How Does James Gandolfini Handle a Lazy Woman?
I purchased your book last year, enjoyed it, and even recommended it to some of my skeptical friends and coworkers. The problem is I lost it...it vanished without a trace!
Im 25 and have been exclusively dating the beautiful Natasha for about 19 months now. Shes the type of girl most guys would describe as cool. One of our first dates consisted of a six-pack of beer and two hours of playing the Xbox. Shes not at all needy or insecure, and shes very low maintenance. Shes happy with just a card for her birthday. She also realizes the financial burden of living almost 80 minutes away from me, and offers to pay for dinner/movies/gas occasionally. And to top that off, shes a Flexible Giver. Sometimes shell surprise me with a homemade meal, or a small gift she picked up at the store when she was thinking about me. I know she finds me entertaining because she laughs at all my dumb jokes.
Heres the problem. Lately Ive been feeling kind of disappointed in Natasha. At age 26, she still doesnt have her drivers license. She got into a very serious car wreck a few years ago (her friend died behind the wheel) so I can understand that she may be afraid to drive. But she also doesnt have a college education. Shes attending classes to obtain a GED, but she only shows up half the time. Weve gotten into a few fights over this since I come from strict parenting with an emphasis on responsibility. Natasha keeps promising me that shes going to get her GED, but it seems like its taking forever.
She also told me shes bipolar. Im somewhat skeptical towards people who claim to be bipolar. Her family is poor and her parents can be considered the stereotypical trailer trash, lazy and unmotivated. Last, she has a seven-year-old daughter who is spoiled. Natasha doesnt have full custody of her daughter (I dont know all the details, but shes had two boyfriends in the past who were bad influences and this contributed to her not getting full custody).
I try not to let these factors cloud my judgment, because I want to believe individuals have the power to become whatever they desire, despite their environment. But over the past 19 months weve had two or three really heated arguments over these issues where she slapped me a few times.
Im at a point where Im thinking of breaking up with Natasha, but Im also under a lot of stress from work and maybe my mind is just clouded right now. I dont want to make a decision I will regret later, because Natasha has some wonderful traits your book would describe as essential despite the red flags. What should I do?
Calvin - who sees it both ways
You lost my book? Lets pretend for a moment that you cut the pages out of the inside of my book and you hid $20,000 in unmarked twenties in there. Would you have lost it then?
Im very happy for you that this girl of yours is low maintenance. Now I want you guys to remember those two words Im going to come back to them later.
And I also want you to think about what else Calvin has said here. Whens the last time your girlfriend picked up a small gift at the store for you? Isnt that wonderful?
Well, Calvin, everything youve told me about Natasha up to this point is nothing short of fantastic! But whats this about a problem? I thought Natasha was the ideal woman. Im absolutely shocked that something could possibly be awry!
Lets look at your concerns, pal. It took you 19 whole months to realize that Natasha cant drive? How long did you have my book about an hour before it vanished without a trace?
I understand and sympathize that a car wreck was involved in Natashas fear of getting behind the wheel. But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, How many open bottles of Jack Daniels did the cops find on the floor of that vehicle?
Im glad that Natasha shows up about half the time to her GED class. Sounds like shes the responsible type. And dont forget thats going to be your responsible wife right there who forgot to pay the electric bill. The Reality Factor says that this girl doesnt come from a background with an emphasis on strict responsibility. So like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, Dog, why dont you just get into how fine she looks and forget about whats inside her head for a while?
So shes bipolar, huh? Man, I wont go near that one. Its totally politically incorrect to touch that word, but my long-term readers and fans will know what Im thinking right now. Heck, Im scared to death if anybody even mentions that word in a conversation!
Ninety percent of the time our traitor judges in this country award custody of the kids to the mother. If the woman doesnt get the kid legally, its a HUGE RED FLAG, my friend. Like my cousin Sal The Fish Love says, You sure shes not wanted for anything, dude?
Now Calvin, can you imagine living with this woman? Im going to tell you why you shouldnt, and Im going to come from an angle youve never heard before. You have to remember that the woman you want has to have a GOOD ATTITUDE, a MINIMUM OF SCARS, and NOT A LOT OF BAGGAGE. Because that stuff will haunt you. To you Psych majors, youll pay dearly for her problems.
Your sentiments about the great potential of the human race are noble, but guy, this girl is 26 years old and she cant finish the twelfth grade! She cant even show up for the class! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, Her parents favorite TV program is the Jerry Springer Show.
Youre telling me that a woman slapped you across the face and you kept going out with her? Are you sure you ordered the right book?
But not to worry, youre at a point where youre thinking of breaking up with Natasha. Whats it going to take, buddy -- a bullet through the heart? You dont hit people. You dont hit anybody. Thats the problem with the world today. Just look at all the countries that are constantly at war. Somebodys always hitting somebody else. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, Youre supposed to care for the other person, not use him as a punching bag.
Your stress at work is the perfect excuse for your troubles with Natasha. And she tried to slap it out of you to make you feel better -- is that your rationalization for getting popped in the head?
Is all of this stuff a big red flag? Calvin, this flag could cover Nebraska! If I were you, Id move to Bangladesh.
Remember, guys: when theyve got tons of problems, they are not low-maintenance.
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