Susie & Otto


10 Relationship Trends That Must Be Stopped

If there's one common question we hear from people who have ended their relationships (or their partners ended them), it's this...

"Is there anything I could have done differently to save my relationship?"

We've discovered that it's not what you do at the last minute when your relationship's in big trouble that makes a difference...

It's what you both do along the way to keep creating the relationship that you want that keeps it alive and healthy.

With that in mind, we've noticed some disturbing trends in relationships that can and do lead to their end.

Here are 10 trends that must be stopped if you want to keep your relationship growing deeper and more connected...

Trend # 1. Texting while having dinner or in a conversation with someone you love. While we love technology, we also know about being present, truly present, when you're with someone you love. And texting or scrolling through your IPhone while your loved one is talking is not being present.

In fact, this shows your loved one that the other person or topic is more important to you than he or she is.

You might argue the point, but the fact is you are sending the message, sometimes over and over, with your actions. And actions speak louder than words.

Trend # 2. Flirting with people other than your partner. Whether it's on Facebook with someone you graduated with or a co-worker, what you might call innocent flirting can get out of hand pretty quickly.

You can end up confiding in this other person more than you do your partner. You can end up spending a lot more of your thoughts on the other person than you do on your partner.

This is certainly a recipe for relationship disaster.

If you find that you're nurturing a relationship outside your main relationship to a greater depth than you are with your partner, stop and get conscious of what you're doing. Take responsibility for where your flirting could be heading.

Trend # 3. One or both people "talk on eggshells." When one person is afraid to be truthful and holds back part of himself or herself, there's no chance intimacy and connection can grow.

You might think that holding back so you don't hurt the other person's feelings or not "rock the boat" is keeping the peace.

The problem is that these feelings don't go away and they eventually come out in ways that are not very pleasant.

Trend # 4. Bitching and complaining about your partner with friends, family or co-workers. While it can feel really good to get something your partner did off your chest while you're talking with a sympathetic friend, it can do damage to your relationship if that's ALL you do about it.

Bitching and moaning keeps you in the victim mode and doesn't help your situation.

We're not saying that sometimes you can get good insights when you talk with a friend, but be sure that that is your intention instead of wanting validation that you're right.

And be sure that you address the problem with your partner so the two of you can understand one another.

Trend # 5. Not spending enough time together. If there's one thing we preach it's that in order for your relationship to stay alive and filled with passion, you have to spend time together.

You can't keep putting everything else in your life before your relationship and expect that it will survive, let alone thrive.

Get your priorities straight and live accordingly even if you think it's impossible right now.

Trend # 6. Making reality shows more important than your reality. The latest trend for television seems to be reality shows and it wouldn't be that way if we all didn't fill our hours watching them.

Now there's certainly nothing wrong with vegging out in front of the television--and nothing wrong with reality shows.

But when these shows become more important to you than you living your life, then there's a problem.

If you find yourself caring more about the Jersey Shore women or the contestants on "So You Think You Can Dance," "American Idol" or Susie's favorite "Dancing With The Stars" than you do about the people in your life...

Get a grip and start living in your life.

Trend # 7. How predominant the "blame game" is. We've always blamed each other from the dawn of existence. It's just human nature to point the finger outward at the other person when things don't go according to how we think they should.

Even though blame is normal and natural, the only thing it does is separate the two of you and create resentment that just doesn't go away.

How do you stop the "blame game"?

You just stop. You go on a no-blame diet even if the other person doesn't. You just don't allow yourself to blame.

This doesn't mean you're a doormat. It just means that you're going to open to connection and finding creative ways to resolve your differences.

Trend # 8 Deciding on divorce before discussion. Most people mull over divorce for many years before they actually take steps toward it.

Sometimes they mull it over so thoroughly in their minds, they don't give the partner clues that they aren't happy.

We encourage you to be proactive in making your relationship what you want it to be--and include your partner in making it better--before it's too late.

When people make this decision alone, it's usually gone too far and the relationship's beyond repair.

Get help before it's too late if this describes you.

Trend # 9 Allowing passion and connection to die. We believe passion doesn't have to die, no matter how old the relationship or the two people are--if that's what they want.

There can certainly be an ebb and flow to passion in a relationship as the two people move through various life stages--children, care of elderly parents, job changes, changes in physical body and health.

But through all this, no matter what happens or doesn't happen in the bedroom, keeping some consistent element of intimate connection is essential to the health of the relationship.

Now of course this varies for each couple, but what we know for sure is that if you've been neglecting this aspect of your life, start paying it some attention.

And Finally...

Trend # 10. Dishonoring and Disrespecting each other. Over the years studying relationships, we've witnessed a very disturbing trend that drives a wedge between the two people.

That trend is when one or both people-- in trying to be cute, funny or for whatever reason--tear down or make fun of the other person in public.

The person who is the object of ridicule, even though it may be done as "kidding," feels dishonored, not supported and not respected--and just plain embarrassed.

While ridicule and poking fun at someone might be funny on an "open mic" stage, it's not funny in real life.

If you've used this as a way to relate to others, stop and get conscious of how this might feel to them.

If you've been the object of this kind of treatment, tell your partner that you don't feel respected.

Our wish for you is long, healthy relationships and we invite you to not be part of perpetuating these 10 trends that kill relationships.

All our best to you

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

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Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books

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