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The Right Relationship Questions Make All The
Difference
What do you do when you really want your
relationship to be closer and more connected and
you just can't seem to figure out what's going on
and what's wrong?
This is a good question and if you've been
getting this newsletter for any length of time at
all, you know that one of the things we always talk
about as being the true keys to a great
relationship is asking the "right" questions of
yourself and others to create the love and
relationships that you really want.
We've suggested before to you that there's
almost always an internal conversation that is
going on inside of you ALL the time.
Part of this internal conversation are questions
that you are asking yourself and believe it or not,
your answers to those questions are guiding your
life.
Those answers signal your brain about how to
respond, what to do, what decisions to make and how
to move forward next.
Sometimes this is good and is helping you create
what you want and sometimes these answers move you
away from what you really want.
Often we're not even aware of the challenges our
questions are creating for us in our lives.
"Kim" (not her real name) sent us an email
recently and was really searching for some answers
to some relationship challenges.
Read her email to us (below) and see if you can
relate to any of what she's going through.
Really read and hear her story and pay attention
to the relationship question she is asking.
There's a good relationship lesson here that we
all can apply in our lives if we're open to it.
Here's Kim's email to us...
******Kim Writes...****
"I have been married for about 4 years now and
been with him for 8 years. I love him with all my
heart and unconditionally. I love him for his
flaws, personality, humor, his warmth, and
everything else that makes a person well rounded.
He is a very good guy and takes care of me but
there is one issue that is affecting me and I have
no clue if it is affecting him. He says it is, but
I have no proof of that because his actions tell me
otherwise. Unfortunately, we have been bumping
heads and we are heading the wrong direction. I
have tried everything but it seems that I am always
giving in after a fight. This time I am trying hard
not to give in. My question to you is, why are
relationships so easy to fall apart but hard to
glue the pieces back together...why??? I can not
seem to answer this, I have answers to a lot of my
personal issues but this seems to be bothering me a
lot."
********End of Kim's email to
us...*******
First of all, we really appreciate "Kim" for
having the courage to take a look inside herself
and the relationship to try to heal what's going
on. This isn't always easy to do.
So what's the question that she's asking?
"Why are relationships so easy to fall apart but
hard to glue pieces back together...why?
As we think about Kim's question and her
struggle to find the answer to what she thinks is
her most pressing relationship question, we think
that her question is fundamentally flawed if she
wants to create a closer and more loving connection
with her husband of 4 years.
It's flawed because even if she comes up with an
answer to this question, it still isn't going to
solve her relationship issues.
She should be asking herself a more empowering
question that will actually help her create the
love and relationship that she really wants with
her husband.
An example of a more empowering question might
be this
"What can I do on my part to help my husband and
me stop bumping heads all the time and create a
more understanding and loving space where the two
of us can nurture and grow our love and
relationship?"
Do you see the difference between the question
Kim asked and our question?
Her question is full of exasperation and is
keeping her stuck in a relationship situation that
is painful for her. Our question might help her to
come up with answers that might open a door for she
and her husband to connect.
So, how do you apply this lesson in your
relationships and life?
Here are a couple of suggestions:
1) Notice the internal conversation that is
going on within you.
2) Notice whether is it negative or positive in
nature.
3) Notice whether it is just an internal running
dialog or if it is appearing in your head in the
form of questions.
4) Whether it is appearing as a running dialog
or in the form of questions-- question and examine
these thoughts.
Ask yourself are these thoughts serving me in
positive or negative ways?
In other words, are they moving you toward what
you want or further from what you want for your
relationships and life?
and finally...
5. If you're finding when you check in with
yourself that your internal conversation is
negative simply change it.
That's all you do.
Ask yourself a new set of questions that will
take you to what you want instead of away from it.
By the way, this not only works in your
relationships but in all areas of your life.
Try this. We think it will help you make some
shifts in your relationships and in other areas of
your life that will really help you.
©2008, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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