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Automatic Intimacy: 5 Questions That Make It
Happen
One of the common complaints that we hear from
couples, especially ones who have been together for
many years, is this...
"We love each other but we've lost track of one
another in the busy-ness of our lives. We barely
talk to one another outside of the bare essentials
of taking care of the kids and getting things
done."
In our experience, this lack of intimate
communication beyond the basics of living is what
kills passion and ultimately relationships.
The TV show "Bones" star David Boreanaz recently
admitted to infidelity in a People magazine
interview.
Although the admission of a star's infidelity
certainly isn't unusual or a surprise, Boreanaz's
wife's response is.
While she didn't "blame" herself for her
husband's affairs (he took full responsibility for
his actions), she did admit that they led separate
lives and when they were together, they were each
focused on their computers and not on each
other.
Is this an excuse for cheating?
Of course not but why even allow your
relationship to get to this point?
So what might have prevented their relationship
breakdown as well as many other couples' breakdowns
who may not be dealing with cheating but rather
vague feelings of distance and wanting more?
The answer is simple...Start having intimate
conversations with your partner.
In other words, start talking about what really
matters to each other you.
Here are 5 questions that might help you get
started talking again...
If you haven't been used to asking or answering
questions like these, we suggest that you approach
this in a playful way.
Making it "serious" and approaching it like
"work" will only backfire on you.
So lighten up and have fun with this.
You might choose the best question for you to
start out and just see where your asking takes
you.
Remember, listening carefully and lovingly is as
important or even more so as the asking.
One more thing we'll add before we give you the
questions...
Don't allow yourself to get defensive no matter
what.
If your partner won't answer now, says a vague
"I don't know" or you don't particularly like the
answer you get, just listen.
You might also share your answer with him or her
just to get the ball rolling but keep blame out of
it.
Okay, we've given you enough instructions--
Here are the 5 questions you might want to ask
your partner or lover...
1. In order for me to be the best
husband/wife/lover possible, I'm curious...what
could I do that would make you say 12 months from
now that this has been our best year together
ever?
2. What are the things you'd like my help or
support with right now or maybe in the future?
3. If you were to think about it for a moment,
what's the one thing you'd love to ask me to do or
be open to trying that you think could make our
passion soar?
4. How could I become more trustable to you?
(Being trustable can be something as simple as
taking the garbage cans to the street every week
without a reminder or being on time when you go out
together.)
5. If there's one thing we could shift , change
or improve that would make us so much more loving
and better as a couple, what would that be?
(Remember not to get defensive. Honestly ask
from a place of wanting to improve yourself and
your relationship.)
The idea is to open yourself to honest,
transparent discussions that touch each of your
souls and allow your love and connection to grow
deeper.
Our best,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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