what she says about her past.

Thanks

Hi!

Comedian Chris Rock has the answer for this: You take the number of guys your lady friend says she's had sex with, and double it--at least. The reason is that she's probably had all sorts of sexual experiences that, to her, "don't count." So Chris Rock's advice,which is pretty good, is to double it--at least.

But the fact of the matter is that the problem isn't how many sex partners your girlfriend has had--the problem is how upset you seem to be about it.

It's never wise to put a woman on the defensive about her sexuality. You've asked her how many guys she'd slept with. She told you. She probably revised the number downwards so as to not hurt your feelings. Sensing that you would be upset about her sexual past (as you seem to be), she revised the number downward to avoid trouble with you.

Now you are either badgering her about how many guys she's slept with--"Are you sure you've only slept with five guys? How many have you gone down on?" etc., etc...or you are thinking about badgering her about it.

This insults her in two ways: you are calling her a liar, for misleading you about how many guys she's slept with, and a slut, for having slept with so many guys she feels she needs to lie about it. Even if she has lied to you, and even if she has had a slutty past, you are only going to create trouble insulting her in this way. You are going to generate a fight with her. And for what?

This all goes back to the basic distinctions of fighting with a woman: there is NO point in fighting with a woman. No matter what happens in a fight with a woman, you will lose. Either you lose the conflict, and she won't have sex with you, or you win the conflict, and she won't have sex with you. Or--worse case--she cries, and you REALLY lose.

Why is all this so important to you, anyway? Our advice for you is to let all this go, and, every time you want to get yourself upset by thinking about her sexual past, think about the fact that she is with you now, instead.

Let go of her past...it'll only create trouble if you don't.

© 2009, Mastery Technologies, Inc.

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We must try to trust one another. Stay and cooperate. - Jomo Kenyatta

Ron Louis and David Copeland are the authors of How to Succeed with Women, The Sex Lover's Book of Lists, and The Mastery Program audio course. Send them those seduction questions: questions@howtosucceedwithwomen.com You're question may be used in the next newsletter! Subscribe to their Free newsletter for tons of Free seduction information. Type in your email address, and click on "subscribe," then click on submit! See a sample from The Rules For Getting Laid and a review on Amazon.com or the tape series. Also, check out their web site www.howtosucceedwithwomen.com and see a review of their book.



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