Susie & Otto

 

Relationship Shortcuts NOT To Take.. (If You Want a Great Relationship)


When we are at our busiest--like when there's a lot going on with our kids, work, school, housework, making money or even when we get sick--one of the first things to go is communication.

We take shortcuts.

Most shortcuts in relationships don't work and we've got some good examples of relationship and communication shortcuts that don't work to share with you in a moment...

But first...

How about a shortcut that DOES work?

Someone emailed us today and told us that she loved our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio program so much and got so much out of it that she made a "cheat sheet" of the magic words and phrases we offer.

Then...she put the cheat sheet with the "magic words" in her pocket so she could study the words and get to them easily in a stressful conversation or situation.

But what about communication and relationship shortcuts that DON'T work?

What relationship traps do you want to make sure you stay out of if you want your relationship or marriage to last?

Those are good questions and...

Here's a common scenario of a relationship shortcut that doesn't work...

Your life is going along pretty much on auto-pilot because you're just trying to keep all the "balls in the air" and wham...

You get broad-sided by something that brings you into an awareness of what you hadn't seen before.

Maybe it's your partner (or you) getting a little too interested in someone else.

Maybe it's a crisis with your child or with a parent.

Maybe it's a health crisis that jars you out of your unconscious patterns.

Whatever it is, it's enough to get your attention that maybe you haven't been paying enough attention to what's really important to you.

If you had a crystal ball and could look back in time, you might find that you had taken a common relationship shortcut.

Assuming that the people closest to you are mind readers.

Before you say, "I don't do that," we invite you to consider this...

If you've been together any length of time, you can start assuming that the people you love already know what's in your heart and mind.

The problem is--they don't--just as they don't know what's truly in your heart and mind.

Even if we think we talk a lot to our partner, we may only talk "at" him or her or give just give instructions ("pick the kids up here" or "grab some milk on your way home").

We expect that our partner should "know" that we care but as the two of us have seen over and over--

That assumption is often not enough to keep your relationship alive and growing throughout the years.

You've got to communicate to each other how you care and why--and let your partner know who you truly are.

Joan and her husband had been married for 15 years and they both felt a bit bored with their relationship if they were to be truly honest about it.

Joan's husband was an engineer and emotions were not very easy for him so he tended to ignore them.

Because Joan was often frustrated with what she perceived as his "lack of feeling" and talking about those feelings, she gave up sharing what she felt a long time ago.

They both expected each other to be mind readers when it came to sharing what they felt for one another.

The truth is that they both felt alone and frustrated much of the time.

They had lapsed into taking shortcuts in their relating to one another.

While we recognize that some people find it easier than others to express their emotions, appreciation and love--

That's no excuse.

Even though Joan was the more verbal and emotionally aware of the two of them...

Joan saw that she had been "talking on eggshells" and not being totally honest with her feelings.

She had been holding back her love, appreciation, anger and frustration.

Her husband saw that he could lose her if he didn't learn how to start sharing more of himself with her.

He learned to take one step toward doing that by tuning into what he appreciated about her and then telling her.

It only took him a couple of minutes to do that and what a gift that was to both of them.

Joan let him know how much she loved him by texting him every now and then and also telling him what he was doing right that was bringing them closer together.

They both woke up and started consciously moving closer to one another.

So no matter what stage your relationship is in, stop taking relationship shortcuts that are harming it.

If you aren't in an intimate relationship right now, look at your other relationships and how you might be taking shortcuts in them.

Don't fall into this relationship trap.

Live in emotional honesty and expression and if you have challenges in doing that, challenge yourself to get some help and start practicing new habits that will breathe new life into your relationship.

Our best,

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

Other Relationship Issues, Books

 

Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available www.stayorgo.com See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books



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