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Small Things That Make Big Differences In
Relationships
Have you ever had a relationship challenge where
everything you tried just made it worse?
Or maybe you just didn't feel as close to your
loved one as you once did and didn't know where to
start?
In times like these, we often think something
"big" has to happen for us to get what we want--But
not so.
In relationships and in life, the smallest
things can make the biggest difference.
The "smallest" things could be specific words
and phrases to say to help you and your partner to
stay open to one another when it's tough.
Otto's been taking Aikido lessons for the past
few months and one lesson he's seeing is just what
we've been talking about...
The smallest things can make the biggest
difference.
Last night at his Aikido practice, he performed
a move with his training partner.
When the sensei (instructor) instructed the
training partners to push on the wrists of the
other person, Otto discovered that although he
thought he was centered, when his partner did
this--he wasn't.
Otto was completely off balance.
When Otto made one small adjustment to shift his
energy to his core, his training partner was unable
to push him off balance.
This is exactly the way it is in
relationships.
One small adjustment can change the whole
dynamic between the two of you.
Okay, so we'll give you a few examples to
explain what we mean...
(Caution--Don't dismiss the examples we're about
to give you because they are so small, seem like
no-brainers, and not very important. They are!)
**Look up at your loved one when he or she comes
home and smile. The idea is to interrupt what
you're doing for just a moment to acknowledge that
he or she is that important to you.
One of the biggest reasons relationships wither
and die is that the two people don't feel important
to each another any longer.
That one moment of acknowledging the other's
presence in a loving way speaks far more than words
can express.
It says, "I'm glad to see you and you are
important to me."
Imagine that your loved one is coming in the
door right now. What do you do?
Do you say "hello" but still stay engrossed in
Facebook, the tv or whatever you're doing?
Do you say nothing at all and ignore him or
her?
Do you go be with your loved one, look in his or
her eyes, smile and let them know you're glad to
see them when you come together after being
apart?
We invite you to make this one tiny shift and
see what happens.
**When your loved one does something that makes
you mad or goes against your rules for living, take
a step away from the fight and look for when that
might be true about you as well.
You may not find anything--but you might.
We know this is a tough one because we struggle
with it too. It just seems like it's human nature
to want to be right and make someone else wrong,
but...
It's also something very small that can take the
fight out of a situation so you're both open to
finding a mutually satisfying solution to the
issue.
Here's a brief example of what we mean...
Otto's 21 year old son lives with us and he
sometimes leaves the door to the garage from the
kitchen open.
Now this isn't too much of a problem unless it's
95 degrees outside and the air conditioning is
on--non-stop--and in the grand scheme of things not
a big deal.
But...
We both feel irritated when he "forgets" to
close this door and we want to tell him to "wake
up" and remember to do it--along with a lot of
other things.
Now we could do it this way (and we have) but it
seems that when we accuse him and ask "Why can't
you remember to close the door?", he tunes us
out.
It's made a difference when we've stopped to
remember that both of us have left that door open
too--
Maybe not often but we have done it.
So in talking to him about it and in putting up
a sign on the door to keep it closed--it's for all
of us to pay attention to.
And he remembers (most of the time) now to do
it.
There are some situations where it may not be so
easy to see when you've done the same thing or
something similar.
In fact, it might be something that you would
NEVER do.
We've found it helpful to relate it to the
energy behind whatever it is you're looking at.
If you're accusing your partner of withholding
information from you, ask yourself when you've not
been totally honest with someone else.
It may not be your partner but chances are if
you look hard enough, you'll find somewhere where
you've acted in this way.
When you see that you've acted the same way,
you're not so ready to go to war, you're not so
defensive and neither is your partner..
You're more willing to listen and so is your
partner.
This is one small thing that can make a huge
difference.
So how about you?
As you continue to go about your daily life, are
you willing to just do one small thing to make a
difference in your relationship?
If so, what could that one thing be?
As we've just suggested and know from our own
lives (and the lives of the people we've worked
with), one small change really can make a big
difference in your relationship and life.
Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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and 2001.
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