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Practical Tips For Getting Unstuck When
You're Too Busy, Too Stressed or "Too Anything" For
Love
No matter what kind of relationships you are in,
you probably get stuck in ways of being that keep
you separate from others and that create
unhappiness on some level.
Sometimes you know or recognize what you're
doing and sometimes you don't see it.
If there's one thing we know, it's this...
When we're "too" busy, stressed out and there
doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything we
think has to be done, it's really easy to lapse
into old patterns and ways of being that separate
us from those we love.
This is especially true around the holidays when
expectations of ourselves and others can be
high--expectations that may have nothing to do with
our current reality but are rather about what
happened in the past.
When this happens to the two of us, one question
that is typically helpful to ask is ...
"How do we get unstuck from our old patterns or
the 'trance' as we like to call it and regain our
connection?"
We're guessing that this might be a question of
yours from time to time as well with the people
that are important to you!
You might know that you are stuck in some area
of your life--either in a relationship or in a life
situation--but you don't know how to get yourself
free so that you can create what you want.
If you can relate, here are some practical ways
that might help you.
These suggestions are ones that we use to get
ourselves back into harmony with ourselves and with
each other.
These certainly aren't the only ways to get back
into balance and harmony with yourself or a partner
but we invite you to experiment with them to see
how they will work for you in creating more of the
kind of relationships that you want....
1. Recognize that you may be living by someone
else's "rules" for living or opinions and not your
own.
You may be trying hard to please someone else,
making up stories about what you think he or she
thinks about you. You might be making that made up
story more important than your truth.
Justine tried hard to please her mother but
never seemed to be able to do it. Although Justine
was in her 40's, she was still trying to get her
mother's approval--and Justine was miserable.
When she started looking at her own "rules" for
living and started taking action from how she
wanted to live her life (rather than constantly
looking at how she thought he mom wanted her to
live her life), she started feeling some relief and
joy.
It turned out that she and her mom would never
be "best friends" but their relationship
improved.
Justine stopped making up stories about what she
thought her mom's opinion of her was.
When Justine was clear about what she wanted and
was instead, just loving toward her mom, they could
both meet in a place they could never get to
before.
2. Soften and open your heart toward the other
person and toward yourself as you take yourself out
of the drama.
If you soften and open your heart, it doesn't
mean that you are a pushover. In our experience,
it's been quite the opposite.
When the two of us get into a conflict and get
stuck in an old pattern, what helps bring us back
into connection is this idea of bringing our
attention to our hearts.
Even if one of us does that, that person can
begin to step out of the drama and see another
possibility.
When you are in the middle of what we call a
drama, you can't see a way out.
If you take a moment, breathe and bring your
attention into your heart, reminding yourself that
you love or care about this person, even a small
amount of space can open up so that a new
possibility of resolution can emerge.
3. Look toward the future of what you want.
When you are locked in the pattern that you
can't seem to move from, all that you can usually
think about is what is wrong between the two of
you.
The two of us got locked in an old financial
conflict a few days ago. We each held to our
positions--which we each knew was "right" and felt
like the other person didn't understand.
We were able to move through by shifting our
attention to what we wanted our future together to
look like financially--and then we started planning
on what steps we would need to take to get
there.
We shifted out of the old pattern into something
greater that we both wanted.
Right now, you might be thinking something like
this...
"Sure all of these ideas work for you. You both
have been practicing ways of getting unstuck for
years and I don't have a partner (or the other
person) who wants to do this--so they won't work
for me."
If this is what you are saying to yourself, we
invite you to try any of these suggestions and see
what happens when you find yourself in a situation
that seems stuck to you.
We've found that the very thing that you resist
will probably give you the most freedom, love,
connection or whatever else you want.
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
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2004,
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2002
and 2001.
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