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Relationship Advice That Works For
Everyone?
We get emails and calls from people like you every
day and very often, they tell us how our
relationship advice and information helps them
create happier, closer, and more connected
relationships.
This isn't always the case.
Sometimes we get someone like "Mary" (not her
real name) who just wrote to us and thinks
otherwise.
Normally we wouldn't do this, but we're sharing
with you what "Mary" had to say about us and as
usual, there's an amazing relationship lesson or
two here.
So, If you're open to the relationship and love
lessons, here's what "Mary" had to say about us and
our work and our answers to "Mary"...
Mary Wrote
"The information you send -- I find -- does not
ring true of a couple who communicates under the
stresses of raising a family. It sounds like you
are in a marriage -- without younger children --
and quite possibly this marriage between the two of
you is a second or third marriage .... meaning,
your marriage has not really stood the test of
time.
"Anyone can dispense advice under those
conditions.
"Real credibility comes from a couple who has
faced TOGETHER the real world challenges that
married couples face --- when going through life
phases together, raising children together ... and
making it stick for the long haul."
End of Mary's Email
We certainly can understand why "Mary" expressed
those feelings because it can be tough dealing with
the challenges she was talking about.
And, here's our take on it...
What we have discovered is that we all have
different life situations and those situations and
challenges that go with them can change many
times.
Here are a few...
-some people are dealing with the pressures of
raising small children
-some are dealing with the grief of a separation
or divorced
-some are happily married and want to make their
relationship even better
-some are struggling in an unhappy
relationship
-some are tentatively beginning a new
relationship
-some are coping with job pressures
-some are dealing with care of aging parents
For the two of us--this is a second marriage for
both of us (as of this writing , we've been
together 10 years) and although we didn't raise
young children together, we did navigate the
sometimes murky waters of creating a "blended
family."
So what do we have to offer that might be
helpful to you in your particular circumstance or
at this point in your life journey?
No matter what your life situation is, there are
stresses and challenges that come up along the
way.
These stresses and challenges may look different
but they are really very similar.
We have learned that it's not your circumstances
but how you are able to live and move through those
circumstances that makes the difference between
living a life of love and just living your life.
When it comes to creating a great relationship
that is close and connected, we ALL have our
challenges and one person's relationship challenge
may be no better or worse than someone else's.
It's ALL just the story we tell ourselves about
how easy (or difficult) it is or will be to create
what we want that can keep us stuck.
It all comes down to discovering how you
separate yourself from others--what stories you are
telling yourself about them or the situations--and
making a conscious choice to either open to them or
close.
It comes down to making conscious commitments
from the core of who we are, even in the middle of
situations that we find ourselves in, and living
our lives from those commitments.
And these commitments can morph and change as
our lives change.
If you have limited time because of trying to
balance the care of small children and a job--and
everything else that goes with that situation, you
and your partner may only have 15 minutes a day to
connect.
If that's all the time you have together, then
truly connect with love for each other for that 15
minutes.
If you are empty nesters and you want to
reconnect with each other after years of "life"
getting in the way, make a step toward opening to
each other by rediscovering what the two of you
love to do together. You may open to new ways of
being together.
If you are single, wanting to be in a close,
connected relationship, and it just hasn't happened
yet, practice opening in new ways to the people in
your life.
No matter what your life circumstance, here are
a few commitments that you might consider making to
help make your life richer and more connected with
the people you love...
1. Commitment to being present. It takes
as much "effort" to be present with the people in
your life as it does to not be present. Not being
present is just a habit we've all learned.
Giving your full attention to someone is a way
of showing your love and respect--and can be
practiced and learned.
You might say that you are too busy to look at
and make eye contact with your kids or your partner
as they go to school, work or ask you a
question.
You might say that they don't make eye contact
with you.
We suggest that you be the one to begin breaking
the "I'm too busy" habit and try that one
thing.
2. Commitment to communicating with honesty
and from your heart. Here again, communicating
with half-truths or from fear is a habit that many
of us have learned--and this way of communicating
usually doesn't work--as you may have figured out
by now.
No matter what your life situation might be
right now, learning to feel inside you for what is
true for you and then learning how to communicate
from that place of honesty is important to keep any
relationship strong and growing.
So much of our communication is based on
reaction and not conscious intent--(we're
constantly practicing this one!).
Make the commitment to practice in the moment
(no matter how 'busy' we are) to stop communicating
from reaction and start communicating from
love.
Difficult? It can be--but it just takes practice
to get better at it!
3. Commitment to look at every day as a gift.
We just saw the film "Namesake" and one line
stuck with us. It goes something like this...
"I look at every day as a gift as I do you."
What would happen if no matter what our life
circumstance, we look at every day as a gift.
Now of course, there are going to be better days
than others-- but what would happen if we reminded
ourselves of this idea and tried to find the "gift"
when there doesn't look like there is one?
Is this being a "Pollyanna" or as Susie's mom
used to call
Susie's ever-positive sister--"Miss Merry
Sunshine"?
Well, you can look at it that way or you can
begin changing the way you look at what comes your
way in a different light.
This week, we invite you to look at your life a
little differently and discover maybe just one way
you can create a better relationship with one
person who is important to you.
No matter what the other people in your life are
doing, we suggest that you start with you.
©2008, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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