|
Are You Better or Worse Than You Think At
This?
Here are a couple of relationship questions that
are worth thinking about...
How good are you at following through with what
you say you'll do, especially with your loved
ones?
What do you value and what are your true
commitments in your life?
Because our lives can "get away from us" for any
number of reasons from time to time, these are
great questions for all of us to as ourselves
periodically.
What we've found is that many times we can have
a distorted view of how good we are at follow
through. Very often it's just not as good as we
think.
Here's a specific question from one of our
readers that touches on this topic and a couple of
other ideas about relationships...
"How come we can follow through with
consequences with our children but we can't seem to
find or follow through with our significant
other...and because of that your feelings expressed
and the ultimatums you have set for them never get
answered or resolved so the roller coaster affect
continues?"
First, let's talk about commitments and
follow-through.
If there's one thing we know for sure, it's
this...
What you place your importance on, what you
value and are truly committed to having is always
visible in your life.
Now you might be arguing with us right now but
we've seen it in our own lives and the lives of
others, over and over again.
It's usually not difficult to follow through on
what brings us pleasure, joy, happiness--and what
we really want to do.
It might be something that we're good at or feel
good doing--and follow through is never an
issue.
The bottom line is this--results in a persons
life reveal a person's true commitment and what he
or she values.
So, in our reader's case, her significant other
is committed to something other than following
through on what she wants.
There could be any number of reasons that a
person doesn't follow through on a commitment and
here are a few...
- passive resistance to following through with
anything that other person wants
- rebelling against something that has nothing
to do with the partner
- placing a higher value on other things in
the person's life
- not actually agreeing to do what the other
person assumes will be done
- agreeing but not really meaning it
So what about agreements?
In our work with people over the years, we've
seen a lot of "mushy" agreements and a lot of
assumptions made about who agreed to what.
Because the reader who asked the question used
the word "ultimatum," she did not have a clear
agreement with her partner about the issue--so
we're not surprised there isn't any follow
through.
An ultimatum is clearly one-sided and not an
agreement.
If you are in a situation and you want to get
someone to do something or not do something--and
follow through, here are some ideas...
1. Get clear with yourself what it is that you
want, why you want it and why you're asking that
person for help. Become aware of what you are
feeling about this situation. Get clear of your
bottom line if needed.
2. Approach the other person with
openness--curiosity and openness--not with your own
resistance. Make a connection first.
3. Talk to the other person from your heart,
saying what you are feeling and why.
4. Listen to what the other person is feeling
without judging or interrupting.
5. Come to a clear agreement from what's best
for your relationship and for both of you. Each of
you repeat your agreement, write it down, post it
or whatever works for both of you to remind you of
it.
6. Re-negotiate your agreement if there's no
follow-through. Take a look to see if there's a
discrepancy between the agreement and both of your
values and commitments.
Look at the situation as truly is and see if
this agreement is possible for each of you to
keep--given your different values and
commitments.
Remember, when follow through is easy, it's
because there's no resistance.
When follow through of ANY kind is difficult or
not happening, it's because something is causing
resistance.
To create or encourage more or greater follow
through, all you have to do is eliminate the
resistance and the follow through becomes much more
effortless.
©2008, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2008, Gordon Clay
|
