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The 1 Minute Decision That Saved Our
Relationship in 1997...
In the movies, on TV, in plays and in novels,
they're called "plot points..."
These are the points in a story where everything
is going along in one direction and one thing
(usually unexpected) happens and then everything
shifts, changes and typically goes off in a whole
different direction.
We have these in our lives too.
Most of us can look back and find moments in
time when we made decisions that changed the course
of our lives.
For us, one of these times happened when we made
a 1 minute decision back in 1997 that saved our
relationship.
Whether you're consciously aware of them or
not...
If you take a real good look back through your
life, we're sure that there have been plenty of
moments where you can look back at a given moment
and be able to say "that changed everything."
These moments might be the "big" decisions you
made-- to take a certain job, buy a house, move
from your home town, get married, have a baby, get
divorced...
Or they might be the "private" decisions you
made like stopping a destructive habit like smoking
or starting a new habit like an exercise program
that brought you closer to what you wanted your
life experience to be.
Some of these "decisions" might have been made
for you--maybe your partner decided to leave your
relationship or there was a death in your family
that created massive changes in your life.
Whatever happened in these moments that caused
you to make the decisions you did--nothing happened
until you took some action to support that
decision.
And you had to keep taking action in that
direction for true changes to happen in your
life.
But if you never had taken that first step of
making the decision, things probably would have
stayed the same.
So, what about that 1 minute decision we just
mentioned that saved our relationship?
Here's what happened and how you can apply our
lessons to your relationship and life...
When the two of us first got together, we had
just come out of long-term marriages.
We each knew that we wanted a different kind of
relationship and had some ideas about what that
might look like--but we really didn't have any idea
how to create it.
So armed with our lofty ideas, we started our
relationship.
But a funny thing happened along the way...
The "habits" that helped kill our previous
relationships popped right back up in this one!
Even though Susie felt that Otto was the love of
her life, she still fell into an old habit of being
critical and using sarcasm that put him down.
Otto found himself falling into his old habit of
agreeing to keep the peace until he blew up.
Guess what?
If we had not made the decisions we did, our
"soulmate" relationship would have ended long
before now just as our previous marriages
ended.
Our 1 minute decisions went like this...
Otto decided he had to start saying what was in
his mind and heart even if it destroyed our
relationship.
That's right.
Otto made the decision that he would no longer
hold back what was on his mind like he did before.
He knew that if he did this again, he would die
inside just as he did in his previous relationship.
When Otto called Susie's attention to what she
was doing, Susie saw that her criticism and sarcasm
was a death sentence for our relationship--and a
cover-up for not speaking her truth.
The two of us, in that moment, decided that we
had to be honest with one another--without the
coping mechanisms and ways of manipulation that we
had used in our previous relationships.
Otherwise we wouldn't make it. And we knew it.
One of the things we just described is one of
the biggest challenges in relationships.
In can destroy a relationship or marriage and
the worst part about it is... we don't even know
it.
We call this "talking on eggshells" and this is
when we tip-toe around important things on our
minds, gloss over old hurts, make things seem
unimportant when they really are--all just to try
to keep the peace, to get along and not make waves.
As a relationship strategy, many people think
that holding back, not speaking their truth and not
wanting to rock the boat is easier and leads to
better relationships.
It doesn't.
You see...
What we figured out was that in order for us to
keep the passion and love that we have had for each
other since 1997 going strong, we had to act on our
decisions--and keep acting in ways that support
them every day.
So what about you?
What decision can you make right now that you
know will have a positive effect on an important
relationship in your life?
What actions can you begin taking that would
support that decision?
What can you do that would be a "plot point" for
you and your relationship and change everything for
the better?
Our advice to you is to make your decisions
consciously and don't allow them to be made for you
or made by default.
Make decisions that will take you closer to what
you want and see how your life changes for the
better!
Our best,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
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Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
2008,
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2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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