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Common Complaints From Couples About Their
Relationships
We all like to complain. It's just human nature to
do it (at least it seems that way).
Sometimes when we complain, we want ideas to
help solve our problems but more times than not, we
want a sympathetic ear and encouragement that we
are "right" and the other person is "wrong."
Since the two of us are fascinated by what makes
relationships work and not work, we've been
especially interested in the complaints about
intimate relationships that we come in contact with
every day.
It's pretty fascinating that the complaints
start sounding similar--as well as what happens to
the relationship if complaining becomes the major
focus.
Here are 3 common complaints that we share with
you in the hopes that you won't simply complain and
do nothing until your relationship is beyond
repair...
Common Complaint #1: "Everything I say is
wrong."
We use the term "talk on eggshells" and that
just about describes it. This is when one or both
people feels like they can't be themselves with
their intimate partner, mate or spouse.
It's when someone feels like they can't say
anything right without fear of what their partner
might say, think or how they might react.
When the person feels like nothing he or she
says is "right," it's really time to pay
attention.
The "Everything I say is wrong" complaint is
truly a call for help.
If you've had this thought in your relationship
or said these words, it may be time for you to make
some changes.
When you feel yourself holding back in saying
something because you're afraid your partner will
put you down, yell at you, make you feel stupid or
any other garden variety of negativity, ask
yourself these questions...
"Is what I'm about to say important to me and a
true statement for me or is it fearful conjecture
on my part?"
"Is what I'm about to ask important for me to
know or is it not any of my business?"
If you answered "yes" to the first part of these
questions, focus on what you want and don't get
into an argument if you meet up with resistance or
an answer you don't want to hear.
Part of learning to talk without feeling like
you're on eggshells is learning to not argue with
reality and "what is" while saying what you need to
say.
When you start being allowing yourself to be
true to you, you're also giving your partner
permission to be true to what's inside him or
her.
Most people we talk to rank honesty as a highly
desired quality in their partner. But honesty
starts with yourself.
If you feel like everything you say is wrong,
start looking inside you for what's true for you,
what you must say no matter what.
Separate out your complaints and replace them
with making requests from the truth of who you
are.
Common Complaint #2: "I don't trust my partner
anymore."
Of all the relationship issues we help people
deal with, lack of trust is one of the biggest.
Whether it's because of relationships that ended
badly in the past with your partners cheating on
you or this partner does things that destroys trust
in your relationship...
It's pretty difficult to let your guard down and
completely trust.
If you don't trust your partner and you find
yourself worrying about it and wondering whether he
or she is trustworthy, the best thing to do is to
take action.
Find out for sure if your suspicions are correct
or if they're a figment of old ghosts in your past
coming back to haunt you again.
We're not suggesting snooping unless the signs
are so strong that your partner is dishonest that
you can't miss them.
We are suggesting that you really pay attention
and write down what you see and hear.
Don't let your mistrust ruin a perfectly good
relationship--also if there's reason for your
mistrust, don't simply complain. Take steps to find
out the truth.
Common Complaint #3: "We live together. I feel
like we're just going through the motions and the
passion we used to have has died."
As the years go by, a lot of couples lose the
spark that brought them together and they find
themselves settling into a life that is
passionless.
One or both of them might want more but they
don't know how to get the passion back. They don't
want to make their partner feel bad or wrong but
they don't know what to do.
If this describes what you're feeling, it's time
to focus some energy on the two of you and getting
the spark back.
Your spark my look and feel different from when
you were first together but focusing on creating it
is a first step.
If you don't feel like you can talk to your
partner about this, do some things yourself to get
closer and pay more attention to him or her.
Simply focusing attention on getting closer will
go a long way to starting to make it happen.
You can start with heartfelt appreciation and
then go from there.
In telling you about these complaints, we invite
you to not be satisfied with simply complaining but
rather take inspired action--as one of our teachers
calls it.
Inspired action comes from within you, from what
you know to be true.
We invite you to take a step toward your
happiness. Our best to you,
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
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Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2009,
2008,
2007,
2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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