Susie & Otto

 

The 1 Minute Decision That Saved Our Relationship in 1997...


In the movies, on TV, in plays and in novels, they're called "plot points..."

These are the points in a story where everything is going along in one direction and one thing (usually unexpected) happens and then everything shifts, changes and typically goes off in a whole different direction.

We have these in our lives too.

Most of us can look back and find moments in time when we made decisions that changed the course of our lives.

For us, one of these times happened when we made a 1 minute decision back in 1997 that saved our relationship.

Whether you're consciously aware of them or not...

If you take a real good look back through your life, we're sure that there have been plenty of moments where you can look back at a given moment and be able to say "that changed everything."

These moments might be the "big" decisions you made-- to take a certain job, buy a house, move from your home town, get married, have a baby, get divorced...

Or they might be the "private" decisions you made like stopping a destructive habit like smoking or starting a new habit like an exercise program that brought you closer to what you wanted your life experience to be.

Some of these "decisions" might have been made for you--maybe your partner decided to leave your relationship or there was a death in your family that created massive changes in your life.

Whatever happened in these moments that caused you to make the decisions you did--nothing happened until you took some action to support that decision.

And you had to keep taking action in that direction for true changes to happen in your life.

But if you never had taken that first step of making the decision, things probably would have stayed the same.

So, what about that 1 minute decision we just mentioned that saved our relationship?

Here's what happened and how you can apply our lessons to your relationship and life...

When the two of us first got together, we had just come out of long-term marriages.

We each knew that we wanted a different kind of relationship and had some ideas about what that might look like--but we really didn't have any idea how to create it.

So armed with our lofty ideas, we started our relationship.

But a funny thing happened along the way...

The "habits" that helped kill our previous relationships popped right back up in this one!

Even though Susie felt that Otto was the love of her life, she still fell into an old habit of being critical and using sarcasm that put him down.

Otto found himself falling into his old habit of agreeing to keep the peace until he blew up.

Guess what?

If we had not made the decisions we did, our "soulmate" relationship would have ended long before now just as our previous marriages ended.

Our 1 minute decisions went like this...

Otto decided he had to start saying what was in his mind and heart even if it destroyed our relationship.

That's right.

Otto made the decision that he would no longer hold back what was on his mind like he did before.

He knew that if he did this again, he would die inside just as he did in his previous relationship.

When Otto called Susie's attention to what she was doing, Susie saw that her criticism and sarcasm was a death sentence for our relationship--and a cover-up for not speaking her truth.

The two of us, in that moment, decided that we had to be honest with one another--without the coping mechanisms and ways of manipulation that we had used in our previous relationships.

Otherwise we wouldn't make it. And we knew it.

One of the things we just described is one of the biggest challenges in relationships.

In can destroy a relationship or marriage and the worst part about it is... we don't even know it.

We call this "talking on eggshells" and this is when we tip-toe around important things on our minds, gloss over old hurts, make things seem unimportant when they really are--all just to try to keep the peace, to get along and not make waves.

As a relationship strategy, many people think that holding back, not speaking their truth and not wanting to rock the boat is easier and leads to better relationships.

It doesn't.

You see...

What we figured out was that in order for us to keep the passion and love that we have had for each other since 1997 going strong, we had to act on our decisions--and keep acting in ways that support them every day.

So what about you?

What decision can you make right now that you know will have a positive effect on an important relationship in your life?

What actions can you begin taking that would support that decision?

What can you do that would be a "plot point" for you and your relationship and change everything for the better?

Our advice to you is to make your decisions consciously and don't allow them to be made for you or made by default.

Make decisions that will take you closer to what you want and see how your life changes for the better!

Our best,

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

Other Relationship Issues, Books

 

Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available www.stayorgo.com See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books



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