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Could This Mean Bad News For Relationships In
2011?
Happy New Year to you and thank you for being one
of our newsletter subscribers.
As we enter 2011, here's something that was in
the news over the weekend that could spell disaster
in all our relationships...
In case you missed it...
The headline of the New Year's special edition
of the USA Today newspaper declared 2010 as "the
year we stopped talking."
We think that's significant and so true...
If you doubt the truth of this, just go to any
bar, restaurant or social event and you'll see
people NOT paying attention to the people or event
that's in front of them.
They are tweeting, texting. Facebooking or
viewing something else instead of being present to
what's happening around them (especially to the
people they're with).
We especially dislike it when we pay good money
to go to a movie or a concert and the person beside
us or close to us is making noise texting or
operating their smart phone in some way.
In the USA Today article, Scott Campbell,
assistant professor of communication studies at
University of Michigan who studies social
implications of using mobile devices, is quoted as
saying...
"It (plugging in) can be a good thing. But I
also see new ways the traditional social fabric is
getting somewhat torn apart."
While we (Susie and Otto ) certainly use mobile
devices (though very, very slow at texting), we can
see how there can be less time and energy for true
communication that fosters deeper connection,
especially between people in intimate
relationships.
And how our "social fabric"--the way we have
traditionally communicated--is getting "torn
apart."
Is that all bad?
Maybe not but what we know is that without
old-fashioned face-to-face authentic and meaningful
communication, a relationship suffers.
We are in no way suggesting that you toss all
your electronic devices in the garbage and become a
Luddite.
We are suggesting that you become aware of how
you're communicating with your loved ones.
Make sure that there's the time and space for
the two of you to sit down and talk and share in
the old fashioned way-- which is face to face.
Since we always want you to have more love,
passion and connection than ever...
Here are a few ways for you to start talking
more and creating deeper love and connection in
2011...
1. Set some relationship goals. Think about what
you'd like more of in 2011 in your relationship.
No matter what type of relationship--take some
time together and talk about what you want and some
ways that you could practice that would bring you
closer to having it.
For instance, one of our relationship goals for
2011 is having more fun together.
One of the ways we could practice is to keep a
list of what "having fun" means to each of us and
then do one or more of those things every
week--which might mean going to a movie we both
like.
2. Increase the amount of time you spend in
bed--both sleeping and making love. Statistics show
that most of us don't get enough sleep--and
relationships can certainly suffer if you don't. If
you aren't sleeping very well, begin some type of
meditation or relaxation program.
There are plenty of resources out there that can
help.
If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest
that you spend more time making love--from a
connected space.
If you don't feel connected, make it a practice
to feel close and connected before love making.
Talk about how the two of you can increase
intimate feelings in your relationship from a place
of fun and curiosity rather than blame and
accusations.
3. Forget about it. Forget about what happened
last year. It's done. It's over.
If you feel like you need resolution about
something that was said or that happened, talk to
the other person.
If you don't get the resolution that you want,
don't carry that resentment into the new year.
Forgive yourself or the other person.
Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or
abused in any way. Of course not!
All we are saying is that unresolved grievances
may hurt you more than the other person--or more
than you realize--because you relive what happened
over and over.
If you want more peace in 2011, find a way to
get some resolution about what happened to you in
the past.
4. Make your relationships a bigger priority by
spending more physical time together. Most of us
lead very busy lives and we tend to put most
everything ahead of maintaining and growing our
relationships, especially intimate ones.
We've said this many, many times but the idea
bears repeating--People can very easily get "lost"
from one another if they don't keep coming back to
revitalizing their relationship.
Committing to doing one simple thing like having
a meal together once a day--or even one day a
week--and talking together can make a big
difference in a relationship.
Take this opportunity to call that special
person for a "date" and then go and enjoy yourself.
Is there a friend you haven't seen in awhile and
you just don't seem to get around to calling and
setting up a time to get together?
Are you and your partner constantly moving in
different directions and you never seem to be able
to find time to even sit down and talk?
We never know how long we have on this earth and
we only really have today so make a connection with
someone who you care about or even someone you'd
like to get to know.
The two of us learned a long time ago that you
have to "feed" the relationships that you want to
grow. Do something today to grow yours and you'll
find more love and fullness in your life than you
ever thought possible.
5. Make a change in an attitude that holds you
back. Your attitude toward life and your
relationships certainly creates more of the same.
The trick is to change your attitude without
"blue-skying" it or telling yourself something that
you can not believe.
Here's an example of changing your attitude and
the way you think about your partner...
Old attitude--"My partner will never make
changes in our relationship."
New attitude--"My partner is my friend and I can
start treating him (or her) that way."
What new attitude can you begin to embody that
will bring you closer to what you want?
6. Find one new (or old) common interest,
desire, goal, activity or cause to share with your
partner or a friend. It's no secret that one of the
important elements to a great relationship is
sharing time and interests. When our lives take us
over (and we hear that phrase a lot), we tend to
stop doing the things that have helped us keep our
connections with each other.
We forget how to enjoy each other's company,
whether it's doing something or just "being"
together.
What would you like to do together that you
haven't been doing lately? Maybe it's something new
that you haven't tried yet?
Maybe it's something simple like eating a meal
together without distractions or taking a walk
together. Maybe it's planning and planting a
garden or learning to scuba or ski.
Whatever it is, do it in part for connection.
7. Have more fun. We would certainly be remiss
if we didn't include having more fun in our list.
So our question to you is this...
What's "fun" to you?
- Is it being with others, doing something
that you all enjoy?
- Is it being with your loved one having a
quiet evening at home snuggling on the couch?
- Is it playing with your children or grand
children?
- Is it learning something new that you love
to do?
- Is it laughing at a silly movie?
Whatever it is, decide that you are going to do
more of it during this year.
If you do, you'll find that your life and
relationships become filled with more love and
deeper connection.
Talk to you again soon.
All our best to you,
©2011, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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2002
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