Susie & Otto

 

How To Get More Love, More Money Or More Of Anything You Want


Otto just returned from a conference where this quote we just mentioned...

"The most you'll ever get is the least you're willing to accept."

...was prominently displayed and we think the meaning behind it gets to the heart of many of the problems, issues and challenges we all face in our relationships and lives.

If you've ever lived with the question about how to make a relationship, your financial situation or anything else in your life better--and you just didn't know what to do or where to start-- then, consider this...

In many relationship and life situations where you aren't getting or creating what you want, there's one thing you can do that almost always changes things and it's THIS:

Raising your standards.

That's right.

Raising your standards about what you are and are not willing to accept for yourself is one of the most important things you could ever do to get whatever you want in your relationship and life.

Here's an example of what we're talking about... .

At this same conference we just mentioned that Otto attended, he met a man who told him that he remembers when he and his wife sat on the edge of their bed just 3 short years ago and decided that they were either going to part ways or make their relationship better.

This man said they decided they were no longer willing to accept their relationship as it was and that they were happier now than they ever have been.

They weren't willing to settle for what had become unacceptable to both of them and they chose consciously to make their relationship better.

If you're interested in learning more about how people like this create a better relationship, here's a word of caution...

The "willing to accept" part doesn't mean that you steel yourself for a fight, standing up to the other person in a belligerent manner.

It's more like coming to a place inside yourself where you know what you want, that you deserve it, and that you're willing to do what it takes to create it.

Here's an example from our lives...

Otto's 21 year old son lives with us while he's going to a nearby college. Right now, final papers are due and final exams are next week.

While he normally mostly follows our "house rules" of picking up after himself, washing his own dishes, pots and pans (among others), when finals roll around at the end of each quarter, he tends to be distracted and "forgets" to follow through on some of our living arrangement agreements with him.

During these times, we don't get angry or belligerent with him (when we're at our best) because he isn't doing what we expected or what he agreed to. Otto simply reminds him that he knows it's a stressful time for him and we still expect him to follow through, doing his part in keeping our shared areas the way we want them to be.

If we did continually accept Otto's son's "lapses" and make excuses for him, that's what we would get more of--our living space not the way we want it to be.

We also run the risk of creating a situation where we're angry and resentful with him--and that's not a healthy way to live for any of us.

Okay, so let's suppose you have a situation where you're accepting a lot less than you want.

It might be your financial situation; lack of intimacy with your partner (in or out of the bedroom); an overly-critical spouse, parent, co-worker or boss; a "problem" child you don't know what to do with.

For example, if you accept constant, unfounded criticism to "keep the peace," that's what you will continue to experience--until you do something about it.

Whatever you are accepting and getting less than you desire...

Here are some ways to begin to turn those situations around--

1. Become consciously aware of the change you want to happen--and know that you deserve to live like this.

Until you know deep inside you that you deserve to have what you want, you won't have it.

This may take forgiving yourself for what you think you've done wrong in the past or working on building your confidence and self-worth.

2. Practice speaking from the place deep inside you that knows what you are willing to accept and what you aren't.

Learn how to use clear words that don't necessarily make the other person wrong, but say what you want.

One woman told us that her husband had used words to help her re-focus her attention when she was excessively worrying about a certain situation.

As she was becoming more and more frantic about what "could" happen with this other person, her husband gently and lovingly asked her this question...

"Is this woman here right now?"

When she answered "No," it brought her out of her worry and made-up stories about what could happen.

It helped her connect with her husband who she hadn't seen all day--and gave her some peace.

It wasn't only his words but it was how he said them that made a difference for her.

3. Listen to what the other person is saying or requesting and see if there's an overlap in what you will accept or not.

Going back to our example about Otto's son and finals...

When Otto reminded him about something he forgot to do that he had agreed to do, his son said that he needed to study for an exam for an hour and then would do what Otto asked.

Otto could accept this--and that's exactly what happened. His son followed through on what he said he would do.

If someone is very critical of you and you want it to stop...

Don't start with something like, "You're always so critical of me and I want it to stop!"

If you talk in generalities, you won't get very far in making the change you want to make. In fact, you'll probably just make the other person angry and defensive and it will end up in a fight.

Instead, choose a specific example and ask what he or she truly wanted differently in this situation. Then listen from a neutral place and feel inside yourself if you are willing to make that change or not.

If you are willing to make some changes, then agree to make the ones you want and you know you need to.

If you aren't, tell the other person why you aren't.

We know this might not be easy--that it may be easier to live with criticism (or whatever it is you're putting up with) than to tell the other person the truth about what you are and aren't willing to accept.

The choice is yours--whether to stop kidding yourself about whether a situation will change or not if you don't do anything to change it or accept a life that is much less than what you want or deserve.

We can't know what's right for you but whatever you decide, we suggest you make your choice a conscious one.

Talk to you again soon.

All our best to you

©2010, Susie & Otto Collins

Other Relationship Issues, Books

 

Susie and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners who are committed to helping others create outstanding relationships of all kinds. They regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and seminars on love, relationships and personal and spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA. They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit" which has helped people in over a dozen countries improve their relationships. It includes a video called Spiritual Partnerships plus two booklets Love and Relationship Success Secrets and 101 Relationship Quotes Worth a Million Dollars! You can also read more articles like these and subscribe to their weekly newsletter on love and relationships by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go? has just been released and is now available www.stayorgo.com See Archives 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001. Other Relationship Issues, Books



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