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Happy New Year to you and thank you for being
one of our followers
We're really excited about what we have planned to
share with you this year as we begin our 10th
year.
So what do you think the #1 relationship
question ever is?
Do you know what it is?
Have you ever thought about it?
Even in happy relationships (ours included),
this question rolls through almost everyone's mind
at some point.
If things aren't going so well in your
relationship, it comes up a lot more often and with
more intensity and urgency.
Our take on this question may surprise you.
This is because even though many people think
this question is one that shouldn't be asked...we
think that in many relationships asking yourself
this question could actually help you make some
radical shifts and spur you on to creating more of
what you want in your relationship.
So what's the question?
The #1 relationship question ever is...
"Should I stay or should I go?"
If you're in a good relationship, you probably
flinched when you first read that we think this is
the #1 relationship question.--and maybe you even
denied that you've ever thought about it.
But we're guessing that if you're completely
honest with yourself, you will admit that you have
had that question roll though your mind at least
once (we have), no mater how good your relationship
is.
Why is this such a BIG question ALL the
time?
Why are so many people thinking about whether to
stay or go when they would be much better served to
focus on questions that would be more empowering
and help them create more of the love they really
want?
...And finally, should we even be focusing on
this question at all if we want our relationships
and marriages to work out?
Probably not--
These are all things that certainly need
addressed and it still makes us wonder why do
people so often ask themselves this question about
their relationship (especially if they know it's
not very relationship supporting.)
Here are some common reasons people ask
themselves this question about their
relationships...
1. They get into the "Fight Loop" way too
often. This is the loop that two people can get
into where they incessantly irritate one another,
those irritations turning into all-out fights and
it never seems to end. Both people find themselves
focusing on the irritations and fights to the
exclusion of what might be "right" about their
relationship.
2. Lying, cheating, infidelity. If
there's lying and cheating going on in the
relationship--or even the suspicion of it--both
people are usually asking themselves if they should
stay or leave. If they are trying to rebuild trust
after it's been shattered, both people are usually
living with this question even if they truly want
to get their relationship back on track.
3. Differences over finances. Trying to
combine the different ways that two people handle
their finances can be a huge source of disagreement
and stress when they decide to become a "couple."
Not only do we not understand why the other person
acts in the ways they do around money but those
issues cut to the very core of who we are and what
we're about. These financial differences can make
us question if we're with the "right" person after
all because of our preconceived beliefs, habits and
judgments.
4. Differences about sex. These
differences can range from how often to have sex
and in what way to what's exciting and pleasurable
vs. what's unacceptable and morally wrong. Just as
in financial matters, differences about sex are
filled with judgments, beliefs and habits--about
what's right and what's wrong.
5. Intense jealousy of a partner. When
there's intense jealousy, both people can question
whether they want to stay in the relationship or
go, especially when they see no way out of their
current situation. For the jealous person, the
question can hinge on not feeling loved, respected
or important to the partner. For the person with a
jealous partner, the question can come up because
of the irritation and pain of constantly being
accused and mistrusted.
6. Other life events not related to the
relationship. Any number of other life events
can trigger the question of whether to stay in a
relationship or go. These are too numerous to list
but here are a few...
- Being fired from a job or laid off
- Unable to have a baby
- Death of a parent or child
- Losing life savings or retirement
income
- Retirement
- Health concerns
- Job changes and relocation
So we've listed quite a few reasons why a person
might have this question in his or her mind...
Now the question for you is, what do you do with
this question when it comes up in your mind?
If you're like most people (unless you're in a
really bad relationship), you push it down, dismiss
it, hide it and not pay attention to it.
Here's where we have a different take on it--and
how we challenge you to look at it differently
too...
We challenge you to make this question a tool
for exploration and take the judgment out of
it.
Use it to consciously consider what would make
you happy in this present moment.
Use it to move you toward what you want more of
instead of what you don't want.
If you've just had a misunderstanding with your
partner and that misunderstanding has come up over
and over again with no resolution...
And the idea flits through your mind that maybe
this wouldn't happen with another partner--even
though you have no intention of leaving...
Instead of dismissing the thought and judging it
wrong, take a moment and acknowledge that there's
something for you to take a look at and then
consider what you want instead.
It might be that you are stubbornly holding onto
being right (as is your partner). And if you
stopped being defensive and just listened to each
other, you could understand each other better--and
even reach some agreement.
Of course, your situation may be intolerable in
many ways and you truly may need to consider if you
need to leave this relationship for your health,
well-being and happiness.
Whatever your situation, use this question to
help you move more toward what you want instead of
what you don't.
Talk to you again soon.
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
2008,
2007,
2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
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