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How To Feel Happier Almost Instantly About
Your Relationship
If you're like most people (including us), you have
ups and downs in your relationships--especially
with the people closest to you.
That's pretty normal. We all get irritated, feel
slighted, misunderstood or not loved as much as we
think we should at various times and with various
people.
But what we've found is that there is a way to
feel happier and more connected to our loved
ones--even at these times.
It's called an "Appreciation Reframe."
It's the idea of positive reframing and
refocusing when your relationships get challenging
for you and when you're not feeling very happy
about your situation--when you tend to "forget" why
you love someone.
Do as Mark Victor Hansen recommends--look at
this person or this situation through "opportunity
glasses" instead of through the eyes of doubt and
negative judgment.
When you look at your relationships through your
"opportunity glasses," you get a new sense of how
they are "working" instead of how they aren't.
Does that mean you allow people to treat you
badly--just smiling and saying nothing?
Of course not.
It simply means making a shift--reframing it to
find some appreciation in your mind so that you can
respond to the person and the situation in a
clearer, more loving way.
Much of what we share came out of our
experimenting with ways to reframe situations in
our minds and then communicate so that the other
person stayed open to hearing what we needed and
wanted to say.
Yes, refocusing and doing an appreciation
reframe is that important, especially if you're
having problems communicating with someone
important to you.
We use it in our own lives when we feel
challenged by people we love or in certain
situations.
You don't even have to be challenged by the
other person because if you do an appreciation
reframe, everyone will feel better. And we all want
to feel better.
Here are a few examples of some of our
appreciation reframes--
When Susie does something small that irritates
Otto, he might choose to focus on being grateful
for what he's learned by being with her about being
more responsible, more purposeful and focused in
his life.
When Otto irritates Susie, she might choose to
remember that by being with him, she's allowed
herself to open into being more courageous,
spirited and expansive in her life/
Otto has been changed by being in a relationship
with Susie's daughter who has two young children.
From watching her parenting, he has learned about
being truly present with a child and what that
looks like.
Susie has been changed by being in a
relationship with Otto's son who is now 21 years
old. She has learned about allowing others to
follow their own path and to just act from
love.
When the two of us think about the gifts that we
have received from being in a relationship with
each other, we are astounded at how we are more
able to make a greater difference in the world
together rather than separately.
When we look at how our lives have changed for
the better by being together and how we have grown
into being better people, there's such a sense of
appreciation.
That's an appreciation reframe from simply
thinking that we are married and spending our lives
together to appreciating the gifts that our
marriage has brought to both of us.
It's so much richer to think this way!
Okay, so how about you?
How have your close relationships changed
you?
As you think about them, how have the people
closest to you affected you?
How are you able to make a greater difference in
the world because of having been in relationships
with them?
We encourage you to take some time (even if it's
just a few moments) and practice what we're calling
an appreciation reframe.
If you're game to try it, here's a simple
exercise for you to do right now...
1. Choose a relationship that is important to
you. It might be your spouse, your lover, your
partner, a family member, a child, a co-worker, a
friend. You might even choose a troubled
relationship.
2. Now make a list of all the ways this
relationship has served you--made you a better
person, stronger, more loving, more empowered, more
capable, more financially secure, more
courageous.
Be creative with your answers and let the words
come from your heart.
What we've found is that when you take the time
to think about how the other people in your life
have impacted you and made you a better person, you
not only feel happier about those relationships but
you feel happier about yourself.
The little stuff that used to irritate you is no
longer that important.
Sometimes in life, we get frustrated because
we're not who we think we want to be or what or
where we think we should be.
Doing an appreciation reframe is a very simple
but powerful exercise that CAN make you feel better
and more uplifted about your situation and your
life.
Again, don't get us wrong, we're not saying to
put blinders on and pretend that challenges don't
exist in your relationships and life. Far from
it.
What we are suggesting is a simple recipe for
feeling better about the people in your life and
yourself so that you can more consciously create
what you want more of.
Our recommendation is to do this exercise often
and see how your life changes for the better.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
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Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
2008,
2007,
2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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