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4 Gutsy Ways To Make Your Love Last
It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a
woman...
The truth is that if you don't get gutsy about
making the changes you know you need to make, what
you're experiencing right now will also be what you
experience in your future.
Susie talked to a young woman today who has had
a problem with unwarranted jealousy.
This woman had tried one suggestion from our
course and had already seen positive results. She
hadn't gone into a jealous spiral when she and her
boyfriend were at a party together and he
innocently talked to another woman.
Her boyfriend, in turn, noticed that she wasn't
jealous--and was appreciative, although a little
unsure about where this new behavior was coming
from--and whether he could trust it or not.
This woman told Susie that although she counted
that as a big step in the right direction, she
still felt uneasy inside and here's what Susie told
her...
"Get gutsy and focus on the sliver of what
happened that is in alignment with what you want
instead of focusing on behavior that you don't
want."
Does it take guts to not listen to those voices
from the past that say, "You've been cheated on
before and it will happen again"?
Sure it does.
But nothing will change unless she challenges
those voices and makes more empowering choices for
herself.
What we're talking about here is not turning a
blind eye to what's going on in front of you or
even behind your back.
We're talking about taking an honest look at
what's going on in your relationship, and starting
with yourself, making the changes that will bring
you more of what you want.
Your relationship challenge may not have
anything to do with jealousy but we're guessing
that whatever it is, it may take some gutsy moves
on your part to start creating the kind of
relationship and life you want.
Here are 4 gutsy ways to make a fresh start in
your relationship...
1. Question your internal stories. The stories
you repeatedly tell yourself are the ones you end
up living out.
So if you're telling yourself that "I'll never
be able to change" or "She'll/he'll always be this
way," your focus is on not having what you
want.
If you want things to change for the better,
it's important to start listening to your thoughts
and then make choices of what you "play" in your
mind that are more empowering rather than allowing
old, destructive patterns to hold you hostage.
It takes guts to make those kinds of choices and
it takes choosing one thought at a time.
2. Commit to truth-telling. Telling your truth
to hurt your partner isn't gutsy and it isn't what
we're talking about.
We're talking about reaching into your core and
speaking from a place inside you that is your
irrefutable truth.
Many people have found these phrases helpful in
starting difficult conversations that involve
telling your truth...
"This relationship is important to me and..."
"I love you and..."
You might finish these phrases with something
like this...
"I want us to grow together--so it's important
that you know what I'm thinking about this..."
3. Stop holding onto resentments. The thing
about resentments is that usually the only person
they hurt is you.
Resentments can not only play havoc with your
emotional well-being but also your physical health
as well.
When you hold onto resentments, it usually means
that you're dwelling on the action or actions that
created it in the first place.
In other words, you relive the pain of what
happened, over and over.
Holding onto resentments is a form of
self-abuse, even though you probably haven't
thought of it in that way.
And it usually doesn't cause the other person to
change.
We're not suggesting to blindly trust when
there's no reason to.
We are suggesting to stop reliving the past and
hurting yourself--and instead look toward the
future you want.
4. Allow yourself to get comfortable with not
being comfortable. Most of us enjoy being
comfortable in our relationships and lives and we
don't enjoy it when there's tension and we're at
odds with those we love.
It's just not fun!
But the reality is that we are all distinct
individuals, even in the most connected and loving
of couples.
The plain truth is that there are going to be
differences.
It's normal for two people not to see eye to eye
on everything.
But those differences don't have to tear the two
of you apart.
Those differences, no matter how uncomfortable
they might make you feel, can be ways to new growth
and expansion if you look at it that way.
In Dr. David Schnarch's book "Intimacy &
Desire," he makes a startling statement based on
his research.
He says that in every couple, one person has
more desire in the bedroom than the other person
has.
And this difference can either not be a big
deal--or it can be a deal breaker, depending on the
amount of difference.
It's what the two people do to find a solution
that fits both their needs while staying open to
each other--no matter how uncomfortable--that
dictates whether their love lasts or not.
It comes down to whether the two people are
gutsy enough to stay open to one another and do the
things that will keep their love alive--or not.
Sometimes having guts means doing something that
you never thought you could do--but you know will
help you create a better relationship and life.
Sometimes having guts means listening to
yourself and to your partner in a new way.
Whatever it means in your situation, we invite
you to take a step toward a better relationship and
life.
Talk to you again soon.
All our best to you
©2010, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
Their new E-book Should You Stay or Should You
Go? has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
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