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Relationship Shortcuts NOT To Take.. (If You
Want a Great Relationship)
When we are at our busiest--like when there's a lot
going on with our kids, work, school, housework,
making money or even when we get sick--one of the
first things to go is communication.
We take shortcuts.
Most shortcuts in relationships don't work and
we've got some good examples of relationship and
communication shortcuts that don't work to share
with you in a moment...
But first...
How about a shortcut that DOES work?
Someone emailed us today and told us that she
loved our "Magic Relationship Words" book and audio
program so much and got so much out of it that she
made a "cheat sheet" of the magic words and phrases
we offer.
Then...she put the cheat sheet with the "magic
words" in her pocket so she could study the words
and get to them easily in a stressful conversation
or situation.
But what about communication and relationship
shortcuts that DON'T work?
What relationship traps do you want to make sure
you stay out of if you want your relationship or
marriage to last?
Those are good questions and...
Here's a common scenario of a relationship
shortcut that doesn't work...
Your life is going along pretty much on
auto-pilot because you're just trying to keep all
the "balls in the air" and wham...
You get broad-sided by something that brings you
into an awareness of what you hadn't seen
before.
Maybe it's your partner (or you) getting a
little too interested in someone else.
Maybe it's a crisis with your child or with a
parent.
Maybe it's a health crisis that jars you out of
your unconscious patterns.
Whatever it is, it's enough to get your
attention that maybe you haven't been paying enough
attention to what's really important to you.
If you had a crystal ball and could look back in
time, you might find that you had taken a common
relationship shortcut.
Assuming that the people closest to you are mind
readers.
Before you say, "I don't do that," we invite you
to consider this...
If you've been together any length of time, you
can start assuming that the people you love already
know what's in your heart and mind.
The problem is--they don't--just as they don't
know what's truly in your heart and mind.
Even if we think we talk a lot to our partner,
we may only talk "at" him or her or give just give
instructions ("pick the kids up here" or "grab some
milk on your way home").
We expect that our partner should "know" that we
care but as the two of us have seen over and
over--
That assumption is often not enough to keep your
relationship alive and growing throughout the
years.
You've got to communicate to each other how you
care and why--and let your partner know who you
truly are.
Joan and her husband had been married for 15
years and they both felt a bit bored with their
relationship if they were to be truly honest about
it.
Joan's husband was an engineer and emotions were
not very easy for him so he tended to ignore
them.
Because Joan was often frustrated with what she
perceived as his "lack of feeling" and talking
about those feelings, she gave up sharing what she
felt a long time ago.
They both expected each other to be mind readers
when it came to sharing what they felt for one
another.
The truth is that they both felt alone and
frustrated much of the time.
They had lapsed into taking shortcuts in their
relating to one another.
While we recognize that some people find it
easier than others to express their emotions,
appreciation and love--
That's no excuse.
Even though Joan was the more verbal and
emotionally aware of the two of them...
Joan saw that she had been "talking on
eggshells" and not being totally honest with her
feelings.
She had been holding back her love,
appreciation, anger and frustration.
Her husband saw that he could lose her if he
didn't learn how to start sharing more of himself
with her.
He learned to take one step toward doing that by
tuning into what he appreciated about her and then
telling her.
It only took him a couple of minutes to do that
and what a gift that was to both of them.
Joan let him know how much she loved him by
texting him every now and then and also telling him
what he was doing right that was bringing them
closer together.
They both woke up and started consciously moving
closer to one another.
So no matter what stage your relationship is in,
stop taking relationship shortcuts that are harming
it.
If you aren't in an intimate relationship right
now, look at your other relationships and how you
might be taking shortcuts in them.
Don't fall into this relationship trap.
Live in emotional honesty and expression and if
you have challenges in doing that, challenge
yourself to get some help and start practicing new
habits that will breathe new life into your
relationship.
Our best,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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and 2001.
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