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Keeping Your Relationship Strong While Going
After Other Personal and Life Goals
Since we moved to a larger city last year, our
lives are certainly busier and filled with more
activities than they used to be.
What we've noticed is if we aren't conscious, we
could fill up every moment with something
interesting to do.
Most people we talk to are telling us a similar
story.
You probably have a lot to do. You're probably
busier than ever and your life is filled with
options, obligations and interests like furthering
your education, kids, jobs, family, email, and
other things that all vie for your time.
Along these lines, here's a question from one of
our readers that we thought was worth sharing,
along with our answer...
"How do I know when my own personal goals are
interfering with my relationship, and if they are,
what do I do?"
What a great question--because it can be a
"catch-22."
To keep growing and creating renewed passion for
life, we all need goals. But, if we're not
conscious, those very goals can get in the way of
connecting with those we love.
As you probably are aware, we've been writing
our book on creating a trust turnaround for the
last few weeks and Susie got caught in a big
trap.
We had set a completion date for the project
that in hindsight was unrealistic. Susie was so
focused on the goal of getting the project done "on
time" that her old pattern of control started
coming out.
Did that interfere with our connection?
You betcha!
So we backed up and set a more realistic date so
that Susie could relax and actually enjoy the
process.
We tell you this story for several
reasons...
Yes, personal goals are important AND they need
to be conscious AND able to be negotiated if
needed.
Also, if your connection with your partner and
your relationship are important to you, we
encourage you to make that just as important as any
personal goal you might set and go for.
Now, of course there are times when one person's
goal--like getting an educational degree, running a
marathon, completing an important project at work,
caring for an ailing parent or working temporarily
out of town-- becomes all-consuming for a certain
amount of time.
When this happens, the key is to be conscious
and build in at least some connecting time so that
you don't lose each other in the process of
attaining the goal.
It's also important to have a buy-in from all
those involved and talk about ways for both people
to get their needs met during this time.
How do you know if your goals are interfering
with your relationship?
You know that your personal goals are
interfering with your relationship when you feel
disconnection and distance from your partner.
When you pay attention to what's happening
without lying to yourself, you'd be surprised what
you can discover.
Here are some ideas for keeping your
relationship strong while going after your
goals...
1. Make your goals clear to yourself and to your
partner. Talk about your goals and if there's some
resistance from your partner, lovingly ask that he
or she just listen to you with an open heart and
mind--and then you'd like his or her input.
Talk about your goal of staying connected with
your partner and your relationship.
If your goal has an end date, make that clear
and make plans with your partner after that
date.
2. When you're planning actions around your
goals, be sure to include connecting time with your
partner. Believe it or not, even 15 minutes of pure
connection (without thoughts of your other goals)
each day can go a long way to keeping a
relationship strong.
3. Pay attention to what you are feeling--
whether you feel a connection with your partner or
not. If you don't, take a step toward connecting
with him or her. It could be a text message, email,
or note. Take a small action to regain
connection.
4. If you find that your personal goal is
interfering with your relationship, renegotiate
your goal with yourself. It might be that you can
scale back on your plans just a bit to allow time
with your partner and family. It might be that
there's a way for others to contribute to the
completion of your goal.
5. Remember that it's not "either or" as to
whether you can achieve other worthwhile goals and
have an outstanding relationship. You should be
adopting an attitude and belief of "AND" when means
that you can achieve your goals AND have a great
relationship.
The two things are NOT mutually exclusive. You
can have both.
Get creative about how your goals might be
accomplished.
Remember it's all about enjoying the journey on
the way and not necessarily getting to the end of
it.
So we suggest this week that you look at your
goals and how you might enjoy your journey while
staying connected to yourself and those you
love.
©2008, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2007,
2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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