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You Don't Always Have to Talk
For over a year now, we've been working with the
idea of how to "stop talking on eggshells" and how
to start communicating for closer, more loving and
connected relationships
The surprising thing we've discovered is that
you don't always have to actually talk to do this.
You can communicate in other ways.
Otto's father has trouble hearing. During a
recent visit when Otto's father was having even
more trouble than normal hearing, a friend
suggested to Otto that he "write out " what he
needed to say to his father.
Writing out what you need to say isn't just a
good way to communicate with the hearing impaired.
Writing your thoughts can be a wonderful way to
begin communicating if one or both of you can't
seem to say what you mean and if the two of you
can't seem to change the way you react to each
other.
Here's what one woman told us...
"Written communication allows us time to read
and reread what we have to say before we actually
send it. Even when we are physically together, we
email and text message one another. It lifts us
spiritually and emotionally throughout the day...
And, the written word allows us to look back on
what we have written when we might tend to
overreact to a situation. We 'see' the tenderness
and vulnerability of that person that we love and
have a lot more compassion and empathy for a
comment or statement that could easily be taken in
a negative or 'wrong' way if we didn't look at the
whole context."
It's actually healthy to take a break now and
then from talking about what's wrong and focus on
what you would like more of in your
relationship.
Here's an example of how writing about their
hopes and dreams helped one couple get back on
track...
Tom and Charlotte were having trouble
communicating and were tired of their continual
picking at one another. They both wanted to take a
break from their constant quarreling and decided to
look at what they wanted rather than what they
didn't want in their relationship.
They agreed to write what they wanted their
relationship to look like and then share their
answers with each other. They agreed to give each
other a week to think about and respond to their
hopes, dreams, desires and requests letter.
When they read each other's letters, they looked
for the overlap--where the two of them could meet
each other and agree on a new focus for their
relationship and lives.
Writing was a way that each could open to the
other that seemed safer than using spoken words.
Writing allowed them to shift their focus to what
might be possible rather than remaining stuck in
the negative and what wasn't.
If there are issues in your relationship that
you just can't seem to talk about, consider writing
your thoughts and feelings. If you are very angry
about the situation or issue, you might write two
letters--one for yourself in which you rant and
rave and then rip it up and the other in which you
express what you a feeling without blaming the
other person.
Use "feeling" words (sad, scared, mad, confused,
tired, uncomfortable, disappointed, alone) and stay
away from accusing the other person or of assuming
what he or she is thinking or feeling. You might
write your thoughts about the situation with the
caveat that you know that they may or may not be
true.
Write how you'd like your relationship to be and
ask the other person to do the same.
Remember, you don't always have to talk to
communicate. If this idea appeals to you, we invite
you to try it this week.
(This is one of the strategies that we talk
about in our "Stop Talking on Eggshells" process
that we'll be releasing soon.)
©2008, Susie
& Otto Collins
Other Relationship Issues,
Books
Susie
and Otto Collins are spiritual and life partners
who are committed to helping others create
outstanding relationships of all kinds. They
regularly write, speak and conduct workshops and
seminars on love, relationships and personal and
spiritual growth to audiences all across the USA.
They are the creators of the "Relationship Toolkit"
which has helped people in over a dozen countries
improve their relationships. It includes a video
called Spiritual
Partnerships plus two
booklets Love
and Relationship Success
Secrets and
101
Relationship Quotes Worth a Million
Dollars! You can also
read more articles like these and subscribe to
their weekly newsletter on love and relationships
by visiting their web site at www.collinspartners.com
 Their
new E-book Should You Stay or Should You Go?
has just been released and is now available
www.stayorgo.com
See Archives 2006,
2005,
2004,
2003,
2002
and 2001.
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